My mouth dropped open as I looked over at the two men and then back at my brother. I could tell there was something special going on between them, but I had no idea they were all married. Hudson’s words from before about being married came back to me and I found myself grinning. I grabbed Isaac in a huge bear hug. He laughed as I squeezed him tightly.
“I’m so happy for you. I used to get so sad, thinking about all the things our father had taken from you, like the chance to fall in love or get married. And now, look at you. Finding love not just once, but with two people.” I pulled away from him with a smile and then ran my hand over the top of his head, mussing his hair playfully. Isaac swatted my hand away with a laugh.
It was getting late, but Isaac and I still had so much to talk about, so many things we’d missed and needed to catch up on. So, I decided to stay at his house that night, instead of going to Jeremy’s place. I could tell he was disappointed, but that he understood too. I ran out to Jeremy’s Jeep to get my bag. As I came back in, I heard Jeremy and Micah talking quietly in the hallway. I stopped when I heard my name.
“I’m sorry I lied to you, Micah. You know I respect you more than just about anyone, but I needed more time with Zane. I was pretty sure it was him from the very start, as soon as I saw his eyes, I knew. I just felt something with him and I needed time to see what it was before I brought him back. It wasn’t easy, feeling like I was betraying you or not knowing why you wanted him brought back,” Jeremy said.
“I know. I promise you I told you everything I knew, which was just enough to help you figure out who he was. Hudson didn’t want to tell me too much of their history because he felt like that was Isaac’s private story to tell,” Micah explain.
“Yeah, I get that,” Jeremy said.
“So, did you figure it out?” Micah asked in a teasing voice.
“What?” Jeremy asked.
“Did you figure out what was going on between you two?” Micah asked, sounding more serious that time.
“As a matter of fact, I did. I’m in love with him,” Jeremy answered right away. He sounded so sure that I felt my throat start to clog with emotion.
“Yeah, I kind of figured when you tore into my office acting like a lion protecting its mate,” Micah joked, and I heard Jeremy chuckle. I smiled and then quickly opened the door and shut it with a loud thud to alert them of my presence. They both came around the corner and I looked at each of them, keeping my face neutral so they wouldn’t know I’d heard their conversation. I told Micah goodnight and then turned to Jeremy.
“Wow! What a night, huh?” Jeremy said.
I chuckled. “Yeah. I feel like I’ve aged ten years today, but it had the best ending to it.”
“I’m so happy for you and Isaac,” he told me sincerely.
“Thank you, Jeremy. Not just for coming to find me, but for standing by my side today. You never faltered, not once, not even when you had to face your boss head-on. That meant a lot to me,” I said quietly.
“I’ll be here as long as you want me,” he whispered. The longing in his eyes was clear and it called to me. I stepped forward, wanting to go to him, to kiss him and tell him that I forgave him, and I understood why he’d done it, but Isaac called for me just then.
“I guess I better go. You have a good night, Zane.” He leaned forward and brushed his lips against my cheek and then he was gone. My fingers went up, touching the spot that still tingled from his touch. I smiled and then went back into the living room, where I planned on spending the rest of the night talking to my brother.
Isaac and I didn’t get any sleep at all. We stayed up the entire night, talking and catching up on all the things we’d missed over the years. Some of it was good, and some of it was painful, but it was all necessary in bringing us back together.
Isaac told me how even with his friends at Agape House, the LGBTQ youth center he’d found after he’d run that night, he still felt alone, like a part of him was missing without me there. I admitted to him how I cried myself to sleep nearly every night that first year and how I’d changed my name to Zach because it had hurt too much to be Zane anymore.
He talked about the work he did at the center and how the kids there had changed his life for the better. I told him all about Edith and Bradbury Lake. He cried when I talked about how I would float on the lake each morning, looking at his star.
Isaac told me the story of how he fell in love with Hudson and Matt. I smiled when I saw the dreamy look in his eyes every time he mentioned his husbands. They sounded like incredible men and I couldn’t wait to get to know them better. The fact that I not only had my brother back but had also gained two brothers-in-law was amazing to me. I had a family again, but this time, it was a family that loved and supported each other.
Quietly, Isaac had asked if there was anyone special in my life. I told him how I’d never let anyone get close until I met Jeremy. He wanted to know all about how we’d met and how I felt about him. I told him about our time working together and how our friendship had quickly developed into more. Isaac swooned when I told him about our first date and I laughed at my little brother, teasing him for being such a romantic.
Hudson and Matt woke once the sun started to come up and they wandered out to the living room, holding hands. They smiled when they saw me and Isaac, huddled on the couch together, pouring over the pages of their wedding album. I smiled as they each took turns giving my brother a good morning kiss, but then I’d turned away, feeling like I was intruding when Matt whispered to Isaac how much they’d missed him in their bed the night before. Once we were alone again, I turned to my brother, raising my eyebrows at him.
“I still can’t believe that not only did I not know you were gay, but you’re married to two extremely hot men. Way to go little brother,” I said, pride evident in my tone.
Isaac’s face turned red, but he grinned at me. “Go big or go home, right?” he joked.
“You’ve got that right.” I bumped his shoulder and we both started laughing.
Hudson started cooking breakfast, so we moved into the kitchen. I was intrigued by the dynamic of their relationship. I’d never seen any two people, much less three, that were more in sync with each other. They moved around the kitchen, sharing sweet kisses and casual touches whenever they passed by each other.
Their connection was seamless, as if they were one unit instead of three. I stared down at the cup of coffee that Matt had handed to me. I had a connection like that with Jeremy. He had reached deep inside me to a place that no one else had ever been, not even my brother.
Isaac and I had always worked as a team, watching out for each other and working hard to save money so we could escape. But I’d also felt the responsibility that came with being the older brother. It was my job to protect him and to be strong for him. I ended up hiding a lot of my fears from him because I didn’t want him to lose hope and I’d taken the brunt of a lot of the beatings. I wouldn’t change any of it and I’d do it all over again if I needed to. It was a willing burden I’d carried, but it was also an added burden.
With Jeremy, I didn’t have to always be the strong one, I could just be me. And for whatever reason, he loved me exactly how I was, despite all my flaws. He’d messed up and he’d ended up hurting me, but the day before had proven that his love for me was real and my heart ached with how much I missed him.
“Hey, you okay?” Isaac asked gently. I looked up and blushed when I saw all three men staring at me with matching looks of concern.
“Yeah, sorry. I must have spaced out for a minute,” I said.
“Missing Jeremy?” Isaac gave me a sympathetic look as he slid into the seat next to me.
I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know what’s going to happen between the two of us,” I admitted.
“Why?” he asked sadly.
“Because I trusted him, and he lied to me. He lied by not telling me what his real reason for being at the lake was. I shared with him the deepest, darkest parts of my soul, and the
whole time, he had an ulterior motive. I understand why he did it and now that I’m back with you, I’m so grateful, but a part of me feels like I don’t really know who he is,” I explained.
“What does your heart tell you? Forget that he didn’t tell you why he was there, because now you know why he did it. What is your heart telling you about the type of man Jeremy really is? Because it’s what’s in here that matters,” Isaac said, pointing a finger at my chest.
The movement reminded me of when Jeremy had laid his hand on my chest the night I’d discovered the file. He’d told me that he fell in love with the man I was inside, and wasn’t that what I’d done with him? I’d fallen head over heels for the man who was thoughtful enough to bring me breakfast every day before work because he knew I wouldn’t have made anything for myself and he didn’t want me to be hungry.
I’d fallen for the man who would apologize profusely to the worm as he baited the hook. I fell in love with the man who could make me laugh then just as quickly, make me feel as if my body was on fire. I fell in love with Jeremy the man, not his job or where he lived. I fell in love with him.
I shook my head, embarrassed. “I was stupid, wasn’t I?”
“It’s never stupid to get upset when someone hurts you, Zane. It’s only stupid if you let those feelings ruin the best thing that ever happened to you,” Isaac responded.
“How did my little brother get to be so wise?” I teased. Isaac smiled as he looked over at his husbands and then turned back to me and laid his hand on top of mine.
“I surrounded myself with the most selfless, caring and trustworthy men. They taught me to appreciate the good in others and that it was okay to finally let my guard down and let go of the past. I have the love of two men and I finally have my big brother back in my life. My heart is so full, that there’s no more room for anything but love,” Isaac said.
I leaned over and hugged him with a smile. He was absolutely right. So much of my life had been filled with fear and doubt and sadness, but I had been given the opportunity for a fresh start. I’d been blessed with the miracle of getting my brother back and I was deeply, madly in love with the man who had made it all happen. I may not have liked how he went about it, but I believed that Jeremy’s heart had been in the right place.
We enjoyed a delicious breakfast of pancakes, eggs, and bacon as we talked. I discovered that Hudson was a licensed therapist who had his own practice, but also volunteered his services several nights a week to help the kids at Agape House. He and Isaac and Matt spoke very passionately about the work they were doing at the center and I couldn’t wait to go see it.
After breakfast, Matt cleaned up the dishes while Hudson left for his office and Isaac and I took showers and got ready for the day. Despite having not slept the night before, I felt more energized and refreshed than ever. I suppose it had a lot to do with having Isaac back in my life. Losing him had left a hole in my heart that I had felt every day for seven years. Finding that he was actually alive and very happy had filled that hole, making me nearly whole again. The only part that still needed to mend was the hole I’d stubbornly placed there when I turned Jeremy away.
Once we had finished getting ready, I rode with Matt and Isaac to Agape House. When they’d told me about the center, I’d pictured a small operation, serving maybe fifty kids. I was wrong. Agape House was situated in an enormous warehouse which had been fully updated and remodeled by some of Matt, Isaac, and Hudson’s closest friends.
My jaw hung open as we walked up to the building and I heard Isaac chuckle beside me. The inside of the center was even more impressive, with tall ceilings and warm, soothing colors on the walls. Kids ran up to Matt and Isaac as they shuffled out the door for school. They all seemed happy to see the two men, some even giving them hugs. Most gave me wary looks until Isaac introduced me as his big brother and then I was given just as many warm greetings.
After the kids had left, Matt gave Isaac a kiss and me a hug, which surprised but delighted me, then he went into his office to get some work done. I smirked at Isaac who stared after his husband with hearts in his eyes.
“He’s always like that. All three of them are so smitten, it would make me sick if I wasn’t so happy for them.” Isaac and I turned to see a young woman at the front desk. She had her arms crossed and was smiling knowingly at my brother.
“Hush. Green is not a good color on you,” Isaac teased. “Allison, this is my brother, Zane. Zane, this is Allison, wizard of the front desk and pain in my butt.”
Allison rolled her eyes at him playfully then came around to give me a hug. I froze for a second, but then gave her a small hug in return. I’d been hugged by more strangers in the last two days than I could count, but I figured I better get used to it. Isaac and Jeremy both seemed to surround themselves with affectionate people.
Isaac showed me around the center, pointing out the various artwork throughout the building that had been created by the kids. He showed me the kitchen and the rec rooms, and the bedrooms for the teens that lived there. I stood in the doorway of one of the rooms, completely overwhelmed by the remarkable work my brother and his husbands were doing for the kids of Chicago.
Many of the teens had been abused or kicked out of their homes, discarded like they were trash, often when their parents discovered they were gay. Agape House provided them with a warm, loving and safe place to turn to, instead of living on the streets. It was the place that Isaac had turned to when he’d been lost and scared and heartbroken because he’d thought he’d lost me.
The sounds of footsteps caught my attention and I turned to see Matt walking towards us. I launched myself at him, surprising both of us, I’m sure. I wrapped my arms around him and his embraced me automatically.
“Thank you for watching over him and keeping him safe for me. I will always be grateful for what you did, Matt,” I whispered.
Matt wrapped his arms tighter around me, silently acknowledging my words. Matt struck me as a very private and humble man. He probably just felt like he had done what anyone else would do, but it was more than that. To me, he was an angel and I would always appreciate what he did for my brother.
Hudson showed up at lunchtime, bringing bags of food with him. Despite the big breakfast we’d had, my stomach rumbled at the tantalizing smells emanating from the bags. I smiled when Isaac told me that the food was from a restaurant that some of their closest friends owned. It made me happy to know that my brother had created a life for himself that was filled with so many wonderful people. Hudson suggested that they have a cookout soon at their house and invite all of their friends, so I could meet them. Isaac’s eyes lit up at the idea and he and Matt immediately began planning the menu.
I smiled as I watched my brother. The road we’d traveled had been a rough one, losing our mom, facing down a monster and then being robbed of seven years of each other’s lives. But we’d ended up on the other side, happy and loved and together. It made me feel warm all over to see Isaac so animated and happy. That was how life should have been for him all along because he was an inherently good person and he deserved it.
“He’s not the only one who deserves to be happy, you know,” Hudson said quietly. I turned to him in surprise, wondering if he’d somehow read my mind. He smiled at me. “You and Isaac are a lot alike. You both think of others before yourselves. You also spent years watching out for him and doing your best to protect him. It makes sense that you would worry about his happiness before your own. He has found his happiness, but you deserve to be happy too.”
“I am happy,” I told him. “I’m happier than I ever thought possible, now that I have my brother back in my life.”
Hudson nodded, but his face remained serious as he held my gaze. “I know you are and I’m so glad, but I think you could be even happier. Perhaps if you were with a certain former Air Force man?” he hedged. I ducked my head shyly.
“I noticed the tension last night as Jeremy was leaving, and I spoke with Micah this morning. Please, don
’t blame Jeremy for what I did. It was my choice to only tell Micah part of the story, so therefore, he could only tell Jeremy part of the story. He did what he had to in order to figure out who you were because of his loyalty to Micah and his job. He stayed there even after his gut told him it was you because he was falling in love with you. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from falling in love with those two,” he said, pointing to Matt and Isaac. “It’s that love can make a man do stupid things.” I laughed at that.
“Thank you, Hudson,” I said. Hudson was much more perceptive than I originally realized.
“You and Isaac have each been through hell and back. You both deserve some peace and happiness.” Hudson reached over and placed a hand on my shoulder, squeezing it gently.
“I bet you’re one hell of a therapist,” I said with a grin.
“Pretty much, but don’t worry, we’re family so I won’t charge you,” he said with a wink. We both laughed and then turned our attention back to Isaac and Matt who were discussing themes for the simple barbeque which had somehow turned into an all-day pool party.
I unlocked the door to my studio apartment and stepped inside. The night before, I came in and went straight to the bedroom. I was exhausted, both from lack of sleep and the strain of an emotionally stressful day, that I’d fallen asleep immediately. It was a fitful sleep however and I’d tossed and turned most of the night.
Things had ended so much better for Zane than either of us had expected, considering we thought he’d be facing his father that day. I was absolutely thrilled for him that he had found his brother again. I knew they had a lot of catching up to do, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I would rather have him here with me.
I missed Zane, plain and simple. I missed his smile and his laugh and the feel of him curled up next to me at night. I missed every single thing about him and I was beginning to wonder if I’d fucked up too badly, if I’d lost him for good. Pain lanced through me at the thought.
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