Zoe returned to our table with another beer and a tequila chaser. “Zo, I’m gonna be on my back.”
She winked at me as she placed one in front of E as well. “Lighten up Jen; you’re out without the ball and chain. Live it up, babe.”
I rolled my eyes before I saluted Zoe and E and downed the shot, wincing as its burn hit my throat and Zoe coughed. “Now I know why the prices are higher here, they don’t water the stuff down.”
“Private club, they can’t afford to dilute their drinks. They wouldn’t survive.” E explained.
I murmured my agreement as I took a pull on my bottle and started to relax a little.
From where I was sat, Ethan couldn’t see me so that was one less thing to worry about at the moment. I could feel the alcohol start to work and I eased into a comfortable frame of mind as the night wore on and before long Room 103 had finished their performance and Bulk was bounding over to me.
“Glad you could make it, little lady.” He grinned as Romeo lifted Zoe out of her chair, sat down and replaced her on his lap.
“I promised I would” I told him.
I could feel Ethan’s eyes burning a hole straight through me but I refused to turn to him. I wasn’t sure how he would take it that I was sat with his friends and I wondered if he would join us or leave, so I sat still and as calm as I possibly could. My insides however, were a complete contrast to my exterior.
My heart was beating so wildly, I wondered if it would bring on one of my panic attacks. My blood was roaring at an alarming velocity around my tight veins and my lungs were screaming at me to inhale deeper, instead of the short sharp gasps I was currently making.
“Well, well, I didn’t believe in ghosts, but now I do.” Ethan sneered as he plonked his tall frame into a chair opposite me and I noticed he was drunk, or high.
“Boss” E warned and I flicked a glance at her. She was glaring at him and I suddenly realised Ethan didn’t hold the same feelings for me as I still did for him.
His hatred and contempt was evident on his face and I swallowed back my own pain at the insight.
Oh my God. It hurt, it hurt so badly.
I suddenly couldn’t breathe as my throat started to close in and the familiar iciness worked its way through my body. I stood abruptly, “Excuse me, bathroom.” I muttered as I made my way across the room in desperate search for the toilets.
Flinging myself through the door when I found them, I was relieved when I found it empty and I grasped hold of a sink and fought to control the attack.
I pulled in a huge breath, held it for three, and then released.
Again, Jen.
In, hold, out. In, hold, out. In, hold, out.
I stared at my pale and sweaty face in the mirror, the bruise on my cheek laughing at me and taunting me that I deserved everything I got.
The door opened with a bang and my knees buckled when a stormy faced Ethan stood staring at me.
“What are you doing here, Jen?” he asked sternly and I gulped at the sudden dryness in my mouth.
“I’m… I’m sorry. I’ll, uhh, I’ll go.” I choked out as I stumbled past him.
He grabbed my arm and I stilled but didn’t turn. “Why, Jen, why?” he whispered with a voice full of ache and hurt and I locked my gaze on his hand, his large fingers wrapped around my skin. His touch; the first touch in nine years had every single hair under his hand electrified and rearing to attention.
“Why what, Ethan?” I asked quietly still diverting my eyes away from his beautiful but tortured face.
He barked out a laugh, a bitter and cold one and I winced at the venom in it. “Yeah, didn’t think you’d remember how you just left without a word. You always were a selfish bitch.”
Nice.
I pulled my arm from his grasp and finally raised my eyes to his. “You know why Ethan, you know why I left.”
He lifted a brow at me as his eyes dropped to my mouth and I felt his ire in my bones. “God damn Jen, you didn’t even say goodbye. You just chose Kyle then fucked off. You just left me, just fucking left me. Do you realise how that felt?”
“Yes.” I whispered, amazed that I had actually managed to find a voice against the restriction in my throat.
The door started to open and Ethan slammed his hand against it. “Out of order, use the men’s” he commanded to the person trying to gain entry.
A huff sounded but they disappeared and Ethan didn’t remove his eyes from me as we stared at each other.
“Did you enjoy it, Jen?” he virtually spat at me and I frowned at what he meant.
“Did I enjoy what?”
His lip curled maliciously and my stomach dropped at the sight of it. “Climbing from my dick straight onto his. There’s a word for women like that.”
My palm hit his cheek forcefully and his face shot to the side.
He hissed through his teeth as he turned back to face me, his eyes dark and unblinking as he locked me down.
His hand reached out and grabbed a chunk of my hair before he pulled my head back harshly and then his mouth was over mine, his lips bruising and brutal as he kissed me feverishly.
Oh my God, he still felt the same, he still tasted the same and he still kissed me with the same damn passion and hunger he always had.
A groan rumbled through his chest as I yanked on his ponytail and pulled him closer to me, needing to devour him as I relished his kiss.
My back slammed against the door as he pressed his hard erection into me and I moaned as a fierce arousal crashed into me.
He was suddenly unbuttoning my jeans and pulling them and my knickers down my hips, before his finger circled my swollen clit and my head fell back and banged on the door.
He smirked at me when he found my clit ring and gave it a slight tug before his lips and teeth ventured across my jawline.
“Oh yeah, you still like that, don’t you Jen? Still like my fingers on you and in you” he murmured as he slid lower and pushed into me.
“Oh God.” I breathed through a deep moan as he slid in another finger and started to fuck me harder with them.
“You remember how we felt together, Jen. Me, deep inside you, my hard cock filling you and stretching you. You remember how hard we used to come together?”
I could feel the tingle in my thighs and my legs started twitching in response to my oncoming orgasm, an orgasm that I knew would tear me in two with its ferocity.
He instantly pulled out and then wiped his fingers across my lips, my arousal smearing across my skin stickily as he leaned in close to my face. “How do you feel now, Jen? Frustrated? Broken? Let-down? Hurt?”
I stared at him in confusion, my body still tingling and demanding the orgasm it didn’t receive.
“Well now you might have a tiny inkling how I felt when you left me” he snarled before he opened the door and pushed past me, leaving me humiliated and hurt with my jeans and underwear around my hips.
I slid down the door as the tears came and I let them come, finally; nine years’ worth of tears demanding an entry so fierce that I fought for my breath against them.
They were vicious and cruel in their relentless mission to drown me and wound me, Ethan’s words swimming around my head as my body shook.
I deserved them, each and every thing he said, I knew I did, but that didn’t make them any less painful and any less hurtful.
What was that saying? Oh, yeah, ‘Heaven lent you a soul; earth will give you a grave.’
Well right now, I prayed with everything I was to swap that soul god had given me for the grave earth promised.
If he knew the truth, would he still have said them? I’d never know because he could never know the truth of why I left him.
That was a secret I had to take to the grave because as much as I wanted to voice them to him, scream them at him to defend my actions, I knew if I did, then I would be an accomplice to murder. My honesty would start a war so violent that either Ethan or Kyle would fight to the death.
That’s
just how they were, that’s how they had always been; they would fight for me until the other could no longer breathe and I wouldn’t be responsible for that.
So I picked myself up off the floor, pulled everything back up and took a steadying breath before I went back out there.
Chapter 6
As I approached the table, I groaned inwardly when I spotted Ethan sat on a chair with a blonde on his knee, his mouth on her neck and his hand up her skirt.
His smug cold hard eyes found mine as I neared the table and I knew I had to get out of there but I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of seeing my pain and hurt.
Bulk narrowed his eyes on me as I settled back in my seat. “You okay?” he asked as he placed his hand on my thigh and squeezed.
I nodded, picked up my bottle and saluted him. “I’m brill. It’s my wedding anniversary Monday and we’re off to France for a few days” I declared a little louder than necessary as I downed the tequila Zoe had replaced.
I saw Ethan rear back from the corner of my eye as Bulk stared at me and glanced at Ethan.
“You married him then?” Ethan spoke quietly and I lifted my own cold eyes to his and tilted my head at him.
“I did, seven years ago. Did you not receive the invite?”
Bulk hissed beside me but I held Ethan’s gaze, his dark eyes now blazing as his throat bobbed manically and his chest heaved with each of his forceful breaths.
I could see all eyes on us and especially Zoe’s confused one’s as she looked back and forth between Ethan and I.
“Jen, you okay?” she whispered in my ear and I nodded as I still locked on Ethan.
He eventually scoffed and lifted his glass to me. “Welcome to the family, sister-in-law, you picked the best brother. At least you chose the one that wanted something more from you than your pussy, sweetheart.”
Ouch!
He downed his drink, grabbed Blondie and disappeared.
“Nice, little lady” Bulk whispered in my ear.
I turned and glared at him. “Butt the fuck out now” I warned as I downed my own drink and snatched up my bag and turned to Zoe.
“I’m going, you stay, treacle. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
She furrowed her brow on me and then pointed one of her long manicured fingers at me, “Usual, tomorrow, Baker’s.”
I nodded in response to her brunch date then smiled at the rest of the group before I pulled my shoulders back and walked from the room proud and tall.
***
“Fuck!” I hissed when I realised Kyle was still up as I closed the front door behind me. All I wanted to do was curl up and wallow.
His bright eyes lifted to my face when I walked into the room. “Good night?” he asked before he turned his attention back to some boring documentary he was watching on the TV.
I shrugged as I walked through to the kitchen, “Okay, you want a drink?”
“No, I’m good” he replied as I gripped the worktop and pulled in a heavy breath.
I closed my eyes and fought against the pain inside me. Everything seemed so raw and fresh, nine years of denial and lockdown ripped apart and memories flooded back into me as I blinked back the tears.
“No, damn you.” I breathed.
I stiffened as Kyle’s arms circled my waist. “You sure you want that drink, darling?” he whispered into the crook of my neck and I shivered involuntary.
He pulled back a little and narrowed his eyes on me “Did you just fucking shiver?”
“No, you just tickled me” I lied giving him a frown.
He regarded me for a while, and then decided I was telling the truth before sliding his hand over my arse.
“Come to bed, Jen” he ordered softly as his hand roamed up to my breast.
“I’ll just have a drink and then I’ll be up.”
His hand slid up my breastbone and encircled my neck lightly, “Now, Jen.”
I stared at him for a while, taking in the cut of his chin and the contours of his prominent cheekbones, as his dark eyes bore into me and I suddenly knew what to do to kill the internal pain; to halt the hurt inside and to stop the cycle of Ethan’s words.
“No.” I said bluntly as I stared at him nonchalantly.
Bring it on!
He tipped his head vehemently, his eyes blazing with the raw rage inside him. “What?” he said with a cold quiet tone in his voice.
“I said No, I don’t want to fuck you tonight Kyle. In fact, I don’t think I ever wanna fuck you again.”
Just like that!
As soon as his fist twisted in my hair and his fist connected with my ribcage, I closed my eyes and savoured in the images of summers spent making love in the tall grass and Ethan’s loving words.
His soft eyes on mine as he moved deliciously inside me, his lips at my ear, whispering I love you’s and words of how beautiful I was. His gentle hands caressing every inch of my skin as his lips followed their trek.
“By the way, Jen…” one final thrust, “I love you.”
***
My phone rang somewhere in the darkness of the room and I pulled myself from my foetus position on the carpet and along the floor to reach in my bag.
‘Bulk’
I declined the call but no sooner had I put my phone back down, it beeped a text message.
“God damn!” I hissed as I picked it back up.
Bulk:
Come outside!
What the hell?
Me:
What are you doing here? I’m busy, go home.
Bulk:
Not a chance. You want me to come in?
Fuck!
Me:
Please, just go home.
I breathed a sigh of relief when after five minutes my phone remained silent and I curled back into a ball, rocking my broken body to and fro gently, trying to establish a soothing rhythm but everything, everywhere hurt and I stifled back the sob.
Maybe it hadn’t been such a good idea to tell him no after all.
I squinted in the darkness when I heard a funny scraping sound and I prayed to god I wasn’t sharing my living room floor with a mouse.
“Not now” I moaned as I tried to drag myself across to the lamp.
I managed to reach it and raised myself up to flick the switch.
Luckily the scream stuck in my throat when Bulk’s dark and dangerous face secured on me from the kitchen doorway.
“What the fuck!” I hissed as I took a glance at the stairs, “What the hell are you doing?”
He remained silent, his lips sucked behind his teeth and his fists clenched into tight balls as he took deep heavy breaths.
“Where is he?” he asked calmly and quietly.
I penetrated his eyes with my own and shook my head. “No, Bulk. This has nothing to do with you, now please, just go.” I whispered as I palmed the sofa and lifted myself up.
My legs gave way and Bulk shot out and caught me before I went down.
He stared at me for a moment before he scooped me gently in his arms and carried me back into the kitchen, through the back door and out to his car.
“What are you doing?” I hissed as I struggled against him.
“What you should have done a long time ago, getting you out of there.”
I started to panic then and palmed his chest “Bulk, No. Don’t get involved in this, please. He’ll…”
He looked down at me angrily “He’ll what, Jen? Hit me? I doubt it, I’m not a woman.”
“He’ll kill you…” I whispered on a choke.
“Really?” He laughed lightly and I swallowed against his nonchalance.
“I’m not kidding Bulk, he will kill you.”
“Uh-huh.” He answered as he slipped me into the passenger seat of his car.
“Please…” I begged as I fought through the onslaught of an oncoming panic attack.
I could see his tongue in his cheek as he fought against his anger. “Where’s your stuff?” he asked as he crouched down beside me.
My eyes
widened and I grabbed his arm, “Don’t go in there, Bulk.”
“I’m just gonna have a word and get some of your stuff.”
Oh God, No.
I shook my head rapidly at him, “Bulk, I am not shittin’ you here. Do not go in there. He doesn’t mess around.”
He narrowed his eyes on me “Jen, I can take care of myself. I’ll be fine.”
He stood up and I grabbed his wrist in my panic “If you don’t go in, I’ll come back with you, but you go in then I’m following you.”
He took a huge breath and rolled his eyes before he relented and walked around the car and climbed in beside me.
We were silent for a while; both of us lost in our thoughts as Bulk navigated the London traffic and drove us towards his house.
“You need the hospital?” he asked bluntly and I shook my head as I diverted my gaze out of the window.
“You sure?”
I just nodded to him as I tried to control my breathing.
His hand settled on my thigh and I turned to look at him. “You’ll be fine, I promise” he said as he gave me a small smile.
“It’s not me I’m worried about.”
“Listen, I’ve told you, I can take care of myself.” He gave me a swift glance and I returned it with a faint nod.
“It’s not you I’m worried about either.”
He narrowed his eyes before he pulled up at some giant iron gates and pressed a button on his dash to open them. “Don’t tell me you’re worried about your knob of a husband.”
I gave him a bark of laughter, “No. It doesn’t matter, ignore me.”
Thrilling Heaven (Room 103) Page 4
