“Is it really that difficult to let me help you?”
She pulled back, surprised at his question and also frustrated that he had hit the nail on the head. Instead of admitting her own issues, she went on the offensive. “I can’t believe you’re asking me that. I should be asking you that question.”
He took her hand and they started walking down the street as if they were carefree lovers but inside, her stomach was in knots. She had been avoiding this conversation with Daniel ever since she had first seen him at the bank, but maybe it was time they hashed it out. If they weren’t going to be able to work together, they needed to know it now before the Guard drew her into the new cell and Daniel became even more deeply entrenched in his role in this undercover assignment.
“Do you know why I never set the date to walk down the aisle with you?” she asked quietly.
His grip tightened on her fingers, but that was the only sign that he was affected by her question. He was apparently quite aware that they needed to maintain appearances in case their performance was being watched by the Guard, even as they got farther and farther away from the dry cleaners.
“No, I still don’t understand. I thought we were in love.”
She smiled at him. “There are so many things I love about you, Daniel. I love that you remembered my favorite dessert. I love the way you are considerate and kind to others. I love your giving heart.” She gave him a playful nudge as they walked and he laughed. “And I think you are the most handsome man I have ever met in my entire life. You have the most amazing shoulders...and you look absolutely fantastic in a Santa’s hat.”
He laughed with her but stopped when he noticed the look on her face. “Why do I sense a big but coming my way?”
She shrugged. “Do you remember last night when I shared a few details about my family?”
“Sure. I enjoy hearing about them.”
“Well, last night was a perfect example. When we talk, Daniel, it’s always me sharing, never you. I can’t marry you because I don’t even think I know who the real Daniel is. You rarely share details about yourself. You don’t tell me about your past, and I’m left guessing about who you really are inside.”
He stopped and looked her in the eye. “That’s not true. I’ve shared more of myself with you than with anyone.”
She met his eye, but then dropped his hand and kept walking. He paused a moment, but then followed her, taking her hand again. “That might be true, but I still don’t really know you, Daniel. Even after we dated for a year. Even after you asked me to marry you.”
“We talked all the time. I remember having long conversations.”
“I talked. I told you about myself and my family. And don’t get me wrong, you were a good listener. But when you talked, it was about your job or maybe current events. We’d talk about anything and everything but you. There was never anything personal in the conversation. You never told me about your past and where you came from. I don’t really know you. I don’t even know what you feel or what you think. I never have.”
“Yes, you do. You know me better than anyone. The rest are just details. They don’t matter. What you see here and now, that’s who I am today. I don’t want to live in the past. I didn’t have a great childhood, and there’s no reason to relive it by bringing it up.”
They turned down a different street, and she was glad for the diversion of walking so they could discuss this difficult topic. She couldn’t imagine sitting on a couch and having this conversation. She was sure he would have shut her down after the first sentence if they’d been in the apartment trying to sort this out. There was something good about walking and talking that helped get the words out. She took a deep breath and pushed on. It was time to broach the subject that had been eating at her the longest. “You told me your mother lives out west.”
Once again, she felt his hand tighten on her own. She could tell this conversation was difficult for him, yet, they still needed to talk about this elephant in the room if they were going to work together or ever have anything more. “That’s a lie, Daniel, or at least a huge omission.”
He raised an eyebrow, and for the first time, she saw a look of fear cross his face. “What do you mean?”
“I work in law enforcement, remember? I did some research and tracked her down. Your mom is in prison out in Texas for drug possession. She’s been incarcerated for over ten years. You’ve never mentioned that. In fact, you’ve never told me anything about her. And apparently, you have an older brother. Don’t you think you’ve left out a few of the important details?”
He didn’t speak for a long time. When he finally did, his voice was rough and there was anger in its depths. “What do you want to hear? That my dad abandoned us when I was five and my mom’s drugs were more important to her than I ever was? It didn’t take me long to figure out I needed to make myself scarce whenever she was using. I got pretty good at disappearing. Is that what you want to hear? Or maybe you want to know about how my older brother used to beat me up whenever he felt like it? Or about how I spent my evenings hiding outside under the car, or went for days without eating a decent meal? Is that what you want to know about?”
Bethany stopped and tried to pull him close, but this time, Daniel was the one that reeled back. “I don’t want pity. That’s a big reason why I don’t talk about it. I’m not that scared little boy anymore. I grew up quickly and I learned how to take care of myself. But I did a lot of things that I’m not proud of too. I had to survive. And survival meant stealing sometimes so I could eat, and some things that were a lot worse. I had to do a lot of terrible things. Is that what you want to hear? Is this what you want to talk about?” His voice was angry and when she reached for him again, he put up his hands and walked away from her. She followed a short distance behind, and for almost two blocks, they walked in silence.
Finally, he stopped and ran his fingers through his hair. He turned to face her, but he wouldn’t look at her directly. “I can’t believe I just told you that,” he said, his voice soft. “I’ve never told anybody that.”
She touched his chin and raised his head so she could see his eyes. He had such beautiful eyes. “I’m really glad you did, because that’s who you are. I want to know you, all of you, the good, the bad and the ugly. I am sorry that happened to you, Daniel, but I don’t want to hear the stories so I can pity you. I want to hear so I can get to know you better. So I know that you trust me enough to tell me. So I can know the real you. You’re an incredible person, Daniel. You must have overcome some amazing hurdles in your life to become so successful. I want to know how you did it. I want to get to know you in here.” She touched his chest.
He studied her for a moment or two, then took her hand again and started walking. “And if I don’t want to tell you?”
Bethany considered his words. Could they have a relationship without trust? Maybe for a while. But months from now, that lack of trust would eat at her, just as it had when she had found out the truth about his mother and her prison sentence. She had read that law enforcement file and it had been like someone had stuck a knife in her gut. She’d had a serious boyfriend before who cheated on her and ended up humiliating her in front of her friends and coworkers. She had trusted him and vowed to never make the same mistake again. Daniel was a different man, and she could never imagine him cheating on her, but trust was a vital part of any relationship. Without it, she would rather be alone and take her chances on her own.
“Then I guess friendship will have to be enough, Daniel. For both of us. I don’t want to force you to do anything you don’t want to do. That’s not what I’m about, and it’s obvious that you don’t want to give more than you’ve already given. That’s fair. It’s your life and it’s your choice. You don’t have to give more. I know we’re pretending to be more for this job, but I’m glad we were able to talk and clear the air. Now we know where we stand. We’ll play this game for the
Heritage Guard assignment, but once this is over, we’ll go our separate ways, okay?” She stopped walking, and when he turned to face her, she reached up on tiptoe and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. “But now we’ll part friends, okay?”
He looked like he was about to argue with her, but then her cell phone rang, and she answered it on the second ring. “Hello?”
“Did you make up with your boyfriend?”
She smiled and looked around, completely in her role for whomever was watching from the Guard. “Making up is always the best part. Where are you?”
“Nearby.”
“Who am I talking to?” Bethany knew it had to be someone associated with the Guard, because the only person she had given this phone number to was the man at the dry cleaners.
“We’ve met before, but it was quite a while ago. My name is Bishop Jacobs. You were part of Jackson’s team.”
“That’s right.”
“I’ve heard you can get things.”
“That’s also right,” she agreed.
“I have some friends I’d like for you to meet,” Bishop stated, his tone friendly yet businesslike.
“I’m all for that. When and where?”
“Two hours. Coolidge Park. By the carousel.”
“How will I recognize these new friends?”
“You don’t need to worry. We’ll recognize you,” Bishop stated, matter-of-factly.
“Alright then. I’ll be there,” Bethany agreed.
“Don’t bring your boyfriend.”
“Why not? He wants to join up.”
“We might let him. We might be able to use someone with his particular skill set. But we’re still checking him out. Leave him at home, understand?”
She shrugged as if it didn’t matter. “Whatever. It’s your show.”
“Yes, it is,” Bishop agreed. “And it’s going to be fabulous.”
ELEVEN
The Dentzel carousel in Coolidge Park was a true work of art. Daniel admired the hand-carved animals and ornate decorations between the gold leaf benches through the binoculars as he kept an eye on Bethany waiting for the Guard contact to arrive. The park had also been decorated for Christmas, and bright red ribbons were on every post between hanging swaths of garland intertwined with strings of cranberries and popcorn. Hand-drawn pictures of traditional Christmas designs like reindeer, nativity scenes and snowflakes were posted on some of the walls, as well as a sign stating the art was donated by a local elementary school’s fifth grade class. Daniel was tempted to put down a couple of dollars and take Bethany on a ride once this entire episode was over, but the seriousness of the job at hand kept his mind off of his surroundings and focused on the job at hand.
Their discussion this morning had been like pouring salt on open wounds, and he still couldn’t believe that he had blurted out so much about himself. He and his older brother didn’t talk. They didn’t have a relationship worth mentioning.
He never talked about his mother.
It was a rule he had lived by since he had closed that chapter of his life when she was arrested. He had watched her being cuffed and led away on that fateful day, and in his mind, that was the end of their relationship. He hadn’t wanted to think about her or even know what was happening in her life since the police took her away. He was done. He had moved on. If he never saw either one of them again for the rest of his life, that would be okay with him. Yet, he had shared bits and pieces of his past with Bethany this morning and it had been oddly cathartic. Still, he had no desire to go any further with the discussion, and he tried to put it from his mind.
Why was Bethany so set on knowing his past? The question ate at him as he used the binoculars to scan the area. He saw two other men surveilling the area around the carousel that were probably with the Guard. He texted Bethany about them, using a special code they had devised so no one would understand their messages if either of the phones were confiscated. She texted back and let him know that she had seen them too, and he leaned back against the fence, once again surveying the area through the binoculars. Both men were obviously not there for the carousel. He kept watching.
He thought back over the year that he and Bethany had dated, and sorted through as many of the conversations they’d had as he could remember. He grudgingly had to admit that she had a point. He hadn’t told her much about himself. But why did it matter? She had seen that he was a caring and good person, right? They had spent a great deal of time together, and she had learned a lot about his personality. He knew her last boyfriend had been a real prince and had publicly cheated on her. Surely, she knew he wasn’t cut from that cloth. Wasn’t that enough? He grimaced. Apparently, it wasn’t. Especially if her “parting as friends” comment was anything to go by. Now he was well and truly stuck in a quandary. He didn’t want to talk about his past, and he didn’t want to lose Bethany either.
“Freeze, buddy.”
Daniel heard the words seconds before he felt the metal of the gun barrel against his side. He kicked himself mentally. He had been so engrossed in his thoughts that he hadn’t even noticed that the two men had snuck up on him. He felt like an idiot. He did as he was told as one man wearing a Rays baseball cap took Daniel’s gun out of his waistband, while a man on his left wearing a red flannel shirt took his binoculars and his cell phone, then patted him down. Both men were blond and looked to be in their thirties. They were well built and both gave off a self-assured and aggressive vibe. They could have been brothers, with similar features, including high cheekbones and deep-set hazel eyes.
“Look,” the one Daniel nicknamed Flannel said lightly, nudging his partner as he found Daniel’s badge and pulled it out of his pocket and examined it. “Our friend here is a cop.”
“Is there a problem?” Daniel asked in a nonchalant voice. He hoped they were Guard members but didn’t want to assume anything. He chose not to challenge them and thought a non-aggressive response was the best way to respond. It made sense that the Guard would want to have people on the perimeter of the meeting as well; he just thought that he had been far enough back that he wouldn’t draw their attention. He had been wrong. If he were also wrong about who they were and he had just let common criminals get the jump on him and take his gun, he was in a great deal of trouble. In either case, he was on high alert and his muscles were tensed and ready for action at the slightest provocation.
“Are you on the job or off?” the Rays fan asked, pushing the gun a little harder against his ribs.
“I’m looking out for a friend.”
The man got even closer and spoke in a low tone, yet the threat in his tone was obvious. “You didn’t answer my question, friend. And I’m not fond of repeating myself.”
Daniel gritted his teeth. “And I’m not fond of getting threatened. A cop is always on the job, but to answer your question more specifically, I’m not here representing the police department today. I’m here helping out a friend.”
Flannel motioned with his hand. “Helping out how? I don’t see anyone but you. Maybe you’re some kind of criminal just casing the place. Maybe that isn’t even a real badge.”
“It’s real alright.”
Flannel laughed. “You really don’t like answering questions directly, do you?”
The Rays fan took a step back and looked more carefully at Daniel’s expression. When he finally spoke again, his voice was thoughtful. “I’m pretty sure you were told to stay home.”
Daniel nodded, but inwardly relaxed a measure. The man’s words reassured him that they were with the Guard and knew about Bethany’s meeting. He was still on high alert however. He didn’t know what to expect, but his undercover mission to infiltrate this group had officially begun. “You’re right, but it’s hard to stay back when you care about someone. I was out of the way if you wanted to meet with her in private. I’m not eavesdropping on any personal conversations. I just wanted to v
erify that she was safe.”
“You didn’t trust us?” Flannel scoffed. The Rays fan shot him a look that shut him up. It was clear that he was the one in charge and he didn’t want any superfluous conversations.
Daniel shrugged. “I don’t trust blindly. Do you? I don’t even know you. Yet.”
The Rays fan stepped closer again and this time there was something dark and threatening in his eyes. “We don’t trust people who don’t follow orders.” He looked Daniel up and down as if taking his measure. “We also don’t trust cops.” He handed Daniel back his badge, binoculars and phone, but stowed Daniel’s gun in his own waistband and covered it with his shirt. Then he pushed Daniel forward. “Head toward the carousel. Keep your hands where I can see them.”
Daniel obeyed, but stayed on alert. “I’ll need my gun back after this meeting.”
“You’ll get it back when I’m good and ready to give it back. Not before. Now keep walking.”
They walked in silence for a few minutes, but then Daniel said, “Not all cops are the same you know. We don’t all live by the same code.”
“How do you figure?” Flannel asked.
“I believe a man should earn what he gets and get what he earns. There are no free rides in this world. But not everyone in law enforcement agrees with me.” When he got no response, he pushed on, knowing he had to play a role, even though he didn’t necessarily agree inside with everything he would be saying and doing while trying to infiltrate the Heritage Guard. “My point is, you might actually trust a cop if you knew the right cop. Some of us agree with what you’re trying to accomplish.” He could tell that they were thinking about his words, so he didn’t push. The key to being accepted might also be to keep his mouth shut for the most part and just listen and learn. The FBI had created a very credible background story for him, and if he said a bit here and there that supported it and then just shut up and did what was asked of him, he might be accepted into the Heritage Guard without even a raised eyebrow.
Undercover Jeopardy Page 9
