Feeling utterly foolish I stared at her in speechless disbelief. How could she even think that way? Fuck! I wanted to punch a fucking hole in the wall.
But like the dumb-ass ‘tough guy’ I was, my misplaced male pride kicked right on in as it always did and I sneered at her, letting my mask fall into place. I wasn't prepared to let her see how much she'd hurt me with her rejection.
I gave a humorless laugh. “Yeah. Yeah you're right. You got me. I guess a guy like me is incapable of such deep feelings. And you always were a good little fuck. I guess your pussy and those fine tits of yours mess with my mind, huh?” I spat the venomous words at her and turned away unable to look her in the eyes any more. I began to gather my clothes, yanking them onto my body as fast as I could.
I had to get out of there.
I had to leave.
Chapter Thirty-One
Chloe
He slammed the door hard as he left. In the empty silence of my apartment, I crumpled to the floor in a sobbing heap. Why had he said he loved me? That was so very cruel. I'd felt that way about him for such a long time but had pushed the feelings aside, afraid to voice them in case he bolted. Especially considering the way our intense but strange relationship had occurred and fizzled, and all the drama that had happened during the short time we were seeing each other. Yet when he'd said the words to me that I'd longed to hear, I'd gotten scared. Scared and filled with crushing doubt all over again.
My mom had always told me never to trust a man who tells you he loves you as he's about to come. It's the oldest cliché in the book, she said. But I had desperately wanted to believe that he could love me. Or that I could love him enough for both of us. But when the chips were down he couldn't fight for me. Instead he did what I had expected and pierced my heart with his hurtful words. But after what I had said in response to his confession maybe I deserved his venom.
It was almost three in the morning and my body was so tired in spite of the barrage of emotion whirring around my head. I needed to give in and sleep.
I awoke to the sound of my cell ringing. In my foggy, sleep mussed state, I picked it up and answered without checking the caller ID.
“Yeah?”
“Hey sugar lips, it's me...Zak.”
I sat bolt upright and guilt niggled at me. “Oh...hey...hi, Zak. What's up?”
“Well if you remember, I said I'd take you out for lunch today. You said you had a day off? Have you...have you changed your mind?”
“Oh gosh, I'd completely forgotten. But...No that would be lovely.” I glanced at my clock and realized it was almost eleven in the morning. Shit! “Um...I need to shower and get ready so where should I meet you?”
“Well... I hope you don't mind but I've taken the liberty of packing a picnic and I thought we could take a ride out of town to a beautiful little spot I know.”
I sighed deeply. “Look...Zak...I should be honest with you. I'm... I'm kind of getting over someone and I—”
“Chloe, are you dumping me before we even get started?” The disappointment in his voice tugged at my insides.
“No...not exactly...but... Look this is hard for me to say and so I'll just say it. My... my ex turned up after you'd gone last night... and we...”
A deep, disappointed sigh resonated across the airwaves. “Shit, you slept with him after I'd gone?”
I cringed and felt the heat of shame rise in my cheeks. “God, Zak, I must sound like a total slut and I'm so—”
“Look, Chloe. I really like you. I mean really like you. I think you know that. So...just tell me if you still want to be with him and I'll step aside.”
Yes...yes I really do. “N-no. We're not right for each other. It's so complicated. I—”
“So was last night the last time you'll be with him?”
Huh? Why is he not dumping my ass? “Yes. The last time.”
“Are you absolutely sure?”
I nodded fervently even though he couldn't see me. “I'm sure, Zak.”
“Okay. Then let's go for lunch and talk. I want to spend time with you Chloe. And I think you like me too. So let's just see where this goes, okay? I'm not going to pressure you but...I won't be your second best either. If you'd rather be with him you should just tell me now.”
My resolve strengthened. “No. No, let's go for lunch.”
“Great. I'll pick you up in an hour.”
Right on time, there was a knock on my door and I gave my appearance one last check in the mirror. I'd worn my floaty pale blue skirt and white tank with jewelled flip-flops. The sun was shining and I wanted to look good.
I opened the door and was greeted by a wide, handsome smile. “Hey beautiful. Look at you.” He whistled and I obliged with a twirl, giggling like a school girl.
Suddenly embarrassed, I felt my cheeks heat. “Do I look okay for wherever you're taking me?”
“Oh you look better than okay, honey. You look stunning. As always.”
I locked the door behind us and he took my hand as we walked to his car. I had been expecting things to be awkward in light of our recent phone conversation, but thankfully he was being very mature about everything. I was relieved to say the very least. He could've judged me. Dropped me like a hot rock. But he hadn't and it felt so good to be with someone who exceeded my expectations in a positive way for once.
He opened the passenger door of his little blue Volvo and I climbed in. I glanced around, taking in the clean interior of the normal car and breathed a sigh of relief. Normal is good. Normal is better than good...right? On the back seat was a wicker basket with the lid fastened down. Wow, this guy goes all out. Once he was behind the wheel he turned toward me.
Reaching out he took my hand. “Before we go I just want to say that I've been where you are, Chloe. I've tried hard to get over someone who just won't let go. Someone who likes to keep me hanging on and use me when they see fit. But there comes a point when...you have to just let go. You have to choose yourself and your own happiness. It's difficult for a while. But... it does get easier. And I can be patient. We haven't known each other that long and so I don't want to pressure you. But I really do like you. And if you like me too...like I think you do...well then I think we can give us a try.”
He had surmised my situation from very little information but most of what he said was right. Why the hell was he being so great about this? I just didn't get it.
“Thank you, Zak. I... I can't quite believe how accepting you're being of what I've done. I... I kind of...cheated on you.” I cringed as the words fell from my lips.
He shook his head, a solemn look in his eyes. “No. I don't look at it that way. You and I weren't official. I mean, come on, a couple of dates doesn't make us serious does it?”
I scrunched my brow. “I guess not...”
He leaned closer and slipped a hand into my hair. “But I'd like to think we can get there. Some day.”
His blue eyes sparkled as he spoke and for a moment Six disappeared from my thoughts. “I'd like that too.”
He kissed my forehead and turned to start the car.
After driving for around an hour, we pulled down a picturesque trail surrounded by trees and drove until we arrived at a clearing. It was beautiful and so very peaceful. A little abandoned, tumble down, wooden shack sat a way off in the distance and I absently thought how wonderful it would be to wake up to such amazing views every day. Isolated, yes, but beautiful.
He stopped the car and opened his door. “Wait there, gorgeous.” He dashed around opened my door and held out his hand. I took it and climbed out breathing the warm air into my lungs. He collected the picnic basket and a rug from the back of the car and walked over to a shaded area and I followed.
As we laid out the rug he kept smiling up at me. I was beginning to get self-conscious that he was laughing at me. “What?” I asked nervously tucking my hair behind my ears.
He shook his head, still smiling like a goof. “You're just so damned beautiful.” He shrugged. “You make me smile. That's all.”
<
br /> Six
After watching the bastard pick her up in his cute little fucking family car, I'd had just about enough. I'd seen enough. And I'd sure as hell felt enough. For the first time in a hell of a long time I was going back to the club to drink myself into oblivion.
Sitting there at the bar with Cain beside me, I gulped down shot after shot. Colt had announced that we were taking a trip upstate in a couple days to take Cain to see his sister Rosa, where she'd been holed up in a safe house and he was happy as a pig in shit. But he was desperate to just go and Colt was wanting to wait until he could be sure things were safe.
My best friend slapped my back. “So come on, buddy. If I remember right you and I used to tell each other stuff. So who is she and why do you look like you lost a hundred and found a dollar?”
Cain's words filtered through my alcohol fogged mind and I chuckled. “She's nobody. Not anymore.” My stupid sing song voice sounded ridiculous and Cain punched my arm lightly. What was it with the guy and physical contact?
He shook his head. “Nuh-uh. Not taking your bull. I know you got stuff going on in your head. I can tell. Spill it douche. For no other reason than to take my mind off my own crap.”
I knocked back another shot of tequila and hissed in through my teeth as the alcohol burned its way down my insides. “You know that sweet, doe eyed library girl?”
“Chloe? Yeah, sure, man. You got it bad for her huh?”
I shook my head. “Had it bad. Past tense.” I pointed in his face. “Passssst.”
He laughed at me again and rolled his eyes. “Whatever dude. You're hooked. So what's the problem? It was clear to me she had a major crush on you.”
I laughed without a single ounce of humor. “Again, passsst tense.”
“You guys had a lovers’ tiff?”
“Let's just say I fuckin' ruined it all. Like I always do. I stalked her. Got obsessed. Fell fuckin' hard and then got kicked in the ‘nads. She fucked me and dumped me all in the same night, bro. How's that for bad romance?”
He cringed. “Whoa. Ouch, that's bad, Six. I'm sorry, bro. No chance of you two getting back together?”
I shrugged so hard I wobbled on my bar stool. “Nope. She's off with some fucking prissy guy called Zak. All clean cut and shit. Total opposite of me.”
His eyes widened and he gripped my shoulder. “No way? Wow. It seems you and I have suffered a similar fate my friend. Women huh?”
“Yup. Can't live with 'em...can't fuckin' get 'em out of your damn head.”
He leaned toward me and glanced around conspiratorially. “Do you think it was love?” His voice was low as if he was afraid to ask.
I suddenly felt sober at his question and an unwelcome clarity descended over me. “Yeah. No doubt about it.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
Chloe
Learning all about Zak and his family on our picnic had been lovely. Refreshing even. For the most part he'd had a pretty normal, happy upbringing with his younger brother, Tyler who was into rock music and was apparently quite the opposite of Zak. Their father had passed away when he was a teenager and so our lack of a father figure was something we, sadly, had in common. He had stepped in and been the man of the family when his mom had returned to work following the tragedy that had befallen them, but he said he wouldn't have changed a single thing about looking after his brother. My heart swelled as I listened to him talk about their holidays together. And the way he spoke so fondly about his dad made tears well in my eyes for his loss. I wished I could miss my dad the same way but you can't really miss what you never really knew.
Zak was such a sweet, kind hearted guy. And I was lucky he was giving me a second chance. I was determined I wouldn't be messing it up any time soon.
He pulled up the car outside my building and turned to face me again. “Well I've had a wonderful afternoon, Chloe. And I hope we can do it again real soon.”
I smiled warmly. “Would you like to come up for coffee?” I wasn't quite ready to let him go yet.
He nodded and his mouth widened into a handsome grin. “I'd love to, thank you.”
The memory of our late night a couple days earlier sprang to mind. We'd talked and talked about my family and my life and so today had made a nice change. The other night he had only kissed me right before he left, and while his kiss didn't melt my underwear, it was sweet. And I was looking forward to trying it again.
Maybe the more I kissed him the more I'd like it? The more I would forget Six?
As we walked toward my building he took my hand and squeezed it. I smiled shyly across at him, but the thought that maybe I should tell him about my past life as an exotic dancer sprang to mind. I dismissed it deciding it was too soon. He liked Chloe the library technician and so did I for that matter.
Nina, and all the shit that happened to her was becoming a distant memory. Well almost.
Once inside my home I dropped my keys onto the coffee table and turned to Zak. “Coffee?”
His hands were bunched in the pockets of his beige pants. “Sounds good.”
I made my way into the kitchen and he followed. Suddenly his arms came around my waist and his lips were on my neck. Shivers traveled my spine, but not for the reasons I wanted. I wanted to be excited by Zak's touch and not by the memory of the same situation happening with Six.
Sadly, Six won out.
Feeling awkward at my realization, I turned around to face him and nervously chewed on my lip. I wanted to explain what was going on in my head, but how the hell could I make sense of my feelings to him without everything sounding wrong?
He must have noticed the concern in my expression as he stepped back and cringed. “Too soon?”
I briefly closed my eyes and exhaled. When I opened them again I decided to dive right in. “No...not too soon. I just... I wanted to turn around so I could...”
He scrunched his brow but smiled. “So you could what?”
I nervously cleared my throat. “K-kiss you,” I lied.
Without needing further encouragement, he stepped up to me again and slipped his arms around my waist before touching his lips to mine. I placed my hands around his shoulders and began to kiss him back. It was...different. His tongue slid along my bottom lip, encouraging me to open for him and I obliged. The kiss was soft and undemanding. But warm and sweet all the same. Too sweet. There were no sparks inside of me. My clit didn't ache for his touch and my panties didn't dampen.
I felt his arms move from my waist and his fingertips trail up the bare skin of my arms until they traced the shape of my collarbone. But then one hand came around the back of my head and cradled me as the other grazed down my tank top and cupped my breast. I gasped at his bold moves as his kiss gained fervor. It seemed so out of character for him. He began to toy with my nipple through the fabric of my top and bra and a groan escaped his mouth. The hand that had been teasing me slipped down my body until I felt his fingers trailing up my inner thigh. My mind was racing with images of Six that were impossible to shake off. He cupped my pussy, pressing his palm into my clit as he nuzzled my neck at the same time, sucking and nibbling at the sensitive flesh there. Then his fingers slipped inside my panties and into my body.
I gasped and pushed at his chest but he continued sliding his fingers in and out as his thumb began to rub my sensitive flesh. Shame washed over me and I wanted him to stop. I pushed at him again and he stepped back, releasing me.
“Zak...you're...this is going too fast. Can we just...can we slow it down?” My breathing was heavy and I felt my cheeks flush.
He shrugged. “You seemed to be enjoying it, babe. I just thought we could kick things up a notch.”
As I peered into his eyes he seemed like a completely different person. Gone was the sweet guy I had been enjoying getting to know and in place of the kind blue irises I had gazed into before were dilated, lust filled, hooded eyes that undressed me as he stepped forward and caged me in with his arms.
“I...I th-think maybe you should go. It'
s getting late,” I stuttered knowing full well that it wasn't but unable to think of any other plausible reason for asking him to leave. Apart from telling him he had crossed a line. But I had encouraged him to kiss me so how much of a tease would I seem?
He shook his head, took several steps away from me and was suddenly back to what I had considered normal. “Shit, I'm so sorry about that, Chloe. I guess I read the situation all wrong.” He ran his hands through his short, neat hair. “God, I hope you can forgive me. I got so caught up in the moment. And you...you turn me on so much...I...please forgive me.”
This was more like him. Worry was evident in his eyes and furrowed brow and I melted a little with pity.
I twisted my hands in front of me. “It's okay. You're forgiven. I just don't want to take this too fast. I've made that mistake before you know?”
He nodded fervently. “Oh sure, yes, yes I totally understand. I should go. May I kiss you goodnight?” I wordlessly nodded and he leaned forward placing a chaste kiss on my cheek. “I hope to see you soon.”
“Me...me too,” I replied, but deep down I felt that maybe I needed a few days away from men in general.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Six
I hated lock down with a damn passion.
Hated. It.
But once again, thanks to my best buddy and his determination to make every situation about him, that's right where we were; sitting in the club waiting for Colt to make his decision about the next fucking move.
Everything had been great. But as these things have a tendency to do, everything rapidly went to shit when Rosa disappeared. After we rescued her, we took Tyler, her boyfriend who turned out to be the little prick who had been instrumental in kidnapping her. After roughing him up a bit to teach the kid a lesson, he had been sent on his way complete with a newly shaven head and a new tattoo made up of permanent marker on his scalp, thanks to Dee, that told Loki's Legion exactly what they could do with their revenge attacks.
Six: Company of Sinners MC #2 Page 18
