by Dara Girard
Remember that an affirmation is a “now” statement:
I deserve success
All my needs are met
I am rich
I make $______ a week
I have an audience that appreciates my work
I write successfully in three genres
Now that you have faced yourself, let’s move to the battlefield.
Part Two
Surviving the Battlefield
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Disappointment
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A fellow author, whom I’ll call Patricia, recently faced a hard lesson in disappointment. She’d signed a second two-book contract with her publisher and had sent in her first book under the new contract. She was excited, and prepared her promotion schedule for the next year as she began working on her fourth book.
A few months later, she received notice that her editor did not like the third book and was reneging on the contract. She was let go without an explanation. No new book, no check — nothing. The disappointment was crushing. All her plans, all her excitement — dashed. Someone else may have crumbled, but Patricia didn’t.
She continued to promote her first two published books and sent out queries on her third book. At a writer’s conference she met an editor and convinced her to look at her manuscript. The editor agreed. Months later that editor offered Patricia a two-book contract.
That is what resilience is about. Patricia could have let the disappointment stop her, but she didn’t wallow in it. She shared her pain with fellow authors and kept sending out queries. She wouldn’t let one person’s judgment stop her from her dream and her readers are thankful.
Disappointment sneaks up on you. Life is fine then WHAM! A book doesn’t sell-through well, a story is pulled, an imprint closes or a magazine goes out of business before your article can get printed. It’s okay to feel let down. It’s okay to be upset, but move on. Patricia could have gotten angry and held a grudge against the editor. She could have whined about how this editor had stopped her career, but she didn’t. She kept going.
Steps to Dealing with Disappointment
Share the disappointment like Patricia did. Don’t keep your feelings bottled up, there’s no need to feel ashamed. A setback is not a reflection of your self-worth or your talent. Another author had an editor reject her work because she liked “light, funny stories” and found the author’s work “too dark.” I had an agent who lost complete faith in one of my books and refused to send it out. It was devastating, but I decided to move forward.
Keep sending out. Come up with a new strategy. Inventors face lots of disappointment. When an experiment doesn’t work, they try a new way and keep on trying.
If you’re in the mood, try to find a lesson in the disappointment. This is not the time for blame; think of it as a career autopsy. What went wrong? Patricia discovered that her old publisher wasn’t the right place for her work. Instead of trying to send them new proposals (and likely stalling her career), she moved on and found a supportive editor and new publisher who will help grow her career. She learned from her disappointment that she was in the wrong jungle.
Extra
How to Perform a Career Autopsy
Take responsibility. If your agent suggested a change that you made and the book still didn’t sell, don’t blame the agent. You made the decision to change. Why? How may that have influenced things?
Analyze your decisions and the market. Were you trying to follow a trend? Is there a bad market climate? Were you marketing to the wrong audience? Is your productivity not what it could be?
Are you in the wrong writing field (fiction versus nonfiction)? Genre (mystery versus fantasy)? Many authors try to write what is popular and fail miserably because that is not their strength. Also, what you like to read may not be your voice. I like to read dark mysteries, but my books always tend to have humor in them. If I tried to write another way, I wouldn’t succeed.
Identify harmful habits. Do you miss deadlines? Make sloppy edits? Have slim plots or dull characters?
Discouragement
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Discouragement comes in many forms. Rejections, poor reviews and the doom and gloom comments of a “Wet Blanket” can ruin a great day. It takes a lot of courage to face them and keep moving forward, but with the right knowledge you can.
Rejection
I discovered that rejections are not altogether a bad thing. They teach a writer to rely on his own judgment and to say in his heart of hearts, ‘To hell with you.’
SAUL BELLOW
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First you feel as though you’re dying. It doesn’t matter how: whether you were shot through the heart, knifed through the gut, or poisoned. All you know is that your life will soon end and you don’t care. You stand in front of your mailbox with your returned manuscript and a letter from the editor feeling completely alone in your grief and sense of failure.
Rejection hurts, whether it is a cold form letter or an encouraging “Try again.” Rejections can make you begin to question yourself.
Who am I to write?
What the heck am I doing?
I’m an idiot to try this.
If I’m so great why doesn’t anyone else think so?
“Don’t take it personally” people say, but it feels personal. I mean, the letter was addressed to me!
Rejections stinks. I know. I’ve received over two hundred rejections in my career and still get some in the mail and online. However, it also means that I’m working, creating, and producing. Rejection is a part of life and definitely part of the writer’s world. Don’t give it power.
You reject things every day. You turn on the TV and flip through the channels. You go to a restaurant and skim through the menu until you see what you want. You go into the bookstore and pass hundreds of books until you find one you think you will like. Why did you pass the others? Because they are unworthy or because they are poorly written? No. You passed them because you have distinct tastes. So do agents and editors. They are people just like you and me.
What does that mean? It means you’re in the sales business and you have to convince people to buy a product. Not everyone will buy. Be ready to move on. It’s part of the process. It stings, it burns, it wounds, but you’ll heal. It’s an opinion, not a life sentence. When an editor or agent says, “Doesn’t fit our present needs” or “Not enthusiastic enough about this” they are not saying: “You are now sentenced to be unpublished for the rest of your life. Why are you trying to write? Why are you wasting my time? Quit now before you embarrass yourself and everyone who knows you.” They are not laughing evilly as they toss your manuscript back to you. It’s basically an “I’m not interested” and that’s it. Keep writing; keep sending out.
You never know what will make a sale. The fantastic story you wrote about life and death colliding may be turned down while your so-so article on ants infesting a picnic will get picked up. It’s not personal — it feels like it, but it’s not. They don’t even know you, and frankly they don’t care. Editors and agents have an agenda. Sometimes you’re not on it; write anyway. Send out anyway.
I quickly learned that if I kept at it and plowed right through the rejections I would eventually get somebody to buy my wares.
CHARLES SCHWAB
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Ah, but what about those nasty notes? The ones where the editor or agent takes the time to tell you that you need writing classes, that you should stop writing and have more babies (advice given to Danielle Steel) or that your writing is “too slight” (told to Mary Higgins Clark). Be wary of such advice. Remember it’s just an opinion. Unless there’s a common thread in all your rejections, it doesn’t mean anything. One editor will say they love your hero, but hate your plot; another will say they love your plot, but hate your hero. That criticism won’t help you. So trust your gut. The publishing industry is a very subj
ective field. Only you know the value of your manuscript.
Some editors and agents are jaded readers cocooned in their New York sensibilities and think in terms of salability rather than what readers will enjoy. They will reject a small town premise because they believe it will be uninteresting or because another book set in a small town didn’t sell well and they think yours won’t sell well either. Editors and agents aren’t bad people, just recognize that their job is to make money for their companies, not to foster your writing dreams.
Your response to rejection will influence your career. If you try to avoid it, you could stop sending out or stay safe by sending to low paying markets. If you don’t risk rejection, you won’t have to face the lingering doubt that maybe you’re not good enough. Unfortunately, however, you’ll have made a career-killing decision, all on the basis of an overworked agent or editor who has to make a split decision on whether she thinks you’ll sell or not.
You will dislike this individual. You will wish that she break out in spots, lose all her teeth, and then one day see your book on the New York Times bestseller’s list and cry bitter tears for having misjudged you. This is perfectly understandable. But let it go. Business is business. Don’t threaten suicide or send foul letters. It won’t change her mind and may influence others not to work with you. The publishing industry is small. Remember, editors and agents have rejected wonderful works in the past and will continue to do so.
How to Recover from a Rejection
Remember what Barbara Kingsolver said: This manuscript of yours that has just come back from another editor is a precious package. Don’t consider it rejected. Consider that you’ve addressed it ‘To the editor who can appreciate my work’ and it has simply come back stamped ‘Not at this address’. Just keep looking for the right address.
Use it as a reminder that you’re working. Salespeople (no matter what field) expect to hear “No” because they know each “No” brings them closer to a “Yes.” A rejection is not a brick wall, it’s just a bump in the road. Keep moving forward.
Picture yourself succeeding. Imagine this rejection as a story you’ll use in your acceptance speech as you’re awarded a major prize.
Have another envelope ready to ship out right away so that you have hope again.
Talk to a friend.
Have a rejection party. Celebrate it. Buy a small cake or trinket so that rejection won’t be something to dread.
Reward yourself. Come up with a quota. If you get ten rejections, then you get to go to a movie. If you get twenty, you get to buy something you want. Have a trusted friend in on the game and come up with a point system.
Save them for your taxes. You can use them as proof that you are a writer.
Read books about rejected authors who have succeeded.
Recognize that sometimes the rejection is saving you from public humiliation. Your work may not be ready yet. Keep writing; keep working on your craft.
Bad Reviews
The lot of critics is to be remembered for what they failed to understand.
GEORGE MOORE
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It’s going to happen to you. Somebody with the intelligence of a pimple, somewhere is going to criticize your work; not constructively, mind you, but with the sole intent of demolishing your work and making themselves feel witty. You’ll have to remember that the basis of wit is caustic comments. Wit is a game of words that should not be confused with wisdom.
Reviews are the bane of a writer’s existence. Get a good one and you’ll feel great and scared. Get a bad one and you’ll feel awful and scared. They are an unfortunate necessity but have no real guidelines. A writer must remember that reviewers have a motive — To be read and to keep their jobs. They want people to read them, not necessarily your book. They are writers with hidden agendas.
Some are kind; some are cruel. But they don’t count, readers do. Stephen King and other top writers still get bad reviews and it hasn’t hurt their careers (although undoubtedly their feelings were hurt). Stephanie Bond received a one star review in a major romance magazine for her book and that book ended up becoming one of her most popular books due to the one component the reviewer found so offensive. Lori Foster is a bestselling author of over sixty books and still gets nasty reviews.
Keep writing. Read reviews if you must, otherwise ignore them and continue to create.
A good writer is not, per se, a good book critic. No more than a good drunk is automatically a good bartender.
JIM BISHOP
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What to do With a Bad Review
Send a thank you to the reviewer (at least they read the book and it might freak them out).
Remember that most people read reviews to find out about the book not the reviewer’s opinion.
Highlight the “money words” then send the review to your editor. Some poor reviews have great quotes you can use.
Review the reviewer. Is the review well written? Does it get the gist of your story right? Is it littered with personal attacks and unnecessary opinions? Angry readers blasted one reviewer in my local paper because her review of a non-fiction book was poorly done. She had misinterpreted the intention of the writer and misrepresented what the book was about. The paper had to apologize and the author got much needed publicity.
Read the poor reviews of books you have enjoyed. It helps to put reviews into perspective.
Flush it down the toilet or get your dog to pee on it.
Cry with a friend.
Find out what the reviewer disliked and then do that some more. That is what will make your work unique. Jean Cocteau said: Listen carefully to first criticisms of your work. Note just what it is about your work that the critics don’t like — then cultivate it. That’s the part of your work that’s individual and worth keeping.
STOP READING THEM
The Wet Blanket
A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him.
DAVID BRINKLEY
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Some people mistakenly believe that rejection and bad reviews are the ultimate discouragement. They are not. For writers (or any creative artist) the Wet Blanket is one of the most dangerous of all the discouragers because they mask themselves as friends.
As you pursue your dream, you will discover that not everyone will cheer for you. Some will give you reasons why you will fail. They will make statements like, “This is good, but it’s no (fill in successful author’s name).” “Twenty-five dollars for an article? You certainly couldn’t live on that.” “Do you know how competitive the market is?” “Hey I just saw that you got one star on Amazon. Ouch! I’d hate to be you.” “Another rejection? Man, maybe you should give up this writing thing.”
They will tell you about how impossible it is to succeed as a writer. You must ignore them. Wet Blankets are usually blocked creatives or people who are fearful of change. Seeing you go after your dream may shine a light on the dreams they let die. Some will be relentless in their comments, you will have to distance yourself from them or end the acquaintance. With family members you can instruct them that they can talk about anything but your writing career. Set boundaries.
Also be careful of critique groups, workshops, and writing instructors. Great ones will inspire and encourage you and keep you moving forward. Bad ones can stop you forever. One writer stopped writing because a teacher read his story aloud in class then called it an example of how a story shouldn’t be written. Another up-and-coming writer stopped her career because a boyfriend felt threatened by how much time her writing took away from him.
Group dynamics can create a group mentality. A teacher may only applaud a certain type of writing style and hold it up as an example for the other writers in the group to emulate. A critique group may belittle your story because it doesn’t stay within the accepted structure of a certain genre. Don’t let your creativity be stifled by someone else
’s limited vision.
Remember, there will be people who will not want to see you succeed. It’s very important that you recognize these dream killers and stay away from them.
Dealing With a Wet Blanket
Protect your joy. If you’re excited about something, don’t share it with someone you know won’t be happy for you. Keep some secrets. Don’t tell everyone what you’re up to. Trust only a few with your dreams.
Recognize them. Identify the Wet Blankets in your life and write a letter to them. You don’t have to mail it.
Create a “no talk” topic. If you are with a Wet Blanket have a conversation limit.
Remember the source. Unless they are living the life you want to lead or are sincerely invested in your success, their comments aren’t helpful.
Create distance. Change is difficult for many people. They would have a hard time if you lost weight or got a high paying job so let them deal with their feelings without dumping on you.
