“Theo, man, come on.” Nate, the youngest of us siblings, spoke quietly, placing his hand on Theo’s shoulder. “Let it go.”
“No, it’s okay Nate.” I waved him off. “I’d like to know how my brothers really think of me. I mean, you guys basically cut me off while I was still pregnant because you obviously feel strongly about me not telling the father of my unborn child. Do I have to remind you that his family is the Mafia?!? I’m sorry, would you rather have your niece put in the way of danger?”
“You know what, Jade? Go to hell.” Nate spun towards me, siding with our brothers once again. “You know better than anyone that you messed up by keeping things a secret for this long. If you can’t woman up and make things right, then that’s something you’re going to have to live with. We’re not going to stand by and watch you continue to destroy something good.”
“That’s enough!” Dad growled, shoving the boys away from me as a broken sob escaped my lips. “Go home and cool off. Now.”
“Gladly.” Gio snarled back, stalking away as he called over his shoulder. “Just don’t expect to hear from us any time soon. As far as I’m concerned, we’re done here.”
Theo and Nate both glared at us before following our older brother, all three of them refusing to look back as they climbed into Gio’s SUV.
“I’m so sorry, Dad.” I choked out, my eyes not leaving the taillights that faded from view within moments. “I didn’t… I didn’t want this to happen. Not today.”
“It’s not your fault.” Dad tilted my chin until I was looking at him. “Your brothers are just upset about your mom passing away. Just give them some time, they’ll come around.”
“If you say so.” I whispered. Dad released a sigh and rubbed the back of his neck before offering his arm to me.
“What do you say to a quick stop at our favorite ice cream parlor?”
“Sure. That sounds good.” The half-hearted smile on my lips fell flat, but Dad chose to ignore it as he led me to his car.
As Dad shifted the gear from ‘park’ to ‘drive’ and slowly eased out of the cemetery, I pressed my head to the cool window in an attempt to soothe my racing heart. Shutting my eyes, I vaguely registered the old tune softly playing from the radio and the raindrops that began to splat freely from the sky, almost as if the heavens were crying over the pain currently pulsing from the earth below.
CHAPTER 3: PINKY PROMISE
The sounds of rumbling thunder and pouring rain drumming against the window aroused me from a dark nightmare. I rubbed my eyes, groggy from lack of sleep from the night before. The clock on the nightstand read 7:02 am. I groaned and rolled over, tugging the blanket over my head in an attempt to get back to sleep. As soon as I closed my eyes, a little voice called out from the doorway.
"Mommy?"
So much for going back to bed.
I peeked out from under the blanket and met the tired gaze of my four-year-old daughter. She was hugging a teddy bear to her chest, her blanket dragging on the floor behind her. Her curly brown hair was matted to her head from sweating throughout the night and her emerald green eyes were droopy from sleep. A smile played on my lips as I scampered out of bed and scooped her into my arms.
"Yes, Ava?"
“I had a bad dream.”
“Is that right? Do you remember what happened?” She shook her head at my question. “Well, it’s just a dream, baby girl. I won’t let anything harm you. Okay?”
“Okay.” Ava paused to yawn, her small mouth forming an “O” as she slowly came to. “Mama, I'm hungry."
"Want me to make you some eggs?"
"Mhm."
I carried Ava into the kitchen and set her down at the table. She watched me curiously as I scrambled eggs in a frying pan and put some honey wheat bread in the toaster. I poured some orange juice into a sippy cup and grabbed a Starbucks Light Vanilla coffee drink out of the fridge. Sliding a plate in front of Ava a few minutes later, I sat down next to her and we ate in silence for a few minutes.
"Mommy, how come I don't have a daddy?" Ava stared at her plate, her eyebrows furrowed in concentration. I froze in surprise, my fork halfway to my mouth as I contemplated her abrupt question.
"You do have a daddy, baby." I finally spoke, setting my fork down so I could focus on her.
"Why doesn't he live with us?"
"It was… hard for Mommy to stay with Daddy. He was involved with some very bad people and I wanted to keep you safe. So, I left before you were born and Daddy doesn't know about us."
"Okay," she said. I could tell she was saddened by the truth. My heart broke for my little girl. I reached for her and she climbed into my lap, laying her head on my shoulder.
"Don't worry, baby girl," I whispered, "I'll find Daddy. I promise."
"Okay, Mommy," she whispered back as we locked our pinkies together and I hugged her tightly. We finished breakfast in silence as I thought about what Ava asked.
Twenty minutes later, the kitchen was clean and Ava was dressed in shorts and a tank top. She was sitting at the mini pink table I got from a garage sale, coloring in her princess book. A loud knock on the front door let me know that Skylar had arrived.
Opening the door, I grinned as Sky threw her arms around me. Behind her stood her boyfriend, Daniel, who had a weird look on his face. It almost looked like anger, concern, and possibly disgust mixed together. Are they having problems again? I brushed away that thought as I stepped aside and ushered them in.
“Thanks for coming over on short notice, Sky. I didn’t know if you guys had anything to do, but I thought I would at least ask if you wanted to go with us to the mall.”
“It’s no problem,” Skylar smiled at me. “I could use some quality best friend time. Besides, I need to go shopping anyway, and the mall is full of sales right now.”
"Aunt Sky!" Ava ran to her, laughing as Skylar scooped her into the air.
"Ava! Aw, don't you look cute today." Skylar absolutely adored Ava. The two were practically inseparable whenever we got together, which gave me a few moments to relax and breathe.
"Ava, behave for Aunt Sky. Mommy's going to take a shower."
"Okay."
Knowing Ava would behave, I took a quick shower and threw on yoga pants and a tank top. I glanced toward the living room and chuckled as Ava was intensely telling Daniel how to properly color the princess. Sky met my gaze and we snickered together; a four-year-old was telling a 6-foot-2-inches tall muscular guy, who could be a bouncer for a club, how to color.
There was no doubt that Ava definitely got her sassiness from me; a trait I could consider both a blessing and a curse, especially once she hit her teen years. Sky got up from the couch and followed me into my bedroom, sitting on the edge of the bed while I went into the bathroom. I plugged in the straightener and brushed my hair while I waited for it to heat up.
“So, what’s up with you and Daniel? He seemed a little angry when you got here.”
“I don’t know what his problem is, honestly. He was arguing with someone over the phone while I got ready. Ever since then, he’s been in a bad mood.”
“Huh. Well, I’m glad it’s not directed at you this time,” I said cautiously. We both shuddered as the memory of their last big fight came to mind. Daniel ended up punching a huge hole in the wall before storming out of the house. When I found out, I went after Daniel and told him I would call the cops if he ever laid a hand on Skylar.
"Me too. Hey Jade… are you really going to look for him? You’re really going to tell Paul about Ava? Ava said something while you were in the shower… I just wanted to check on you about it." Sky stood in the doorway, her eyes meeting mine in the mirror.
"I have to tell him. Ava needs her dad, Sky. I don't want her to end up like me. Constantly wondering why her father doesn’t love her enough to be around. Wondering why he left her mom behind to take care of the baby on her own. I don’t want her to have to worry about whose house she’s going to be at for holidays, or have to cancel plans with friends b
ecause she has to go to her dad’s house for the weekend. I want better for her," I set the brush down on the countertop and let out a deep breath.
"I understand that, Jade. I agree that Ava needs both of her parents in her life. But what about you? It's been over four years and you haven't been with anyone else. Not even on a date," she said, shrugging as I stared at her in disbelief. "Well, it's true. You know it is as well as I do."
"I know. I guess I just felt like going on a date with someone else meant acknowledging it was really over. I didn’t want to, because I still love him. That won’t go away," I sighed before picking up the straightener and fixing my side-swept bangs. "What was I thinking? Clearly, I wasn’t. I was only thinking of Ava when I promised to find him. I didn't think of what might happen between us."
"Well, I think what you need to do is find out how he feels. Maybe nothing’s changed feelings wise for him either and you two can work out a relationship. If not, at least a mutual understanding so that Ava doesn’t get hurt. So, you're really set on searching for him?"
"I know, and to be honest, nothing’s changed. At least, things haven’t changed for me. And yes, I’m set on finding him. I need to find him, Sky, for Ava's sake. She deserves to have a normal family. Even if there are too many ghosts of the past that may resurface, I have to make this work."
"By ghosts of the past, are you referring to the fact that you got knocked up by a well-respected Carmichael gang member and left him without telling him about the baby? Or the fact you were scared they wouldn't approve because you were raised differently than Paul was, so you felt like an outsider looking in? How about the fact you don’t look like a typical Italian girl because you’re paler than a ghost year-round, even though you are of Italian descent and the whole Carmichael family looks the average part of a full Italian bloodline? I guess that would be intimidating for a person like you though. It wasn’t enough for you that one of their best men fell in love with you regardless of what anyone said or thought, was it? It didn’t matter that he didn’t care about whatever expectations his family had, he just wanted to be with you?"
The straightener fell out of my hand and hit the counter hard enough to shut it off and send it into the sink. I turned and stared at Daniel, my mouth hanging open in surprise and disbelief. Sky's shocked expression mirrored mine as she glanced at me before turning back to Daniel.
"Daniel! You can't be serious right now! That's not why Jade left him and you know it!" Sky said furiously as she glared at her boyfriend.
"She didn't tell you the whole truth, Skylar! I was with Paul that night, I know what happened. I know about the bar fight, Paul and Alpo being arrested. Jade leaving Paul on the beach after he showed up, bloody and bruised." He snapped back, his tone harsh.
Skylar began to protest, but I held up a hand to silence her. I turned to Daniel, our eyes locked. I was fuming with rage.
"First of all, don’t you dare talk to me or Skylar like that in my house. Just because you’re angry about whatever else is going on in your life doesn’t mean you can take it out on us.” I stared Daniel down as I crossed my arms over my chest.
“Secondly... You only know one side of the story, Daniel. You have NO idea what I had gone through that night. You weren’t in my head, feeling all of the emotions crashing over you as your significant other reveals he’s been keeping secrets from you for years. I had to choose between the only man I've ever loved or the baby growing inside of me. I knew I had to keep the baby safe, no matter what. And honestly, I don't regret my choice. Ava means the world to me. I love my daughter more than anything. I'll pick her over anyone and everyone every time. You’re not a parent so you don’t understand that. I did what was best for my daughter, because she comes first, even before my wants and needs. So, if you're going to be an asshole and hold my decision over my head like some sort of guilt trip, then there is the door. Don't let it hit you on the way out."
I pushed my way past them and headed into the kitchen. Sky and Daniel were talking quietly as they followed me. I swore I heard Sky say, "What the hell is wrong with you?" but I ignored them. Opening the fridge, I grabbed a yogurt and sat at the island bar. From where I was, I could see Ava playing house with the baby doll my mom bought her for her first Christmas.
At that moment, she looked over at me and smiled; her face lit up like it was Christmas morning all over again, just because she saw her favorite person. I smiled back, blinking away tears that threatened to rush down my face at lightning speed. Right then and there, I swore to myself I would do whatever it takes to keep that bright smile on my beautiful girl's face.
CHAPTER 4: SECRET’S OUT
The phone on the oak desk rang for what seemed like hours, but despite the annoying chime filling the small office, he didn't move to pick it up. It was probably just Alpo, wanting to know if he wanted to go out with the twins again for the second weekend in a row. It wasn’t anything against Alpo or the Costello twins; he just wasn’t in the mood for partying at Wonderland, the local nightclub. If it had been any other night, the answer would have most likely been yes. Tonight, on the other hand, was just a reminder of everything he had lost four years ago. Their three-year anniversary, that had gone horribly wrong.
No matter how hard he tried - whether it was by consuming enough alcohol at the club or attempting to date someone new - he couldn't forget her. The way her caramel brown hair fell into her hazel green eyes. How her smile lit up her entire face and her eyes twinkled with mischief when she laughed freely, not that forced nonsense most girls tried to pass as laughter when they were in school. How soft she felt, her body curvy in all the right places. Four years ago, she belonged to him. Four years later, he still wanted the brunette who stole his heart at a high school homecoming dance their sophomore year. Jade.
Angry at himself for letting her slip away without fighting for her - for them - like he should have, he picked up a nearby bottle and flung it at the wall with as much strength as he could muster. Glass and whiskey shattered all over the place just as his uncle opened the office door about a foot away from the explosion. The look of disapproval mixed with a hint of understanding was clear on the older man's face as he stood in the doorway, patiently waiting for his nephew to calm down. With a defeated sigh, Paul plopped back down into his chair and waved his uncle into the room.
"Was that really necessary, Paul? That could’ve been your mother walking in." Leo Carmichael said, sitting across from his nephew and pulling out a cigar from inside his suit jacket, offering one to Paul.
"Was shattering a bottle necessary? Probably not. Was letting out some frustration in a way that instantly satisfies that need? Absolutely. And Mom doesn’t come to the office, Uncle Leo. You know that," Paul replied as he declined the cigar, bitterness hard in his tone.
"My, we're in a sour mood today… are you sure your anger has been ‘instantly satisfied?’ Now… If I had to guess by glancing at the calendar and seeing what day it is, I bet it’s safe to assume someone’s missing a certain brunette? Or perhaps you’re still upset that Alpo ate the last of the pepperoni pizza this morning." Leo said lightly, his tone playful as he shrugged.
"Leave me alone, Uncle Leo. Please. I don't want to talk about anything right now." Especially not her.
"Well, whether you want to or not, we are going to talk about something. And it may be of some interest to you, so just sit there with your mouth shut and listen.” Leo gave Paul the “Look” and waited until he nodded in acknowledgment before continuing. “Rumor has it Ramsey's had a new member under the radar for at least a couple of years now. Name is Daniel St. Clair. Ring a bell?"
Paul thought about the name for a few minutes until something clicked inside. He groaned inwardly and rubbed his forehead, feeling a headache start to form as memories flashed through his mind at rapid speed.
"He used to be Alpo's drug dealer. I met him a few times but haven't spoken to or seen him in about four years." The same night I lost Jade, Paul thought to himself.
> "He's not drug dealing anymore. At least that’s what our connections are reporting," Leo leaned back in his chair. "They're up to something and I want you to find out what it is. Be smart about it, though. Ramsey still hasn’t forgotten about Alpo’s bar fight, and I don’t want to lose you over a drunk mistake that happened years ago… your mother can’t handle another loss right now. Do not disappoint me, Paul."
"Why do I sense there's an 'again' in that last sentence?" Paul stood up respectfully as Leo made his way to the door.
"Guilty conscience, maybe? Oh, and another thing. The pink carnations add a lovely touch to the lobby… really livens up the room." He smiled mischievously at his nephew.
With a short wave, Leo chuckled and walked out of the office, closing the door behind him. Paul sat back down and held his head in his hands. How did I not see that coming? he wondered. The words his uncle had repeatedly drilled into his head rang through his mind: The gang is family. Do whatever it takes to keep them safe.
Somehow, Paul felt like he had failed at doing his job and the pain of realizing that hadn't gone away since a stormy night four years ago.
Two hours later, Paul found himself sitting in the food court at the local mall, waiting for Alpo to show up. The mall was empty for a Saturday morning, except for a few small groups of giggling teenagers wandering aimlessly and the elderly morning mall-walkers getting in their laps before the lunchtime rush. Judging by the laughter and smiles, neither age group appeared to have a care in the world. Paul envied them enough but knew he had a job to do. He glanced at his watch, wondering what the hell was taking Alpo so long; a sense of slight deja vu washing over him as he shifted in his seat, quickly dismissing the sinking weight in his gut. Scouting the food court for a second time in two minutes, Paul finally spotted him by the coffee shop next to the costume shop and gave a short wave. Alpo waved back and turned back to the barista, handing her some money before he slowly made his way over to the table and shook Paul's hand in greeting.
A Heart of Gang (The Centofanti Gang Book 1) Page 3
