April’s words haunted Fe for the rest of the afternoon. When she walked around the mall eating her soft pretzel, and right now, when she slipped another dress from its hanger to try on.
Elliot had once told her that Mary was the most beautiful woman he’d ever laid eyes on. Elegant and tall…effortlessly pretty—which happened to be the complete opposite of Fe.
Fe didn’t meet anyone’s standard of beautiful, yet Elliot had used that word to describe her multiple times. Though he’d been drunk, and she’d been naked, and…
She turned to face her reflection, to the mismatched bra and panties she’d chosen for that day. Purple bra, Wonder Woman underwear… She moved her hands down her hips, over her thighs that were plump and full, then to her stomach, which was soft and— But Elliot explored her body like it was perfection, like he saw it in a completely different light.
She’d like to say it was the first time she thought about that night, but it wasn’t even the hundredth. In truth, she couldn’t stop thinking about it. The way he touched her, the way he kissed her, the way he made love to her. Closing her eyes tight, she sat on the stool and buried her head in the fabric of the dress. She remembered waking up next to him that morning. How he’d pinned her to the mattress in his sleep, how warm and comfortable it felt walking up like that. But then her heart began thudding in her chest, and before she knew what she was doing, she was running toward her aunt Maria’s house.
She hadn’t meant to run into Craig, but that’s exactly what happened. And she hadn’t meant to confess everything, but she had—about their plan, about him being her fake boyfriend, and about them sleeping together.
“I don’t want to lose him,” she said to Craig. “He’s my best friend.”
To which Craig gave the best advise he’d ever given her. And that was that relationships didn’t last. That even marriages were doomed to fail, and if she wanted to keep him for a lifetime, the best thing to do would be to never let it happen again.
She knew it was true. He wanted Mary, who was woman she could never be. He deserved so much more… He deserved everything he ever wanted.
It was in the truck later, that she realized she had to find a way to end it. Then he started pressing her for answers and everything became so complicated.
She didn’t have a plan, or know what she was going to say, but all of a sudden, she was asking him about his father, and they were fighting. It was a cheap shot, but she took it anyway.
Dragging the dress over her head, she pulled herself to stand and zipped up the zipper. Elliot was too good for her, and he deserved more. Someone better.
With the dress now snug around her thighs, she smoothed her hands over the fabric, and took a breath. Maybe for the first time all day.
This was the one. She was sure of it.
The dress was red, form fitting, and concealed most of her flaws. It was good enough to meet Mary.
After finding the prefect shoes, she pushed open the door to their apartment, and found Colton standing in the middle of the living room. He was eating a bowl of cereal and tilted his head to the side, as though surprised to find her there. “Need help?” he asked.
She shook her head, kicked closed the door with her foot, and plopped her shopping bags to the floor. “No, I got it.” She flicked off her shoes, then moved to the kitchen. “Elliot here?”
He shook his head. “Nah, I haven’t seen him all week.” He followed behind her. “Nor you, for that matter.”
Fe nodded, but proceeded to fill her glass with cold water before drinking it.
“Didn’t you miss me?” Colton asked, lifting his spoon to his mouth and taking another bite.
The corner of her mouth lifted as she shook her head. “Not really.” But the truth was, it was nice having him around in the middle of all of this. To have someone around who wasn’t complicated.
The door to the apartment opened then, and Elliot walked into the living room. His hair damp, his face red and sweaty. He glanced to the bags littering the entry way, then walked with his bike to the patio. “What’s this?”
Fe pushed her hair from her shoulders and set down her glass. “I went shopping.” She moved closer to the living room, not allowing herself to chicken out. “For the launch party,” she continued. “I thought that if we’re going to do this, I should look as presentable as possible.”
His eyebrow lifted, but he moved past her without so much as a nod.
“I thought we should leave by eight, take an Uber?”
“I’m not going.”
Her eyes followed after him, to the entryway of his room, and she shouted. “What?” She hadn’t meant to yell, but what the hell was he thinking? How could he even consider not going.
He turned around to face her, his jaw tight, but his face unreadable, the way it had been all week.
“This is it, Elliot. It’s what we’ve spent the last month of our lives working toward.”
His eyes locked on hers, his hands fisted at his side, and he swallowed. “Is it?”
She nodded, unsure why her stomach hurt so much. “Yes.”
He turned toward his bedroom and laughed. “Eight sounds fine.”
“Okay,” she said softly. Then she waited for him to walk into his room, close the door behind him, and she turned back to Colton.
He was still in the kitchen, his bowl of cereal only inches from his face. “What was that all about?”
She shook her head and walked into her bedroom. “I have no idea.”
Chapter 34
For a moment, when she glanced out the window of the Uber, she wasn’t sure she would make it. She felt sick to her stomach, light headed, and dizzy. Elliot sat in the seat beside her, wearing the grey tailored suit they’d purchased together weeks ago. She knew if she told him how she was feeling, he’d have the driver turn around immediately, and that would be the end of it. But that was the last thing she wanted.
Slipping her gold clutch down on her wrist, she counted to ten. She could do this. She needed to do this. She needed to make things right.
The car pulled up to his office building a few minutes later, and when they climbed into the elevator she realized she’d never been quite so nervous. Maybe because she was about to walk out on a balcony and meet hundreds of people she’d never met, or maybe because she still worried she might throw up. But if she was honest with herself, it was because for the first time since all of this happened, she’d see Elliot with Mary.
The doors opened on the floor of the balcony, where Elliot immediately placed his hand on the small of her back urging her forward. She took a deep breath, taking in the scene before them, as dozens of people gathered around the bar, the small tables, drinking champagne and other spirits.
She twisted the strap of her clutch around her finger. “So this is it?” she asked.
He nodded, taking two glasses of chardonnay from a passing tray and handed one to her. “You okay?” he asked
She chewed on her inner cheek and nodded. She wouldn’t let this night be about her. She wouldn’t let her anxiety get the best of her. “Yes. I’m fine. Do you want to sit?”
His mouth was set in a hard line, but he finally nodded, taking her hand as he guided her toward the bar. She hooked one heel up on the rung of bar stool and hoisted herself up to sit, carefully smoothing the fabric of her skirt into place.
“You look beautiful,” he whispered to her.
Her heart skipped a beat and she nodded. “You too.”
She forced a smile, then brushed a lock of hair away from his face so she could see him better. “It’s time for another trim I think.”
His brow furrowed but he pulled back from her touch. “Probably.”
She bit her lip, then turned her face to one shoulder, because she thought she might cry. She deserved it. Why in the world would he want her to touch him after all of this.
A boisterous laugh came from the end of the bar, and Fe followed the sound, welcoming the interruption. An old man with a rou
nd belly sat in the corner of the room, laughing so hard he looked like he was about to choke. She glanced back to Elliot and swallowed. “Is he okay?”
Elliot nodded. “That’s Joe. He’s always coughs like that.”
“Really?”
“Yeah…he’ll be passed out drunk on the bathroom by the end of the night.”
“Poor Joe.” But truthfully she loved Joe. Because Joe, he’d given them something to talk about. Something that was easy, and normal. She scanned the rest of the patio, her shoulders starting to relax. There were so many people, all tiny pieces of Elliot’s existence.
He leaned in close to her ear then, and nodded toward another man sitting alone at a table. “See that guy over there?” he whispered. “That’s Fred.” His voice was soft and low, meant just for her.
He turned in the opposite direction and pointed at another woman. “And that woman with the red hair, that’s Jill. I found them naked in the mail room the other day.”
Fe covered her mouth. “Seriously?”
His lips turned in an adorable grin and he took a drink. “No.”
“What?” Now she was confused. Did he? Or did he not?
Elliot’s jaw tightened, and he set his drink on the bar again. “You looked stressed.”
A lump formed in the back of her throat, and she swallowed. He wanted to make her feel better. After all of this. She didn’t even have words to express how she felt right now. Her nose began to burn and her chest tightened at the same time. How could Mary not immediately see what was right in front of her? How could anyone not—
But in that moment, glasses started clinking together, and people started hollering all over the patio.
Without asking, Fe knew it was Mary. She was here. After all these weeks, after all these days.
Turning in her seat, Fe locked eyes on a woman with blond hair that was pulled back into a perfect French twist. Her skin was flawless, her body slender. But at the same time, she wasn’t what Fe was expecting. When Elliot had described her, the vision that popped into Fe’s mind was of a supermodel. Tall, gorgeous, and perfect. This woman was pretty, sweet even, but still… real.
Elliot lifted his head, following her line of vision, and she knew right away he’d seen her too. His body language immediately changed. Became stiffer, more at attention. She wanted to turn away from it all, to close her eyes, and pick up her glass and down the whole thing, because she didn’t want to see that reaction. She was sure he was nervous, and excited, and a whole gamete of other emotions after not seeing her for so long, but she didn’t want to see it.
Taking a few slow breathes, she forced her eyes back in Mary’s direction. A man was standing at a pedestal, a white mustache making his smile more endearing. “She’s here, ladies and gentlemen! Please, raise your glasses! Raise your glasses and welcome Mary Fisher home!“
Mary turned toward the crowd, her cheeks flushed and eyes cast downward. She looked humbled, almost embarrassed, and Fe couldn’t make herself look away.
“Thank you, Mr. Gibbon’s,” she said quietly into the microphone. She then glanced around the room, smiling at her colleagues and blushing even more deeply. “First,” she began. “I want to thank all of you for coming out here tonight. I’m extremely humbled by your presence. The acquisition went better than any of us could have ever hoped for, but I couldn’t have done any of this without all my staff.”
The patio erupted in cheers and hollering.
“Sue, Michael, Jose, Elliot, Veronica, please join me. This honor is as much yours as it is mine.”
Elliot, glanced over to Fe, then pushed himself to stand and walked toward Mary, who was beckoning them toward the podium. But when her eyes locked on Elliot, she tilted her head to the side and grinned.
Fe should’ve been proud, relieved, but that wasn’t what she felt at all. In fact, she felt sick.
Mary quickly recovered from her shock, then turned toward the podium and spoke again. “Without these people,” Mary announced, “I’d be a complete wreck.” She waved a server forward and began passing out glasses of champagne. “To my wonderful team!” she shouted.
Glasses began clinking all around them, adding more chaos and laughter to the patio. Fe watched as Mary came down the steps, slowly making a b-line in Elliot’s direction.
“Wow,” she read on Mary’s lips, but she turned herself toward the bar, unable to watch any longer.
She should be proud, should be happy for him, because this was exactly what they’d been working for. Elliot would get the girl, and things between them would go back to normal.
But… Why did it feel like she’d just lost something? That a piece of her soul had just left her body forever. She started shivering, and she thought she might throw up.
She heard laughing all around her, people celebrating and having fun, but all she could focus on was her breathing. Pulling in one deep breath, then another, she used the calming techniques she’d learned in therapy years ago.
This night was about Elliot, and she wouldn’t let her stupid anxiety ruin that for him. Turning in her seat, she walked toward him, trying not to notice how Mary’s hand sat comfortably on his arm.
Elliot’s eyes locked on hers when she was a foot away. She could practically read his mind. What’s wrong? How can I make you feel better?
He held out his hand as she came closer, his jaw flexing as he squeezed her fingers in his. “Mary, this is Fe—”
“His roommate.” She forced a smile and shook Mary’s hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’ve heard so much about you.”
“Really?” Mary asked, placing her hand on her heart as though she were flattered.
And that’s when Fe noticed the sprinkling of freckles along Mary’s nose. The clef in her chin that was almost masculine, but somehow looked perfect on her. They were flaws that gave a person character, that made her realize she wasn’t someone to be demonized. She was pretty, she was human, and Elliot had good taste.
Pulling in a calming breath, she turned back to Elliot and met his eyes. “I think I’m going to get going,” she whispered, “I have an early day tomorrow.”
He made a small step toward her, a weird, almost worried expression crossing his features. “Is everything okay?”
She forced her face upward, then nodded—even though the soft tone of his voice made her want to cry. “You’ve got this, Elli,” she whispered to him. “You don’t need me anymore.” She touched his arm, then gave him an encouraging nod and turned back toward Mary. “Well, I’m afraid I must be going, but it was nice meeting you.”
Mary nodded, said a polite goodbye, and Fe turned toward the elevators.
Her saving grace was that the doors opened right away. A gentleman pressed the ground floor, and she pulled her phone from her clutch to schedule an Uber.
Out in the front of the hotel, her hands shanking, she wrapped her arms around her stomach and waited for her ride. All she wanted to do was go home, rip the ponytail out of her hair, and put on her most comfortable pajamas.
“Fe.” Elliot’s voice called from behind her. It had been less than two minutes. He’d only said it once, but his voice sent a million goosebumps loose all over her skin.
He’d come after her. Damn him, he’d come after her. She hugged herself harder and spun around to face him. “Go back inside, Elliot.”
He moved closer, touching her arm as he shook his head. As though he was confused, as though—
“What are you doing here?” she choked out. “Go back upstairs, go to Mary—”
But his jaw flexed, and his voice interrupted her. “You don’t look fine.”
She forced her eyes up to his. “This is the moment we’ve been waiting for. She’s up there, wanting to talk to you.” She pushed at his chest. “Go, Elli.”
His body tightened, but he didn’t budge. “Is that what you really want?” His voice was pleading, his jaw hard and tight. “Tell me the truth.”
The Uber pulled up to the curb then, and she held up
one finger to tell him to wait. “Yes.” She turned back to Elliot with her head held high, but all she could manage was a whisper. “That’s what I want.”
His jaw flexed, he looked down the ground, and she opened the door to her car.
Slamming the door shut behind her, she turned toward the driver. “Go,” she whispered. He pulled away from the curb, and her head fell back to the upholstery. “Drive. Just—drive”
Chapter 35
Glancing up to the steps to their apartment one hour later, she was sure her feet had never felt so heavy. Like lead, covered in cement, attached to cables that were anchoring her to the ground. But one foot in front of the other, she moved her feet. Until she reached the top of the stairwell, where she could hear the faint sounds from the TV inside the apparent. Her stomach instantly filled with dread, because Colton was still awake.
Fucking Colton.
She pushed the door open, just far enough to slip in through the crack, and found him lounging on the couch watching TV. His feet were propped on one end of this cushions, his inky head resting on the other side.
He moved his feet to the floor and sat up when he noticed her, then leaned forward to brace his elbows on his knees. “Rough night?”
The way he said it, reminded her of his brother. Her temples began to pound, and she shook her head, trying to mask the emotions that were bubbling in her throat. “It’s these damned shoes,” she said, kicking her heels to the corner of the room. “I’ve only had them on a couple hours, and I already want to run them through the garbage disposal.”
“Is that so?”
She nodded, “Yes.” She turned toward the TV, unable to face him any longer. “What are you watching?”
His eyes scanned her up and down, as he turned to the television screen. “Just some old documentary about hermit crabs.”
A small unexpected laugh escaped her mouth, and she looked up to his face. “Really?”
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