I miss him.
If I closed my eyes, I could imagine him whispering to me, drawing out passion from deep within. I missed Alex, and I hoped he missed me too. He hadn’t said it, but if I paid close attention, I could almost hear it in his messages. Or was I making it up?
I listened to his messages again, memorized them, tried to hear between the fucking lines as I dipped my feet into the tub. The water had gone tepid.
The last time I’d taken a bath was with him. Alex was fond of baths. He’d prepared one before I’d even replied to his text message asking for yet another secret meeting. The hotel we’d ended up that night had a claw-foot tub, and we’d barely fit in it together, but still managed to have incredible sex in it. It was the kind of lovemaking that lingered in one’s mind. My first and only bathtub sex, probably the last.
Before I played the messages for the umpteenth time, I accessed my outgoing calls. Alex had said I called him. When?
There wasn’t much on my list. On Monday night, the first night my Dad spent at the hospital, I saw I’d broken down and dialed his number. With everything going on, I’d somehow blocked it out. I’d deleted his number a while ago, but somehow it had imbedded itself in my brain, and I’d punched in each number from memory.
Once, I’d only called him once and it hadn’t lasted a minute. Alex had received a message from me, but what could I have said? Whatever it was had been enough to make him call me back.
The question now was what should I do?
Breathy. “Hi, Alex, yes it’s me, Chase. Sorry I missed your call...”
Nope. Not good enough. I wanted breathy not out of breath.
I was a fool, looking at myself in the mirror, twirling the ends of my hair, as I practiced what I would say if—big if—I gathered enough courage to call Alex.
I puffed out my chest and held in the air, raising the phone to my ear as I said, “Hey...yeah...I’m chill.” Ugh! He would never believe I was chill. Was chill even an acceptable word these days? I’d lost my touch. I used to be on the in. No matter, Alex probably wasn’t too impressed with my huge vocabulary. It was difficult to think of any big words when my entire head was full of him.
Try again, Chase. I flipped my hair, almost giving myself whiplash. Think sexy. Alex thought I was sexy. He thought I was beautiful.
He also thought I’d betrayed him.
The smile fell off my face. I stared at my phone. Who was I fooling? This wasn’t going to work! He had family and business obligations in France. He jetted off to various parts of the world and I could barely sit through the few hours it took to fly from California to Vermont. My passport had zero stamps on it, while his was riddled with them. I’d seen it one time and was awed at all the places he’d been to. That had been the night he had asked to go to the Serengeti with him on a NatGeo assignment. I’d refused.
I’d refused Alex. I’d shooed him away. He’d been nothing but sweet and gentle and caring and achingly tender with me. And I’d slapped him with my baggage from my past.
I pressed a number on my phone and sighed as I heard Nica’s voice on the other end of the line. It was a Friday night and the noise in the background told me she was at a huge event.
“Chase? You okay? What’s up?” she asked, almost shouting over the brouhaha.
“He called me,” I began, also yelling into the phone even though it was as quiet as the desert night in my room (not that I had ever been in a desert). “Alex called me!”
“Hold on.” Nica spouted off directives to the people surrounding her, ending with a ‘please and thank you’. She might be the big boss lady, but to Nica, politeness was a key to success. “I’ll look for a quieter area and you can tell me what he said.”
I waited for her, listening to her breathing and movement. I imagined her waddling while rubbing her protruding belly. After a groan and a grunt, she spoke again, “Okay. You said Alex called?”
“Which party?”
“Burgess-Maclean. Five hundred guests.”
Nica was my best friend for many reasons. Her tenacity was incomparable. Her dedication was limitless. And even as she managed a large event, she paused to take a panicked call from me.
“Chase, don’t dawdle. What did Alex say?” she asked again.
I sat on the edge of the bed and fiddled with the hem of my robe, lowering my voice as I spoke. “I didn’t talk to him. He left me a message. He asked me to call back.”
“He called you out of the blue?”
“No. I called him a few days ago.”
“You did?”
“I left him a message. I told him that I needed him.”
“Oh.”
As I’d continued to listen to his messages, I’d remembered what I’d said when I called. I’d told Alex that I needed him. Like my life would end if I didn’t breathe in the breath from his lips. Like my heart would cease to beat if I didn’t experience the heat of his touch, the urgency in his kisses, or the quiet whispers he muttered in my ears. Like food would lose its flavor. Scents would lose their smell. Like the world would become a hazy shade of gray if he didn’t exist in my life.
“He asked me to call him back, but I haven’t. I don’t know what to say. We left things a little... well, not pretty, Nica.”
My best friend sighed into the phone. It was so heavy I could almost feel it in my ear. “He’s still in France. It would be around five in the morning there. And it’s harvest season, so he’s probably in the fields. I don’t think he’ll have his phone with him.” She paused and it gave me enough time to picture Alex, shirtless, hard at work under the hot sun. I squeezed my eyes shut to ignore my overactive imagination.
“Levi spoke to him earlier today. I didn’t get a chance to ask him how Alex was doing. I assumed they talked about the business, and maybe Cara, since last time I heard, she was getting on Alex’s nerves. If you just want to leave him a message, now would be a good time.” Before I replied, she spoke again, “If that’s what you want. Unless you really want to talk to him, then wait a while to make sure he has his phone.”
“I just don’t know what to tell him.” I pulled at my hair in frustration.
“Whatever feels right, Chase. Only you know what’s in your heart. For once, maybe you should listen to what it’s saying.”
Neither of us said anything for a couple of minutes, then Nica had to end the call since the party hosts were looking for her. I mumbled a hesitant goodbye.
I had established how much of a coward I’d been before. I couldn’t say that I’d changed now. Or at least, not at that moment. Nica had said Alex would be too busy to answer the phone. I could spill my heart out in a message, then maybe chuck my phone into a lake right after.
Before my mind switched gears, I pressed redial on his number. My heart thundered in my chest. My teeth chattered even though I wasn’t cold. Breathe in. I listened to the phone ring. Breathe out. It rang once more.
Then I heard a voice on the other line, “Hello.” And I promptly hung up.
I threw my phone at the far wall so hard I had doubts it would work again.
A woman. A woman had answered Alex’s phone.
Two weeks later, I found myself sitting across from Tiana in her cozy home. Over a cup of coffee, and with both our nerves jangled, we talked about Danny and his condition.
“Do you still love him?” I asked. Wrapping my hands around the warm cup kept them from trembling. Putting my nose in other people’s business wasn’t anything I was used to, or enjoyed. But this was about Danny and Tiana, and their sweet boy, Sky.
Before she answered, she traced scuff marks on the tabletop, avoiding eye contact. “Yes. I’ve never stopped loving him.”
“Why aren’t you guys together? Are you married or something?”
There wasn’t anything I could do about Alex and myself. But I could help Danny and Tiana figure out what they were missing—a chance on a true family.
“We had one night. I had just moved here when his Mom passed away. At that
time I was trying to forget my past. We met at the bar, and nine months later, Sky was born.” She offered me a small smile. “He was very supportive, but he was afraid of something. It took him a few months before he even picked up his son.” Tiana turned away as she continued, “I had to find out on my own how Abigail died, and right after, I heard about you.” What could I say to that? She regarded me shyly. “Do you still love Danny?”
I suddenly didn’t know what to do with my hands. I brought them down to my lap, then I scratched my ear, and raised my coffee up to my lips. “I care about him. We had a great time when we were younger. He was a lot more fun then.” I cringed as soon I said that.
“It’s okay Chase,” her tone turned motherly. “I like the serious Danny, but I do wish he would smile more. He’s really good with Sky though.”
“About Sky... does he know Danny’s his father?”
Tiana shook her head.
I reached across and patted her crossed hands. “Don’t worry, I’ll have a chat with Danny. Someone has to knock some sense into him.”
And that was exactly what I did the next night. Danny didn’t fight it. I knew he wouldn’t, but he still seemed surprised when I told him how Tiana felt about him. I also told him he was stupid if he didn’t marry the girl.
Daddy had begged to come home. He wanted familiar surroundings. He wanted comfort. Since they could afford it, the oncologist agreed and gave me directions on how I could prepare for his homecoming. Danny and Tiana were there to help me the entire time.
The first night Daddy was back, I sat by his bedside. Without saying a thing, he knew what I had come in for.
“You’re leaving,” he stated.
I could have held off for a few more minutes, but why bother? “Yeah.”
Daddy nodded and as I leaned toward him, he kissed my forehead. “It’s about time you go back home, Nugget.”
An hour before that, I had spoken to Nica. All we had talked about was how busy our company was getting. Her due date was coming fast, and I’d be left to run Bliss while she got used to being a parent. She didn’t ask me to go back, but she did say how much everyone missed me. I, of course, snorted at that. I very much doubt that anyone else missed me.
Daddy was getting stronger every day, although the length of his time with us was still unknown. Now that Daddy was back in Stowe and Mom could care for him better, with aid from a couple different hospice nurses, I could travel back and forth between Stowe and San Francisco.
Always the smart one, Daddy was right. It was time I went back to San Francisco. It was time I went home. What was waiting for me there was another story.
During the weeks leading to the day I would return to San Francisco, the two Pauls became determined to fatten me up. The irregular meals at the hotel where I’d stayed while Daddy was in the hospital had caused me to lose weight.
When Daddy became comfortable getting treatments in his own house, I started my training. I did laps in the swimming pool, and he turned into my personal cheerleader. I also helped more at the farm. Throwing bales of hay was a good workout. Then I added long distance runs to the mix, every day from my parents’ house to the maple grounds. It wasn’t exactly Delicious Diego’s boot camp, but he would have been proud of my determination.
The night I returned to San Francisco, I reinstated my gym membership. It was the best way to battle loneliness.
By the time I hit the sheets—my own high thread count charcoal sheets—I thought I’d be so zonked out I’d instantly fall asleep. Wrong. Alex invaded my mind.
Since hanging up on the woman who’d answered his phone, I’d never called again.
To keep myself from going crazy, I kept to a strict schedule before going to Nica’s baby shower. I scrubbed my whole house clean, shopped for food (thanks to a determined Chef Paul, who had taught me how to cook some basic meals), bought new clothes that weren’t all black, religiously went to the gym, and finally had my hair done.
When I was five, I had strawberry blonde hair. I discussed returning to that color with my hairstylist, who was appalled at the state of the mop I’d piled atop my head. Zero care had gone into my hair while I was in Stowe. My roots showed. With the healthy tan I’d received from running and helping at the farm, he thought I might be able to pull off. But was I ready for the change back to my natural color?
It turned out, I wasn’t. My hairstylist had exceptional expertise. He did a fabulous job at getting rid of the dark hair. But the strawberry blonde…wasn’t me. It was Hannah, and not Chase.
What was supposed to be a quick phone call to my hairstylist about dyeing my hair black again the morning I headed to Napa, turned into an hour-long chat. At the end, he convinced me I looked fantastic with the change, and I should embrace it. But it also made me late for the party.
I loaded up my beautiful and sorely-missed Harley with bags for a week of pure fun with my best friend.
The party was to take place behind the main house. I went through the gardens and stopped short. Gerard and Jewel had planned the baby shower. Nica was having a girl. This apparently meant bright pink tabletops, pink-frosted cake, pink cookies, pink punch, pink flowers and pink ribbons on pink chairs. It was like my bedroom in Vermont had thrown up in Nica’s backyard.
There was enough chatter to pull me further in. Jewel and Mateo were by the punch. Sandrine was huddled with Natalie and another woman I didn’t recognize around a table, all speaking in French. Sandrine and Natalie’s toddlers were running around. There were several girls from work, whose names I hoped would come to me sooner rather than later. Lily, Nica’s mom, sat at another table with Nica’s sister, Maggie, one other girl about Maggie’s age, and Gerard. Nica was nowhere in sight. Neither was Alex. I breathed a sigh of relief. I wasn’t sure I wanted witnesses when I faced him again.
Gerard saw me first. He waved me over but instead of waiting, he came to me. “Va-va-voom, Chase, love the hair and the new outfit.”
I wore one of my recently purchased finds, a gray crop top, printed leggings and a red leather jacket. Not what I’d intended to wear, but since I was late, I didn’t have time to change into my purple shift dress. I’d applied very little makeup as I wasn’t sure if it would have been able to withstand the heat of the day.
“Thanks, G.” I raised my hand to ruffle my hair a bit, thinking that it may have gotten flat under the bike helmet, and removed my jacket. “I see you and Jewel went for...”
“Pretty in pink!” Gerard exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air.
‘Pretty’ wasn’t my choice of word, but I bit my tongue. This was for Nica. Nica liked pink. “Well, there’s also the Parisian theme.”
He pointed out the features added into the decor: miniature pink Eiffel Tower cookies, and pink and sparkly Eiffel Tower sculptures on the tables.
“You know there’s more to Paris than the Eiffel Tower,” I told him.
Gerard rolled his eyes. “Well, the French love it!” He pointed at Sandrine, Natalie and their friend.
“Yeah, who’s the new Frenchie? The Monica Bellucci wannabe?” I nodded my head at their table, eyeing the raven-haired beauty.
“Oh my gahd!” Gerard gripped one of my shoulders, and placed a hand over his heart. “That my dear is the fabulous Marielle. You’ve got to meet her. She almost forty but you wouldn’t know it.”
“Marielle?” The woman might have antennae. She looked over at us and waved at Gerard.
Gerard stretched his arm over my shoulders and whispered into my ear, “That, my dear Chase, is Alex’s new squeeze.”
“His new what?” My loud voice halted the chatter around us. All eyes drew to where we stood.
“You heard me.” Gerard lowered his voice again, ignoring the curious stares. “Alex brought her here from France. Seems serious.”
My head spun.
Alex had a girlfriend?
And not just any girl. I watched her throw her head back as she laughed. She had an undeniable amount of sex appeal, paired with the
self-confidence I knew Alex liked in a woman. I could hear my inner self bawl. I could hear my heart scream as it was crushed into tiny little pieces.
“G, I need a drink.” I patted Gerard’s pockets. He always had a flask hidden somewhere for emergencies. This was an emergency. It was red alert.
“Girl, get off.” He gently pushed away my hands and shook a finger at me. “Why would I carry my holster when I’m at a vineyard? Take a few steps down that way. You’ll hit the cellar, and you can siphon wine off the barrels.”
My throat closed up as Marielle’s voice carried over, and I couldn’t help but gawk at her. The wind whistled past and caused her thick black hair to dance with it. The way she moved her hands as she spoke was graceful.
“Where’s Nica?” I gripped Gerard’s shirt. I needed my best friend before I imploded.
“She’s in the house.”
I ran in the direction Gerard had pointed. I called out for Nica. As I neared the front of the house, I heard her answer me.
“In the library!”
We sat on a sofa beside the desk. Her stomach had grown more, and it made it difficult to hug her, but I still clung to her.
“Alex has a girlfriend?”
Nica’s mouth opened, then closed again. After a heavy sigh, she spoke, “I didn’t know until they came last night. I would have called you but I wasn’t sure how to tell you about her.”
“Are they staying here?” My voice quavered. Nica nodded. “I can’t stay here. I have to leave.”
“Chase, no. Stay. I’ll be with you the whole time. I don’t want you going home alone.”
“Nica, he has a woman with him!”
“I know. I know.” We heard Levi calling her from outside the library. “Please stay. We’ll figure this out together. You’ll be fine. I’ll be here for you the entire time. Plus I missed you.” Nica pleaded with her eyes.
How could I say no to her? She’d been with me through thick and thin. She’d been the one person I’d depended on for years. Despite the stabbing ache in my chest, I agreed, but I didn’t say how long I would stay. The vineyard and the house were big enough to get lost in and hide from people, from two new lovers.
Chasing the Runaway Bride (Bliss Series Book 3) Page 18
