by Pratt, Lulu
It was crazy how much I missed her when we separated. Hell, sometimes I even missed her when we were together and she’d just popped into the other room for a moment. It was embarrassing to admit how often I watched her sleep, hoping she was dreaming about me. Never had I felt so deeply about anyone, and I never wanted it to dampen.
“Okay, that’s it,” Charlotte announced as the bathtub filled to about halfway. Holding my hand, she carefully climbed into the water as I followed.
The water splashed as I settled behind her, feeling her weight rest against me. Charlotte made me feel more like a man than I ever had. With her, I had someone to look after, someone depending on me. It felt good to protect her, so I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her closer.
“This is nice,” she sighed, leaning her head against my chest.
“I never thought I’d be taking a bath with someone,” I said, leaning to gently kiss her neck.
These were the type of things that set Charlotte apart from any other relationship I’d experienced – the intimacy. The bond between us seemed to double nightly, and it had nothing to do with the sex. She was so vulnerable, so open, and always willing to bring me in closer. I couldn’t imagine a secret existing between us. I trusted her too much to ever think she could hold back anything from me, and I never wanted to allow anything to come between us.
“Do you want to have a family?” she asked, catching me off guard. With Charlotte, there was no time for small talk. Everything was deep and impactful. She wanted to know who I really was, whereas other women just liked the way I looked. It left me feeling seen and valued.
“I’d want one with you,” I whispered, kissing her neck again.
“Do you always have to be such a romantic?” She turned to face me, her cheeks blushing.
“I don’t think anyone has ever described me as romantic,” I chuckled, taken aback by her comment.
I’d never had a problem with the ladies. From my junior high days, I always had the attention of the opposite sex. In high school and college, it was no different. And I didn’t rebuff their gazes in the slightest. Though I’d never had a long-term relationship, I’d had my fair share of flings and girlfriends.
They were all shallow, more about what I could do for them than who I was. Some women I’d dated and never knew much about, despite how many dinners and events we’d attended together. I’d never even introduced a woman to my mother, knowing that it was never serious enough to go anywhere.
But of all those women, many of whom I knew truly cared for me or at least wanted to continue our relationship, I was certain that none of them would call me romantic. I wasn’t the guy who had the perfect thing to say, or the one who planned the most well thought-out dates, or remembered birthdays. In fact, in retrospect, I was a pretty shitty companion.
Hearing Charlotte speak differently made me feel she knew me in a way no one else ever had. Of course, I’d had more of a history than she did, but in a way, she was my first too. Charlotte was my first real relationship. The first time I felt anything for a woman, and that feeling was enough to make me want to be everything she deserved.
“I’m serious, Ford. Do you want a family?” she asked, nudging me with her shoulder as she relaxed back on my chest.
I paused, thinking for an extra moment. “I am serious, baby. I’ve never thought of it before, but I know I do want a family, with you.”
Charlotte smiled, looking up at me. Quickly, the smile faded as her eyes darkened with a new emotion. “I’ve always been afraid to have a family.”
Her revelation shocked and confused me. I couldn’t imagine why she would be afraid, but when it dawned on me, my heart sunk.
I opened my mouth to comfort her, but her words came tumbling out. “You know, with what happened to my parents,” she continued, pausing at the awful memory. “I would never want to do that to a child.”
“Don’t worry about that.” I pulled her closer, wanting to wrap her in my protection so she was never afraid of anything. I wished I could wipe away all the hurt she’d experienced, hating to see her sad.
“I know it’s weird,” she began to excuse herself, shaking her head.
I stopped her before she could continue. “It’s not weird, it’s completely understandable. You don’t have to feel uncomfortable sharing anything with me. I want to know everything about you. But, that’ll never happen to us.”
“You make me very happy, Ford,” she said, the joy returning to her eyes.
“The feeling is mutual,” I assured her, holding her close.
She leaned back, melting into my body until we felt like one. With her in my arms, I felt like the richest man in the world. Nothing could take away from my mood when I had Charlotte. I was invincible with her, the best version of myself.
We stayed there, soaking in the bathtub for what felt like a lifetime. The comfortable silence allowed me to visualize our life together, something I’d always been afraid to do.
In Minneapolis, I felt so disconnected from the people around me. I never imagined a future there. Nothing felt permanent, so I always felt I was in a temporary waiting period. Now, with Charlotte, everything was different. This was where I was supposed to be. I could see my entire future with her, building a life I loved.
When I finally climbed from the bathtub with Charlotte, I felt like a new man. She fell fast asleep in my arms as I watched her drift off. Her beauty was effortless and stunning, more gorgeous as time passed. Every day I learned something new about her that made me fall harder, and today was no different. Knowing she was mine left me feeling like the richest man in the world.
Chapter 31
CHARLOTTE
I COULD FEEL the sun shining on me before I opened my eyes. Stretching my arms, I twisted my hips, moaning as my back cracked. A muffled laugh drew my eyes open to see Ford leaning on his forearm, amusement dancing on his lips.
“Were you watching me sleep?” I blushed, brushing my hair behind my ear. I didn’t want to think of how much of a mess I looked like.
“It’s my favorite pastime,” he smiled, leaning down to kiss me.
Wrapping my arms around his shoulders, I pulled him close to me, already yearning for more. After our bath together, we’d called it a night pretty early, which was unlike us. Ford’s stamina was unmatched, leading to late-night sessions of lovemaking that often blended into the morning. In a way, my appetite was used to his insatiable tactics. In fact, I was addicted to it.
“I missed you,” I moaned on his lips.
“I’ve been right here,” he smiled, nibbling on my bottom lip.
“Is that weird? That I miss you even when I’m right next to you?” I pondered aloud.
“You’re asking a man who was just watching you sleep. So, I don’t think I’m the best reference,” he grinned, leaning to kiss me again.
Quickly, I deepened the kiss, wrapping my legs around him as I crossed my ankles on his lower back. Ford positioned himself comfortably between my legs, a normal routine for us now. My hands gripped his abs, and then his muscular arms when his stomach rumbled loudly.
“I guess I’m not the only one hungry,” I whispered, pulling away.
“Just for different things,” he teased, leaning forward to kiss me once more.
“How about I feed you, but you have to promise that afterwards, we come back so you can satisfy my craving,” I said, biting my bottom lip.
“If you keep talking like that, we’re never leaving this bed.”
I giggled, rushing from the bed before he could grab me. Reaching to the ground, I picked up my pants from the previous day, choosing Ford’s shirt instead of my own. I loved wearing his clothes, smelling his scent all day.
For now, I could only wear them at his house, trying not to draw any unnecessary attention from my brother. I hated having to hide our relationship. Last night, I could tell it was driving him crazy to look out for Marshall’s friends at the bar and then the restaurant. If it was up to Ford, I know my brother
would be clued in about our relationship, but I wasn’t willing to risk it.
Ford might have been friends with Marshall since grade school, but he was my brother, and I knew him better than anyone. There was no way he would ever support me dating Ford, and that meant he would do everything in his power to sabotage it.
Ford thought he could reason with him, but I knew better. Marshall would take away all my privileges, demanding that I go to work and then straight home to make seeing Ford impossible. I had seen the worst of my brother and his overprotective ways. I wasn’t at all confused about how he would react.
But that wasn’t even my biggest fear. Ford and Marshall had been friends for longer than I could remember. They were thick as thieves in high school, the star football players on the varsity team. Even after Ford moved to Minnesota, Marshall would brag about him regularly. He’d always tell people his best friend was a big shot. If I closed my eyes, I could still see the pride in his eyes.
The idea that I could come between such a bond was more than I could bear. I didn’t want their friendship ruined all because I finally acted on a decade-old crush. It was unfair and unnecessary.
Our current set up wasn’t perfect, but it was working. I got to see Ford quite often, and as far as I could tell, my brother was none the wiser. I’d told him I was considering moving in with my best friend Jackie, so we were going to try to spend more nights together to see if we liked it. Marshall had told me it was an excellent idea, because not all good friends made good housemates.
He’d gone on to tell me about a set of friends he knew from high school who eventually became enemies after one semester in a tiny dorm room together. He said he supported the decision to try out living with Jackie, and I felt accomplished and guilty. I’d created a great cover, but I’d lied to Marshall.
Lying to my brother wasn’t the strangest occurrence for me, and they usually involved Jackie. Marshall had been so strict in high school, I regularly stayed the night at Jackie’s whenever there was a party or school function. I didn’t like my brother knowing what I was doing, because nine times out of ten he’d try to ruin it.
It wasn’t all bad with him, but when it came to dating, he was a stereotypical overprotective dad. Jackie often told me I needed to stand up to him, but I never felt it was worth the hassle. No guy was ever worth challenging my brother.
Ford had changed all of that. What we had was special, and I felt responsible for protecting it. As far as I could see, there would be no reasoning with my brother, so telling him about our relationship was of no benefit. The best thing we could do was keep him out of it and live in our own little bubble for as long as possible.
“By the way, I got the list of groceries you asked for,” Ford announced as we entered the kitchen.
“You did?” I tiptoed across the cold tile floor to peek into the refrigerator. We’d been eating so much takeout, I couldn’t stand it. When Ford called to ask if I wanted him to pick up some groceries, I didn’t hesitate to list off everything I’d been craving to make him.
“Well, not exactly. I used an app, and they delivered it during my lunch break,” he admitted, reaching over my shoulder to grab an apple.
“You should wash that off,” I frowned as he bit into the bright green Granny Smith.
“If I get sick, you’ll be my nurse,” he said through a mouthful of apple.
A knock at the door caught both of our attention. “Damn! Sam, my director, is supposed to stop by,” Ford explained as he walked towards the door.
“You’re not going to put a shirt on?” I huffed. He was topless, wearing a pair of oversized basketball shorts.
“He’s really cool. It won’t make a difference,” he assured me.
I was just going to return to the refrigerator, ready to make my blueberry pancakes, when it dawned on me that his director might be joining us for breakfast. It had been a long time since I made a large breakfast for more than two, but I felt a bit of excitement at the thought of hosting someone in Ford’s house.
“Do you think he’ll want to join us for breakfast?” I asked, watching Ford reach for the doorknob.
“I doubt it, but I’ll ask him,” he said, looking towards me as he opened the door.
My heart stopped when I laid eyes on the visitor, a face I knew well. His eyes grew twice in size as he took in the scene. Ford, smiling topless, as I stood at the edge of the kitchen wearing Ford’s oversized T-shirt.
I wanted to explain, to find a way to make everything make sense, but my words failed me. I was frozen in silence, my mind unable to compute what was happening right before my eyes. My brother was here, and there was no denying the obvious. My sloppy bun and disheveled make-up were clear indicators of the type of night we’d had, and I could see from the look on Marshall’s face, he’d pieced it all together.
“Marshall, listen,” Ford started, holding his hands up in surrender.
My brother wasn’t interested in words. He charged at Ford with rage, as I’d always suspected he would react. I’d never seen him so upset, flashing his teeth like a caged animal as he lunged at his friend, slamming him into the wall.
It was reminiscent of their days on the football field, but this wasn’t a game. It was my life, crumbling right before my very eyes. Everything I feared was playing out in real time, and there was nothing I could do about it.
Standing in the kitchen, I remained frozen, speechless, and embarrassed. There was nothing I could say, no way I could ever explain my way out of this. And Ford and Marshall’s friendship was destroyed, crushed. That much was clear from the crack in the wall from the collision. It was metaphoric for the crack in my heart, knowing I’d never be able to be with the man I cared so deeply for. Not when my brother was already doing his best to ruin it, as he ruined everything else in my life.
Chapter 32
FORD
“YOU FUCKING douchebag!” Marshall grunted, holding me against the wall as he pressed tightly against my body.
“Marshall! Listen to me!” I urged, refusing to fight my friend. I deserved everything that came my way. It was what I’d been telling myself nightly when I worried about this day coming.
It was only so long Charlotte and I could play this game, trying to hide what would only grow more obvious by the day. There was nothing I could do, caught between a rock and a hard place. Charlotte didn’t want her brother to know just yet. And who was I to force her to reveal our relationship, knowing her brother might react this way?
I just felt he would be more receptive if I’d came to him as a man, explained the situation, and talked it out as friends do. He was never completely unreasonable, though at times he could be when it came to his sister.
Now, the guilt was unbearable. Seeing the hurt in his eyes, I knew I’d made a terrible mistake crossing my best friend. Marshall had always been like a brother to me. Moving back home was a highlight knowing I would get to spend more time with him, and I’d gone behind his back, starting a relationship with his sister without so much as a conversation.
“I don’t need to hear shit from you!” he screamed, spit flying from his mouth. I couldn’t ignore his grappling as he pushed me further into the wall. I could hear the plaster cracking against my back.
“Let me explain,” I argued, though I had no idea what I’d say if given the chance.
How could I ever explain what I’d done? There was no excuse for crossing my best friend in the way I had. He would never have betrayed me in the way I did him, and I deserved everything that came to me for it.
I couldn’t ignore his anger as his fists pummeled into my ribs. Marshall had always been a brawler, followed by a fearless reputation everywhere we went. In high school, he would regularly fight on the football field, daring the challenging team to attempt to sack him.
After graduation, he had a few bar fights, always undefeated. I’d always been grateful to be his friend, knowing I would never have to face his wrath. Despite the anger in his face and the rage in his eyes, his
punches lacked the power I knew he had.
“Marshall! No!” Charlotte yelled loudly. It was the first she’d spoken since her brother showed up unannounced.
I’d watched her from the corner of my eye, worried she might faint as her pale face looked on in horror. Marshall’s discovery was each of our worst nightmares, but I had never considered how awful it would be for her. She was caught between us, and from the tone of her voice, I could feel the guilt riddling through her thin body.
Marshall paid his sister no attention, continuing to shove me into the wall, so furious he was growling.
“I’m sorry, Marshall!” I yelled, knowing it would never be accepted. My apology only seemed to infuriate him further.
“You’re sorry? Are you fucking kidding me?” he barked, pushing me against the wall again. But this time no punches followed. He stood staring at me, unable to throw the punch I deserved.
“Just do it,” I urged, unable to so much as defend myself. I wanted the pain, certain I had earned it for crossing the best friend I’d ever had.
“Marshall, please!” Charlotte used his short delay to position herself between us, tears streaming down her face.
“You’re defending this asshole?” He turned to his sister. “I can’t believe you, Charlotte. He’s like twice your age!”
“No, he isn’t. You’re not my dad. This has nothing to do with you,” she argued, her voice shaking with emotion.
“Nothing to do with me? Are you kidding me? It’s my job to take care of you, and you decide to get with Ford?” He yelled so loudly she cringed. “This has got to be a joke.” He leaned his head back, reaching for his hair as he began pacing.
