by Yael Levy
Harry stubbed out his cigar. “You do what you have to do to survive. Survival takes money; I try to help our people.”
“You’re hurting your survival, Harry, not helping it.” Aryeh shook his head. “You’ll have to find someone else to take your fall.” He gently handed the photo back to Harry. “I’m sorry.”
• • •
A tuxedoed piano player sat in the grand marble lobby of Medici’s restaurant. He played a moving piece by Tchaikovsky on the glistening ebony baby grand piano as a bald waiter with a big mustache ground pepper over Leah’s pasta.
Leah sat with Eli Feldman in the balcony overlooking the lobby, a floating candle on their starched white linen tablecloth casting mild shadows against the marble balcony.
They talked.
They talked of dreams and hopes and wishes and likes and dislikes. They spoke of hobbies and friends and family and politics. They discussed and debated, agreed and disagreed. But Leah had something to tell Eli.
She stopped talking to focus on her food, nibbling on the watercress salad laid out artfully on her plate. “The food here is great,” she said. She looked up from her plate to find Eli gazing at her.
Leah tried to divert the feeling. She’d agreed to go out with Eli, but only as friends. What will he think when I tell him? Leah sighed.
Eli sat back in his handcrafted chair and watched Leah. He smiled.
“You’re special,” Eli stated directly, searching Leah’s face for a reaction.
Leah tried to control the heat on her cheeks, but it was impossible. She wanted to become a doctor — there was no going back now — but there was something else she had to tell Eli. How would she do it?
“Thanks,” she said finally as she smoothed the napkin on her lap. “You’re special, too.” She tried to change the direction of the conversation. “I really enjoyed the concert.”
“They chose a good score.”
The piano music stopped and the hum of the patrons’ chatter filled the room. The lit candle was burning out, leaving behind a soft, smoky smell. Leah and Eli just sat and gazed at each other quietly.
She knew.
They both knew.
How could she honestly fight it?
The waiter brought the chocolate mousse on gold-rimmed china and re-lit the candle.
Leah grabbed her spoon and swallowed a bit of dessert. Eli did the same.
Leah finally broke the silence. “Eli, have you heard of Wolfy Krumeister?”
And then Leah did it. She told Eli about Wolfy. How she wanted to be friends with him, as Rachel had advised. How she had … kissed him … and maybe even enjoyed it … It was only one time, and Wolfy wanted more. Much more. When she refused, he spread rumors about her. She tried to stop them, but there was nothing she could do …
Eli nodded. “My parents were upset when they heard about the rumors. But I told them I didn’t believe it.”
Leah continued to tell Eli about how her mother felt that she’d pretty much ruined the family’s reputation. About how her Aunt Suri tried to help but only made things worse. About her big fight with her mother just before Simchat Torah …
Eli looked at Leah squarely in the eye. “Leah, I don’t care about rumors. You’re fun, you’re sweet. You’re smart. And really cute.”
Leah’s cheeks felt hot, as she internalized Eli’s compliments. “Eli, you know, you rock. But you have to understand, I can’t get serious with anyone unless I know I can also pursue a career. It’s been hard growing up with my mother always so tired … Working so hard for so little … I need to get ahead. I can’t stand feeling so freaking vulnerable all the time.”
“All right,” Eli said as he drank a glass of water. “But you wouldn’t be vulnerable anymore if we are together.”
Leah stared at him. “Sounds tempting … But I need more than that. I need to stand on my own two feet.”
Eli nodded. “All right,” he said. “I can respect that.”
“You think it’s okay for me to become a doctor? Everybody would think that’s crazy.”
“I don’t care about what other people think we should do,” Eli said and shrugged. “I love you and I want you to do whatever makes you happy.”
Leah lowered her eyes. “Eli, I’ve had to fight so hard for everything. I rarely get what I want and here you seem to like me and I haven’t even tried.”
Eli nodded. “You don’t have to push so hard anymore, Leah. I’m here for you.”
The piano started again, and a smile started in Leah’s heart, working its way up to her lips, catching the smile that leapt from Eli’s heart, clearly visible on his happy face and in his glistening eyes.
“It’s just been one date,” Leah said in wonderment.
Eli laughed. “I work fast.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
“You can’t travel alone on the trains past eleven,” he insisted, helping her into her coat. He accompanied her on the train, and then on the walk home.
They talked: about everything, and about nothing. But there was one topic she wouldn’t — couldn’t — talk about: Daniel Gold.
“If you need anything, you can always call me,” Jacob said. He scribbled his number on a receipt and Rachel took it, stuffing it into her coat pocket; she knew she wouldn’t need it. After wishing Jacob goodnight, she unlocked her front door. When he was sure she was in safely, Jacob waved and continued home.
The noise from Rachel’s entrance woke up her father, who had been resting on the couch waiting for her. She saw his bloodshot eyes. She instinctively knew what he was feeling, what he would never say: that his daughter should be in love with her husband. She imagined what she would tell him if she could.
That she was unhappy.
That maybe it was just nerves. But maybe it wasn’t.
That Daniel was a catch, but he could be obnoxious. Even abusive.
But she was in too deep to back out now.
Daddy leaned over and said simply, “When I married your mother, we were happy.”
Rachel burst out crying.
“If at any time you think Daniel isn’t right for you, I’ll support your decision.”
“But Ma said — ”
“This isn’t about Ma. It’s your life, baby. Your whole life.”
Easy to say, but if she backed out, who was to say that Jacob would want to marry her? Maybe it was just chemistry with him, and nothing else. And what would Ma say? And Suri? And Leah …
“I think I just need some sleep, Daddy. Thanks.” And she trudged upstairs to bed in her snow-sodden fancy shoes.
• • •
Leah returned home, feeling something she’d never quite felt before: happy. She wanted to shout out her good news to everyone in the world, and then she had her chance: Her mother greeted her at the foot of the staircase.
“This arrived for you,” her mother said solemnly. It was an envelope from Stanford University Medical School, where she had applied for early admission. She couldn’t wait to tear it open and find out if she was granted an interview. Getting informally engaged to a nice guy her mother would approve of, who didn’t care about her reputation and said he loved her — and getting into medical school all in one night? She never got what she wanted and here in one night she was getting everything, Could God be that good to her?
“Eli called,” her mother added. “Said you left your scarf at the restaurant.”
“He’s wonderful, Mother,” Leah tried to explain. “I told him about Wolfy, and he didn’t care. He even said — ”
“What were you doing at Medicis?” her mother asked. “You shouldn’t be eating pasta.”
• • •
Hindy Goldfarb sat on her neatly made bed and watched in darkness from her bedroom window as her younger and prettier sister Shay
na went off on her date with Shimshon Kaplinsky. Not only could she not attract a yeshiva boy, but her own sister would probably end up with the one Hindy wanted.
Hindy wiped fog off her window and watched rain pelt the car below. She saw Shayna throw back her head in laughter, rain lightly misting her hair as Shimshon leaned close to tell her something. He then opened the door for her and they drove away.
Watching the young couple drive off into what now appeared as distant lights, Hindy barely noticed her sister Freidy knocking on their bedroom door.
Freidy came in to their tidy bedroom, which held three trundle beds, a chipped white little girl’s desk their mother had bought second-hand when Hindy was in first grade, and some storage closets made out of canvas. Photos of famous rabbis, a Jerusalem sunset, friends, and the president of the United States hung in even rows on the pale yellow walls.
Hindy looked up at Freidy, who was holding two bowls of chocolate ice cream. “I thought Ma doesn’t like us to bring food up here,” she said.
“Can’t get in trouble if I’m moving out,” Freidy said, then flushed as if immediately sorry for her indiscretion.
“Right,” Hindy said and turned her head. “You are moving out.” She resumed staring out the window. “You’re all moving out.”
Freidy put the ice cream on their desk and sat down beside her favorite sister. “It’s all in God’s hands,” she said. “It’s all for the best.”
Hindy swallowed. “I know. But that doesn’t take away the hurting.”
Freidy smoothed the checked yellow coverlet where they sat and grabbed Hindy’s hand. “You are a beautiful person, Hindy. God will send you your basherte. He will.”
Hindy sighed. “I know. It’s just that I’m not getting any younger, and it’s so hard that the boys don’t like me.”
Freidy smiled and gave her sister a big hug. “You just need one!”
“You know, you’re right,” Hindy said, thankful for having the kindest sister in the universe. From her vantage point near the window, Hindy noticed lights in the distance move up the street closer to her home. Then an old Lincoln Continental parked in front of her house.
The figure of a tall, thin man exited the car and Hindy watched him climb up the front steps to her porch. Why would he be here now? she wondered.
The doorbell rang.
Hindy ran down the stairs, still in her Sabbath finest. “I’ll get it.”
Aryeh Kaufman stood at the door, his raincoat collar still stuck in his shirt. “Hindy, could I talk to you for a second?”
“Aryeh? What’s up?”
Freidy hovered on the creaking wooden staircase, and she raised a quizzical eyebrow.
“Hindy,” Aryeh said breathlessly, “I’ve just come from Green’s — it’s as we suspected. He’s laundering money through his business and won’t stop.”
“Nu?”
“So I quit.”
“So I’ll quit, too.” Hindy looked at Aryeh. “Now what?”
“Huh?”
“Well, you quit and I quit, so what do we do now?” Hindy asked as they stood in the front room, which was covered floor to ceiling with Jewish holy books.
“I’m starting my own company,” Aryeh answered, “and you can work with me.”
Hindy was surprised, though unshaken. “All right. When?”
“Monday morning, after you collect your stuff from Green’s.”
Hindy snorted. “What stuff? His dried-up old plants?”
Aryeh laughed. “So Monday morning it is.” He examined the bookshelves lining the hallway walls. “Wow! What a collection of books!”
“My father is in learning,” Hindy said proudly.
“You have an original Ramban on Bamidbar! Why, that’s been out of print for years!” Aryeh gently lifted the holy book and leafed through it, briefly studying some words.
“Um, Aryeh, what is the company, and how will you pay me?” Hindy interrupted.
Aryeh lovingly closed the holy book and slid it back onto the shelf.
“We’ll be a company that does the accounting for small businesses, maybe eventually branching out to do auditing contracts. The sky is the limit!”
Hindy smiled.
“I just can’t work for Green.” Aryeh shook his head. “And I can’t pay you until we get clients. But once we do, I’ll pay you whatever Green gave you, plus twenty percent of net profits.”
“Okay,” Hindy said. “You’ve got a deal!”
Aryeh nodded and left as abruptly as he’d appeared.
“He’s cute!” Freidy giggled from where she sat on the staircase.
“It was only business!” Hindy yelled. Really, Freidy should know better. Hindy only wanted a learning boy, and Aryeh Kaufman was not frum enough, by any standards. Aryeh was a working boy.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
“I said I was sorry,” Daniel said.
She’d been leaning forward, drinking soda through a straw, but then she drew away from him in their booth in a Manhattan deli.
Rachel had chosen the spot for their meeting because it was non-committal — she could exit quickly and easily.
Ma will kill me, she thought. But what if Daniel is abusive? First it’s hot spoons — and months from now? Will he put me in the hospital?
Diners sat interspersed at the glass-topped tables, eating overstuffed deli sandwiches, coleslaw, knishes, and fries.
“Daniel. You scare me.”
Daniel took off his glasses and solemnly cleaned them. “What? You think I’d beat you?”
Rachel swallowed, her mouth dry.
“Ask any of my friends — ask Yossie. You know his family. I wouldn’t hurt a fly!”
A chubby waitress in a stained apron brought Daniel a knish. He squeezed ketchup and mustard on the side.
Groups of diners chatted around them in a dull buzz as Rachel purposefully sipped her soda and waited for Daniel to talk. He said nothing, so they sat in silence. Finally she showed him the reddened spot on the back of her hand. “Then what was that with the boiling hot teaspoon?”
Daniel arranged the saltshakers in a row. “I was overtired. Working too hard on a deadline. I made a mistake. It won’t happen again.”
He was tired, Rachel thought. Maybe it was just an accident. Am I overreacting?
Rachel traced the rim of her soda can with her finger. “Why were you so obnoxious to the waiter?”
Daniel shrugged and bit into his potato knish. “It was only business. Believe me, if I’d been waiting on him, he’d make sure to get the most work out of me.”
Rachel shook her head. “It’s like you always have to win. Like you don’t even care about the prize. Only that you win.”
Daniel chewed on his knish. “What’s wrong with that? What’s wrong with being competitive?” He ran a hand through his thick black hair and gave her his best handsome grin.
Am I making a bigger deal out of this than I should? Ma will be angry that I just can’t do this anymore. But if he is abusive, even Ma wouldn’t want this for me. Rachel wasn’t biting. She met his eyes. “I’m not comfortable with these dynamics, Daniel. I’m sorry, but I don’t think this is working out.”
Daniel’s nostrils flared as he took a sharp in-breath. “Fine. If you think those are reasons enough to break off an engagement, okay. It’s awkward and it’s too bad, but I won’t keep you in a relationship you’re not happy in.”
Rachel felt a weight in her chest release; finally, she could breathe again. Tears of relief sprang to her eyes. She had stayed up all night thinking, and she had no idea how she’d explain this to her friends and family. But at least all the months of anguish were over.
Daniel handed her a napkin for her tears.
She wiped them. “I really thought you’d be angry about th
is.”
“What kind of guy do you think I am? I don’t want to marry somebody who is scared of me!”
She laughed weakly. “You know I think you’re a wonderful guy, Daniel,” she said. “But I think this is for the best.”
Daniel paid the check and they left. It was after ten P.M., dark except for the dim light of a street lamp. On the cold winter night, the streets were nearly deserted.
“I’ll give you a lift back to Brooklyn. It’s late.”
Rachel shook her head and turned her back on him. “I’ll take the train.”
“But it’s not safe,” Daniel said behind her. “Let me drive you home.” He pulled at her coat sleeve to get her attention.
His hand grazed her naked hand.
She halted, surprised by the unexpected contact.
Daniel grabbed her and yanked her toward him.
She froze.
He kissed her.
Shocked, she tried to pull away, but he kissed her again.
“Daniel, this isn’t right. We don’t do this,” she whispered, dazed. She knew that logically, but waves of feeling surged from unfamiliar depths. She was nineteen years old, and this was her first kiss. And it felt exciting.
She kissed him back.
“Now, Rachel,” he whispered, his head buried in her hair. “Are you sure you don’t want me?”
Rachel said nothing. Instead, she inhaled his cologne.
“Tell me never to call you again, and I’ll be out of your life.”
She looked into his eyes, flooded with confusion. What have I done? She’d always planned to kiss only the man she married. Now that she’d kissed Daniel, it would be immodest not to marry him. Her friends, rabbis, and neighbors — they’d all be appalled if they knew she had kissed a man she wasn’t married to. Ma would be ashamed, she thought. I’m damaged goods. Rachel knew that others who’d trespassed the laws of modesty were called sluts — or worse. She remained silent.
Daniel released her. “Get in the car, Rachel,” he said. And he drove his fiancée home.
