by Mia Archer
Sarah:
I sat in a memorial garden at the center of the hospital reading over “some old book by a bunch of dead guys who were obsessed with sex” as Alyssa would phrase it. I smiled thinking of her opinion of the books I read for class.
I wished I could hear her saying that in person, but I’d have to settle for memories.
I sighed. I’d been reading the same paragraph over and over for the past five minutes and I wasn’t any closer to actually getting the words from the page into my brain. I closed the book with a snap and leaned back on the bench. Looked around at all the flowers on display. The garden was on the roof in a greenhouse so it was nice and toasty warm even though the weather was starting to get cold.
It was peaceful up here. For some reason not many people came up here. Maybe they didn’t know it was here. Maybe they didn’t like going to a memorial garden that had the names of people who’d died at this hospital on a plaque out front.
It was a sobering reminder of what could happen to people when they came to this place. I never liked it when I walked in here. I could see why other people couldn’t handle it.
“Damn it Sarah,” I muttered to myself. “What are you going to do about this?”
I shook my head and rummaged in my book bag. I figured I could pull out my ereader and maybe get in some non-academic reading, but then I thought better of it. I was too distracted to think of much of anything other than Alyssa. I glanced down in the general direction that led to her room and thought about her sitting in there asleep with her mom standing guard like the gargoyle she was.
Damn it. This wasn’t fair! None of it was fair! I let out a frustrated yell. It’s not like anyone was going to hear me. I was the only one up here.
Until I wasn’t.
“Something bothering you?”
I turned at the sound of the familiar voice. A month ago I might’ve smiled to see Hank standing there looking uncertain, but not today. The guy hadn’t done a damn thing to help me get in there to see his daughter. I didn’t owe him anything. I frowned and started digging for my ereader again.
Pretending to look at it would be way better than actually talking with this guy.
“I suppose I deserved that look,” Hank said.
He moved over and sat down next to me. Looked at all the plants and flowers surrounding us, apparently the gardeners had found varieties that bloomed even in the winter if they had the right environment, and sighed.
“You know things haven’t been easy ever since Alyssa got here to the hospital,” he said. “I thought things were bad when I told Tiffany I didn’t want to be with her anymore, but they could get so much worse. Seeing my little girl like that, worrying that Tiffany might try to keep me away from her…”
I glanced up at him and was surprised to see tears moving down his face. He wasn’t sobbing, but it was obvious the idea of being separated from his daughter was tearing him up inside. Not that I thought Tiffany could really do that to him. He was family, after all. He had a trump card he could play that I was never going to have in my deck.
Well, not for a few years at least. Assuming Alyssa made it through this and we stayed together long enough to consider that sort of thing.
“Yeah, I know how you feel. I’ve been living it, you know,” I said. “Did you know she had hospital security escort me out of the place last week?”
Hank sighed. “I heard about that. I couldn’t believe it when she told me. If I’d been there…”
“You wouldn’t have done anything,” I said, some anger finally seeping into my voice. “You know what Alyssa wants and you haven’t done anything to get your ex under control this entire time.”
“What am I supposed to do?” he asked.
I looked at him and I saw something that I hadn’t really noticed before. Defeat. He and Alyssa had lived under the same roof as Tiffany for years and they’d reacted to that completely differently. Alyssa was hopelessly optimistic and nice to everyone around her. Hank, on the other hand, just seemed defeated. Run down. As though years of dealing with his wife for the sake of the kids had taken its toll on him.
I might be upset with the guy, but I could also sympathize with him. The poor bastard. I’d just been dealing with Tiffany for a few months and already I wanted to go crazy. I tried thinking about what it would be like to live with her for years and I couldn’t imagine the horror. The woman was a piece of work that I didn’t want to be around if I could avoid it.
“You’re her parent too, you know,” I said. “She doesn’t have to run the show. I think you got up the courage to leave her, but you haven’t worked up the courage to break free yet.”
Hank turned to me and gave me a funny look. A perplexed look. A look that turned to one of dawning horror as he realized exactly what I was talking about. That I was absolutely correct.
“Damn. That’s pretty harsh,” he said.
I shrugged. “The truth usually is. My harsh truth I’m dealing with right now is I can’t see my girlfriend because her crazy bitch of a mom isn’t letting me near her. It’s like she blames me for her baby getting cancer in the first place. Like I’m giving off lesbian radiation or something that mutated her cells.”
Hank laughed at that. I wasn’t sure how much I meant it to be a joke. It just felt like a depressing reality to me these days. I figured that was better than the pity party he’d been on, though.
“Y’know you’re right,” he said. “She does blame you for confusing our daughter. She thinks that it’s something you tempted her into or something.”
“Yeah? What do you think about that?”
“I think she’s crazy and I’ve told her as much, but people telling her she was crazy was never enough for her to back down.”
“Sounds about right,” I replied. “So what are we going to do about this?”
Hank shook his head. “I don’t know that we’re going to do anything about her hating you. I’m not sure there’s any way around that.”
I sighed. “What’s her problem? Does she have a case of the Jesus or something?”
Hank laughed again. “Nothing like that. Maybe it was something about how she was brought up. Maybe it’s something about the crazy way she looks at the world. Either way, people have never needed a good reason to hate other people for some stupid reason, right? Seems like that’s the thing that makes the world go ‘round sometimes.”
“Well it shouldn’t be,” I replied. “I should be able to go in there and see my girlfriend, damn it.”
Hank reached out and put an arm around me. Before I could react he’d pulled me into a hug. A big fatherly bear hug that was exactly what I needed in that moment. I wasn’t in control of my reactions. All I knew was that suddenly all the pent up frustration and angst that had been building in me ever since all of this started broke free like there was an emotional dam in my mind that finally snapped.
I cried into his shoulder and he cried right back at me. We must’ve been quite a sight. Then again this sort of thing probably happened all the time in this hospital. Especially in the memorial garden.
I’m not sure how long we were blubbering in each other’s arms, but eventually we came down from the pity party. I wiped the tears from my eyes and he did the same. Then he sighed and slapped his hands against his knees.
“Welp. I suppose there’s only one thing for us to do now,” he said.
Hope flared inside me. He sounded determined. He sounded sort of like what Alyssa sounded like when she was about to do something that might be a little stupid and a little awesome all wrapped into one package.
“What’s that?”
He looked at me and grinned. “We’re going to get you into that room.”
“Yeah? What about your ex? Aren’t you worried about her trying to keep you away from Alyssa?”
Hank shrugged. “The way I see it Alyssa is a grown woman now who’s in college. I guess if she wants to see me then she’ll find a way to see me. It’s not like I have to worry about vi
sitation or anything. Besides, I figure being on your side is probably a good long term investment if I want to be a part of my daughter’s life.”
I grinned and leaned in to give him a kiss on the cheek. “Thank you. You have no idea how much I appreciate this. Or how much Alyssa will appreciate it.”
“I suppose we’ll see,” he said.
“So what’s the plan of action? Something tells me Tiffany isn’t going to let me waltz into that room even if I do have you right there beside me. How do we stop her from making a big scene again and having me kicked out? What do we do if Alyssa’s asleep and she can’t tell Tiffany off?”
Hank shook his head. “I haven’t thought of much beyond trying to get you in there in the first place. I figure we take it one step at a time.”
“Okay then, so what’s the first step in that one step at a time?”
I felt giddy all over. I couldn’t believe it. I figured when he came up here we might chat and console each other on how ridiculous it was living in a world where Tiffany came into our personal bubble to ruin things so often. This had gone way better than I ever could’ve hoped for. All I could do now was continue to hope that things went well.
I thought back to those security guys. They’d made it sound like the cops could be called the next time I pulled something like this. I just hoped they wouldn’t bother to do anything if Hank was there telling them that I was welcome in Alyssa’s room. Either way this could end up being one hell of a fight.
“Let’s just get down there on her floor and see what there is to see,” Hank said. “I can’t promise anything, but we’re going to do our best when we get down there.”
I took a deep breath. It was go time. “I guess doing our best is going to have to cut it. Let’s go.”
We stood and left the memorial garden. With a little luck I hoped it would be the last time I ever had to visit that place. It was nice and quiet, but damn was it depressing.
29: Distraction
Alyssa:
I felt like a prisoner in my own stupid hospital room. I had a math book laid out in front of me and I was trying to do some of the work but I couldn’t focus on it. All I could think about was Sarah. I glanced over to the door but of course she wasn’t there. It was just the same old bright aqua color of the hallway that seemed to match the scrubs all the nurses wore.
I sighed.
“Is something wrong? Is that dreadful stuff bothering you?” mom asked. “I don’t understand why you’re bothering with that. It’s not like you’re going to be able to finish any of your classes this semester in your current condition.”
I glanced sharply at her. “Did it ever occur to you that maybe I want to learn this? That maybe this is fun for me? My life isn’t just about swimming, you know. Not that you ever stopped long enough to listen to me.”
Mom sniffed. “Well you won’t need to worry about any of that when you come home for community college. That’s what will be best for you. I don’t like the person you’ve become since you came to this university.”
I put the book down gingerly on my lap. Slamming it down was what I felt like doing, but damn would that hurt considering how tender everything was all over my body. I felt a dread chill wash over me.
“What are you talking about?”
“Well I’m talking about your plans for the future, of course,” mom said. “In your delicate state I can’t see you being out here where you don’t have anyone to take care of you.”
“I have Sarah to take care of me,” I said.
She fixed me with a withering glare. The sort of glare that would’ve had me quieting down pretty darn quick once upon a time, but more and more these days it felt like she had no power over me. Now that glare rolled right over me.
I didn’t care.
“You are not going to stay with that girl. I’m going to send a strongly worded letter to the university for even letting the two of you stay together in the first place, so you can get that out of your head. Trust me, a little bit of time at home and everything will be right as rain.”
“Are you deaf? I’m not going home with you!”
I was raising my voice. This was going to cause a scene. Then again I sort of wanted to call a scene. I was in a place where I didn’t feel like I was looking at the world through a fog, and I wanted to let her know exactly what I thought of what she’d been doing. I just hoped that this was a trend and I could look forward to more days where I was lucid rather than feeling like I was drunk off my ass.
“I don’t know that I like your tone of voice little missy,” she said. “But I’m going to let that slide just this once because of your condition. You’ll feel much better when we’re back home and you can work with the doctors in the hospital there.”
I rolled my eyes. “Those quacks in that small town? No thanks. I don’t need a doctor who’s so far behind the times that they still think whiskey and amputation is a good way to deal with what ails you.”
“Alyssa, you watch your tone!”
We probably would’ve gotten into it even more if not for someone appearing at the door. I looked over to see dad standing there with his arm on the door frame. He looked a little reluctant to even be standing there, and it’s not like I could blame him. If I were anybody else I wouldn’t want to be in the middle of an argument either.
I smiled and gestured for him to come in. He glanced at mother for a moment before stepping inside.
“Feeling better today sport?” he asked.
“A little,” I said. “My body still aches, but I don’t feel like puking up anything I eat so I guess that’s something?”
“Yeah, that is something!”
Dad clapped his hands together and looked around the room again. He seemed really nervous about something. My eyes narrowed. That was the sort of look that he only had when he was trying to pull something over on mom. Somehow she’d never managed to pick up on that obvious tell over the years, but I knew.
Hope flared inside me and I glanced out into the hall. I thought I saw someone hanging out just around the edge of the door. I wanted that person to step forward. I wanted it to be Sarah. Knowing my luck, though, it was probably just a nurse or a doctor.
“What are you doing here?” mom snapped.
I looked over at mom in surprise. I hadn’t heard her talk to dad like that in, well, ever. Sure they’d had their fights or times when they didn’t exactly get along, but she’d never been outright nasty like that. At least not in front of me.
And for a wonder dad actually stood tall. He looked her in the eyes. “I’m here to see my daughter. My daughter who can see me whether you want me in here or not. You’re not going to keep me away.”
I blinked. What was going on here? Keep him away? Why on earth would my mom want to keep my dad away? I was missing something major here. I seemed to be missing a lot of stuff since I came into the hospital.
“Mom, what is he talking about?”
“Your father isn’t supposed to be here when I’m here,” she said in a voice that said that should explain everything.
“Are you crazy? Why wouldn’t he be allowed in here? He’s my dad! Were you keeping him out? Is this what you were doing with Sarah too?”
“Don’t you talk about that girl in front of me!” mom said, raising a warning finger.
“I’ll talk about her if I want! Why are you trying to keep dad away from me?”
“Because he left me!” she snapped.
I blinked. I reeled. I couldn’t believe it. He left her? My dad actually worked up the guts to leave her? It made sense. I was in college now. He really had no reason to hang around. I knew he hadn’t been happy with my mom in quite some time. Everything was coming together finally. I was just glad I didn’t have that stupid cloud keeping me from realizing what was going on around me, otherwise this would be tough to take.
“Go dad,” I finally said when I’d worked through the details. Thinking things through still took me a little longer than it used to.
>
“What was that?” mom asked.
I looked her square in the eyes. “I said go dad.”
Mom turned to him with a triumphant smile. “Did you hear that? She doesn’t want you in here. Of course my baby wouldn’t want you around after you broke my heart!”
I rolled my eyes and sighed. I finally had the energy to do that. I was so glad I was finally recovering from all this stupid medication they’d been shoving down my throat and in my arm and pretty much everywhere else.
“That’s not what I meant at all mom,” I said. “I was telling him to go. Like good job. I’m proud of him for finally standing up to you.”
Mom wheeled around and glared at me. “Finally standing up to me? Is that how you really feel?”
I figured this was it. This was the big explosion. The big argument between me and mom that had been brewing for quite a while now, but instead she wheeled around on dad and poked a finger in his chest that caused him to take a step back.
“This is all your fault!” she shouted. “I can’t believe you would come in here like this and try to confuse our poor daughter in her delicate state!”
Dad stood firm. “You’re not going to talk to me like that anymore Tiffany,” he said. “We’re not together, and you’re not going to try and keep me from Alyssa anymore. I’m not going to stay away just because you’re in the room. You’re done keeping people out of this room.”
I knew I should’ve focused on the fact that my parents were having a huge argument right in the middle of my hospital room. It seemed that huge arguments in the middle of my hospital room were becoming a regular thing. I knew I should’ve been worried that it seemed like my parents were headed straight for a divorce. It sounded like they’d already separated. But the only thing I could focus on were his words.
She was done keeping people out of my room. Did he know something I didn’t? There was only one person I could think of who my mom would try to keep out, and I didn’t like where this was going.
Mom glanced at me and my eyes narrowed. What had she been up to? She sniffed and turned to dad. “We’re going to have this conversation somewhere more private.”
