She just stared at him. “Were we in the same meeting? That was the one where you were acting like a brat.”
“That’s your nickname, not mine.”
Reese shrugged. “I stand by what I said. But I’m confused. You acted like you totally hated me in that meeting. It was literally the worst meeting with a client I’ve ever had.”
Sterling laughed and took her hand. “I was being awful and I’m sorry. But you proved more than your competence at your job in that meeting. I saw how you wouldn’t back down or give up, even when I was being awful. Then you shared how you wanted to be seen and how you saw me. It was like you saw the man I want to be, like you could see my thoughts—things I don’t tell anyone. I thought you were beautiful before that, but a pretty face won’t turn my head. You, my dear, turned my heart.”
Reese could not look at him. With her free hand, she rubbed the table cloth between her fingers, trying to focus on something else so that the knot of emotion in her throat might disappear. Sterling may have thought she saw his thoughts and what he wanted, but in that moment, it was like he had seen what she had always hoped a man would say to her. What a man would see in her.
If she looked at him, she would be throwing away any hope of walking away from this with her heart intact. Maybe it was too fast. Probably—no, definitely it was too fast to fall in love with him. But she felt like in the brief time they’d had together on the tour and here in this whirlwind day, she had seen him. She may not know all the little details about him or his whole history, but he had opened up and let her in to see who he really was. And she didn’t want to walk away.
“Too much?”
Sterling’s words startled her thoughts and she looked up. In the dim light she couldn’t pick out the green in his hazel eyes, but she could read the vulnerability there. Reese squeezed his hand. “Do you feel like this is … fast?”
He smiled and kissed her hand, letting his lips linger there for a long moment. “If I think about it logically, yeah. But when I’m here with you, it feels somehow totally right. I only wish I could slow time to have more with you, or maybe speed it up so we could skip forward to where we knew all those tiny details about each other.”
Oh, her heart.
“For someone who said he wasn’t good at these kinds of conversations, you sure have found the words. I don’t know what to say.”
“So, I’m not being an idiot here?” That vulnerability still shone in his eyes. “You feel it too?”
“I do. I’m a little scared about what happens when we leave this little bubble, though.”
Reese could not imagine hiding this on the tour bus. Or continuing to push the fake Morgan relationship. She wouldn’t be able to do it. Would Morgan be crushed? They had sort of talked about it without talking about it, but Morgan would probably still be hurt.
“Then let’s enjoy the most of it, okay? Stay in the bubble as long as possible. Figure out the details later. I’d like to go back to the hotel.”
Reese shifted in her seat. What would Sterling expect from her? They had spent a lot of time kissing earlier that day. Did that give him the impression that she wanted more? It wasn’t just that she wanted to wait until marriage. She had found plenty of church-going guys who claimed to agree with that. But most of them saw that as the final line to cross and were totally okay pushing for other things physically. For Reese, kissing was the line.
The emotional surge she felt from just kissing Sterling reminded her why. It had made her feel even more connected to him, like she had already handed over her heart and said, “Do with it what you will.” Reese wanted to save even the deeper emotional connection for marriage, not just the physical. She had probably gone too far with Sterling already in that regard. She definitely hadn’t girded or guarded her heart well.
She probably belonged better in another century. Or maybe another culture? Like the Amish country. She could handle no electricity and no zippers.
Sterling’s voice startled her out of her thoughts. “Hey, I said earlier that I was going to protect your honor. I meant it. I’ll end the night in my room. As for my expectations, I fully expect to get to know you better. There are still a lot of embarrassing stories you haven’t shared. I can tell you’re holding back. Oh! And I have a surprise. You can trust me, Reese.”
He stood and held out his hand. She followed him down the hallway, sure the light from her smile could have lit up the whole hotel. When they got into the empty elevator, he invaded her space, pressing a kiss to the side of her face near her ear.
“You are so beautiful, Reese. Inside and outside.” Another kiss. Her eyes closed. “At least … the parts I’ve seen.”
He had a wicked, teasing smile as he touched her collar. Reese giggled as the elevator bell dinged and the doors opened. She followed him out, legs shaking.
“You have a way with words,” she said. “You should consider a career in something that involves that.”
“You think? Well, maybe something that involves music too. Because when I’m around you, I keep hearing it in my head.”
Reese was practically floating when she walked into the suite with Sterling still clutching her hand. She had no idea how she was going to ever recover from what he was doing to her. Whenever this ended, it might destroy her.
Unless … it didn’t end. Reese folded that thought up and put it away.
Chapter Twenty
Reese woke up to a room filled with gentle morning light. Had she heard a noise? She listened, but only heard the ocean and wind. It was the kind of sound she could wake up to every morning. Though maybe after a better night of sleep. She yawned. Sterling had been, as promised, a gentleman who slept in his own room. But he stayed until well past midnight and she was feeling the lack of sleep.
When they got back after dinner, he insisted she change into pajamas and he took off his button-down shirt, leaving on just an undershirt. After she had changed, she came back out to see that he had cleared off the coffee table and was sitting on the floor next to it with two decks of cards. The surprise was that Sterling had looked online to find a new way to play solitaire together. It was called Double Solitaire and was a competition of speed. They sat facing each other and any Ace was fair game, so they raced to get rid of their cards first. It made them laugh and as they slapped cards down they shared stories—both silly and serious.
He had talked about May and got a little teary when he told her more about how their relationship used to be. He told her a story of how they had once tried to make homemade donuts and almost burned the house down. The fire department had to come. “You should have seen her,” he had said. “After they dealt with the fire—which was mostly just smoke at that point—May charmed her way up onto the truck. I still have a picture somewhere.” Hearing him talk about her made Reese like him even more. If like was the right word.
The late hour loosened her tongue too and she had talked about how badly she wanted to get married. “My sister’s wedding was so very Texas. It was practically the size of the state fair. Fourteen bridesmaids and flowers for days. Fireworks. Three cakes, because she couldn’t choose.”
Sterling hadn’t seemed bothered by marriage talk, which should have been taboo on what amounted to a first date. “That’s not what you want?”
Reese had shaken her head vehemently. “No. The opposite. And not just because I have to be different than Rachel. I want just a handful of people we love to be there. A brief reception. And then I want to spend the rest of that day—because I want a day wedding—and night being with my husband and him alone. Does that make me really strange?”
“That sounds like an introvert’s dream,” was all he had said. But there had been a small smile on his face.
When he had kissed her goodnight, it was slow and sweet, but the passion had been dialed back. She sensed that he, like her, would have struggled with his decision to leave if he hadn’t kept it lighter.
A quiet knock reached her ears. She hadn’t been dreamin
g it. Sterling was the only person who could be at her door this early. She darted from bed and threw open the door, just as she realized that her hair was a disaster and she definitely had not brushed her teeth. She covered her mouth with her hand as she smiled at Sterling, trying to keep the morning breath at bay.
“Hi,” she said.
He looked like he could have stepped off a movie set with his tousled hair, fitted T-shirt, and dark jeans. But when he smiled, it didn’t quite reach his eyes. He looked stressed. Probably the lack of sleep the night before didn’t help.
“Hey, beautiful,” he said.
“Not quite,” Reese said. “I don’t think that this unbrushed hair, smudged make-up, and morning breath vibe is my best look.”
“Trust me when I say that this is a look I could wake up to.”
They both seemed to realize the implication of what he said at the same time. Reese’s eyes went wide, and she tried to hide her shock. Was he thinking as far in the future as she had been? He cleared his throat.
“So, I got you a spa package for today. It’s in thirty minutes, so you should have time to get your vibe right and maybe have some coffee.”
“You can’t keep doing this. It’s too much.”
“Can we not fight about money this morning?” His voice was sharp and he must have seen the hurt on her face because his face softened and he took her hand. “Hey, I’m sorry. I’m just feeling really off this morning.”
“I understand.” She did, but it still hurt to be snapped at. This would be an emotional day for him. Reese wanted to be supportive, not make it worse. She squeezed his hand. “I really do appreciate this. I’ve never been to a spa.”
“This is nothing,” Sterling said with a smile. “You should see me when I really start wooing you.”
Reese felt overwhelmed with a surge of emotion. “Thank you, Sterling.”
He let go of her hand and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. “You’re welcome. I love pampering you. You get the cutest look on your face when you’re excited. Now, I better get to my mom’s.”
Reese touched his shoulder. “Hey, before you go—are you okay? How are you feeling?”
He looked strained. “Terrified. About all of it. I’m really glad to know that you’ll be here when I get back.”
She gave his hand a quick squeeze. “I’ve been praying for you and your family and for May. I’ll be praying today.”
It was as though his whole body recoiled. Sterling jerked back his hand.
“Why are you praying for me? Do you think God needs to fix me? Or are you trying to?”
The complete and sudden change in his tone had Reese reeling.
“I—what? No. You don’t want me praying for you? What can it hurt?”
“It hurts you,” he said, his words icy. “And it hurts me to know that you’re just another delusional person. Just like my mom. Still sitting in a pew every Sunday even after my alcoholic pastor Dad walked away without a second look.”
In all their talking last night, the subject of his dad never came up. Reese had suspected the wound ran deep, based on the fact that he completely avoided mentioning him. Now, staring at Sterling, she could see the evidence of that pain in his face and his body. Even his words, which were cruel and hard.
Reese took a deep breath and tried to calm her aching heart. This was not about her or their relationship—if they still had one at the end of the conversation. Which she already suspected they wouldn’t, just based on the bitterness emanating from him. This was about Sterling, bitter and broken before her with hurt that ran deeper than she could have known. She knew that this was the worst time to have a conversation like this, since his emotions were already heightened. Too late now.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “About your dad.”
“We aren’t talking about him.” Sterling practically sneered.
Reese tried to remind herself that this wasn’t about her, not really. But she couldn’t believe the switch from his kind, tender words to this. She was doing her very best to speak gently, even though his words and his tone cut her so deeply that it felt like the air was being ripped from her lungs.
“We’re talking about you. And how weak and foolish you are to believe that there is some kind of God in charge when everything down here is chaos.”
Reese willed her tears not to make an appearance. She would not cry right now. “It does seem that way a lot,” Reese said. “Believing in God doesn’t make things pretty or easy.
“It doesn’t seem that way; it is that way. The world is a big giant ball, spinning completely out of control and unlike that little kids’ song, it’s in no one’s hands. I can’t believe I didn’t know you were this naïve.”
“I guess we should have talked about this sooner,” Reese said, knowing this was her fault. She hadn’t made it a priority to even bring up faith and obviously she hadn’t shown him through her actions that it mattered to her. Otherwise he wouldn’t be so shocked.
“I guess we should have.”
They stood there for a long moment and Reese felt like she was looking at Sterling across some long distance, not just a few feet. Slowly and tenderly, Reese reached across and put her hand on his arm. He flinched, just slightly, but enough that she saw it.
“You asked earlier if I wanted to fix you. I’m not trying to do that. I believe that God wants us to pray about the things that matter to us in life and the people who matter. He wants to hear about them: the good, the bad, and the ugly. I’ve been pretty bad about praying, especially lately. But I prayed for you and for your family and for May. I’m not going to stop praying for you, Sterling.”
The anger radiated like heat from his body and Reese took a step back, actually a little frightened. It was breaking her heart, seeing him like this. She had found a ragged, bloody wound in him that needed healing and stuck her finger right inside.
Making a frustrated noise, Sterling turned and stormed away, anger punctuating every step. Reese had done her best to pull in her emotions, but she felt that the dam bursting was imminent.
She watched him go, longing to say or do something. But part of what he said was true: she couldn’t fix him. He had revealed a deep brokenness that she couldn’t possibly touch, no matter how she wanted to soothe it. Her care for him didn’t take away the sting of his words, though, and Reese felt like her heart was a crushed, pulpy mess.
As he neared the corner, he barely turned his head as he spoke. “Enjoy the spa. We’ll leave for the airport as soon as I get back. Make sure you’re packed. Oh, and this bubble? Consider it burst.”
Reese watched until he turned the corner, then unlocked the suite with shaking hands. The view outside and the beauty in the room hurt to look at. It was all too much. She didn’t want to lose Sterling. He already meant too much to her. But it didn’t seem like she had much choice.
Reese stood inside the suite, feeling like her heart was being squeezed in a vise. She pressed a hand to her chest and spun, seeing a small door she hadn’t noticed before. She flung it open to reveal a narrow closet, then climbed inside, shutting herself in the darkness where she could finally let out the sobs and wordless prayers.
* * *
Sterling probably should not have gone to the intervention with the storm of emotion he still felt. He probably shouldn’t have been behind the wheel of a car.
He wasn’t mad at Reese for her stupid beliefs as much as he was at himself for not realizing sooner that she was just like his mother, putting her trust in some invisible force that didn’t exist and didn’t care about her and definitely not about him.
But he had come all this way and wouldn’t miss the intervention. For once he would be there for May the way he should have been back then. If only he could quiet the surging anger and pain that seemed to fill the car around him.
Why couldn’t Reese just not have said anything?
He had woken up with a smile on his face, thinking about their date, which remained as the very best night of his lif
e. Beyond playing in front of packed stadiums. The way this one woman looked at him meant more than all his other successes and highs.
Sterling saw something he had never seen in any woman before: a future. This morning, he hadn’t meant to let it slip that he could get used to seeing her every morning. But he meant it. When she had talked about wanting a tiny wedding the night before, he pictured it in his head and he was the groom.
And then it all went to hell.
Just par for the course today, really. His mother hadn’t been thrilled when he called to say he was going be a few minutes late. There had been simply silence and then a tense, “Okay. We still have to prepare with the interventionist, so just get here as soon as you can, James.”
The frustration in her voice only ramped up his anger. His mother didn’t want him to be here for this, to be here for his sister. Being late only confirmed what she thought about him and his lack of care. Probably because she thought he was just as much of a bad influence as Reese apparently did.
And then it got him all hung up thinking about Reese again, which is why he was going twenty over when he saw the lights flashing behind him. Great. Just what he needed: a ticket to slow him down.
He had his license out along with the paperwork for the rental car before the cop even got to his window. “Here you are, officer.”
The man, who looked like he was in his forties, pulled off his sunglasses. “Aren’t even going to ask why I pulled you over?”
“I was speeding.”
The officer nodded, glancing at Sterling’s face and then his license. Sterling hadn’t gotten pulled over that many times, but it was always a little awkward. Twice he had gotten warnings because the officers recognized him and had kids or friends who were big fans. Once he got a ticket because he was Sterling James. The cop had looked overjoyed handing him the ticket.
As the officer looked over his license and paperwork, Sterling drummed his hands on the wheel. “I don’t mean to be rude, but I really do have somewhere to be.” He knew he shouldn’t push it, but couldn’t seem to help himself.
Managing The Rock Star (Not So Bad Boys Book 1) Page 20
