by Delmire Hart
William continued to stare at him impassively, not moving a muscle. It hurt. Seeing that mask in place tore at his heart.
“But every single time you shut me out. I felt that awful wrenching, tearing feeling. I shared that pain with you through our soulbond. But you kept pushing me away. So, I asked, and he told me what happened.”
Daniel stepped forward, moving into William’s space and the man didn’t move. He seemed frozen in place. The mask was still there, but for the wide eyes and paleness of his face that showed the barest hint of how he felt. It was the most he had ever seen through it but it wasn’t enough.
“He told me about how much you loved her and had her taken away right in front of your eyes just as you could start dreaming again. He told me you lost your best friend in a similar way. Both died in front of you, with you there, and you blamed yourself. He said he didn’t blame you. No one blamed you. But you did. You blamed yourself for everything. He told me of the pain you felt and how he tried to help you heal but you never did. You forced it all the deep inside and it still sits there, buried but still as raw as when it happened nearly ten years ago. And in front of it you have that stupid mask. I hate that fucking mask. It hides everything. It hides you from me. I’m your soulmate. Don’t you understand that? Of course you fucking deserve me. You’re not the one who decides that. That was decided the day we found each other.”
Daniel moved forward again and took William’s collar in his fists, wrenching them even closer.
“I’m your soulmate. Don’t shut me out. I want to help you. I want to help you heal. That mask covers your pain but it also covers your heart and soul. I can’t see them. I want to see all of you. You’re mine as much as I am yours. I felt that pain. I can’t let you suffer like that. Just let me in. Let me share your pain. You’re not alone anymore.” Daniel could feel a lump forming in his throat but he ploughed on, undeterred. “I’m not asking for anything in return. That’s not how it works. I just…I just…”
His breathing hitched and he choked on a sob. Tears blurred his vision and he could feel them starting to pour down his cheeks already. He took a deep breath and forced the words out.
“JUST LET ME LOVE YOU!”
He watched as William’s expression shifted from the impassive mask into shock. Daniel’s whole body shook with the force of his sobs as he let them free. Suddenly the pain in his chest morphed into a tight feeling and he found it hard to breathe. A light caught the corner of his blurred vision and he looked down to find their chests lit up with the pulsing glow that signified the soulmate bond. He hadn’t seen it since the day they met. He looked back up in time to see the mask shatter. He could finally see all the pain, grief, and guilt on William’s face. Daniel released his grip on William’s collar and stumbled the last bit of distance to wrap his arms around his soulmate and bury his face into the junction of his neck. He squeezed him tightly as he whispered again,
“Just let me love you.”
***
William wasn’t sure how long they stood there holding each other. Finally Daniel’s sobs subsided and he pulled away. He took William’s hand in his own, lacing their fingers together, and wordlessly led him into the bedroom. William let himself be led without protest. He pulled him onto the bed and only dropped his hand once he was lying down. Daniel went and closed the door and the curtains before climbing onto the bed. He lay down in front of the older man and pulled him in close so that his head rested on his arm with his face against his chest. His arms wrapped around his shoulders and a small hand began to stroke through his dark hair.
Daniel didn’t say a word.
William took a breath and turned his head to better hear the soft heartbeat of his soulmate. While Daniel didn’t say it out loud, he remembered the words that had been said to him last time they lay like this.
Focus on my heartbeat, remember that it beats for you and think only of that.
They lay there for a long time before William spoke. Slowly but surely he began to talk of his life. He started from the beginning. His family life, his parents. How they were murdered when he was seventeen and his extended family took most of their inheritance then left him to fend for himself. How he wielded the small amount of money he inherited to start off in the underground. How it quickly grew and he began to grow in power and wealth while still so young.
He talked about going to university and meeting Ken. How he met Amelia. All the buried memories he had tried desperately to forget came bubbling up to the surface. He talked about her, the things she liked, the things they did. What she looked like. What their dreams and plans had been. While his voice remained quiet and even, tears welled up and spilled over, soaking Daniel’s T-shirt, but if he noticed, he didn’t comment. He just continued to gently run his fingers through his hair in a soothing gesture.
William spoke about the day she died. The vivid details he could remember in such sharp clarity, even though everything was blurred with time. The sounds, the blood, the pain, and the crippling guilt. He spoke about the pain of the next year, the holes in his memory from the illicit substances and the nightmares. How it felt like a living nightmare. How he threw himself into the underworld to spite his broken dreams.
Then the pain of losing one of his closest friends. How Trey bled out in his arms while they drove to the hospital. The grief and guilt he felt over the death. Married six months and now his wife a widow. He spoke about how broken he felt. Then his time living with Ken. His time living as a hollow shell of a man. How he walked through every day just pretending to be whole with a mask in place to hide the broken pieces of himself. He spoke about Synnite and its rise to power and prestige through both legitimate and illegitimate means. How Demetrius was hired to replace Trey and how it killed him a little inside for a start.
He spoke about his feelings since meeting Daniel. The surprise and confusion. The pain when he went missing from his guards and wouldn’t answer his calls. His panic when it felt like he might lose another person. The fear and anger over the incident yesterday. How badly the woman was affected by the drug and how that was nearly Daniel.
He talked and let it all out. Bit by bit he shared his pain.
Until finally his words came to a stop and he lay there feeling hollow as though he had not just shared the pain but given it over to Daniel. It felt like he was left with a carved-out hollow where he previously carried that pain. Exhausted, William closed his eyes and focused on the steadily beating heart that had kept him grounded throughout his outpouring of grief and pain. He focused on the sound and let it wash over him. Maybe, just maybe, that heartbeat would be enough to fill the empty space.
Chapter Twenty-three: Healing
William slowly came to. He felt groggy and far too tired. There was also a strange emptiness in his chest, a weird hollow feeling. He struggled to regain his bearings and was startled when he felt something shift against him. He opened his eyes and blinked at the blond strands obscuring his view. William moved his head back a little and realised that he had been sleeping with his face buried in his soulmate's neck. Daniel lay with his back pressed against William’s chest playing a game on his phone. William squeezed the arms wrapped around his soulmate's waist and burrowed his face back into the crook of his neck. It was warm and comforting. He was just so tired.
He had no idea talking about something could be so damn draining. It felt like he had run a marathon. Like he had been the one chasing Daniel across rooftops and not just talking about his past. A gentle hand carded through his hair. On one hand, it made William feel slightly irritated, he wasn’t a child that needed comforting, but on the other hand it felt nice. Soothing. He was too tired to comment on it, though, and decided he would leave it alone as long as Daniel didn’t make it a habit to pet him in future.
“How are you feeling?” William only grunted in reply. “Tired still, huh?”
He didn’t bother replying to that either as he snuggled closer. Daniel made quite a comfortable pillow.
&
nbsp; “It’s kinda cute, you know,” Daniel said idly and chuckled softly. “You’re this big bad imposing figure normally but you get real cuddly when you’re sleepy.”
William squeezed his arms tighter and his little lover made a very satisfying wheezing squeak sound. He loosened his grip after a few seconds and Daniel grumbled.
“Okay, okay. You aren’t cute at all.” Daniel started playing with his hair again and William huffed. “So I was thinking, once you’re feeling up to it, we could go for a quick trip to the supermarket and then come back and watch a movie or something. I’ll make hotpot for dinner and we can have some snacks and stuff. I called Ken,” Daniel paused as though waiting for William to say something but continued on when he didn’t. “I told him we had talked and I thought it would be a good idea for you to relax for a few days. He said you could take as much time off as you want. I figure your workaholic tendencies will kick in after a few days but you should take some time to recharge a little.”
William finally moved back enough for Daniel to wriggle around in his arms so they were facing each other. “A few days is fine. Ken is always getting on my case about taking weekends, anyway.”
Daniel’s face brightened. He must have been worried he would put up a fight about it but William was honestly far too tired to deal with anything right now.
“How about we go shopping soon and you can nap while I make us a light lunch. Then we can hang out on the couch with snacks and a movie. And tonight, you can help me make dinner!”
William blinked in surprise. “Help you make dinner?”
“Yep!” Daniel said, giving him that big goofy grin. “It’ll be fun.”
“I don’t know about your definition of fun but I doubt I will be able to help much.”
“That’s fine! I’ll teach you. It’s all part of the fun.” Daniel laughed at William’s dubious look. “I’ve been teaching Cameron how to cook and he’s been doing great so I’m sure I can teach you.
“You’ve been teaching the guards how to cook?” William couldn’t quite keep the note of incredulity out of his voice.
Daniel nodded, looking pleased with himself. “Most of the guards can cook and Ueda even helps me with groceries but Cameron didn’t know how to cook anything that didn’t involve a microwave.”
Well. That would explain why Team Miller was often jokingly referred to as Team Housewife by a few of the other security personnel in Synnite. Still, perhaps it was that friendly mothering that inspired such loyalty in his guards. Even Demetrius had been impressed by the dogged loyalty all the members displayed. While they were all still a little wary of impromptu parkour marathons, they showed a remarkable amount of pride in his abilities all round.
Any time someone made a snide remark about them ‘babysitting’ Daniel, one of his guards would jovially invite the commenter to put their money where their mouth was and join them in a half-hour full speed dash across the city’s rooftops. William had even caught Ken chuckling at the immediate backpedalling of the commenter. It was even more amusing when Daniel had spontaneously made his team do just that the day before. He apparently needed to think. William wondered if that was the day he spoke to Ken and if that was what he needed to think about.
He pushed the thought aside for now and agreed to help Daniel prepare dinner. It was almost worth it for the sunny smile he got in return alone. Unfortunately, this meant that Daniel decided it was time to get up and go for a trip. William let out a small groan in protest before reluctantly removing himself from the warm comfort of his bed. He was beaten to his wardrobe by an overexcited Daniel and he stopped to admire the view before commenting dryly, “I can dress myself, I’m not an invalid.”
“You would choose something way too formal. It’s not like you need to wear a suit to get groceries and I know you have jeans in here!”
“Oh?”
There was a small embarrassed sounding cough before Daniel admitted, “I might have taken a peek in here while you were at work one time.”
William couldn’t see his face but his ears were red, giving away his embarrassment. He let a small smile slip into place and continued to observe the rather delicious sight of Daniel’s butt cheeks jiggling in his briefs as he fiddled around in his wardrobe. He was contemplating moving forward to pinch them when Daniel turned around with a triumphant cheer and caught him staring. It was always an endearing sight to see his soulmate go a few deeper shades of red.
“Hey, none of that! We are going out.”
“I wasn’t doing anything,” William replied with an overly innocent tone.
Daniel snorted as he threw the pair of jeans at him. William slipped off the rather rumpled shirt and slacks he had fallen asleep in and donned the jeans. Daniel then handed over a polo before slipping himself into his own favourite pair of jeans. William wasn’t entirely sure if they were fashionably ripped or too-much-parkour ripped.
Daniel fussed about making sure they both had their phones and wallets before grabbing his shopping list. Then they were out the door and heading down the elevator to the garage. William grabbed the keys for his favourite red sports car after Daniel insisted that he drive and was surprised when he didn’t make a comment about it. He couldn’t think of a time where Daniel hadn’t at least grumbled about whatever vehicle they went out in. He must have been staring as his soulmate turned to him in concern.
“What?”
“Hmm?”
“You’re staring at me. You seem a little…surprised?” He sounded unsure as though he couldn’t quite be certain he had read his expression correctly.
“You normally comment on my choice of car.”
“Oh. But that one’s your favourite, right?”
And that was the end of that.
The rest of the trip to the car was made in silence and they quickly settled themselves in the plush leather seats. William was vaguely aware of another car and motorcycle revving up in the large garage, getting ready to escort them to their destination. He turned his own car on, taking a second to appreciate the quiet power it hummed with, before turning to Daniel.
“So where to?”
“The supermarket.”
They stared at each other expectantly until William finally broke the silence. “And where is that exactly?”
“You…you haven’t been to the supermarket?!”
William raised his eyebrows at the flabbergasted expression on Daniel’s face. “I have been to a supermarket before, just not whichever one you are referring to.”
“How long have you lived here?”
“A while.”
“And you have never once been to the supermarket while you’ve lived here?”
“No.” Daniel’s jaw dropped and he started at William open mouthed. “I’ve told you this before but I usually have lunch or dinner with clients. Or you. On days where that’s not the case, Ken will bring me something to eat.”
“Would you even remember to eat if Ken didn’t feed you?!” William shot his lover an unamused look and didn’t dignify that a response. “I’m serious, I’ve seen your fridge. Actually, on second thought, I shouldn’t be surprised considering the lack of things in your fridge. Alcohol isn’t a food group.”
William huffed and handed Daniel the GPS. “I eat properly.”
“Uh huh. Is Ken your mother or your secretary?” William scowled and Daniel giggled at his expression as he typed in the address of the supermarket. “I’m pretty sure if it wasn’t for him you would be fat.”
“I work out.”
“Yeah, but you are still supposed to eat well-balanced meals or working out doesn’t do that much. Pretty sure alcohol is terrible for that too. Ken probably spends far more time than you realise making sure you eat right.”
William shrugged and Daniel fixed the GPS on its little stand. Soon they were peeling out of the underground garage and onto the busy New York streets, followed closely by their entourage.
William would not go so far as to call their little supermarket trip f
un, as Daniel put it, but it was surprisingly enjoyable. He watched as Daniel flittered excitedly about, exclaiming over this and that and regaling him with far too much information about various ingredients. William, for the most part, stood back with their shopping basket in hand and let Daniel chatter away uninterrupted. He still felt a little hollow as though something was missing but then his little soulmate would exclaim over something else and drag William along in his wake, making him forget all about the odd feeling.
Perhaps that was his plan. It was strange standing in the supermarket being all domestic with Daniel but it left a surprisingly warm feeling in its wake. Was that the feeling he missed out on all these years? He filed the feeling away for further inspection later and turned his full attention back to his soulmate ogling all the sweets.
***
Daniel smiled softly down at the man napping in his lap. William’s head rested on Daniel’s thigh with his cheek pressed against his stomach. His arms looked a little awkward with the way they were angled, so he waited until the man had fallen asleep then moved one of the pillows he had placed on the couch earlier onto his chest and William automatically curled his arms around it. Seeing William sleeping so peacefully while cuddling the pillow had Daniel hard pressed to resist the urge to grab his phone and take a picture. If it had been any other time, he probably would have snapped off a photo.
But not today.
It had been an interesting challenge to look after a potentially fragile William without making it obvious that he was doing so. Or at least so obvious as to get a comment from the man about it. He didn’t like being babied or seen as weak. The only thing he protested was when Daniel carded his fingers through his hair again when he practically crawled into his lap, giving up on the movie. He told Daniel to stop treating him like a child, but Daniel quickly shut that down and continued to do as he pleased.
