by Mia Archer
I pushed Coach Scott’s arm away. “Are you crazy? There isn’t a chance I’m giving up my time to shine! They’re going to give out the awards for this and I want to make sure I’m right there! I’m not hanging out with some nurse while they hand out my blue ribbon.”
Coach Scott paused for a moment at that and she looked down towards the end of the pool. I frowned in confusion. Why the hell did she look like that? This was supposed to be a happy time. This was supposed to be the moment when I got out there and showed the world that I was the best.
I followed her gaze down to the end of the pool. My breath caught when I saw who was walking towards us, and for once my breath catching had absolutely nothing to do with just finishing one hell of a race. It was a swim official with a bushy white mustache and a frown of his own avoiding looking at me so hard that it was obvious I was the one he was going for.
And it was obvious from that look that he didn’t have anything good to say. I felt panic rising in me. What was going on here? Officials coming for you with looks like that were never good, and Coach Scott looking like that had me even more on guard.
“Alyssa,” Sarah whispered. She reached out and took my arm. Gave it a squeeze. “It was when you slowed down. You stopped for a moment and you…”
It hit me exactly what she was talking about. I’d been dizzy and I had to stop for a moment in the pool. The scissor kick. The sort of thing that could get you disqualified even during a regular meet, but especially during the state meet when they had officials prowling up and down the length of this massive pool watching like hawks for any sort of infraction.
“Why haven’t they announced the winner yet?” I asked. “They always announced the winner right after the race was over.”
“I’m sorry Alyssa,” Coach Scott said, looking down.
The official stopped in front of us and cleared his throat. Paused for a moment as though he was unsure of what to say. As though he didn’t like what he was about to say. I felt wobbly again, and this time it had nothing to do with those strange spells that hit me after a really tough swim.
“I’m sorry miss, but there was an illegal scissor kick there at the very end of your event. I’m afraid we’re going to have to disqualify you,” he said.
I fell back and luckily Coach Scott and Sarah were both there to catch me. I couldn’t believe it. All that hard work. All that effort, and I was being disqualified because I didn’t keep up my dolphin kick for a couple of seconds at the very end of the event. I’d done everything right. I’d won by at least five seconds. I’d blown the pool record for this place out of the water and I should’ve gotten that patch on the back of my letter jacket that declared to the world that I was a state champion.
The natatorium had gone silent while the official was talking with us. I didn’t bother looking up into the stands. I didn’t want to see the look on mother’s face. She would be furious that I let something like this happen. She’d think it was my fault even though it wasn’t something I could help.
The official standing in front of us nodded to someone off in the distance and the PA system clicked on. I guess they’d been waiting for someone to tell me about my fuck up in person before they announced it to the world.
“First place swimmer has been disqualified. The new winner is…”
I didn’t hear the rest of what the announcer had to say. I felt like I was going to pass out. All those years of hard work. All that time preparing for this moment, and I’d lost.
No, I hadn’t lost. Just losing would be something I could accept. Something I could learn to live with. This hadn’t been losing, though. I’d won my race. I won and I still got disqualified. It didn’t matter because I lost control. Because I couldn’t handle it. Because I got tired, panicked, and used the wrong kick for all of a couple of seconds.
I felt sick. I was in real danger of puking everything I’d eaten that morning, which wasn’t much considering I didn’t want to ralph in the pool in the middle of a race, all over the side of the pool. I’m sure it wouldn’t be the first or the last time something like that happened here.
“Come on Alyssa,” Sarah said, wrapping her arm around me. “Let’s get you back over to sit down. Are you sure you don’t want to see the nurse?”
I waved her away. “No nurse. I’m fine.”
I probably sounded more bitter than Sarah deserved. I also figured if there was anyone out there who understood what I was going through it was her. After all, hadn’t she gone through the same thing just a week ago thanks to me?
I should have trained harder. I should have worked at this to make sure I was at the top of my game. I should have done something to ensure I wouldn’t be bothered by those stupid fucking dizzy spells, and instead I ignored it and figured it would never happen in the middle of a race.
“This is all my fault,” I muttered.
Sarah gave me a funny look but didn’t say anything. I allowed her to pull me back to the bench. It was over. High school swimming ended not with a triumphant bang, but with a pathetic whimper. Disqualified on my final race.
At least I had Sarah here. If she wasn’t around then I’d probably be losing it right about now. I suppose that was a small comfort. She was able to help me the same way I’d helped her after her loss last week.
7: Comfort
Sarah:
Talk about awkward. When I came down here to show my support I figured I’d be supporting a winner. Not that I thought any less of Alyssa because she didn’t win. A DQ was something that could happen to any swimmer. It happened to me during summer swimming back in the summer after my sophomore year and boy had I argued until I was blue in the face with that official who admitted he couldn’t even really see my false start because the sun was in his eyes.
I was surprised Alyssa wasn’t arguing more strenuously on her behalf. If I’d had someone pull my dreams away like that I would’ve challenged the ruling or whatever it was.
I didn’t think it would help a damn bit though. No, I’d been watching Alyssa just as closely as I’m sure the officials were watching her. Just as closely as her nice lady coach had been watching. We’d all seen that brief kick where she seemed to slow down and lose her form for a moment. We’d looked at each other and frowned at the same time.
If we’d both seen it then there was no doubt in my mind one of the officials walking up and down the length of the pool keeping an eye out for just that sort of thing would’ve also seen it. It spoke volumes that Alyssa’s coach wasn’t stepping forward to argue on her behalf.
I moved her over to the bench and sat her down on a towel. She was still dripping wet, but she didn’t bother to dry herself off or anything. No, she just stared ahead in a daze. Not that I could blame her. That’s probably what I looked like after losing to her a week ago.
The tears had come soon after. I braced myself for the worst.
“So do you want to talk about what happened out there or something?” I asked.
Alyssa looked at me and there was such heat, such anger, there that for a moment I wanted to take a step back. Obviously that was the wrong fucking thing to bring up. Then her look softened and she smiled. Reached out to pat my leg which I’m ashamed to admit sent a little thrill running through me.
I shouldn’t be thinking about things like that in this of all times. Not when I needed to provide some comfort to a friend. Even if those things were still very much in the back of my mind. Did that make me a horrible person?
“Nothing happened out there,” she said. “I just lost control for a minute. Can’t really explain what happened other than that. I got too into my own head and now I’ve paid the price.”
I looked at her long and hard. I had trouble believing that someone who’d performed so well under pressure so many times in so many races could “get too into her own head” during the biggest race of her life, but I suppose it was possible. Now wasn’t the time to go accusing her of lying anyways. It’s not like it would help anything and I figured it
was best not to bother her when she was already so obviously on edge.
“If you say so,” I said. “Just know that I’m here to talk with you if you ever need to let something out.”
Alyssa gave my leg a squeeze. She’d never pulled her hand away after patting me earlier and boy was I aware of it. I wanted to concentrate on helping her out. On providing a shoulder for her to cry on even though it didn’t look like she was in any danger of crying any time soon. Only all my attention was focused on that spot where her hand made contact with my thigh. I was having trouble thinking of anything else.
I wondered if she had any idea what she was doing to me with that simple touch. I wondered if it was doing anything for her touching me like that.
“Alyssa?”
I closed my eyes and sighed. Of course that moment was too good to last. The unmistakable sound of Alyssa’s mom making her way through the crowd hit my ears and I wanted to growl in frustration. Of course she’d come down here as soon as she realized that her baby wasn’t going to be the big champion after all.
“Let me through! Where’s my baby? I need to see my baby!”
I opened my eyes and looked at Alyssa. She didn’t look too happy about the idea of her mom making her way through the crowd either. Her eyes went wide and she seemed to be panicking in a way that even losing her race hadn’t.
“We could go hide somewhere in the school right now,” I said. “Last chance.”
Alyssa smiled, then took her hand off my leg. Which was a damn shame, because I was really enjoying the contact. It also had me wondering why she’d pull her hand away like that. Was she worried about her mom seeing that and getting the wrong idea about us? Did that mean there was maybe a reason for her mom to be getting the wrong idea about us? Did I want there to be a reason for someone to get the wrong idea about us?
So much going on here. So confusing. Better to try and forget about that, for the moment.
“I think I should stick around,” she said. Then she smiled and I wanted to melt into the tile. “As fun as sneaking off with you sounds.”
“Well the option is always there if you want to get away from it all,” I said.
Her mom burst through the crowd looking around frantically. She locked eyes with Alyssa and took a moment to glare at me. Not that I thought I’d one anything to deserve that glare, but whatever. If she wanted to be crazy then she could be crazy. I wasn’t going to get in the way. Not when she had that frantic mother hen look in her eyes.
She got down on her knees in front of Alyssa and started looking her over.
“What’s wrong honey? I know there has to be something wrong. You wouldn’t let that happen if there wasn’t something wrong!”
Alyssa sighed and rolled her eyes. “I already told coach and Sarah. I’m fine. Nothing’s wrong. I just got a little weirded out in the pool and lost it for a moment.”
Her mom looked up and locked eyes with her. That was a pretty intense stare. My parents had always been pretty easygoing, look at them allowing me to drive a couple of hours on my own to watch a girl I’d never mentioned before swimming for a good example of just how laid back they were, and I’d never been on the business end of that level of parental scrutiny.
It felt weird.
“I don’t believe that for a moment. Is it this girl? Did she distract you or something? You know I don’t approve of people standing down at the end of the lane cheering like that. It only distracts you,” Alyssa’s mom said.
That earned an eye roll from Alyssa. “Mom, you’ve never said anything about not liking people cheering for me. The girls on my team do it at every meet.”
“Well I should have said something,” she said. She looked at me again and the sneer was obvious. This lady didn’t like me for some reason. “Maybe if I had this girl wouldn’t be there to distract you and keep you from winning!”
I wondered if she had some idea of what was going on between me and her daughter. It seemed impossible considering I still wasn’t entirely certain what was going on between me and her daughter, but parents could be annoyingly perceptive sometimes. It was a good thing we’d be going off to college soon enough where we wouldn’t have to worry about her getting too up in our business.
I shivered thinking of that. Just a few months before we’d both be going off to the dorms over the summer. Swimmers had to start working out well before the real season started and that meant we were being put up in the dorms free of charge and without any classes to worry about like others on the swim team since we didn’t technically start school until the fall.
At least I assumed it worked that way for Alyssa.
“Mother,” Alyssa said, a warning tone coming to her voice. “Could you please cut the crap?”
Her mom blinked and drew herself up to her full height, which wasn’t much. “How dare you speak about your mother like that! Why if I…”
“Honey,” Alyssa’s dad said. He put a hand on her shoulder but that seemed to be all it took to distract her. Not that she stopped with the jerk routine. She just turned to face Alyssa’s poor dad and started yelling at him instead of yelling at me and Alyssa.
Well, mostly at Alyssa. Still, there were those glares. They were not pleasant at all.
I leaned in close to Alyssa. “So is she always like this?”
Alyssa turned to me and grinned. “A lot of the time she is, actually. You sort of get used to it, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t looking forward to college next fall.”
“I can’t blame you,” I muttered.
“Besides, I’m still a little shocked over the whole losing thing. Next to that getting yelled at by my mom is downright routine. Kinda comforting, even, in its own fucked up way.”
I sighed and pulled her in for a hug. My heart broke every time I was reminded of her loss. Which was kind of crazy. I figured if anything I should be happy that she lost. Sort of an “if I can’t have it then you shouldn’t have it either” sort of thing, but that was the farthest thing from my mind. No, all I could think about was how horrible it would feel if I was in the same situation. It had been bad enough losing at sectionals. I couldn’t imaging losing after getting all the way to state.
I pulled her in for a hug. I didn’t care that her mom was standing right there and all it would take was one look to set her off. No, all I cared about was being close to Alyssa. I’d be lying if I didn’t say there was at least some ulterior motive for me to pull her in close like that. I’d discovered I enjoyed feeling Alyssa close, and I was suddenly a junkie who was going to take every opportunity possible to feed my new addiction!
Alyssa held me for a moment longer than I figured a friendly hug should last. Unfortunately the hug came to an end and she pulled away fixing me with a smile. She also glanced over towards her mom which had me wondering if maybe she had a reason for not wanting her mom to think there was something going on here.
Assuming there was even something going on here. The jury was still very much out on that.
“Y’know usually we go out for dinner or something after meets. What would you say to joining us?” Alyssa asked.
I smiled, but then glanced over to her mom. She still seemed to be in a heated conversation, oblivious to the world around her or the way people were starting to stare. Their voices were carrying and it did not sound like a pleasant chat.
“Are you sure about that? Your mom kinda seems like she’s on the warpath today for some reason,” I said.
Alyssa leaned in closer and whispered like we were in the middle of some conspiracy or something.
“To tell you the truth? I don’t give a damn what she thinks. You have your car, right?”
I blinked at the sudden change of subject. “What does my car have to do with your mom?”
“Simple. We’re both 18. If I decide to go out with one of my friends and have you drop me off later there’s not a damn thing she can do about it. Either she plays nice and gets to have one final post-high school swim meet dinner with her daught
er and friend or she doesn’t and the two of us go out on our own!”
I shivered at the thought of the two of us going out on our own. That sounded suspiciously like a date, and I liked that idea a lot.
Sadly it wasn’t to be. Whatever argument Alyssa’s parents were having came to a close and they turned to regard the two of us as though we were up to something. Which, in a way, I suppose we were.
“What are the two of you going on about?” her mom asked.
“I was just telling Sarah here about how we always go out for dinner after a meet and I was inviting her along,” Alyssa said.
“I don’t think that…”
“And we were also talking about how if you didn’t want to go to dinner with the two of us then we could just maybe hang out on our own while you and dad go do your own thing,” Alyssa finished. It was pretty obvious she didn’t like that idea, but it also seemed Alyssa had masterfully chosen her words so that the threat of us going out on our own was implied without actually coming out and saying it.
Genius. I was really starting to like this girl.
“I suppose that would be all right,” she said. She turned to me and the frown wasn’t quite as large as it had been. I suppose that was progress? “You can follow us to whatever restaurant Alyssa chooses.”
“Don’t worry about that, mom,” Alyssa said. “I’ll be riding with Sarah.”
She turned to me. “I hope that’s okay?”
I grinned. I couldn’t help it. Even with her mom right there ready to make trouble I didn’t care. Sure I’d had a few friends who had trouble with parents not letting them date who they wanted, but we were pretty close to graduating and Alyssa was right. We were both eighteen. It felt good.
“Sounds great to me!”
I was giddy. I was ecstatic. I couldn’t wait for the car ride over to the restaurant, and to see exactly what was happening here and where things were going.
8: Friendly Dinner
