He wouldn’t say he was fixed. But would he ever be? He just hoped the changes in him were enough. As alive as he felt, there was still one very big missing piece in his life.
Moby put his arm around Sterling and they waved one last time. The roar of the crowd surged up around them, filling their ears and even vibrating a little in Sterling’s chest. With a smile, they exited the stage.
“You ready for this to end?” Moby asked, having to almost shout in Sterling’s ear.
He passed off his guitar to one of the crew members. “Yes and no. You?”
“This was your best tour ever, man. You better keep me on the shortlist for your next one.”
Because Sterling was a solo artist, his band could trade out. Chuck and David had already said that they were going to stop touring and find more nine-to-five jobs. Sterling had signed with a new label and they probably would recommend people. But Sterling had gotten a great contract and loved his new label. They would listen if he wanted specific people. He definitely wanted Moby.
“You know I will,” Sterling said. “I don’t think I could go on tour without you now. Was that your master plan? To make it so I had to keep you around?”
“A magician never reveals his secrets,” Moby said with a smile.
They moved down the halls, people giving high fives and slaps on the back for a great show. After Reese left, Sterling thought that he might lose the energy that had marked the start of the tour. But she was never far from his mind on stage. Somehow the heartache he felt at losing her colored his performance as much as his excitement when she had been there. He had written a few slower ballads that were gut-wrenching to perform, but somehow cathartic as well.
His favorite new song, though, was one called “Spin.” The melody had come from that night in Santa Monica with Reese. He sang it for the first time tonight in the encore, dedicating it to his girlfriend, feeling his heart clench as he thought of Reese and said that word. Girlfriend.
Did she watch any of the videos fans took of his shows? Would she see this song and wonder who his girlfriend was?
Or had she moved on?
One of the agreements Moby and Staci had come to was that they wouldn’t share much personal information back and forth to Reese and Sterling. It was too slippery of a slope and painful to them both. Though Moby and Staci both thought Reese and Sterling should talk, they hadn’t since that last morning in Santa Monica.
Sterling did send Reese a letter. Since he couldn’t apologize in person, he found her address in the paperwork she had filled out for Morgan. It took him a few days to get the guts to write it and another week to send it.
Reese,
I wanted to say this in person, but I don’t know when or if I’ll have the chance. Text and email seemed too small to say these words.
I AM SO SORRY.
Even on paper, they seem too small. There is no excuse for the way I snapped at you or for the hurtful things I said. My anger towards my father has been a poison. I hadn’t realized how much until I let it poison you too.
I am working through this. I’m also working on how being angry with my dad turned into anger toward God. Though I don’t deserve them, I covet your prayers.
Will you forgive me? I hope to ask in person sometime soon.
Love,
Sterling
He had written seven versions of the letter. In some of them he tried to explain too much about his father and it came off like he was giving excuses. In one version he begged her to take him back, promising to get on the first flight if she only sent him a text.
The final version felt like the most honest. He debated on how to sign it, but kept “love,” since that’s how she had signed her last note to him at the hotel in Santa Monica.
It was also completely true. He loved Reese.
Every day after he sent the letter, Sterling checked his phone for a response. It wasn’t like Reese could send a letter to the tour bus. A week after he mailed it, he got a simple text.
Reese: I forgive you. And will keep praying.
Sterling: Thank you. I’ll do the same for you.
He wanted to say so much more. Hoping she might respond, he had held the phone in his palm for twenty minutes after he sent the text. It had been weeks now. Sterling continued to hope. He also did as he promised: he prayed for Reese. The practice still felt a little strange after so many years hovering between doubt that God existed and fury if he did. Sterling found that being honest made the prayers feel more real, even in the times when he still struggled with anger or doubt. Prayer had started to feel less like a routine he did and more like a need.
Moby stopped Sterling just before they entered the green room. “How are you feeling about tomorrow? You ready for that?”
Sterling’s heart began moving faster at the thought. “More than ready. You?”
Moby laughed. “I’ve been waiting almost two months to finally meet Staci in person. So, yeah, I’m ready for tomorrow.”
“Just don’t screw up what you have to do for me.”
Moby held up his hands. “Me? You know I’ve got nothing but love for you, baby. You pay my bills. I don’t bite that hand.” They both laughed. “Maybe it will be the best night of our lives?”
Sterling thought back to the night spent with Reese at Shutters, playing Double Solitaire, laughing, snuggling on the balcony, kissing. “The best night ever is going to be a pretty tough one to beat.” He grinned and threw an arm around Moby’s shoulders. “But I’m hopeful.”
* * *
Reese tried to shove away the sadness she felt watching Staci get ready for her date with Moby. She definitely didn’t want her heartbreak over Sterling to be obvious, though Staci knew. They had agreed to keep the Sterling talk to a minimum, other than the occasional check-in where Reese made Staci pump Moby for information. He didn’t give up much. Every time she got Staci to ask, apparently Sterling was good. Just … good.
“That’s what you get for running away and never calling him again,” Staci had said, more than once. “If you want to know how he is, call the boy. He did send you that sweet letter.”
Reese had been surprised by the letter. Not just because the last time she received anything other than a bill in the mail had been years ago. The content surprised her. Sterling seemed more open. It sounded like he was dealing with the hurt that caused him to lash out. He took full responsibility without making excuses. It read as humble and honest. Reese only wished that he had been there in person to say the words. But with all that happened, maybe distance was better. Her feelings for him had not dimmed, and she didn’t know if she could handle seeing him again.
Reese had wanted to say more than the simple text, especially when he wrote back, saying he was praying for her. Sterling, praying? What exactly had been happening in his life since she saw him last? What she wanted more than anything was to get on a plane and go to him. She kept up with his tour schedule because it made her feel better knowing which city he was in.
She thought about calling him. Not just the day she got the letter, but every day since.
But Reese couldn’t bring herself to dial his number. She expected that she would start to feel better, or at least less broken, as time went on. Instead, she only missed Sterling more. The ache settled deeper in her bones. His apology meant a lot, but the distance between them seemed too great. Especially for such a short-lived relationship. He had been right when he said that the bubble had popped. It was over.
Which made it incredibly difficult to watch Staci putting on makeup, giddy with excitement for her date with Moby. But this is what best friends did.
“Do you think he’s going to like my hair? I had it in braids the whole time we’ve been talking. Going natural was probably a bad idea.” Staci rubbed a product into her big, shoulder-length curls.
“I think it looks amazing on you. I liked the braids too. Moby has natural hair. If he didn’t like it on you, that would be hypocritical. Honestly, I think he just likes you
. And you are hot no matter what your hair looks like. You could totally get away with shaving it.”
Staci gave her a look. “I am not shaving my head.”
Reese giggled. “You’ve tried about every hairstyle except that over the years. Why not? You’ve got the bone structure. You’d look like a model.”
“Models aren’t five-foot-five with a booty,” Staci said.
“Moby will definitely like your booty.”
Staci smacked Reese on the arm. Now they were both giggling. “If he comments on my booty on the first date …”
“Deal breaker?”
Staci met Reese’s eyes in the mirror. “I would normally say yes, but honestly, I don’t know what this man could do that would be a deal breaker. You loved him, right? He’s good?”
“Very good. Tomorrow we can go look at bridesmaids’ dresses. I get to choose since I’ll be your maid of honor.”
“My sister might kill you for that spot.”
“Let her come at me,” Reese said. They were laughing so hard that they almost didn’t hear the doorbell. Staci’s eyes flew open and she began frantically dropping things from her makeup bag.
“Get it! Get it! Tell him I’ll be right there. I just need to find my lipstick.”
Reese hopped down off the bathroom counter and made her way to the door. She knew it was just Moby, not Sterling. But a part of her hoped. They were back in Nashville. That meant Sterling was here in the same city. Somewhere. Probably in his mansion. Did he have a mansion? She didn’t even know. That thought made her achingly sad.
But when she opened the door and Moby burst in, it was hard to stay sad. He enveloped her in a hug with his signature wide smile. “You are not the woman I’m here for,” he said. “But it is so good to see you. How are you? And where is my woman?”
Reese didn’t get to answer before Staci walked into the room. Reese stepped away from Moby. This was the first time they had ever seen each other in person. From their expressions, neither was disappointed. If her heart ached any more tonight, Reese might need a new one. Moby looked like cupid had just shot a thousand flaming arrows into his chest. Staci’s face could hardly contain her smile.
And then they ran to each other, just like in a movie, but right there in their cramped apartment living room. Staci squealed, and Moby picked her up off the ground, spinning her around, his laughter filling the room. Reese blinked back happy tears. Mostly happy tears. She wanted happiness for her friend. She did. If only she could see her friend happy without feeling sad herself. Maybe with time, Reese would stop thinking of the way she momentarily had her own happiness, only to have it all fall apart as fast as it came together.
Moby and Staci didn’t seem to notice as she slipped away, shutting herself in the bedroom. Reese had an exciting night of client work, sarcasm intended. She should be glad to have clients, period, but it was hard to find joy in anything since Sterling.
When she had finally called to tell Kevin that she quit, he had shocked her by offering her a raise. Of all things.
“The phone has been ringing off the hook,” he had told her. “That was a brilliant move. Everybody wants the Spin Doctor. When can you come back in?”
Hearing his words had made it all the more satisfying to say, “I quit.”
Though she used almost zero social media for herself, Reese did have a LinkedIn profile. When she went to dust off her profile and look for job postings, she found her inbox flooded with people wanting to work with her. Within a few days she had her website up and running and she was in business. With Staci on the payroll, they could take on ten to twenty high-level clients at a time and do better than either of them had been doing at Azul.
It couldn’t have gone better if Reese had planned it. She definitely had not, though people thought the whole thing was a part of a grand plan. They definitely gave her too much credit. As much as she had wanted her own business, she would not have gone through so much heartbreak to get it.
Personally, the tabloids had made her life difficult for a few weeks, but as she knew it would, the story about Sterling died down. In a secret call to Morgan, Reese had advised her that the best strategy was to keep him performing well.
“Don’t let him do anything interesting except on stage,” Reese had told her.
“You’ve met Sterling, right?” Morgan had joked. “He barely does anything interesting. Giant introvert. Add lovesick to the mix and he barely leaves the tour bus.”
Love sick? Reese had wanted to ask more, but she couldn’t handle it. That was the last time she had talked to Morgan, probably six weeks before. Sterling certainly didn’t seem love sick based on the videos from his more recent stops. Reese knew more than anyone that appearances didn’t tell the whole story.
A part of her had expected that his tour might suffer or his shows would lack the energy he had before she left. It was super egocentric to think that she had anything to do with his performances, though. If anything, he got better as the tour went on. Only on really, really low days did she allow herself to search Twitter and Facebook for fan videos. With only Morgan running his social media, his official accounts were pretty much ghost towns, which was unfortunate. She still had all the passwords. She had thought about logging back in, but it’s not like Reese could upload videos from her house. Also, that would be full circle to creepy, stalker behavior.
Launching a business had helped distract her from thoughts of Sterling. At least a little bit. But knowing the tour was over and seeing Moby in her living room made it hard not to wish and hope.
Lord, let me focus.
Not on Sterling.
A few hours later, Reese had finished almost a week’s worth of social media scheduling for clients when her phone buzzed on the desk.
Staci: Coming home! But I forgot my keys. Can you unlock the door?
Reese: Just knock. I’ll come open the door.
Staci: Unless you want to see me locking lips with my BOYFRIEND, you might want to just leave the door unlocked.
Reese: Done.
The date must have gone well, not that she expected anything different. They might not have met in person until tonight, but Moby and Staci had gotten as close as you possibly could get via video chat.
Reese unlocked their apartment door and left it slightly ajar. She brushed her teeth and put on pajamas, wanting to disappear before the lovebirds got there. Staci would probably want to talk after Moby left to gush about the date. Reese didn’t know if she could handle that. She was happy for Staci. Or she would be. But tonight, her heart didn’t feel like a strong muscle. It felt more like a weak, soft mess.
Sighing, she got into bed and turned out the light. Staci wouldn’t be deterred, but she had a better chance of avoiding the conversation if she pretended to sleep. Or actually went to sleep.
But sleep did not come.
She heard the door close. Some giggling, then some bumping around. Were they rearranging furniture? Playing tag? Reese groaned and put the pillow over her head, hearing Moby’s low voice and then more giggling.
This was going to get old quick, having to be the third wheel to a super happy couple hanging out in the apartment all the time.
There was a knock at the door. “Come in, Stace,” Reese called. No response.
Sighing, she opened the door. No one was there. But she could see flickering from the living room and smelled the distinct smell of matches. Had they lit candles? And if so, why did they want her to join them?
“Staci?”
Still no response. Reese hesitated in the doorway. This was … odd. Where did they go? She needed to make sure the living room wasn’t on fire.
Reese walked through the open doorway into the living room and stopped. It felt like her feet had suddenly been cemented to the floor. She could not move them. Or her legs. Or any other part of her body.
Sterling James sat on the floor on the other side of the coffee table, grinning at her. He looked amazing. He had decided to stop shaving close to the
end of the tour and had more than a five o’clock shadow gracing his jaw. It suited him. In the flickering light of a few dozen candles, he looked dashing and handsome and maybe a little mysterious. He had never looked better.
“You …” Reese started, but she didn’t know how to finish her sentence.
“Will you play with me?” Sterling asked. His eyes were pleading.
Only then did she notice that he had set up a game of Double Solitaire. Reese sat. He shifted and now his knees touched hers under the table. He smiled at the contact. Her heart fluttered.
“Ready?” he asked.
She held the cards in her hand. “Sterling, what—”
“Go!”
Reese swallowed down her confusion and her questions as they started the fast and furious game. It was hard to talk while playing and she couldn’t even sort out the questions in her head to start. Why was he here? How was he here? What did this mean?
Above all the confusion, Reese felt an overwhelming sense of hope. Her instinct was to choke it out. She didn’t want to have hope. Hope hurt. But seeing Sterling across the table, slapping cards down, feeling his knees touching hers, even smelling his familiar scent—all of it had her heart overriding her head.
“I won.” Sterling grinned at her from across the table. “Again?”
Reese wanted to understand what he was doing here. Why were they playing Double Solitaire by candlelight in her apartment like this was some normal occurrence? But just as she hadn’t wanted to burst the bubble in California, she didn’t want to do that now. He was here.
She had thought about this and wished for this. Many times she had prayed about their relationship. It was hard to know exactly what to ask for, but she prayed for a second chance with Sterling. If it was something God wanted. Reese had not lied when she told Sterling that she didn’t want to fix him. She didn’t expect perfection. But he had to be open to God and to growth. This seemed like an impossible prayer. She kept praying it anyway.
Managing The Rock Star (Not So Bad Boys Book 1) Page 24
