Later that same evening Gloria went upstairs to check on Sebastian, concerned that he’d gone to bed much earlier than usual. She found him in bed staring up at the ceiling.
“Want to come down and watch TV with us?” she asked.
Sebastian shook his head in reply, and barely looked at her. “Mom, do you think it’s possible to have heaven on earth?”
Gloria’s brows came together. “I’m not sure what you mean,” she said.
“You know,” Sebastian said, looking up at her. “It’s when something wonderful happens to make up for everything bad that’s ever happened.”
“Does this have to do with your grandmother?” she asked, eyeing him suspiciously.
Sebastian sat up on his elbows. “Mom, I know what you can do to make everything better, and then you won’t have to worry about putting Abuela Lola in a home.”
“Oh really,” Gloria said, crossing her arms. “And what exactly is that?”
“All you have to do is sit down at the table with Aunt Susan and Uncle Mando and the rest of the family. You see, that’s Abuela’s heaven. She thinks it’s impossible to have heaven on earth, but it isn’t.”
The color rose to Gloria’s face. “I’m afraid that what you’re asking is impossible,” she muttered.
“But why?”
“Because sometimes people say and do things that are wrong, and you can’t go back in time and change them. When you’re older you’ll understand.”
“But Ms. Ashworth says that whenever you do or say something wrong, all you have to do is apologize and make amends. That means doing something good to make up for the bad.”
“Yes, I know what it means,” Gloria replied, bristling. “But it isn’t as simple as you think.”
“What happened between you and Aunt Susan, Mom? Why are you so mad at each other all the time?”
Gloria shook her head impassively, refusing the question as usual, but not as vehemently as she had in the past. She suddenly felt weary of it all and what’s more, there was a glint of something in Sebastian’s eyes that encouraged her. Perhaps he was old enough to understand after all. She sat down at the foot of his bed and began to explain what happened those difficult days just after his birth.
“After you were born, your father and I felt that our family was complete. But because of your delicate condition, I didn’t trust anyone else but me to take care of you which meant that I wasn’t able to work for several months. Unfortunately, your father’s salary wasn’t nearly enough to see us through. I’d never been one to ask for help or a hand out of any kind, but I swallowed my pride and went to your Uncle Mando’s home in person to ask him for a loan. He was prepared to assist us in any way he could, but when Susan got involved everything changed. She insisted on contacting their accountant so that he could stipulate in writing the terms of the loan, including interest rate and penalties if we weren’t able to pay the money back.
“Of course, I told her that I’d rather file for bankruptcy than accept a dime from her under those circumstances, and I promised myself that from that day forward I wouldn’t spend one single unnecessary second in Susan’s company ever again. I’ve kept my promise and I don’t ever intend to break it.”
By this time, Sebastian was sitting up fully trying very hard to understand what it all meant. “So, you’re mad at Aunt Susan because she didn’t give you the money you asked for?”
“I’m mad because she disrespected me and my family,” Gloria returned, her chin trembling with emotion.
“But Aunt Susan is family.”
“Not anymore,” Gloria replied sternly. “On that day I decided that Susan was no longer a member of my family, and it’s impossible for me to ever see it differently. Now,” she said, smoothing a lock of hair away from Sebastian’s forehead, “do you want to come downstairs with us or not?”
“No thanks,” Sebastian said, and when she left the room he lay back in bed and thought about the situation between his mother and his aunt and tried to understand how such a thing could cause two people to hate each other for so long. Compared to what Keith had done to him, Aunt Susan’s behavior didn’t seem so bad. She hadn’t forced his mother to dance like a monkey or bark like a dog. If there were a naughty circle for adults and they could spend time in it together for awhile, perhaps they would find a way to be friends, just as he and Keith had done.
An hour or so later, when the house was quiet and everyone had retired for the evening, Sebastian was on the verge of sleep when he felt something brush his cheek. He opened his eyes to see her watching him - a shadow embedded within a shadow and yet glowing with an eerie light that filled the darkest corners of his room. And he could feel her warmth as gentle and penetrating as the sun and taste her hopefulness, more delicious and more nourishing than any food he had ever eaten in his life.
“Nothing is impossible, Sebastian,” the black haired old lady whispered. “Nothing.”
Chapter Twenty-eight
The white board was filthier than ever and Sebastian was thoroughly enjoying cleaning it. All the while he anticipated how Ms. Ashworth would gush and say that he was the best white board cleaner she’d ever known. He never grew tired of her praise, and now that his time as Student of Month had ended, he valued it more than ever. He still needed the stepstool to reach the upper corners of the board, but he didn’t have to stand on the second step anymore, and realized that if he continued growing at the pace he had been, by the following year he may not need the stepstool at all.
Of course, next year he would be in a new class with a completely different teacher and his mother would have to tell her about his bad heart and the process would begin all over again. But whoever his teacher was, he doubted that she’d be as pretty and nice as Ms. Ashworth. She’d even been kind enough to give him another Student of the month medallion when she learned that he’d “misplaced” the first one, and he kept it in his top desk drawer at home along with all the notes Keith and Kelly and his other classmates had written to him. Every now and then, he took the medallion out to admire it before settling down to do his homework.
“Is everything alright Sebastian?” Ms. Ashworth asked, looking up from her desk where she was grading papers. Without realizing it, he’d been staring at her with a wistful and rather forlorn expression on his face.
Sebastian nodded, and turned back to his work, spraying the cleaning solution and allowing it to sit for several seconds before wiping it away. It worked perfectly every time, but he couldn’t be too slow about it today because soon he’d be leaving for his appointment with Dr. Lim. This was Sebastian’s first appointment since cancelling his surgery, and he was apprehensive about it. Perhaps Dr. Lim would tell Sebastian that he had to find another doctor because he didn’t want cowards for patients. This possibility caused Sebastian to feel more sad than ashamed because he liked Dr. Lim very much and he didn’t want Dr. Lim to stop believing in him.
Gloria told Sebastian that she would arrive just a few minutes after the school day ended so there was no point to his walking all the way to his grandmother’s house. Nevertheless, Sebastian hoped that they’d be able to drop by on their way home from the clinic. Lola had said that if she was feeling up to it, she’d make a special dessert, maybe the coconut flan which was his favorite and Sebastian knew she wasn’t likely to disappoint him.
He’d just finished cleaning half of the board, and was admiring how well it looked when the phone rang. Ms. Ashworth often received personal calls after school, and Sebastian enjoyed listening in on them, as she didn’t censor herself too much for his sake. He’d heard her arguing with the dry cleaners about a dress they’d ruined, and there was one time that he assumed she was talking with her boyfriend. Her voice was friendly and bright as always, but she was twisting her long hair around her finger as she talked and a lovely blush rose to her cheeks.
This particular conversation was brief, and when she hung up, she said, “Your mother’s waiting for you in the office. Do you have an umbrell
a?”
Surprised by this question, Sebastian looked out the window. The sky was dark gray and the playground was already starting to puddle in places. This was strange because during lunch, the sun had been shining brightly and he couldn’t remember seeing any clouds.
“That’s okay, you can borrow mine,” Ms. Ashworth said, placing her umbrella on the desk. “And don’t worry about the whiteboard. You can finish it tomorrow.”
Sebastian put the cleaning rag and solution back in the cupboard, took up his book bag, and headed out the door, umbrella in hand. Just as he stepped out, he turned to see Ms. Ashworth still at her desk grading papers. “Thank you,” he muttered softly, but she was so focused on her work that she didn’t hear him.
Once outside, Sebastian took a moment to admire the thin sheets of slanting rain that fell from the sky, and the mist that transformed the playground into a dreamy landscape. He heard the gurgle of rain through the gutter overhead and the soft whispering that filled the air all around him. He inhaled the smell of wet pavement and earth. It felt as though the ground were coming to life beneath his feet, and his skin prickled pleasantly as he took it all in.
He couldn’t remember the last time it had rained like this, and he thought of how lovely Bungalow Haven must look under such gloomy skies. No doubt the candles would be lit and his grandmother would say that rainy afternoons were perfect for candlelight, yes of course they were. And she’d cook something appropriate for the first rainy day of the season, and he tried to guess what that might be. Perhaps it would be carne guisada, or a large tasty empanada like she made for Keith. Chicken soup with chunky vegetables and plenty of noodles would be good too, but whatever it was, Sebastian was certain it would be delicious as always, and he could already feel the nourishing warmth of it in his belly. All would be well so long as he could convince his mother to go to Abuela Lola’s house after his appointment with Dr. Lim.
Sebastian was about to open his umbrella when he noticed that a portion of the gray sky overhead had opened up to reveal a brilliant blue patch of sky. The rain falling through this ethereal window was infused with golden sunshine, creating splashes of colors, filtered prisms of light here and there that held him spellbound. And then all at once, the light shifted like a kaleidoscope across the sky, spilling onto the playground before him. His eyes followed this spectacular trail of light which led him to look upon something completely unexpected.
Beyond the playground, in the very center of the field, was a glistening soccer ball. The sporting equipment should’ve been put away after the last recess, but someone had obviously overlooked this ball.
Certain that Ms. Ashworth would appreciate him for helping out, Sebastian dropped his book bag and umbrella and stepped out beyond the protective overhang toward the field. He felt the refreshing mist of rain on his face. His hair was damp after only a few seconds, and the coolness across his shoulders where the rain was soaking through invigorated him. His pulse began to race as he took another step toward the field, and his breathing grew steady as his eyes fell upon the glowing perfection of the black and white ball lying on the grass. His eyes were fixed upon it as he walked steadily forward, his gait loose and easy, his muscles twitching with anticipation.
He had just about reached the ball when he heard a rumble and a then a deafening roar which he thought must be thunder, but when he looked up he was stunned to see a coliseum filled with spectators rising up on either side of him and surrounding him like an enormous tidal wave. And above this he saw the sun through a veil of clouds, and all the heavens he could ever imagine strung like jewels upon a single cosmic thread. If he could release just one, then he knew the others would be free, and he was willing to sacrifice everything to make it happen. This was the moment he’d been waiting for all of his life, and excitement quivered in the center of his chest and spread throughout his torso, his arms and legs like an electric current.
The people began to call out, and they chanted his name in unison until it was pounding in his ears, keeping rhythm with his heart and the throbbing pulse of blood pumping through his body.
Sebastian approached the ball, and when he touched his foot to the glistening leather, the crowd went mad and they pounded the bleachers so violently that it seemed the enormous structure might collapse in a giant heap. And then the other players materialized through the rain like ghosts, and they began to run at him from all directions, but Sebastian took off like a bolt of lightning, weaving in and out between them, expertly working the ball with his feet and through theirs.
He pushed through and around his opponents, his legs pumping without impediment, his heart surging him toward his goal. He could just make out the net beyond the haze of rain and players. He saw her standing just on the other side the goal line, her face above the shoulder of the goalie. She was neither smiling nor frowning, but watching with an intense anticipation that spurred him on. This was his destiny, his crowning glory, and the black haired old lady didn’t want to miss one second of it.
Sebastian ran beyond himself, and the limits of his heart, and he pushed through to a place he’d never known or imagined. He was transformed into a being of light and he flashed around his opponents and whipped through the obstacles before him like a silver bullet, and when he had the goal in sight, he tipped his foot ever so slightly, popped the ball up into the air and performed the most perfectly executed backwards scissor kick anyone had ever seen in the history of soccer. It sailed over the hands of the goalie and hit the net with a commanding victorious thud. Sebastian felt it in the very core of his heart, a soft thick thump that reverberated throughout his entire body. It was the best he would ever do, and it filled his soul with wonderment, and the sacred knowledge that nothing was impossible.
He knelt on the ground, and the stadium rocked, and praise fell upon him, sprinkling him from head to toe with stardust.
The black haired old lady was the first person on the field. She walked fluidly over the grass toward him, and there was a joyous smile on her face as she held her hand out to congratulate him. It was no longer gnarled, and it felt warm and dry and comforting. Sebastian looked into her eyes that were like the sky and the ocean swirling together, and all at once, he realized who she was and had been all along.
“Why didn’t you tell me who you were?” he asked.
“The time wasn’t right, Sebastian.”
“But now it is?”
“Yes, now the time is perfect.”
Sebastian looked over his shoulder across the field. Past the gray mist that had descended, he could just make out the square school building. It seemed so far away and somber compared to the vibrant colors that surrounded him on the field. And then he saw his mother marching down the corridor toward his classroom. He couldn’t read her expression from such a distance, but he suspected that she was anxious about their appointment with Dr. Lim.
Sebastian turned back to the black haired old lady and together they walked off the field arm in arm, away from his mother and the classroom covered in a gray fog and towards the others who were waiting near the bleachers eager to congratulate the star of the game.
They were almost to the edge of the field when Sebastian asked, “What did you think of my goal?”
“Amazing, the best I’ve ever seen. Of course, I’m not surprised. Someone who can dance with death as well as you is bound to be an exceptional athlete.”
Wondering what was taking Sebastian so long to get to the office, Gloria decided to go look for him at his classroom. Perhaps he’d stopped to use the restroom and was stalling a bit because he was nervous about seeing Dr. Lim again. Gentle as he was, Dr. Lim could be annoying in his persistence and Gloria was more than prepared to protect her son from any pressure. It wasn’t fair to put a little boy through so much, and just thinking about what had happened the last time made her feel angry all over again.
She was walking briskly down the corridor when she spotted Sebastian’s book bag on the ground. A flashing movement out of the
corner of her eye caused her to look out toward the soccer field. She wasn’t sure who it was at first because she’d never seen her son run like a normal child before. His arms and legs were pumping with abandon, head held high, and shoulders pushed back as he made his way across the field. But when she realized it was Sebastian, she dropped everything and took off running after him, frantically screaming for him to stop, but he didn’t hear her. It was as though he were in another world, or caught up in a trance, and the way he moved his feet, dodging to his left and to his right, it looked as though he were kicking an imaginary ball, and yet every effort on his part was real, and the splendor of his movements undeniable.
Gloria lost one of her shoes, so she kicked off the other one and continued running while calling out to him. Ms. Ashworth heard Gloria screaming and soon she was running beside her. She was the first to reach Sebastian who had already collapsed face down on the field, and when she rolled him over, his eyes were fluttering.
“Sebastian,” Ms. Ashworth cried. He shuddered, and his eyes rolled back in his head.
Seconds later Gloria dropped to the ground beside them. Her hands shaking wildly as she reached for her son. Ms. Ashworth released him to her, just as another convulsion wracked his body.
“I’ll call an ambulance,” she said, and she rushed off toward the office, through the rain that was falling in thick thundering sheets over them.
Gloria held Sebastian to her breast, and began to rock him back and forth, trying to steady his shaking, but it was only getting worse as the rain soaked them and the chill set in. She kissed his forehead and whispered, “It’s okay Mama’s here. You’re safe with me.”
Gloria stroked her son’s face tenderly, and then she took off her dripping sweater and put it around him, kissing his forehead again and again. “When we get home I’ll put you in a warm bath so you don’t catch cold, but you must never run like this again, do you understand me Sebastian? Never ever again.”
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