Reese thought about how much had already changed. Or, at least, shifted. The schoolgirl crush she’d had on Sterling had bloomed into real feelings for him. Her jealousy over Morgan being in his bed told her that. But Reese also felt it in the moments she shared with Sterling, both large and small.
Every time they had a conversation, he peeled back a little more of his layers, letting her know him more. She did the same, trying to remind herself that vulnerability meant strength. She believed that. But it also meant trusting someone. And she didn’t know that she could trust Sterling not to break her heart.
Physically, nothing had happened since the night in Atlanta when he put his foot on hers under the table and they had hugged on the balcony. It had taken Reese hours to fall asleep the night before when she left his room. She couldn’t stop thinking about the way his arms felt, wrapped around her. His scent had gotten caught on her shirt. As she had rolled over in bed, it would rise up to meet her, making her heart thud again and sending her thoughts down a maddening road.
“You’ll never be the little people. And I’ll try to be better about calling or texting. Okay?”
Reese wanted to tell her about the potential trip to California with Sterling. But he hadn’t said anything about it after bringing it up. Maybe he didn’t want her to come. He seemed to appreciate the offer, but that didn’t mean anything. And it would probably be weird to show up to an intervention for his little sister she had never met, right?
After she hung up, Reese curled up onto the couch. She felt like her life was hurtling forward at a speed rivaling the bus. It had to be something about traveling in close quarters with people for an extended period of time.
She didn’t realize she had fallen asleep until the door closing had her jolting up. Sterling froze just by the door. “Sorry! I didn’t realize you were sleeping.”
“That makes two of us,” Reese said, yawning.
“Can I sit?” Sterling asked.
Reese nodded and shifted so that her legs were pulled closer into her body, giving him room on the small couch. She wondered if Morgan was still sleeping in Sterling’s room. And how far they were from New Orleans. She wanted nothing more than to be off the bus.
“I wanted to ask if you were serious about coming to L.A. with me.” Sterling’s face looked impassive, but Reese could see a faint sheen of sweat on his forehead. His fingers had that gray pick out again, flipping over his knuckles.
“I meant it. But you don’t have to take me. No pressure. Especially if you’d rather take someone else.”
She met his eyes. Hopefully he couldn’t see the way her pulse had become erratic just thinking about taking a trip with him. She waited for him to say that he wanted to take Morgan instead. He didn’t.
“Okay,” he said.
That didn’t tell her whether he meant okay, they were going to go to L.A. together or okay, she had given a satisfactory answer. Reese didn’t want to ask. She realized it was because she would be disappointed if he didn’t say he was planning to take her with him.
“I also wanted you to know that I wasn’t sleeping with Morgan. I meant what I said. I offered her my bed for a nap because her back was hurting.”
“Okay,” Reese said, feeling a small satisfaction that she was giving him the same frustrating non-answer that he had just given her.
“I didn’t want you to think that it was something that it wasn’t.”
“Sterling, who you have in your bed is not my business. I’m here for a job. I work for you. What you choose to do personally isn’t something I need to worry about unless it impacts your public image.”
These words were all true. Reese should have stopped with this. But her hurt forced out more words that she immediately wished she could reel back into her mouth.
“Anyway, she does seem to be more your type.”
A tension flooded the room almost immediately. His jaw clenched as he stood, crossing the room to the door. Reese did not look up at him.
“Thanks for clearing that up and reminding me of my place. See you later.”
As he closed the door behind him, leaving her alone in the lounge, a heaviness descended in Reese’s chest and her eyes burned.
What she said was a good reminder to herself as much as it was to him. So why did she feel so incredibly sad and guilty?
Chapter Thirteen
Sterling shut himself off as much as possible for the next three shows, at least on the tour bus and in the hotels. On stage he was still channeling the same magnetism and connection that he had in Atlanta. That surprised him, because he fully believed that Reese helped bring that out of him. And after their brief conversation on the back of the bus where she made it very clear she wasn’t interested in a relationship with him, he had hardly said anything to her. Reese talked to Morgan about anything important and then Morgan talked to him.
Reese’s words shouldn’t have mattered that much. Sterling hadn’t even told her he was interested before she shot him down. She was being presumptuous. This is what Sterling told himself, though he knew he wasn’t being fully honest. Maybe he hadn’t told Reese in words that he was interested, but he had flirted. He had done small things, like put his foot on top of hers under the table while they were working. Most people wouldn’t consider that something. It sounded stupid. Like something you might do in junior high. For a rock star who had engaged in way too many meaningless physical relationships over the years, that was laughable.
But it meant something when he did it. He knew it. Reese knew it. He had seen it in the way she chewed on the inside of her cheek and flushed a little, trying to avoid eye contact.
Then she hugged him on the balcony and told him that she would come with him to May’s intervention. It felt like things shifted and that they had taken a few giant leaps forward towards something real. He bought two first-class tickets that same night, feeling hopeful about the future and even about his trip home. Now he didn’t know how to ask her again or mention that he had the tickets.
Something about Reese made him feel stronger and more sure of himself. He wanted to live up to the way that she saw him and the things she said about him when they were doing that social media thing. She had called him talented. Strong. Tender.
It was totally stupid how far he had fallen when they barely knew each other. He had been vulnerable, something that she said showed strength. It had challenged him to take down some of his walls for her. But maybe she didn’t know how hard that was for him to do.
Now he felt like that had simply come back to bite him. He had a plane ticket with her name on it when she clearly didn’t want to be alone with him. All because Morgan had taken a nap in his bed?
Sterling did understand, though. When Morgan asked, bending over and holding a hand to her spine like she had been in pain, he had felt distinctly uncomfortable. He hadn’t shared his bed with any woman in any way in at least two years. Not that he napped with her, but still. There was something intimate about sharing your bed with someone else. That was probably the furthest thing anyone would expect for a rock star to say, but the more distance he had from his past casual physical relationships, the more the thought bothered him. He didn’t want to throw away any part of himself like it was that easily discarded.
It wasn’t necessarily that he wanted to be celibate like Moby accused him of being, but he wanted change. If he was going to have a relationship, he wanted something full and real. If that was even possible, which he had seriously doubted. Until Reese and whatever it was about her that pulled him toward her. He had found himself agreeing when she mentioned that she wanted to get married. To wake up every morning with the same person and to be glad about it. He wanted that too.
And when she talked about that, for just a moment, Sterling could imagine that person he woke up to every morning being Reese. She was smart and kind and willing to be vulnerable and open. He loved the way she sometimes seemed to lose control of her words, letting them spill out and then looking horrified. She
made him laugh. And she was there in the best way possible after he had talked to his mother about the intervention.
Did she feel something like that for him? Sure, she had joked about wanting to marry Sterling James the rock star when she was younger. Did the real person live up to the hype? He knew that he was moody and difficult sometimes. He had snapped at her and been rude more than once. If she still liked him, it would be shocking. But he thought maybe she might return similar feelings … until she saw Morgan in his bed.
He could see how that would have given Reese the wrong idea. He had tried to imagine what it would be like if he had walked by and seen Moby in Reese’s bunk. The thought made him so angry that he had to hit up the hotel fitness center and do a punishing workout as soon as the bus stopped in New Orleans. He got it. He just didn’t know what to do about it.
Reese probably felt betrayed and hurt, but he knew that she meant the words she said. It was like that moment woke her up and reminded her of what she was doing on the tour. She worked for Sterling. Things needed to stay professional. He didn’t want to make her lose her job. Maybe after the tour something could happen? Which left him now in a painful, confusing limbo. And with two tickets to LA, one in her name.
Which now he didn’t know what to do with. He would probably just go alone. Or he could get the name changed and take Morgan. No. Morgan might have been one of his oldest friends, but the thought of letting her into this painful part of his life didn’t sit well with him. He wasn’t exactly sure why. She was trustworthy. It wasn’t that. This part of his life had been closed off completely from everyone for so long that the idea of letting anyone in gave him a physical, visceral reaction.
Why had it been different with Reese?
Sterling’s mind kept turning this over as they did the sound check in Dallas at the Dos Equis Pavilion. The tour was a summer one, though technically it was still late spring. A lot of the venues were outdoor amphitheaters like this. It had been fine in Atlanta, but already it was getting hot. He had done two shirt changes in Houston, which he hated doing. It made him feel like a diva. But he also hated performing in a shirt that was completely drenched in his own sweat. He hoped as they moved west and rolled into the summer that they had more venues indoors. With air conditioning.
“Hey!” Morgan’s voice reached him as he put the guitar back in the stand.
Everything was set up for the show. Sterling had seen Reese flitting around, taking video for the Facebook page, but he had been sure not to make eye contact. Maybe it was immature, but it helped him not to feel so bad about everything if he didn’t look right at her face. Difficult on a tour, especially on the bus, but not impossible as he had found.
“You got my extra shirts?” Sterling asked.
Morgan held up a stack of black T-shirts. “Yep. I bought a few more since this will likely be an issue as we go this summer. Probably only the people close up will notice you’ve changed. I’ll leave these right on the side of the stage.”
Sterling nodded. “Good. Are we doing more indoor venues? This summer tour outdoors is killing me and it’s only May.”
Sterling headed for the green room and Morgan fell into step beside him.
“I know. It’s hot. We do have more indoor spaces coming up. I actually wanted to talk to you about adding more dates.”
Sterling frowned. “Extending? I don’t want to do more than two months. Last time I did a long tour I wanted to quit music altogether after I finished.”
“I don’t want to add on time. We have a few spaces that I could add shows in if we stayed one more night in a place or didn’t get a hotel and slept on the bus.”
“Why? I mean, I know adding shows means more money and all, but why are you thinking about this?”
Morgan stopped in the dark, narrow hallway and pulled his arm until he was stopped too, facing her. “Did Reese not tell you?”
Sterling looked away and shook his head. Reese didn’t tell him anything anymore. Morgan went on like she didn’t notice his discomfort. “The rest of the tour sold out. Completely.”
Sold out. Sterling met her eyes with shock. He had never sold out a tour. Maybe one or two shows at smaller venues. That hadn’t even been a goal. Especially not for this tour, where they had some bigger venues. “We sold out? Everything?”
Morgan grinned. “Every single show.”
“How?” Sterling asked. “I don’t understand.”
“I think it’s two-fold. First of all, you’re on fire. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but you are kind of amazing. There’s something different about you and about how you’re playing and interacting with the crowds. It’s having a huge impact. The main show and your acoustic encores.”
“And?”
“The other part is Reese and what she’s doing. That first show in Atlanta, the video she did of your sound check went viral. She put a link to the tour on there and it started then. But she’s continued to capitalize on the live video stuff. Sound checks, your new music during the special encores—all of it. We sold out after Houston. Congratulations, big guy. I knew this tour was going to be huge for you. Looks like you can do whatever you want from here on out.”
Sterling leaned against the wall. This was good news. It was amazing. This would give him more leverage to do exactly what he wanted next. His label might even be more open to keeping him and letting him choose what he wanted to do. But if he wanted to go independent, he would have the power for that as well.
But he needed Reese.
The thought hit him like a fist to the gut. Would he continue to have this kind of engagement without the work she was doing? Could he hire someone else to do it as well as she did? Would she even want to work with him or talk to him after the way he had pointedly ignored her for the past four days? Four days felt like months on a tour like this. Everything was more ramped up when you traveled with people in close quarters. Emotions were heightened. Which was probably why he felt what he did for Reese. It wasn’t real. They would end the tour and he would be over it immediately.
Even as he told himself this, he knew it wasn’t true. His draw to her was something more, something deeper. It was the most real thing he had ever felt. Sterling didn’t want to think about the implications of what that meant.
“You should probably thank her. I’ve noticed you aren’t talking to her. Something happen?” Morgan seemed to be watching his face carefully.
“No,” Sterling said in a clipped tone. “Nothing happened. I’ll thank her.”
“Good.” Morgan stood and started walking again toward the door of the green room. “Because I really like Reese. Even when you seem to be giving her the cold shoulder and going all Night Sterling on her, she’s been working her butt off for you behind-the-scenes. You have no idea.”
Guilt choked him. He had been acting like a big baby. Reese had tried to remind him that she was there for a job and he had taken it personally. He never should have crossed a line in his thoughts or in his actions. And he never should have let Morgan nap in his bed. That crossed a line too. One that made him uncomfortable, even if it was innocent.
Sterling knew he needed to talk with Reese and thank her for what she had been doing for him. He needed to stop pretending like she wasn’t there. That was the furthest thing from professional.
Of course, his feelings weren’t professional. Period. Maybe he needed to figure out how to handle that before he could talk to her. The last thing he wanted was to drive her any further away than he already had.
* * *
Four shows in and Reese had a routine. She started every night they had a show by making her way around the tunnels and back halls so she wouldn’t get lost. She located the green room, which was always home base. Then she walked the seating areas, checking the views of the stage, taking photos as she went for Sterling’s Instagram. She’d found that the live videos did better on Facebook, but photos and quick videos did well on Instagram, in stories or just the feed.
Guys tended to
like photos of equipment and the guitars Sterling and Moby used. She always made sure to include a photo of the bass or of David playing. The first time she had, multiple commenters thanked her and made jokes about everyone forgetting the bassist.
Girls and women tended to want more pictures of Sterling and the rest of the band. When they had their meeting, he said he hated having posed photos taken, so they kept those to a minimum. Which was better, since she didn’t have to talk to him taking casual, in-the-moment pictures. Though it did make her feel like a stalker.
Especially considering the fact that Sterling had spoken only three words to her since their conversation on the back of the bus. She had counted. (More stalker behavior.) He’d said “thanks” when she passed him a napkin while they were all eating in the green room. “Sorry” when they had almost run into each other walking on the bus. And “yeah” when she had asked about filming the sound check at the last show.
It’s what she wanted, right?
Not really. Not at all.
But it was probably what she needed. Seeing Morgan in his bed had made jealousy rise so fast and hard in her chest that it hurt. Physically hurt: stomach clenching, chest burning. For two full days afterward she felt jealous every time she saw him talking to Morgan. And they talked a lot.
Reese couldn’t feel that way for him. She just couldn’t. It made her feel out of control and emotionally wired. Whatever flirtations had passed between them probably meant way less for him than it did for Reese. She rarely dated and hadn’t had a long-term relationship. Things always seemed to fizzle out. A few relationships died more dramatically, with her most serious boyfriend cheating on her with another girl who went to her church. That did a number on her heart. Especially since she still saw them from time to time on Sunday mornings.
Did Sterling go to church? They hadn’t talked about this subject and it wasn’t really a possibility on tour. Reese had been trying to slip into a routine of having a devotional or prayer time, but with a different schedule every day it was hard. She could see how easy it would be not to crack open her Bible for the next two months. About as easy as it was not to bring up this topic with Sterling. Especially since they weren’t talking.
Managing The Rock Star (Not So Bad Boys Book 1) Page 12
