by EMILIE ROSE
She bit her lip. Well, that was that. They were both moving on. As they should.
* * *
THREE DAYS AFTER Bella’s fight, Kyle stood in the back of Payette’s watching Hadrian work the crowd at the press conference. More than a dozen news outlets had come to take the UFF president’s triumphant statement.
“I want to make sure we build up lots of talent to pad our female divisions,” Hadrian said. “So I’m announcing new programming at all UFF gyms that will open up MMA to more women. Further to that,” he added, “I want to say that the UFF is committed to fostering healthy attitudes toward women in general. We welcome fans and fighters of every creed, color and background. I want everyone to know that women are always welcome in the UFF, and that any comments I may have made contrary to that are ones I regret deeply.”
Kyle was surprised by Hadrian’s turnaround. Maybe it was just a company line; maybe his handlers had somehow managed to get him to tone down his attitude. Change didn’t happen overnight. But when Hadrian had pulled him aside to talk about Karla, Kyle began to wonder exactly what the UFF president was trying to atone for.
“I can’t turn back the clock and change the way I handled things,” Hadrian said, “but I’ve had a lot of time to think about it, and I don’t think I did right by you or Karla. The story never jibed with me, the way she told it. But I swept the problem under the rug instead of dealing with it. I mean, I thought it was clear what had happened. But I’ve realized I made assumptions. You’re under no obligation to explain yourself, but I want to hear your side of the story again.”
He should’ve been mad. The president had dismissed him once before, and had blamed him for the incident. But Kyle appreciated the opportunity to explain now.
So he did. He found it easier to talk about the whole fiasco with a couple of years’ hindsight. And as he described the lead up to the “attack” in his office, he realized he was guilty of toying with Karla’s emotions the same way he’d toyed with Bella’s.
When he got to the part about Karla meeting him for farewell drinks, he stopped abruptly. That was more than he’d told others previously. Hadrian’s brow wrinkled. “I don’t remember hearing that part of the story.”
“She left for Ireland after that. I didn’t think it was necessary.” He fidgeted, eyes cast down.
“So what happened?”
Kyle clenched his fists, biting the inside of his cheek. He didn’t respond.
Hadrian sighed. “Listen, Kyle. I’d rather not drag this all out into public after all this time, but if there’s more you’re not telling me...if you want to bring this to court, I’d understand. It doesn’t serve me or my business to stick my nose in your private life, but whatever happened to you outside of my gym is important to me because it involves you. And you should know I can get you help.”
Help. He’d never expected it from the UFF president. He’d fully expected to be released from his position after Bella’s match. He thought Hadrian was exactly the kind of guy who’d laugh at his ordeal, just like his father...
Your father is dead. Let him rest.
That strong, quiet, determinedly rational part of him that had kept him sane all these years suddenly had a voice. Bella’s voice. Some part of him must’ve always been listening, too, because he knew in his heart it was true. He’d let what his father thought of him dictate his actions for too long, even in death. David Peters wasn’t here now. He couldn’t hurt him, and he couldn’t run his life. He hadn’t for more than seven years.
Strangely, he could imagine his father liking Bella. She was a lot like him in many ways, and could probably show him a thing or two on the mats....
The thought set hooks in his lungs and pulled. He missed her. He missed having her in his arms. The spicy-sweet scent of her skin, the brilliant smile against her dark features, her snappy comebacks and hot temper. She was brash, provocative and stubborn—and he loved that about her.
It was time he dealt with his problems and became a man worthy of Bella.
“I might take you up on that offer,” Kyle said, “but not yet. Not before I talk to my family.”
Hadrian nodded and shook his hand. “When you’re ready.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
“MOM, DO YOU have a flashlight?” Kyle shuffled the boxes in his mother’s dank, gloomy basement. He could’ve sworn they’d multiplied since he’d left Modesto more than ten years ago.
“There’s one at the top of the stairs,” she called back. “Don’t take too long down there. Dinner’s almost ready.”
He finally found the cardboard box marked “Kyle’s Stuff,” musty and slightly warped by age and moisture. He brought it up to the kitchen where his mother stirred a pot of spaghetti sauce. Jess tossed a salad at the island. She looked up and grinned. “Find it?”
“Yup.” He set the box on the ground and opened it, rifling through the certificates, medals, photos and small trophies he’d accumulated throughout his wrestling career. He dug out the three velvet boxes holding the Olympic gold medals and opened each of them, laying them out on the kitchen table. Their beautifully etched faces winked up at him, reminding him of all the grueling training and sacrifice he’d endured to earn them. He didn’t know why he’d hidden them away like this. They should’ve been on display.
“Seems like a long way to come for some mementos,” Jess said, bringing the salad to the table at the same time his mother started dishing out pasta.
“I need them to remind me of something important.” He released a long breath. “But let’s eat before I tell you.”
After dinner, he sat them down, keeping the medals close by, and he told them about what had happened with Karla. Including how she’d raped him.
Jess gasped and grabbed his arm, and his mother covered her mouth with both her hands, eyes wide.
“Why didn’t you tell us before?” his sister demanded, her long nails digging into his forearm.
“I couldn’t. Until recently, I couldn’t even accept what’d happened or how it’d affected me. I thought I was fine.” He rubbed his palms against his thighs.
They asked him if he wanted to press charges, wanted to know what they could do to help. Their love and concern and utter lack of judgment wrapped him in a cozy blanket of safety. He cried in his mother’s arms for the first time since he was a child. But it wasn’t so much for his ordeal as it was the way his secret had affected his family. Mostly, they just wished that he hadn’t shut them out all this time.
“I’m sorry to dump this on you,” he said with a shuddering sigh.
“Never be sorry for sharing your problems with your family,” his mother said. “All I’ve ever wanted was for you to be healthy and happy. Now we need to focus on how to help you. I didn’t do anything when your father kicked Jess out, and I’ll never forgive myself for that.” She grabbed her daughter’s hand and squeezed.
They talked for a long time after that. Slowly, Kyle began to feel less heavy. Sharing a burden really did lighten the load.
It didn’t mean the road to recovery would be a short one. He didn’t want to think about filing charges—not now, anyhow, and maybe not ever. But he had to work through his feelings. He needed to get professional help.
Later he joined Jess outside as she sipped a lemonade. They sat in the worn old porch swing.
“Hey, squirt.” She punched him in the arm. “You doing okay?”
“Weirdly, yeah.”
“I watched Bella’s fight last week,” she said. “It was on at the bar I was at. I had them turn it up. Man, she’s something.”
“Yeah.”
“She doing okay? I mean, her face looked pretty bad.”
“It was, but I haven’t seen her since.”
“What? Why not? I thought you were training her. You were at the fight, weren’t you?”
>
“It’s kind of a long story.” He gave his sister the Cliff’s Notes version of everything that had happened between him and Bella. It felt like old times, when they were boys and best friends, before Dad had drawn a line in the sand and made Kyle choose sides.
Jess whistled and set her drink down. “So she knew about all that before we did, huh?”
“Yeah. Sorry.”
“Don’t be. You’ve spent too much time with regret. And I’m glad you told Bella. She must be something special.” She gave him a knowing look. “So...you haven’t told her the magical three words yet?”
Kyle shrugged, his cheeks heating. It was weird hearing it from his sister.
“C’mon, squirt. You keep this secret from your family and friends, but you tell a woman who scares the crap out of you? If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.”
He chuckled and relented. “You have a twisted sense of what the L word is.”
“Is it that hard to say?”
Yes. But he’d never said it to anyone before. “If she doesn’t say it back, I don’t think my ego can take it.”
“Hey.” Jess grabbed his shoulder and squeezed. “You know what really makes a man a man? Being strong enough to admit you’re afraid. Having the balls to risk everything for love.”
“Lame.”
She punched him in the arm. “Cut it out. Dad messed us all up with his super-macho chest-pounding man ideas. But he got one thing right. If you want something, you go after it. It takes a real man—or a real woman—to go after the things that make them happiest. Screw what other people think. Me? I wanted to wear dresses and feel pretty. I wanted boys to look at me and go ‘Wow.’ I wanted to be freaking Claudia Schiffer. It cost me, but I did pretty good in the end. I got what I wanted. Question is, what do you want?”
Kyle grinned. Jess was right.
That night, he slept. A solid ten hours without waking up in a cold sweat. He felt warm and safe and loved and cherished. He’d opened himself up to his family. And he didn’t feel any weaker for it.
It was time to go after what he wanted most.
* * *
BELLA CHECKED HER apartment one more time. She couldn’t shake the feeling she’d left something behind.
The furniture belonged to the apartment, so that wasn’t going anywhere. She’d donated a bunch of her clothes to Reta to use at the youth center. Her bike had been shipped back to São Paulo with her father and brother, who’d left a week after the fight. All she had to take with her was the single carry-on duffel bag.
There was just one thing left to do.
She grabbed a cab to Payette’s.
When she got there and walked in, Liz looked up, her eyes brightening with tears. “When’s your flight?”
“Not until eight. Thought I’d make it an extra-long goodbye to torture you all.”
Liz rounded the desk and hugged her. “I’m going to miss you. You’ll come and stay with me when you visit, right?”
“Of course.” Though she had a hard time imagining coming back here and letting the hurt sink its claws deep into her again. She needed to go home and be with her family while she healed. She needed to mend fences with her brothers and her grandfather.
She made the rounds, chatted with the guys, took turns giving Tito and Orville hugs and lifting them off the ground. Wayne practically sobbed as she held him. He kept patting her on the head, apologizing for the drama he’d caused, telling her how proud he was of her, how honored he’d been to work with her. Bella’s eyes burned as he clasped her hands and said, “Don’t let anyone ever give you shit about what you can and cannot do. You know yourself. Don’t let them tell you otherwise.”
“I never have.” She grinned.
Finally, it was time to say goodbye to Kyle. She hadn’t seen him around the gym, so she knocked on his office door. His desk chair faced the wall calendar. A big red check mark scored through her fight.
“Hey, Coach.” Her voice sounded rough and she cleared her throat. Damn Wayne’s waterworks.
She’d expected Kyle to spin around in his office chair like a Bond villain, fingers steepled. But there was no response. She walked farther in and rounded the desk. He wasn’t in his chair.
“He’s visiting his family in California,” Liz said softly. Bella turned to her, stricken. The receptionist licked her lips. “We were expecting him back this morning, but his flight was cancelled. My guess is he’s spending another day with his mom.”
“Oh.” Her chest ached. A tear slipped from the corner of her eye, and she wiped it away hastily. “I guess...I’ll have to leave this here with a note.”
She opened her duffel bag and took out the UFF championship belt. “Something to put in the display case up front.”
Liz’s eyes widened. “Bella, no, you can’t give us—”
“I want you to have it. I couldn’t have won it without everyone here. You guys deserve it.”
Once Liz left the office, Bella sat down at Kyle’s desk and pulled out a sheet of notepaper and a marker. The tip rested against the sheet, leaving a dark, spreading blot.
What was she supposed to say? Dear Kyle, I loved being here, I loved the staff, I love—
Another tear dripped from the tip of her nose and onto the sheet, leaving a big stain. She crumpled up the paper until it looked the way her heart felt.
She abandoned the letter. There weren’t any words she could leave behind to express her gratitude, her love.
No sense in prolonging the pain. She’d go to the airport and grab a sandwich. Maybe it’d help fill the big empty hole inside her.
She paused at the office door and drank in one last look at all she had left of Kyle.
Then she turned and ran straight into his chest with a scream.
“Nice to see you, too.” He rubbed at his ears.
She laughed to hide her sudden tears of relief. “Sorry. I was just on my way out. I thought you were stuck in California.” She let him pass and walked with him back into his office.
“I was. And then I was stuck in San Antonio. And Dallas. And I think I was in South Keys at some point. I’ve been in the air for almost twenty-two hours.”
“Smells that way.” She made a face, hoping it would mask the emotions rioting through her. “But why? You could’ve stayed with your mom an extra night.”
“No, I couldn’t. I had to get back. I’d never forgive myself if I let you leave.”
The air stopped up in her lungs. Kyle looked nervous all of a sudden and sniffed his armpits, scowling. “Sorry. I would’ve showered, but I swung by your apartment as soon as I arrived. You’d already gone. I thought maybe you were heading to the airport, but I hedged my bets that you’d come here first to say goodbye.” His fists clenched as he looked down at the big shiny belt on his desk. “Bella, you can’t give this to us.”
She smiled to hide her tears. “I want you to have it. Don’t argue with me.”
“You know, there is something we’d rather have.”
She quirked her lips. “Sorry, the prize money is mine.”
“Not that, dummy. You.”
Her throat got tighter. “I can’t stay. My family needs me.”
“I need you.”
She glanced up in surprise. His dark eyes remained fixed on her as he took her hands. “I need you in my life, Bella. I need a strong, beautiful, drives-me-crazy kind of woman who won’t take no for an answer and isn’t afraid to call bullshit on me.”
Her smile faltered. “That doesn’t sound like it’d be a very happy relationship, considering how often I’ve done all that since I got here.”
“But I needed to hear it,” Kyle said. “I needed that swift kick in the ass to realize what I was doing to myself. You were right. I can’t change in a day. I need help. A lot of it. I’m not a
fraid to admit that anymore.”
She nodded. Everything he was saying was right, but it wasn’t what she’d been hoping for. “You have lots of friends, Kyle. Lots of people who love you.” But not the way I love you. “I don’t want to tell you what to do, but since I’m leaving...I think you should start by telling Jess and your mother about what happened with Karla.”
“I already did.”
She did a double take. “You did?”
“I went home for the weekend and told them everything. You made me realize what I’ve been hanging on to and how it’s affected me. I want to move on, but I don’t want to move on without you. I don’t know if I can.”
She gave a half sob, half laugh. “You could have told me this a week ago, before I bought my plane ticket.”
“So postpone it.”
“Till when?”
“Till some future date when you want to go back to Brazil to introduce me to your family.”
“Kyle—I’m going home. My grandfather wants me to help open his new studio. It’ll give me good experience on running my own.”
“I’ve got a better offer. Stay here and get firsthand experience. We’ll go into business together and open a women’s MMA gym in New Orleans—or wherever you want. I’ve had lots of time to think about it. I have start-up money stashed away. If you want to make sure the UFF keeps women on its cards, we need to build up the next generation of fighters.”
The air rushed out of her. “Kyle—”
“Bella.” He clasped her hands tighter. “I know I’m no good at talking about my feelings. I can be an irrational, pigheaded, self-centered douche bag at times. Everything that happened with Karla twisted me in ways I don’t like, and I kept myself in the dark to make sure I didn’t see it. But then you showed me how broken I was.” His eyes watered. “I want to get better. I want to be a better person. You make me want to be better. You make me feel whole.” He broke into a watery smile. “I...I love you.”
Bella pressed her lips tightly together, trying to stem her tears.
