“I don’t know how I feel about her. I kind of feel like I should meet with her and see if there is something. There probably isn’t. I can move on and things won’t be awkward at the gym, where I run into her at least three times a week.”
“That makes a lot of sense.”
“But I want to see you tomorrow night.”
“I’ll call you when I get back. You wanna come over?”
“Yeah, that would be nice.”
“Okay. I should get going. They’re calling me back to the planning table,” she lied.
“I’m glad you called,” Lena said.
“Me too. Have a good day.”
“Have fun planning.”
Charlie hung up the phone but stayed in the car. She wasn’t sure how she felt, knowing that Lena was going on a date with someone else, now that it was a reality. It was awkward, to be on the phone with someone you were dating as they talked about dating someone else. She liked Lena, but she had to admit she didn’t know her all that well yet. The date with Mara wasn’t a big deal. It was coffee. They might hate each other when it ended. They also might be in love by the end of the date. Charlie wasn’t sure which she preferred.
◆◆◆
Hailey kept a close eye on Charlie as she sat on the opposite side of the room absorbed in a bridal magazine Eva was pointing too. Ember was chatting with Hannah and Alyssa about something, and Hailey was just observing the whole thing. They’d planned before lunch and then after lunch. It was getting late, and Hailey was tired.
“I’m going to head up.” She stood.
“Okay,” Ember said.
“Good night,” Eva stated and looked up at her.
“Yeah, night,” Hannah said, and Alyssa echoed with a nod.
Charlie looked up at her and smiled a goodnight, that Hailey thought felt a little awkward and maybe forced. She assumed Charlie would go up with her, but she’d been wrong. She made her way upstairs, took care of things in the bathroom, and then climbed under the blanket to get warm.
“Hey, I’m just going to grab some stuff.” Charlie came in and headed toward the drawer where she’d stuffed her things.
“What are you grabbing?” Hailey wondered.
“The rest are going to bed too, so I’m just going to sleep on the couch downstairs.”
“What? Why?” Hailey sat up in bed.
“The fireplace. It’s a lot warmer down there.” She grabbed a sweater out of the drawer and closed it. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
Hailey didn’t say anything, but she nodded. She heard Charlie in the bathroom for the next several minutes as the other women made their way upstairs, talking and laughing. She didn’t know when Charlie made her way downstairs, but she heard Hannah and Alyssa talking in the bathroom, so she assumed she was already down there.
Hailey turned the bedroom light back on. She wasn’t tired after all. She took out her phone and sent Emma a quick goodnight message just to have something to do. They’d done that when they were younger. Texting wasn’t common when they were dating, but they called each other every night just to say good night. It was one of the first things to go when Emma went to school. They’d tried in the beginning, but once Emma got busy with classes and then met a new group of friends, the goodnight calls got later and later, and Hailey needed to be asleep for school the next day. After that, they were only on the weekends, and Emma wasn’t actually going to sleep. She was just calling to tell Hailey goodnight. Eventually, the calls ended without either of them saying anything to the other about it. It had become understood that neither of them had the time or the desire to try to keep up with them. That was one of the things that had hurt Hailey the worst. She and Emma had talked about everything back then. Yet, something so integral to their relationship, like talking for a few minutes every night, had ended without one of them saying a word about it ending. Neither had told the other that they thought they should pick back up again, nor had they just admitted that they were done with that part of their relationship.
Hailey grabbed the book she’d been reading earlier and turned to where she left off. She hadn’t brought her computer and was regretting that now. She wasn’t a fan of surfing the internet or playing games on her phone, because she’d read a study about the fact that humans will likely have massive eyes in a thousand years, thanks to evolution and the small screens people stare at all day now. She did it when she needed to but avoided it when she could. Not long into reading did she hear someone moving downstairs and determined Charlie was still awake.
She held the book in her lap for another moment before deciding to go downstairs and check on her. She wouldn’t interfere with her alone time. She just wanted to make sure she was okay. She padded down the stairs in heavy socks so as not to be heard and leaned over the railing to see Charlie sitting up on the couch, appearing to be staring at the fireplace, which had nothing more than still burning ashes now.
“I know you’re there, Hails.” Charlie’s voice invaded the silence.
“How did-”
“You always think you’re quieter than you actually are.” Charlie still hadn’t turned around. “Plus, there’s a mirror above the fireplace, dumbass,” Charlie joked.
Hailey lifted her eyes to see that there was indeed a small mirror leaning on the mantle as a decoration, and Charlie could see her, thanks to the angle.
“Oh, right.” Hailey looked down, a little embarrassed. “I just wanted some water and didn’t want to wake you,” she lied, thinking that was better than confessing that she wanted to check on her. “Can’t sleep?”
“I’m just not tired, I guess.” Charlie still hadn’t turned, but their eyes were meeting through the mirror, so it didn’t matter.
Hailey walked the rest of the way down the stairs and into the living room.
“Me neither,” she shared.
“You’re still reading that?” Charlie pointed at the book Hailey was still holding.
“Oh, I didn’t mean to bring it with me.” She looked down. “I was bored.” She shrugged.
“What is it that you liked about those books so much as a kid?”
Hailey sat on the floor in front of the couch, feeling that it would be better to keep a little distance between them, since she’d invaded Charlie’s requested space yet again.
“I didn’t have a lot of friends at that age. I had some, but we weren’t close. These girls are all like sisters. I guess I liked that. I didn’t even have a sister to be sisters with.”
“I used to think I wanted a sister,” Charlie offered.
She slid on the sofa, so she was lying down on her side facing Hailey now.
“Yeah?”
“I was like nine or something. JJ was being an asshole. I thought it would have been better if I just had an older sister. Then, I thought that I’d rather have a younger sister that I could be the older sister for.” She lowered her head against the small pillow. “Then, I realized that would mean there would be another mouth to feed, and things were already hard for us, so I nixed that idea.”
Hailey brought her knees in and wrapped her arms around them.
“You never told me that before.”
“What? That I wanted a sister for a day?”
“That you used to think about things like that? The money and stuff.”
“Oh, I guess not. When you don’t have a lot of it, even when your parents are doing everything they can to cover that fact up, it’s kind of obvious when you go to school and the other kids are wearing brand new clothes on the first day, with their school supplies all bright and shiny, ready for use, and you’re in thrift store bought shirts and jeans, with your brother’s old, beat up trapper keeper.”
“I bet your mom is really proud of you, Charlie,” Hailey offered with a smile on her face.
“Why?”
“Look at all you’ve accomplished,” Hailey said and tilted her head at her. “You put yourself through college. You have a kick-ass job that affords you an awesome apart
ment, and I know you send money to her every month, and you buy your brother stuff that he needs, instead of sending him money, because he has too much pride to admit that he needs help sometimes. You call them gifts, so he doesn’t feel like it’s charity and turn it away,” she added. “You’re an amazing person, Charlie Adams.”
Charlie rolled onto her back.
“Will you read me a few pages?”
“Of the book?” Hailey questioned the deflection.
“Yeah, you seem to love it so much. Read me a page or two, and I’ll tell you if you’re crazy.” She smiled at the ceiling.
“I haven’t read to you since that time you got sick.”
“Yeah, and you did voices for all the characters,” Charlie recalled and laughed lightly so as not to make too much noise.
Hailey smiled at the memory of the time Charlie got incredibly sick and could hardly move. Hailey stayed at her place for over a week to help take care of her and worked from there as much as she could. Charlie’s eyes wouldn’t focus, and she was bored to tears just lying in bed, so Hailey offered to read to her instead of Charlie downloading audiobooks. She’d argued that Charlie shouldn’t buy an audiobook for a book she already owned, because that was just fiscally irresponsible. They’d shared a laugh about that comment that ended with Charlie in a coughing fit. Hailey had offered to read the book to her instead. They did it a chapter at a time. Hailey made sure to use different voices for each character, and she loved Charlie’s reactions to some of the accents she tried and her embellishments in some moments.
“I’ll read you the first chapter. No voices, though. I do not have the energy for that tonight,” Hailey said after a moment.
She opened the book and began reading. She lifted her eyes every few minutes to see that Charlie was still staring at the ceiling. When she finished the chapter, she looked up again and saw that Charlie’s eyes were closed. She looked so peaceful like that. Her hands were at her sides and one leg was crossed over the other. Hailey set the book on the table and reached over Charlie, standing as she did so. She pulled the blanket down on top of her, making sure not to wake her. She walked over to the fire, placed two new logs into it, and made sure they caught fire before she turned to see that Charlie had rolled on her side, woken up, and was now looking at her.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
“You’re welcome,” Hailey replied. “You sure you want to stay down here?”
“Yeah, I’m good.”
“Okay then. Good night.” Hailey sighed and walked past the couch toward the stairs.
“Hails?” Charlie said a little louder.
“Yeah?” Hailey stopped and turned around.
“Are you and Emma back together?” she whispered again.
Hailey wondered why Charlie’s voice had gotten low again. She walked back around the couch so that she could see her face.
“No,” she told her. “We’re dating, or we’re kind of dating, I think,” Hailey added and knelt in front of the couch again. “But I’m not ready to call us together.”
She wasn’t sure why she’d felt the need to say that they were kind of dating. They were dating. She knew that, but she couldn’t just admit that to Charlie.
“Why not?” Charlie asked sleepily.
“Because I’m just not there yet,” Hailey answered with shrugged shoulders. “How’d your date go last week?” she asked and realized she’d been wanting to know that for a while now.
“Good,” Charlie replied directly with a small smile that hurt Hailey’s heart a little. “She’s nice.”
“Nice?” Hailey lifted an eyebrow.
“She’s never been with a woman before. We’re taking things slow.”
“Never?” Hailey checked.
“She just came out, but we’ve been out a couple of times. She stayed over last weekend. It was nice.”
“She stayed over?” Hailey sat on the floor completely.
“Yeah,” she answered. “We didn’t do anything. We haven’t even kissed yet.”
“Really?” Hailey felt relieved, which she knew wasn’t fair, because she’d definitely kissed Emma, and she didn’t know why she cared about who Charlie was kissing.
Charlie had kissed plenty of other women before. Why was she thinking about Charlie’s lips right now? How could anyone dating Charlie resist them? They were so perfect, and probably so soft. Hailey’s eyes got big at that thought.
“What?” Charlie asked.
“Nothing.”
“Emma seems nice,” Charlie said softly.
“She doesn’t think you like her,” Hailey returned.
“Why?”
“She just doesn’t know you,” Hailey answered. “You were at work. I get it.”
“Yeah,” Charlie agreed.
Hailey took a moment just to watch her. Thanks to the angle and the now building fire, she could see the flames bouncing around in Charlie’s deep brown eyes.
“Are you warm enough?”
“Yeah. Thanks,” Charlie said and pulled the blanket back up to her neck.
“Are you just saying that?” Hailey lifted an eyebrow and glared.
“Yes.” Charlie rolled her eyes at herself. “I’ll be fine in a few minutes though.”
“I should go back upstairs.”
“Yeah,” Charlie said that for the third time.
“I think I’ve been invading your space a lot this weekend. I promise I don’t mean to, but do you want me to stay? You can scoot over. I can just-”
“I’m good,” Charlie interrupted.
Hailey swallowed and nodded. She stood, and without saying goodnight again, she headed back toward the stairs. She was disappointed. She took the stairs slowly in the hopes that Charlie would call her back and tell her she’d changed her mind. Her heart started racing at the thought of lying next to Charlie and wrapping an arm around her as she’d done the previous night. When she got to her room, she saw her phone lit up. She picked it up and saw a goodnight message from Emma. She’d been out with a few friends and hoped she didn’t wake Hailey up. Hailey thought about calling her to see how her night went, but she knew she wasn’t in the best mood right now. She didn’t want to put that on Emma. Plus, Emma had always been pretty good at figuring out Hailey’s moods. She’d likely want to know what was causing this one, and Hailey did not have an answer to that question herself yet.
◆◆◆
Charlie woke up early. The sun wasn’t up yet, thanks to winter, and that just made the feeling of the cold in the room even worse. The fire had long since burned out, and the thin blanket she’d had wrapped around her was no longer proving useful. She stood, rubbed her face with her hands, and then walked back up the stairs. She noticed the door to the bedroom was closed, and she worried she’d wake Hailey, but she wanted to climb into the bed and try to warm up. It seemed Hannah or Alyssa was already up and in the shower. For all Charlie knew, both of them were in there, so that wasn’t an option. She opened the door slowly and heard a gasp.
“Sorry, it’s just me,” she said softly and pushed the door opened the rest of the way.
Hailey’s eyes were wide, as if she’d been caught by her mom with a girl in her bed, and Charlie just stood in the doorway, wondering if she should continue inside or go back downstairs. Hailey wasn’t saying anything. Her eyes were glued to Charlie. Charlie’s eyes went big to match Hailey’s, as she realized what Hailey had been doing. Her heart pumped blood throughout her body at a rapid pace, but one location seemed to be getting the majority of it. She felt a pulse beat between her legs and knew that she’d gotten instantly wet. This was the opposite of what Charlie needed in many respects, but at least she was suddenly no longer cold. “Sorry,” she gulped out.
“I wasn’t-” Hailey’s body was still.
It felt to Charlie as if she’d forgotten how to move, or that her body wouldn’t allow her to move.
“Okay. Yeah,” Charlie said quickly, closed the door behind her without understanding why, and walked
toward Hailey’s bed. “You left this down there.”
She placed the book Hailey had read to her last night on the table next to her bed and realized her mistake. She was closer to her now, and the tension between the two of them was palpable. At least Hailey had been able to take care of herself, or at least had started to, before being interrupted. Charlie would be stuck with this feeling of longing and desire until she arrived home and could take care of it herself. One of Hailey’s hands emerged from under the blanket and clasped Charlie’s wrist.
“I-” She still couldn’t complete a sentence. Charlie didn’t know what to do. Hailey’s hand was on her wrist. Her left hand. Hailey was left-handed, and her left hand was on Charlie’s wrist. Hailey probably used her left hand to do what she was doing to herself only moments earlier, and that would explain what else Charlie was feeling on her wrist. “Oh, Jesus!” Hailey realized the same thing at the same time and instantly pulled her hand away, leaving the now cool wetness on Charlie’s wrist. “Fuck. I’m-”
Charlie closed her eyes. She thought about what Ember had said to her more than a dozen times, what Eva had echoed almost as many, and about the fact that she had evidence of Hailey’s arousal now on her skin. She could no longer keep herself up. Her legs were shaking. Her body was trembling all over. She practically fell onto the bed but managed to keep herself sitting upright. Hailey moved over slightly to accommodate her, but neither said anything when it happened.
“Hails,” she stated with no intention of adding anything to it.
“I’m sorry,” Hailey replied after a moment with deep red cheeks. “I’m mortified, and I’m sorry.”
Charlie decided that for once in her life she could be brave. She swallowed hard.
“Hails, I have to tell you something.”
“Now?” Hailey checked.
Charlie turned to face her. She could see the redness of embarrassment plastered on Hailey’s cheeks.
“It’s why I pulled away.”
“Oh.”
“What I’m going to say now will change everything,” she practically whispered. Charlie’s eyes stayed on Hailey’s, as she watched Hailey’s eyes widen in concern. “So, are you sure?”
Just Tell Her Page 12
