Jonah goes back to ignoring me for his phone. I bring my hand up to the bed and lace my fingers through Jayden’s. I squeeze, just praying that one of these days he’ll squeeze them back. I put my arms underneath me and rest my forehead, closing my eyes for just a minute. I hope Josh is being good. Hopefully, they’re playing with him and wearing him out for me. Maybe I’ll actually get some sleep tonight.
I must have really zoned out, because I feel a hand in my hair. Thinking it’s just Jonah, I keep my eyes closed. The movement of his hand gets kind of jerky. Confused, I lift my head to ask him why he’s playing with my hair, but Jonah is still across the room. My heart starts to take flight. I’m afraid to look over, so I look down and see that his hand that I was holding is gone. I stand up so fast, I’m not sure how he knew to let go. I look up and see the best sight I think I’ve ever seen. A pair of green eyes are looking at me.
A sob escapes from my throat. I’m at a loss for words. I manage to choke out, “Jonah, go get the nurse, now!”
He looks up and I see him jump up and come over to the bed, “I’ll be right back. It’s good to see you man.”
I smile through the tears coursing down my face. I really cannot believe he finally woke up. I have so much I’ve wanted to say to him, but all of it has left me. I’ve been reduced to a blubbering mess. He gently pulls on my arm trying to get me closer. I all too happily climb on top of him to get as close as I can. At this point I don’t even care if I hurt him.
I tuck my head under his chin, loving the feel of his arms around me again.
The sound of Jayden clearing his throat breaks through my sobs. He manages to say, “Who is Kyle?” His voice is so crackly and scratchy. I try to get up to get him some water, but he holds me in place.
He’s staring intently at me. He says again, “Who is Kyle?” His voice is much stronger that time.
“Uh, he’s friends with your brother.” I tell him, trying to evade any other question he may have. “Let me go get you some water.”
Shaking his head, he opens his mouth again. “Why did you call him his boy toy and say he wanted his ass?”
I’m such a shitty liar, I know this. Stalling, I get up off the bed this time, his hands falling away. I immediately miss the contact. Jonah comes back in at that moment. I don’t know how much he’s heard, if anything at all.
He walks around to the other side of the bed, “Jesus, I hope this doesn’t put you in another coma. I didn’t want you to find out this way. I don’t know exactly how to put this, so I’m just going to spit it out and hope you take it as well as Annie did.” He takes a deep breath. “I’m gay.”
Jayden lays there staring back at Jonah. If I didn’t know any better, I would say they were having a stare down, like a pissing contest. I’m not sure what this means. That Jayden’s not reacting is good, it means he’s thinking before he speaks. Something I always forget to do.
“Jonah, do you think that it’s lost on me that you’ve never had a girlfriend? I’ve always known. You think you’re great at hiding things, but you’re not. I’ve seen you look at guys, like really look at them. Little brother, there is a reason why they say the oldest sibling is the smartest.”
And just like that, it’s like Jayden was never in a coma. His attitude is back in full force.
“Even though the idea of you and another man freaks me out, I’ll still threaten him the first fucking chance I get. Better yet, let’s call him and have him come up here. Also, why am I in the hospital? Please, tell me I don’t have to have some of the guys make a certain bag nasty disappear, because that shit will be done discreetly and soon.”
I give him an odd look, “Jayden, do you not remember anything?”
“What the fuck?! You had Josh! What the fuck happened?” His voice is getting louder.
At that moment is when the nurse and the doctor decide to walk in.
When I look in his eyes, I don’t see perfection. I don’t see a love
Story that someone would watch on a big screen and dream about.
I see someone who will fight for me and protect me and love
Me in spite of all the ways I’m still a wreck.
I see home.
-Melanie Shankle
I’m sitting here in this damn hospital bed with a few doctors and nurses in here, poking and prodding me. I’m told that I was drugged, which I vaguely remember. I’m so pissed about this whole situation. I didn’t get a good explanation from anyone about what went down. I’m trying to wait until all these people get the hell out of here.
Finally hearing Jonah admit he is gay? That’s another huge shocker in all of this, and apparently he has a boyfriend? We’re not going there. I have no desire to think about my brother in that way, ever.
The most devastating thing, is finding out that Annie had the baby and I missed it. If I could go back in time, I would refuse to go out New Year’s Eve. When I looked at her belly and saw no baby bump, my heart dropped. I didn’t know if something bad happened or what. I want to see my son, more than I want to know what happened. Annie wouldn’t be here if I fucked up too bad.
Finally, after what feels like years, everyone leaves. Annie and Jonah come back in my room and Jonah looks a little uncomfortable. Poor kid, it must be weird to come out finally. And have everyone you love know.
“I called mom and dad. I’m going to the house and I’ll ride back with them. Since I have the base for the car seat in my car.” He looks at both of us for a few seconds then leaves.
Annie and I are left alone, finally. I pick up my hand and hold it out to her. She all but runs to my bed and climbs back in with me. Once she gets settled, she puts her head on my shoulder. I put my nose in her hair and inhale. I feel like I’ve missed a lifetime of things in just a few weeks.
“I want to see Josh. Will they let him up here?” I ask her.
“I don’t think so, but they said they’re moving you to a regular room in a little bit. They said since you have no side effects, which is amazing, they can’t leave you in ICU.” She tells me running her hand up and down my chest.
“As soon as I’m moved, I want Josh in there. Actually, I want out of this damn hospital.” We’ve spent too much time in hospitals for our relationship. Unless she is having another baby neither of us are coming back here.
“I’ll text Jonah and tell him to bring Josh in. Also, I’m pretty positive that since you just woke up from a coma they aren’t going to let you out of here so soon.” I hear the smile in her voice. It sucks I’m about to make it go away.
“Annie, I need to know what happened New Year’s Eve.”
She swallows. “What all do you remember?”
I close my eyes and wrack my brain. I remember going to the bar. I remember Brooke coming up to me. But things get fuzzy after that. I try to remember anything, anything at all. But there is nothing. It’s like a giant black hole where those memories are concerned.
“I don’t remember a whole lot after Brooke tried to apologize to me.” I hate having to have this conversation with her. I hate that I’m the one breaking her heart. After I swore that I would never do that.
“Well, I’m not sure of exact details, but I’ll tell you what I know. From what Jonah told me, he got to the bar and found you in the parking lot…” She breathes deep, almost like she’s steeling herself for what she’s about to say. “You were in Brooke’s car, and she was on top of you. You guys were kissing. Jonah didn’t really tell me a lot of details on that matter. He pulled Brooke off of you, and someone else held her until the cops came to get her. He then got you out and put you in his car. Halfway to the hospital you passed out.”
She’s so tense after telling me that. I can’t blame her though. I would be going ballistic right now if our positions were switched. I can’t even imagine what she wants to do to Brooke right now. Hell, I want to kill her myself, but that would get both of us nowhere. Killing is not a solution, well it is, but not a legal one.
“She was arrested then?
Do you know if she is going on a military trial?”
All she does is shake her head at me, “I’m staying so far away from that subject. I don’t want to know anything about what they’re doing to her.”
Again, I can’t blame her. “Are we okay?” I have to ask her, I need to know where we stand. I glance down at her left hand, making sure my ring is still there. And it is. Thank you Jesus.
“I know you didn’t actively set out to do that to us. I know you wouldn’t make up some big scheme to cheat on me. I know, without a doubt that Brooke was behind everything.”
Well, that answers that, in a roundabout way. I don’t know how long we both lay there talking. She told me she wrote me letters in a notebook, that way she wouldn’t forget to tell me anything. My heart swells at the fact that she would even think to do that for me.
Our uninterrupted time was broken up by a nurse coming in to tell me they’re moving me. Fucking finally!
“Go find Jonah. Ask the nice nurse where I’m going. You better be waiting there with my son.” I tell her. She stands at attention and salutes me. I narrow my eyes at her. “Don’t think that I won’t smack your ass even though I’m confined in a bed.” She leaves laughing.
The nurse is chuckling too. I’m glad I can amuse everyone. I wasn’t even trying to be funny.
“Well, Jayden. That woman of yours is one of a kind. She was in here daily, keeping you company. She wouldn’t talk to you though, she kept writing in that notebook. I’m going to miss her face around here, but I’m so happy that it’s because we’re moving you.”
“You guys can have a moment, if you need one. You know, to say goodbye and all that.”
“Oh, you’re a comedian. Aren’t you Mr. Miller?” Cracking a grin at that while her face is absolutely lit up. “I heard you have a brand new baby too. Is she going to get him?”
“She better be or she’s in trouble.” I mumble. I’ve missed out on too much on my son’s life. It’s only been a couple weeks, but I’m supposed to be the one there helping her.
“Alright, let’s get you into your new room so you can meet that baby.”
What should have taken five minutes, ended up taking thirty. Instead of rolling me there in the bed, like I’ve seen done on TV, they made me walk. What the hell. I just woke up, out of a God damn coma and they want me walking the same day.
I didn’t hurt while I was stationary in the bed. But the minute I stood up I immediately felt like my body had been hit by a Mack truck. So twenty steps into the hall and I broke out in a sweat. My chest was heaving from the energy I was putting into a simple task. Picking up one leg, well I thought I was picking it up when I was sliding it, felt like I was trying to pick up a small house.
By the time I made it to my room, I felt like I ran ten miles. I needed to take a shower and a nap. And eat somewhere in there too. But I needed to see Baby J. That little boy means more than me not stinking.
I see everyone either sitting or standing in my room. Annie has claimed the chair closest to the bed, She has a sleeping baby in her arms. Jonah is texting away on his phone, no doubt texting Kyle. And Momma and Dad are leaning against the window sill. I limp my way to the bed while the nurse is still holding the back of my gown together. I need someone to go get me some boxers or something. I’m not free ballin’ it through the hospital. No. Fucking. Way.
I make it to the bed, get turned around, and plop backwards. Once I’m settled, I hold my arms out towards Annie. She gets up and places him in my arms. I’ve not held very many babies, but it’s like I knew what to do. He felt so right in my arms. It’s like having him there finally makes something click together for me. In this moment, I know that I am supposed to be here,with my son in my arms and my family surrounding me.
No one is talking. They are giving me time to soak this all up.
He is fast asleep, without a care in the world. His head is full of thick dark brown hair that’s sticking up in every direction. I pick up his tiny little hand,wedge one finger into his grasp and he automatically clenches around my finger. There is no other feeling in the world that will ever compare to this moment. I never knew my heart could hold so much love for one person.
This is my son. This is my flesh and blood. This little boy needs me. I put him up on my shoulder and hold him to me. I break down sobbing in front of everyone. It has been years since I’ve broken down like this. I cry because no matter what I do, I always fuck something up. There is no more time for me to get my shit together. This is it. I savor the feeling of him on my shoulder, not even caring his dad is crying.
Jayden is getting restless. He has started threatening the nurses to let him out. The threatening came after trying to charm them didn’t work. All of this has been highly entertaining to me, and of course he isn’t happy that I’m laughing at him. That just makes me smile even bigger, but I’ve learned that he can be a grumpy asshole.
Josh hasn’t been back up here since the day he was moved to his regular room. I think that’s why he’s so eager to get home. Which is fine with me, I’d rather stop having to divide my time. I want to be a typical new mom and stay at home and not leave. That would be so nice.
“What are you thinking about so hard over there?” a voice interrupts.
“How I just want to go home and be lazy.” I reply.
“If you go home, I’m going with you.” That makes me smile.
“Is the doctor going to let you out today?” I ask him.
“Who knows? Will you go track him down? Or the nurse that actually likes you? One of them might give us some answers.”
I sigh. “Babe, if they aren’t ready to let you go, you can’t go.”
“Fucking watch me. They tell me I have to stay one more minute in here and I’m signing myself out.” He glares at the door, almost looking like he’s trying to mentally will the doctor into the room.
“Oh, okay. Good luck with that.” Shaking my head at him, I give up. This man is impossible. I think I picked the most stubborn person to go home with that night.
He stops trying to hold a conversation with me. I pick up my Kindle, going back to my fictional men. They don’t glare at me from a hospital bed. Yeah, they sound ten times better than continuing arguing with grumpy pants.
Sometime later, after I have finished most of my book, the doctor comes in. Jayden lights up like a firework on the Fourth of July. He’s going to lay it on thick for him. This is going to be good. For my sake, I hope he is releasing him. If I have to fight to keep him from signing himself out I am going to be super pissed.
“Afternoon, Mr. Miller. How are we feeling today?” I am almost on the edge of my seat waiting to hear what he’s going to say.
“Hello! I’m feeling great! No pains or anything!” I don’t know where he has mustered up all of this enthusiasm. I don’t even think I could fake being that happy.
“Wonderful. Let me just check you over real fast. Then we’ll see about getting you out of here.” I roll my eyes at that. Jayden looks like he’s about to jump off the bed and take off running out of here. I don’t blame him; I want to go home too.
We’re in my car heading home from the hospital. Two hours after the doctor came in the room. Right after he left Jayden got dressed and then sat on the bed waiting for the nurse with the release instructions. I texted everyone to let them know grumpy was coming home.
He’s on strict instructions to take it easy. They said that even though he’s feeling really good, something could happen. I know the minute we get home all semblance of relaxing is going out the door. Telling him to relax, is like telling a kid he can’t eat the cake sitting on his plate. Fat chance of that happening.
“What’s for dinner?” Jayden asks.
“I don’t know. I don’t have much at home. There really hasn’t been an opportunity to go get any groceries.” I tell him.
“Maybe Momma will run out and grab stuff for us.”
“No, maybe Jonah and I can run to the store while you sit at home and rela
x.” I smirk over at him. He isn’t supposed to drive and he’s salty.
What made me snort with laughter is when the nurse said he should refrain on any sexual activity to keep his heart rate down. He really wasn’t happy at all about that. The salty glare I got made me snort even louder. Then I reminded him that I wasn’t allowed to have sex for six weeks anyways. Apparently that only makes him feel marginally better. The scowl etched on his face lessens, just a tiny bit. I guess we’ll see how the next six weeks go, huh?
“Why don’t we just stop on the way to the house?” He looks hopeful. I think the poor guy just wants to get out and do something.
I stare at him for the duration of the red light I’m stopped at. When it turns green I make a quick right and head towards the store, away from the house.
“Yes! Food!” he exclaims.
“Dude, it’s just the grocery store. No need to get all worked up over it.” I say laughing at him, yet again.
“But you don’t understand! Finally getting sprung out of that place is cause for a celebration.”
I look at him out of the corner of my eye, “What kind of celebration are you talking about?”
“Nothing big. Just homemade food. With Momma, Dad, and Jonah. And obviously Josh.” Just them. But I want homemade food. Comfort food. Hell, even McDonald’s would taste better than the shit they feed you in the hospital.”
I agree with that. Their food tastes like cardboard. I didn’t want to make a big dinner tonight though, dammit. Maybe his mom will help me out; I’m sure she will if I ask.
“Fine, what do you want to eat?” I ask.
“Spaghetti and breadsticks.” What? That’s it? That’s so easy.
Perfect. Let’s go get your food. We pull into the parking lot and I try to find the closest spot to the doors. If I had a handicap thing I would park there. “Just fucking pick a spot. It won’t kill me to walk. If I get tired, I’ll get one of those motorized wheelchairs and follow you around.”
Living Chances (Unexpected Series Book 3) Page 4
