by Harper Bliss
Micky felt like one of her teenagers when she checked her phone for messages like this in bed. Nine times out of ten, when she opened Olivia’s bedroom door—after knocking first, of course—she’d find her daughter in the position she was now lying in herself, painfully uncomfortable. Christopher was more glued to his laptop screen than to his phone, playing the online versions of the video games she and Darren had always refused to buy for him.
On her phone, Micky found a message from Amber, sent two hours ago. Of course, Amber had been up since the crack of dawn. She’d probably already meditated for an hour and repotted some plants. If anyone was the polar opposite of Micky, it was her best friend. And they’d managed to be friends for almost forty years.
What a great night last night. They’re definitely keepers! See you tonight, Amber’s message read. Micky’s best friend couldn’t help it. She even sounded upbeat in her text messages, even the ones sent frightfully early on a Sunday morning. The message also reminded Micky that she, the kids, and Amber were having dinner at her mother’s that night. Micky and Amber always joked that they were more like sisters than friends, but after Amber’s parents had both passed away in quick succession more than fourteen years ago—sparking Amber’s zest to adopt an ultra-healthy lifestyle—Micky’s mother had, in fact, started treating Amber as one of her own.
Next, Micky went on Facebook. The only reason she was even on that particular social network—or any other one—was to see what her children were up to. It had caused a bit of a ruckus at the breakfast table one day when Micky had created her profile and sent Olivia a friend request.
“But you’re my mom,” her daughter had said, as though it was the most self-explanatory sentence in the world.
“Exactly,” Micky had replied. “We know each other. I can even mark you as family.”
Olivia, only eleven at the time, had rolled her eyes, and said, “Just don’t go posting embarrassing things on my wall.”
“She just wants to check up on us,” Christopher had said, hitting the nail on the head exactly.
“And what if I do?” Micky’s parenting style wasn’t one of subtleness and discretion.
Neither Olivia, nor Christopher had posted something since the last time she checked. They’d probably moved on to the next big thing. Micky had heard Olivia mention something like Snapchat the other day—“All the celebs are on there these days.”—with great excitement in her voice.
Darren, on the other hand, had been tagged by one of his Facebook-crazy mates at a pub in the CBD. Micky couldn’t help it, but her heart always skipped a beat when Darren was mentioned, on Facebook or elsewhere. She was gripped by an irrational fear that he’d soon replace Micky.
Despite a slightly protruding middle-age waistline, he was a good-looking single man with a nice chunk of change in the bank. Off the top of her head, Micky could easily think of plenty of women who would find that irresistible. Of course, Darren shared equal custody of the kids with her, which might make him seem a little less attractive to prospective love interests. Having two teenagers in the house half the time isn’t the biggest love drug—Micky could testify to that.
But on weekends when the kids were with her, Micky was always extra wary when she checked Facebook and saw Darren’s name appear. He might have met someone at that pub he was at last night. Who knew? Was her ex-husband waking up alone this morning? They didn’t have the kind of post-divorce relationship where Micky could just ask him. They got along, but the wound of the separation was still too raw for them to have already crossed over into friendship.
While Micky was pondering Darren’s love life, her phone beeped, causing her heart to fling itself against her rib cage.
It was from Robin.
Had to go out of town unexpectedly for a few days. Back this afternoon. Wanna meet up tonight?
Micky sat up a bit straighter. Ouch. Her head hurt more than anticipated when she did. This was good. Robin hadn’t been avoiding her. And she wanted to meet up tonight. That was out of the question, of course. Micky pondered what to do. Should she reply immediately or wait at least an hour? To hell with it. She was replying now. She wanted to have a real conversation with Robin, one that would take away that nagging feeling in her gut of not knowing what to do and how to behave in this new-to-her situation.
Can’t tonight. Kids are here. Tomorrow evening? She texted back.
Micky figured she could sneak out for a quick drink tomorrow. Olivia always went swimming on Monday evening, and Christopher would barely notice she was gone.
OK. I’ll see you at The Pink Bean in the morning. We can set it up then.
Micky’s headache suddenly didn’t seem so bad anymore. She jumped out of bed and into the shower.
✶ ✶ ✶
With her kids in the backseat of the car, Micky couldn’t tell Amber about her text message exchange with Robin. She’d tried to steal her away from the kids when she’d arrived, but both Olivia and Christopher seemed to always perk up around their Aunt Amber. It must be her positive energy. Something Amber had tried to school Micky in many a time, but Micky must have a different kind of spirit because no matter what Amber said or did, it never stuck. Still, it was always nice to be around her. She always glowed with good health and vibes. She was also godmother to both of Micky’s children.
When Christopher was born, Micky hadn’t even had to think about it. There was no competition. Micky didn’t have any brothers or sisters and Amber was her best friend and had been since they were six. Darren knew the score and didn’t object, knowing how important it was to Micky to give Amber a role like that in their firstborn’s life, despite the fact that his sister Daisy was also in serious contention for the part.
When Olivia was born, though, Darren had assumed godmother-hood would automatically go to his sister, but Amber had just lost her father, to whom she was very close, a mere sixteen months after her mother had passed, and Micky had so desperately wanted to give her best friend the gift of life in some form. Amber was not the kind to take being a child’s godmother lightly. She was full-on, and she doted on Christopher. Micky had also assumed that Amber wouldn’t have any children of her own any time soon.
Moreover, and this was the most important aspect of it for Micky, if, God forbid, anything were to happen to her and Darren, she wanted Amber to take care of her children. Sure, Daisy was Darren’s sister, but she had children of her own—a third on the way at the time—and they simply weren’t as close. Not even Darren was as close to his own sister as Micky was to Amber. He sure saw a great deal more of Amber than he did of Daisy. Amber fitted into their lives better. And she needed it so badly at that time.
There had been some discussions, full-blown rows even, about who would become Olivia’s godmother, until Darren had given in. He knew how important it was to Micky, and in the end, he was that kind of guy. They were at the height of their happiness together—Micky was carrying his second child. Thus, Amber had become godmother to both Olivia and Christopher. Micky had certainly never regretted her decision—and she gratefully remembered Darren’s willingness to acquiesce.
Micky was sure that her children, especially Olivia, told Amber things they would never tell her. Despite their mother’s friendship with Amber, they knew their aunt Amber would never tell on them. The fact that she was that kind of person just radiated off of her. They were both also fully aware of Amber’s sexual preference and had seen a few of Amber’s longer-term partners come and go. Having grown up with it, to Olivia and Christopher, it just didn’t seem to be a big deal. Micky was convinced, however, that when they found out their mother shared the same inclination as their beloved godmother, it would be an issue. How could it not be?
“How’s your girlfriend, Chris?” Amber teased.
“As if he has a girlfriend,” Olivia said with the sort of disdain in her voice only a teenager could muster. “He’s in love with a character in League of Legends more like.”
Micky did sometimes worry about the
amount of time her eldest spent in his room. But Christopher gave her much less lip than Olivia and he was, by far, the most easygoing of the two, so she refused to give him a hard time about it.
“Shut up, Liv. You don’t know anything,” Chris said.
Amber didn’t engage them in conversation any more, and they went on bickering in the backseat while Micky drove them to her mother’s house in Mosman—not far from where she, Darren, and the kids used to live. The fact that both Micky and Darren had moved away from the leafy suburb had broken her mother’s heart a little, Micky was sure of that. But should she really have stayed in the same neighborhood she’d lived in all of her life just for her mother’s sake? Micky had definitely contemplated it, but the kids were growing up so fast and spending time with their granny Gina wasn’t so high on their to-do list anymore. A fact Micky’s mother was well aware of and had resigned herself to in the end.
When they arrived, Micky gave her mother an extra tight hug because she was feeling guilty about a number of things. Not only about moving her grandchildren away to the city but also about the fact that, since she’d last seen her mother, Micky had slept with another woman.
✶ ✶ ✶
Micky’s mother was one of the most understanding parents there were, Micky was sure of that. She had never had unreasonable expectations of her only child and had done everything in her power to make Micky thrive. She’d even been understanding about the divorce—”When it’s over, it’s over.”—though Micky hadn’t told her the full truth about it.
Would she ever have to come out to her mother?
Micky shook off the thought and helped her in the kitchen while Amber took Olivia and Christopher’s phones away and put them in the huge handbag she always carried around.
“Come on. We’re going into the garden,” she said, receiving nothing but loud moans from her godchildren. “Get some fresh air.”
“Amber will have them in crow pose in no time,” Micky joked, earning a quizzical look from her mother.
“How are you, darling?” Micky’s mom always made a point of asking as soon as they were alone. As though the kids couldn’t handle the possible answer to that question.
“I’m well.” There was the guilt again. Just like her children had done, Micky’s mother had witnessed Amber’s coming out from up close. There had been the usual comments, especially when Micky’s father had still been alive, of “I would never have guessed, a pretty girl like that” and “How will she ever find happiness being like that in a world like ours?”
Even though Micky had a good rapport with her only surviving parent, she and her mother didn’t have the kind of relationship in which they shared everything. Gina had remained single after her husband had passed, and Micky never questioned her about that. Micky did wonder if her mother would start questioning her once she believed the time was right—but when would that be? One year after her divorce from Darren had been finalized perhaps? Right about now.
“I’ve heard something… I was having lunch at the beach club the other day, and I overheard two women I don’t even know talking. It took me a while to realize it was Darren they were discussing. Apparently he’s been seeing one of the women’s daughter. Someone called Lisa. They described him as a right catch. Did you know?”
That was really forward of Gina. Usually she’d ease into a conversation like this, but it must have been nagging at her, the way she was blurting it out now. And hell no, Micky didn’t know. The last time she’d spoken to Darren, it was to discuss Olivia’s latest dentist appointment and how unhappy she was that she needed braces. They only talked when they had to and when it involved the children, not having much else to say to each other at this stage.
“No.” It was, however, not jealousy Micky felt coursing through her. On the contrary. Despite having dreaded this moment, she could pretty easily—and unexpectedly—conceive of being happy for Darren, though, of course, bringing another person into the kids’ lives would have to be discussed at length. That feeling in her gut, Micky recognized, was the sense that she had failed. That her marriage had failed. That, apart from her two beautiful children, Micky didn’t have that much to show for in life. In fact, all she had was a vague text from another woman on her phone promising a conversation Micky didn’t know how to have. That, and the memory of, quite surely, a night of the very best sex of her life. “I’m sure he’ll fill me in when and if it gets serious,” Micky said.
“I couldn’t keep that from you, love. And I wanted to tell you in person, not over the phone.”
Micky just nodded. “Thanks for telling me.”
Then the kids burst back in, and the moment of impromptu information sharing was over.
Micky could hardly blame Darren for moving on. After all, she’d been trying to do the exact same thing.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
That morning, Robin had come into The Pink Bean, requesting her usual drink, at an uncharacteristically busy time. Micky had barely had time to talk to her, even though Robin patiently waited, take-out coffee cup in hand. In between serving customers, they managed to set up a time to talk tonight, at the same bar they’d met at last Tuesday evening.
As soon as Olivia left the house, bag with swimsuit and goggles in hand, her swimming buddy April waiting outside, Micky gently rapped on Christopher’s bedroom door. Of course, he didn’t hear, not even when she intensified the knocking, so she ended up opening up his bedroom door without waiting for a reply—she could have waited for days!
“What?” Christopher said, barely looking up from his screen.
“Did you finish your homework?” Micky always thought she had to ask, even though Christopher got good grades.
“I’m finishing it now.”
“I’m going out for a walk. I won’t be long.”
Then, Christopher looked away from his screen, scanning her face. Micky never went for random walks, but there was a first time for everything.
“I’ve decided to adopt a healthier lifestyle,” she said. “Aunt Amber constantly being on my case about it must be having an effect.” Micky felt like a fool for lying to her son like that. She could have just said she was meeting a friend for a drink. It could be perfectly innocent—except, it wasn’t.
“Okay.” With that, Christopher focused his attention back on whatever fascinating thing he was doing on his laptop.
More guilt settled in the pit of her stomach as Micky checked her reflection in the hallway mirror and went to meet Robin.
✶ ✶ ✶
Just like last time, Robin was already there, an open bottle of wine on the table in front of her.
“I got you a glass already,” Robin said, instead of hello.
“Thanks.” Micky slid onto the high stool, feeling awkward for not having exchanged a peck on the cheek or greeting Robin the way she would greet any other human being. All she could think of, after having been in Robin’s vicinity for mere seconds, was how she wanted to feel her hands all over her body again. How could they have shared such intimacy, and sit here like almost-strangers now?
Robin poured Micky a generous helping of wine, of which Micky took a quick, large gulp.
When Micky set her glass down and looked back up, Robin was smiling broadly at her. “Nervous?” she asked.
“Yeah, I can’t stay long. Liv’s out swimming, but she knows she needs to be home by eight thirty, and Chris thinks I’m out for a walk.”
“Relax.” Robin’s smile persisted.
“I’m sorry. I just feel like I’m… I don’t know. Committing adultery or something.” What was she saying? Micky wasn’t there to discuss the ever-growing sensation of guilt that had lodged itself deep inside of her. She was there to discuss how to become Robin’s friend with benefits. Because, oh, she wanted those benefits.
“Take another sip. It’ll make you feel better.” Robin slid Micky’s glass a little closer in her direction. “Not that I’m pushing you toward alcoholism or anything.”
Micky drank, then
drank some more. Christopher would never believe she’d gone for a walk when he smelled the wine on her breath. She’d have to brush her teeth as soon as she got home.
“Okay. I’m ready now,” Micky said, though she was nowhere near ready and she didn’t even know what to be ready for.
“Do you want to get together this weekend?” Robin asked. “I’ve only been in Sydney for a couple of months. I could do with a friend showing me around.”
Micky’s brain was rapidly—and madly—trying to interpret what Robin had just said. Did she mean anything by it? Would they end up at Robin’s place again? Would they be able to wake up together on a peaceful Sunday morning?
“The kids are at their dad’s, so yes. I would love that.”
“Can you believe I haven’t been to the beach yet? The first few months in a new city are always crazy. Finding a place, making it feel a bit homely, trying to meet people, all squeezed in between getting acquainted with a new workplace and new colleagues.”
“That must be tough, moving from one city to another like that.”
“It’s what I chose, but mind you, after Singapore and Hong Kong, coming to Sydney is a walk in the park, really. I shouldn’t complain.”
“I’ll take you to the beach. We might even get lucky with the weather.”
“Look, Micky.” Robin’s facial expression turned serious. “I find it very important to not lead you on. Though we discussed it last time, I feel I should repeat that I’m not really in the market for anything too serious. It’s not really what I do. I’m only going to be here until the end of the year, anyway. I just want to put that out there.”
“All right,” Micky heard herself say, while pangs of anguish burrowed their way through her flesh. “I’m not exactly relationship material either.” She managed a weak chuckle.
“I would like for us to be friends. Very much so.”
“Yeah, that would be nice.”
“Have you thought about what I said the other day?” Robin had lowered her voice. “About being friends with benefits?”
