by Taylor Dean
My entire world comes to a skidding halt.
First love is powerful stuff. I can’t compete with that. The panic button in my body has just been pressed and is going wild.
“Oh, there’s little Mia. I’m sure Drew has told you all about her.”
Nope. Not a word. I’m in the dark.
“She’s in jail, you know. Horrible tragedy.” Caroline whispers the word jail as if saying it out loud is scandalous. Then she takes a deep breath, prepared to tell the story whether I prompt her or not. “Her family moved in across the street from us and she and Drew took a liking to each other from the start. Those two were inseparable.”
Inseparable? That’s not what I want to hear.
“Mia’s father left his family shortly after they moved here. He was a looker, that one. He had a weakness for the opposite sex and the bubbly stuff, if you know what I mean.”
I do. In other words, he was an unfaithful cheater and an alcoholic. Let’s not sugarcoat it.
Caroline flips to another page. “Mia was devastated and latched on to Drew.”
I stare at the pictures. I see page after page of Stony and Mia engaged in various activities; riding bikes, skateboarding, roller blading, and swimming. There’s pictures of family picnics, camping trips, and hiking excursions. Several first day of school pictures are showcased as well.
Stony and Mia are always together.
Inseparable.
“So, are you and Drew . . . ?” Caroline begins to ask.
I wait for her to go on because I’m not positive what she’s asking, even though I can guess.
“Seeing each other outside of a working relationship?” she finishes.
I wasn’t expecting such a blunt question, but I’m quickly learning Stony’s mom is very forthright. I decide to be just as candid.
“Yes. But it’s still very new between us. I really am working for him, but we both know it’s a way to give ourselves some time together.”
“That’s what I thought, but I just wanted to be sure. I can’t explain it, but Stony looks different to me today, like he’s really happy, but he’s trying not to flaunt it. I’m happy for you both, dear. Drew doesn’t announce his feelings and I never know with him. I’m thrilled he’s moving on. It’s the best thing for him. I worry about him being out there all by himself.” She claps the book closed on my lap. “We don’t need to look at all these, dear,” Caroline says. “I just wanted to show you Drew as a baby.”
Perhaps she notices the sudden frown on my face.
The phone rings and Caroline excuses herself. I hear her talking from a distance as I reopen the album and continue to flip through the pages. Now I’m curious. Is there something she doesn’t want me to see?
I stumble across high school pictures and that’s when the green-eyed monster really takes over. There’s a reason why Caroline didn’t want me to look at these photos.
It’s like I’m watching the Stony and Mia show.
The pictures are endless. There’s one of Stony giving Mia a ride in his first car. Stony and Mia going on their first date. Every important “first” in their lives is highlighted. I skip ahead as I start to feel sick to my stomach. I don’t want to see Stony at Mia’s dance recital, standing proudly at her side as she holds a colorful bouquet of flowers in her arms. I can guess who presented her with the lovely arrangement. I don’t want to see pictures of Mia in her cheerleading outfit and Stony in his football uniform as they pose with their arms around each other. They look like the perfect all-american couple and there’s no denying how adorable they are. There’s a beautiful picture of Stony taking Mia to the Senior Prom. Her dress is black and sparkly and Stony’s tux matches perfectly. They make a striking couple. There are several shots of Stony pinning the corsage to Mia’s dress, then Mia pinning the boutonniere on Stony’s tux. The traditional shots come next, you know, the ones that make most of us cringe years later. Stony’s arms are around Mia as they assume the awkward position the photographer placed them in while standing in front of the customary blue canvas.
Except they don’t look awkward. They look very comfortable in each other’s company. It’s obvious they’re a couple who know each other well. Mia’s always smiling and in spite of the lack of a smile on Stony, he looks happy. His face is young and handsome, unmarked by time or worry or tragedy. Most noticeably, the line between his eyebrows is blissfully absent.
A barrage of images continue to jump off the pages at me. Stony and Mia graduating from high school. Stony and Mia leaving together for college in Austin. They look young and carefree, innocent and lighthearted. I see happy pictures, hopeful pictures—two lives moving on to fulfill their destiny together.
Always together.
How does a connection like that become severed? And just how severed is it really?
I didn’t sign up for this.
College graduation comes next. Then engagement pictures with Mia showing off the rock on her finger. There’s a few shots of them kissing and I skip over them quickly. I’m not going to torture myself to that extent.
I come across a newspaper article that gives me pause. It’s a picture of Stony dressed in a suit, looking into the camera with a determined expression. He looks like a successful businessman, accomplished and debonair. I can’t help but stare at this classy version of Stony. I don’t know this man. His hair is much longer and combed back on his head, styled perfectly. He looks quite dashing. My eyes skim the article underneath the grainy photo.
Real estate mogul, Stony Randall, is taking Austin by storm. To date, his company has renovated and flipped a little over one-hundred homes in the greater Austin area in just three short years. When asked, Stony replied that he’s only just getting started. Mr. Randall creates high-end homes and sells them at top dollar. Known for producing highly sophisticated designs using only top notch materials, buyers flock to have a chance to live in a Stony Randall home. Mr. Randall says his slogan is “Only the best.” So far, he reportedly lives up to his motto. Not only that, he spends one weekend a month serving our country. “It’s my way of giving back,” he says. What’s his secret to success? “Work hard, play hard, and have a good woman at your side.” Randall and his fiancé, Mia Faraday, will soon set the date for their nuptials.
The last page of the photo album is a glossy eight-by-ten of Stony in his Army uniform, looking strong and brave. He’s a sight as a soldier, truly swoon-worthy.
The end. That’s it. I feel cheated. How does the story end? I know Stony ends up getting hurt in Afghanistan, but how does Mia end up in jail? And why aren’t they together anymore?
Why indeed?
I look up to find Stony standing in the hallway watching me. He dabs his face with a small towel hanging around his neck. He downs the last of a bottled water and sets the bottle on a table.
He knows I’ve been staring at his pictures. I have no idea how long he’s been standing there. Surely he must know I have a million questions. The photo album tells a happy story about a charmed life. It tells of a love story between two all-American kids who grew up across the street from one another and somehow survived the highs and lows of high school.
He walks over to me and quietly takes the book from my lap. He places it on the shelf.
“That’s my past, Spencer. That part of my life is over. This is the here and now.”
Yes, it is. But the here and now still includes Mia. She’s still looming in the distance, hanging over us like a menacing storm cloud.
“Gonna shower. Then it’s time to go.”
I nod and say nothing. More than anything, I wish I hadn’t seen the photo album. No wonder Caroline didn’t want me to see it.
I’ve read about high school sweethearts in my psychology textbooks. I know what kind of bond they share with their endless memories and shared experiences. They tend to be best friends who understand each other without even using words. They’ve overcome the awkward stages of life together—and still like each other. They have a firm fou
ndation and can survive hardships because they’ve already endured so much together. Their families tend to root for them as a couple because they’ve watched them grow up together and they’re invested in their relationship as well. They’ve worked through arguments and are confident they can work through future disagreements. They know about each other’s quirks and faults and still remain the best of friends.
I can’t breathe. I need air. Right now. I don’t want to be here. If Stony has one thread of love still in his heart for Mia, I’m toast. I step out the front door and take several deep, cleansing breaths. I don’t want to be a part of some kind of twisted competition. It’s not for me. I don’t believe in fighting for a man. If he loves me then I shouldn’t have to fight for him. Our love should be mutual and we should both want to be with each other.
Of course, there are arguments against high school sweethearts. I remember reading one article that pointed out how it’s human nature to try out several different things when making a decision. For example, when buying a new car, you test drive several cars. You ponder over color and style. You deliberate over make and model. In the end, you choose the one best suited to you and your needs.
Clothes shopping is a similar experience. If you’re buying a new coat, you try several on for size. You choose between the heavy and the lightweight, or the short and the long. You carefully debate over color, fashion, zipper or no zipper, hood or no hood.
These aren’t life changing decisions and yet people tend to put effort into them.
When choosing a mate, one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make, shouldn’t you get to know several people in order to make the correct choice? Of course you should. You shouldn’t choose the first one you like because there may be someone else out there you like more. You won’t know that unless you explore different possibilities. That’s why dating is so important.
I sigh. All of this wisdom is coming from the girl who has hardly dated and feels positive Stony is THE ONE. My circumstances are different though.
At any rate, who is the same person they were in high school? People change as they grow up and they grow apart. I certainly wouldn’t want to have married any of the guys I disastrously dated one-time-each in high school and college. Sometimes I wonder what I was thinking.
Maybe that’s what happened to Stony and Mia. There’s a reason they’re separated. I need to trust Stony. He says it’s all in the past, that it’s over.
I need to accept it.
I’m not going to make him say it again and reassure me two-hundred times before I believe him.
I think back to his late night confessions and realize he’s never come out and said he’s madly in love with me. I know he likes me a lot and wants to pursue our relationship. I feel the same. But where does that leave me when it comes to Mia? I have no idea.
Stony walks out of the house, his short hair already dry. Oh my, he looks good. My heart flutters and my stomach tightens. I’m in this and there’s no going back now. Whatever happens, he’s definitely made an unforgettable impression on my life. He approaches until there are only a few inches between us.
“Hey,” he says as he kisses my forehead. “Mom’s looking for you. Wants to say goodbye.”
“Okay.” This is the here and now. And Stony wants me.
ME.
“Says if I lose you, I’m an idiot.”
“You’re not losing me.”
“Hope not. Past is in the past. Let’s leave it there.”
It isn’t easy to let it go. But I do. I let it wash over my shoulders and slip away. A weight is lifted and I smile into his brown eyes. I stand on tiptoe and lightly kiss him on the lips. I don’t know how he holds me to him with only his lips, but he does, and the kiss lasts a little longer than the quick peck I at first intended. Will it always be this way with us?
I hope so.
I turn to say goodbye to Caroline and Shay. To my surprise, they’re already on the porch with huge smiles on their faces. They witnessed our kiss and I wonder if my face is red.
When I hug Caroline goodbye, she holds me extra tight and whispers, “Thank you,” in my ear. I’m not sure why she’s thanking me for loving Stony. He’s easy to love.
“Please join us for Sunday dinner,” she adds. “We meet every Sunday at two.”
I don’t know where this is headed, but I think my life is about to change.
Drastically.
CHAPTER
Sixteen
AFTER A TRIP to the grocery store, we make the drive home.
I roll down the window and let the air blow in my face. It’s a sweet summer day outside and I like the slow pace of life around here. I always feel like I just woke up from a perfect nap. “I like your mom and Shay.”
“Sure liked you.”
“I enjoyed my time with them.” They made me feel like I’m a part of the family.
“People in town will talk about us,” Stony says. “Just part of being in a small town.”
“Let them talk.”
“Didn’t think about your reputation with you living with me and all. Sorry ‘bout that.”
“I know what people will think. It’s what we actually do that matters.”
“Suppose you’re right.”
I think my parents will strongly disagree with that theory. I really need to call them.
“You upset with me?” he asks.
I take another deep breath. I’m still fighting feelings of jealousy, but I’m determined to not let them get in the way of our relationship. “I don’t like love triangles and I don’t want to be a part of one. I hated Jacob and I’m totally Team Edward.”
“Excuse me?”
“Never mind. It’s just hard to see all the pictures of you and Mia. I trust you when you say it’s over.”
“Fair enough.”
“I guess if you saw a bunch of pictures my parents took of some guy I’d dated for a long period of time, you’d feel the same.”
“We both have a past. Can’t change that.”
Actually, I don’t have much of a past when it comes to boyfriends. “Of course, I didn’t grow up with a special someone, or go off to college with him, or become engaged to him, or . . .”
“Spencer,” he interrupts. “Mia and I became a habit. Sometimes habits are hard to break.”
I just broke all of my good intentions to let this go. I don’t want this to become an issue between us. “I’m sorry. Forget I said anything.”
“I wouldn’t start anything with you if I still had feelings for Mia. Please know that.”
I don’t need more than that. “Okay. Conversation over.”
“You need to talk it out, I get it.”
It’s time to punch my insecurity in the face. “I’m good.” I have a lot of questions, but I also know the answers will be painful for me to hear. Why put myself through that? All I need to know is that it’s over. It’s my turn with Stony. Mia lost, I won. The end. See ya, jailbird.
It’s only three in the afternoon when we arrive home. There’s still plenty of daylight hours left for Stony to work.
Stony starts to help me put away the groceries and I shoo him away. “I know you’re chomping at the bit to get some work done today. Let me do this. That’s why I’m here.”
He gives me such an intense look, I feel as though I could melt under his stare.
“Not the only reason,” he says.
He pulls me into his arms and holds me close. It’s the first time we’ve been in an all out embrace and our bodies pressed together feels good, natural, and right. He doesn’t go in for the kill right away and it’s one of the reasons he leaves me breathless. He waits and makes me want it. It’s exactly the pace I need. Our faces are only an inch apart as his lips hover over mine. His eyes study my expression, like he’s memorizing the peaks and valleys of my face.
“It’s all you, Spencer. Only you,” he says.
His words cause a quick intake of breath and comfort me more than any detailed ex
planation ever will.
When our lips finally meet, I don’t have a lucid thought in my brain. His arms wrap around my back and pull me even closer to him. I wrap my arms around his neck and let my hands wander into his short hair. I love kissing this man. I feel him let go of some of his restraint as he deepens the kiss. I feel his heart beating against my chest, I feel his hands massaging my back, and I feel at one with him. It strikes me that I’ve never felt so close to another human being in my entire life.
This is what two becoming one feels like. Or at least it’s a taste of it. I love the feeling of perfect accord between us. The silence no longer matters. I hear him perfectly.
When the kiss ends, he rests his forehead on mine and we breathe each other in.
He starts to say something, then stops. Then he starts again and stops. I know he has something to say to me, but he’s warring with himself over it.
“Tell me tonight, Stony.”
He nods, releases me, and goes outside to build his future.
I hope that future includes me.
“HEY SPENCER, NOT really sure what to say after what happened today.”
A smile appears on my face. I knew if I didn’t let myself fall asleep, I’d get to hear Stony’s thoughts for the day. I really do love Stony’s late night talks. They give me a glimpse into his soul.
“Didn’t want you to find out about Mia . . . not like that anyway. Wanted it to come straight from me. Wasn’t trying to keep it from you . . . just never felt like the right time to talk about past relationships. Why would it? We’re just barely getting to know each other. And you know what? I want this time to be all about us. Just me and you. What happened in the past doesn’t matter anymore. Don’t want to cloud our feelings with things that just don’t matter. I knew I would need to tell you one day. Of course I would. Mia was a big part of my life for a long time.”
He pauses, collecting his thoughts. The hesitancy that was present the first few times he spoke to me in the night is almost gone. He seems more comfortable, more confident, more able to express his feelings—and I know that’s not usually a man’s strong point. Especially for a man of few words named Stony.
