by Dara Girard
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This exercise helps to trick your mind so you’ll face the day with eagerness and confidence.
Create a safe haven. It is important that you create a safe haven, a place where you can retreat and be your authentic self. A place where all the labels (mother, sister, husband, dad, dentist, Asian, HIV positive) are erased and you are who you truly are. This safe haven needs to be a place where you can play peaceful music or hard rock; a place to rant, rave, or cry. A place totally yours for however long you want it. It doesn’t need to be a sacred place. It can be your bathroom. You can turn it into a safe haven by lighting candles or wearing a certain robe. It can be your closet, your car, or a special location in a park. Any place where you can have a moment of time to get in touch with your feelings. If you need to, save some money and go to a hotel/motel once in a while for a night or two of peace.
Remember that everything has a season. In your career, you will have a winter season when nothing seems to grow, and the land is barren and cold. You’ll look at someone in her bright, fruitful spring season and feel your career is over. It’s not. Keep sowing the seeds (creating, sending out, reading) and eventually what you plant will grow.
Life doesn’t always make sense. Remember that bad things happen. Sometimes things happen for no reason. We like to have a logical equation for everything. If you write a brilliant novel, an editor will buy it. If you send out a perfect query, an agent will ask to see more. But that is not always the case. Sometimes the editor is at the wrong publishing house, so that even if they like your work, it’s not right for the publisher. Or your article is ahead of its time.
Sometimes there is no reasonable explanation. Not everything that happens will have anything to do with whether you are a kind and generous person. A jerk will get a great book contract, a badly written book will become a bestseller and you won’t understand why. It’s not your job to make sense of it, just keep doing what you do.
Know Your Limitations
What one has to do usually can be done.
ELEANOR ROOSEVELT
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Find out your limitations. This is not a reason to pull out your old list of excuses, but rather a way to face your present situation. Be realistic about the feasibility of your dreams. If you’re the main breadwinner with three children under the age of five, it may not be feasible for you to quit your job and write full-time. Your limitations are different from those of a single person with a healthy savings account who can manage to take such a risk. There will be plenty of unknowns out there, try to anticipate the ones that you can readily overcome and acknowledge them early on.
What kind of writer are you? Do you want to entertain or inform or both? Consider fiction or non-fiction or a mixture.
Do you like to research? If not, hire a research assistant.
Do you edit well? If not, hire an editor.
Do you know how to structure a book? If not, hire a writing coach.
Do you like to work alone? If not, work with a collaborator.
Do you type well? If not, hire a typist or dictate.
Are you patient? If not, try writing short stories, articles and poems instead of a novel.
Do you want to make money? If not, write for selfactualization not the market. If you do, identify markets that pay (you would be amazed by how many writers, write for nothing except to see their name in print, and then complain about not making money. If you can get a hundred dollars or more for your work, go for it).
Not prolific? Get paid more for each project or find other ways to earn income.
Not organized? Write by instinct instead of according to a strict schedule.
Do you enjoy the physical act of writing? If not, consider an alternative.
Do you have ideas or stories that may shock or embarrass you or others? Use a pen name.
What are your time constraints?
Do you like to promote or do you prefer privacy?
Can you work on many different projects or can you only focus on one at a time? Uncover your limitations so they won’t become stumbling blocks in the future.
Extra
New Directions
Changing your mind isn’t failure. Failure is stopping in the middle of the race, staring longingly at the finish line but making no move towards it. Changing your mind is stopping in the middle of the race, staring at the finish line, deciding that it’s not where you want to go, and switching your direction.
If you decide that writing is not for you and you want to do something else, that is perfectly healthy. My mother started off as a medical illustrator, then realized she wasn’t a desk artist and chose a different field. Initially I studied to be a speech pathologist, then realized I didn’t have the temperament. One writer started out writing cozy mysteries, then realized she preferred fantasy. Honor your spiritual needs. Perhaps your desire to write is really a desire to communicate. You could consider becoming a public speaker, an oral storyteller, an actor, painter, teacher or counselor.
A writer is someone who must write. Writing nourishes them and fills them with ecstasy, not with hours of agony and despair. It’s okay to be terrified at times and jubilant at others. Writing doesn’t always have to be fun, but if you couldn’t imagine doing anything else then you’re following your bliss.
As life moves on, your desires may shift and change. Don’t lock yourself into a dream just because you had it. Make your dreams suit you, not the other way around.
Get a Strategy
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Many writers expect their careers to just happen. They have no plan for how they expect things to move forward. I am not saying that you need to come up with a formal, written business plan. But remember that publishing is a business that has its ups and downs. Here are ways to deal with it.
Learn to respond rather than react. There are different ways to achieve a goal. The power of choice is our greatest gift as humans. How you chose to respond to a setback will dictate your future — choice is a big responsibility. You can choose to react instinctively or to take a step back and respond consciously.
Consider these two scenarios.
A book comes back rejected for the fifth time. A reaction to this would be: My agent is useless, the editors don’t understand. They are probably twenty-something MBAs who don’t know the first thing about writing. They wouldn’t know a good story if it bit them on the bum!
A response would be: Damn. I guess X-publisher isn’t the right place for me. Perhaps I could shorten the novel to a novella or submit an excerpt to a magazine.
When you react you are ruled by your subconscious and become a slave to your emotions. You will likely mirror habitual behaviors and have your future reflect your past — nothing will change. By responding to a situation, you use your conscious mind to help you achieve desired results. Learn to respond and not react, and take control of your destiny.
Ask the right questions. People want the world to make sense. They like equations, cause-and-effect. If you do this, then this happens. If something good happens, then most people readily take credit for it. If something bad happens, they try to find someone or something to blame. Sometimes there is no rhyme or reason for a bad event. Sometimes a well-written novel just doesn’t sell well, an agent says something abusive, or an editor kills a story with no explanation. Wondering and wallowing will not move you forward. Learn to ask the right questions. Not “Why is this happening to me?” But “What do I do next?” Don’t be life’s victim.
Model success. Find a writer with a career you admire in a field that you enjoy. Preferably someone who is still alive, because the publishing industry has changed so dramatically in the past years. Attempt to emulate the strategies used in your favorite writer’s career when they hit it big. If they wrote small unremarkable category romances for many years, then broke out with a sweeping saga,
then emulate the sweeping saga. (Why suffer more than you need to?)
Gather industry news in small doses. Don’t gather so much information that it depresses you, but know what the atmosphere is like. Some writers will claim that ignorance is bliss and that, had they known all the trouble out there, they wouldn’t have become published. Good for them. But sometimes not knowing what is out there can harm you. There is an unhealthy myth that once you’re published it’s easy to get an agent, so many published authors despair when an agent turns them down. The truth is that it’s always difficult to get an agent. Some authors publish five books before catching the interest of one agent. Others do without agents and hire a literary attorney. Be careful of myths that make you feel as though you’re doing something wrong.
Learn to be flexible. It’s good to build up a brand name, but learn to do other things well just in case your chosen arena hits a down market.
Work towards your mission statement. Do something every day to make it real.
Brainstorm alternatives. If the current market isn’t ready for your voice, consider self-publishing (but do your homework, there are a lot of scam artists out there). Write a blog. Create your own newsletter or magazine. Develop a series of greeting cards or booklets. Offer your services to local companies or community centers. Think outside the box.
Always write the best that you can. If your book, poem, or article delivers, then you will be asked to do more work and that’s what a writer’s life is about.
Success is Your Birthright
Successful writers are not the ones who write the best sentences. They are the ones who keep writing. They are the ones who discover what is most important and strangest and most pleasurable in themselves, and keep believing in the value of their work, despite the difficulties.
BONNIE FRIEDMAN
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The secret to resilience lies in three words: Faith in movement. To succeed you must always go forward — whether it is a few baby steps or a giant leap — believing you are achieving your dream. Write, despite the heartbreaks.
Submit, despite the discouragement. Dream big, despite your present realities. You are on a hallowed path taken by people before you, many of whom are living a life that others are too scared to aim for. You are greater than your circumstance. Success is yours to claim.
When you move forward in the faith and belief that wondrous things will happen, they do. You’ll draw the right people into your life, a person might need an article or someone knows of a new agent. Money will show up at unexpected moments. Opportunities will appear, don’t question them or try to analyze why. Luck is created. Throw away the myth of the chosen few; that mindset is for people who want to struggle in a dog eat dog world. You’re above that.
Your desire is proof that you’ve been chosen to succeed on this path and the universe can’t help but make things happen. Don’t accept being little and insignificant. If you’re meant to be big, then move towards that and positive things will happen.
Life makes sense when you know your purpose. When you no longer feel helpless and useless, every part of your life can be used in your craft, every experience good or bad enriches it.
Losing a contract, an agent, an assignment will no longer be devastating, because you know everything is working to your good. If you lose a contest, just think: “I’m made for bigger and better things.”
Learn to let go of the outcome. Once you’ve written something and edited it, send it out and begin working on something else. Do not attach your hopes, aspirations or expectations to it (“This work will make me rich, it will make me famous.” etc.). You can’t control trends or the response of people, and if they’re not favorable you may wrongly blame your work.
Be of service. Successful writers are aware of their duty, which is to serve a public eager for knowledge, comfort, entertainment or experience. This doesn’t mean you become a slave to public opinion, just that you remain aware that you write, not just for your own selfish desires but to provide your words as a gift.
Publishing is a highly competitive field — status, prestige, awards and money are the measuring sticks shoved in the face of anyone who enters the field. Therefore, my statements may sound foolhardy. You’ll be bombarded by people who say you must be aggressive, you must promote your books at all times or you’ll disappear, you have to run a website, be online, do book signings and interviews etc.
However, I don’t believe in anything that takes you away from the most important aspect of being an author/writer: Creating products that people can use. If the internet or book tours or any other activity take you away from creating, then readjust your schedule. You don’t have to follow anyone else’s lifestyle to be a success.
I was unable to aggressively promote my first two titles: First because that’s not my personality and second because in that time span my father was diagnosed with cancer and after that my mother had major surgery. I spent those years in doctor’s offices, surgical waiting rooms and hospital suites. I did what I could to promote my books, but I spent my energy taking care of my parents, and writing articles and books. I didn’t let the “white noise” of the outside world take away the peace and power of creation. And the universe was kind, my books sold well (though slowly) and my publisher offered me a new contract and continues to do so.
The competitive mindset leads to unhappiness because it feeds on the scarcity mentality that there’s not enough to go around. Which, by now, I hope you know is false.
There are many books that outsell books that reach the New York Times Bestseller list but that are under the radar of bookstores. Books that make the lists we admire are measured by velocity, not necessarily by quantity. Therefore, a book that sells 50,000 copies in a week will make the list, but a book that slowly sells a million copies in a year won’t. Does the writer care? Would you? You’re still rich and selling.
There are many paths to success and success is yours to claim. Believe that truth and it will come true. I trust that you will create your own stories of resilience and I welcome you to share them with me.
In the meantime, be kind to the writer behind the words.
And it does no harm to repeat, as often as you can, ‘Without me the literary industry would not exist: the publishers, the agents, the sub-agents, the sub-sub agents, the accountants, the libel lawyers, the departments of literature, the professors, the theses, the books of criticisms, the reviewers, the book pages — all the vast and proliferating edifice is because of this small, patronized, put-down nd underpaid person’.
DORIS LESSING
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Recommended Resources
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These books have helped me through hard times and expand on some of the tips I have included in this book. I hope they will help you on your journey.
Books
Make Your Creative Dreams Real: A Plan for Procrastinators, Perfectionists, Busy People, and People Who Would Really Rather Sleep All Day
by SARK (Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy)
FIRESIDE, 2004
Making a Literary Life: Advice for Writers and Other Dreamers
by Carolyn See
RANDOM HOUSE, 2002
When Bad Things Happen to Good People
by Harold S. Kushner
AVON BOOKS, 1981
Creative Visualization: Use the Power of Your Imagination to Create What You Want in Your Life
by Shakti Gawain
NEW WORLD LIBRARY, 2002
The Courage to Write: How Writers Transcend Fear
by Ralph Keyes
HENRY HOLT AND COMPANY, LLC., 1995
Writing from the Inside Out: Transforming Your Psychological Blocks to Release the Writer Within
by Dennis Palumbo
JOHN WILEY & SONS, INC., 2000
The Artist’s Way; A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity
by Julia Cameron
&n
bsp; JEREMY P. TARCHER/PUTNAM, 2002
Zen in the Art of Writing
by Ray Bradbury
BANTAM/CAPRA PRESS, 1992
Beyond the Words: The Three Untapped Sources of Creative Fulfillment for Writers
by Bonni Goldberg
JEREMY P. TARCHER/PUTNAM, 2002
How to Think Like Leonardo Da Vinci: Seven Steps to Genius Every Day
by Michael J. Gelb
DELL PUBLISHING, 1998
The Resilient Writer: Tales of Rejection and Triumph from 23 Top Authors
by Catherine Wald
PERSEA BOOKS, INC., 2005
Writing Down the Bones
by Natalie Goldberg
SHAMBHALA PUBLICATIONS, INC., 1986
Make Your Mind Work for You: New Mind Power Techniques to Improve Memory, Beat Procrastination, Increase Energy, and More
by Joan Minninger, Ph.D. and Eleanor Dugan
RODALE PRESS, 1988
The Career Novelist: A Literary Agent Offers Strategies for Success
