Yet Veronica said nothing. She refused to glance my way. I could feel the fight within her. I knelt in front of her, and helped her out of her shoes. Her hand, light and steady, was on my shoulder for support. Once I finished with the task I’d taken, I stayed on my knees, looked up to her, and breathed. “Forgive me.”
It didn’t matter what my mother said or how she’d said it. I kept it a secret from Veronica. I would understand if she told me that she’d never want to see me again. It would be painful but I would understand. I was holding onto the small thread of hope I had left that she would at least hear me out to the very end when I opened up wounds.
The loss of love—her love, Veronica’s—was almost tangible and it consumed me. A mélange of pain and agony awaited. And that feeling of emptiness without her prickled behind my closed lids.
“My sweet Veronica, my love...”
Her hand rested on my shoulder then stroked up my neck and the side of my face. “Levi.” I waited to hear more. But what came out soon after were heavy sighs. Veronica unwrapped my arms from her, and sat on the bed. “Come sit with me,” she said in a quiet, tremulous voice.
She looked out into the night. “I didn’t know where to go when I left. All I remembered was the address of this hotel. I knew it by heart. But I couldn’t go in. It didn’t feel right. So I walked around and ended up at the bar. Vérité. It means truth, right? I just wanted the truth.” My hands itched to touch her, my lips ached to kiss her, but I waited for her to continue. “Tell me about your brother and his fiancée.”
I wished she would glance my way, offer me some promise that no matter what I was about to tell her, no matter what I’d say, she would still love me. She wanted the truth. I ached for a promise that she would remain by my side to see this through. My heart thumped angrily in my chest. My hands trembled as I faced her, and all my uncertainties. Would she still love me even after I removed the mask and showed her the ugly truth? After knowing how fractured a man I was?
With my heart thick in my throat, I stared her in the eyes and held her hands.
Then I opened my heart and let it bleed.
Á l’Ombré de l’Amour
“It has been ten years.”
I removed my soaked shirt and grabbed the robes from the closet. I draped one over Veronica and used the other. The chill that clung to me wasn’t from the rain. “Alex was engaged for a year before they set a date. Their wedding was set for the same time I was to leave France for the U.S.”
“What was her name?” Veronica’s voice was flat.
“Simone.” I hadn’t uttered the name in a decade. “She was a model, from an affluent family. It was an arranged marriage, or something of the sort, at first. Something like Sandrine’s mother tried to do with her and Gaspard. After several months, Alex and Simone learned to respect and love each other.”
“How old was she? And Alex?”
“They were both twenty-one. Young, too young. Martina thought so too, but my father wouldn’t listen. Simone’s father was an influential man. A politician. My father had big plans for Alex.”
Veronica slightly angled her head towards me. “And you?”
‘Insignificant’ was the word that came to mind. “I was just a kid who partied too much and cared too little.”
I waited for her to ask another question, but she just stared out the windows, and so I continued, “Alex and I were close. He looked after me a lot, especially when we were much younger. Kept me out of too much trouble until I started finding it on my own. He didn’t like the idea of me leaving, but it wasn’t up to either of us. My father had decided, and so it would be. Alex was being groomed to take over the family business. It didn’t matter if I failed any of my classes, or even if I continued my education. He was it. The golden son.”
“Were you jealous? Wanting what your brother had?”
It took a minute before I could formulate the proper words. “Perhaps. A little. My parents didn’t agree on much, but they were both so proud of him, and his accomplishments. It took me a while to realize I wanted that too. Alex hated it though. He once confessed to me that he wanted to be a nomad, an artist who travelled the world. I suppose he did get his wish.”
“What...What do you mean?”
I brushed my hair back, still dripping rainwater on my shoulders, leaned forward, and propped my head on my hands. “When he left Paris, he travelled around the world as a photographer.”
“Hmmm. Where do you and Simone fit in the picture?” Her voice faltered as she said the name.
“Simone and I became close too. I dated a lot of her friends. We partied quite a bit together. Alex didn’t like it much, but it was another way for him to look after me. He entrusted me with Simone, and vice versa.”
The tip of Veronica’s chin tilted up as she inhaled deeply. “And that was when the betrayal happened?” she breathed out.
“There was no betrayal. Not on my part.” Veronica finally looked my way. I straightened, letting her see the truth in my eyes. “Simone and I never happened. She came to me one night, panicked. She was delirious. I thought she was high, but she wasn’t. She kept saying that Alex would cast her aside if he found out the truth. I tried to clarify, but she kept repeating herself, over and over that Alex would hate her. He wouldn’t want to marry her. She was tainted. Then Alex came.”
I buried my face in my hands. “I had been at a party earlier, and before Simone came to me, a girl had just left my apartment. Alex busted in. It just so happened that Simone and I were in my bedroom. I had followed her in there when she came to me, frantic. Alex saw the bed, saw me practically naked, and Simone...” I shook my head at the memory of that night. “All she said was that I was just a kid. That he should take it easy on me. Alex had been my protector. My brother and I had never fought, but that night he beat me ‘til I could barely breathe.”
Veronica gasped at my revelations. “Why didn’t you defend yourself? Why didn’t you tell him the truth?”
Those were the same questions I had asked myself for years. “I have never been good at opening up. All Alex saw was the person who took the only good thing he had in his life.”
I struggled to breathe as the memories of that painful night rose to the surface. I thought I had forgotten the pain of losing my brother. I thought finding Veronica had cured me of it. “Simone called for an ambulance when Alex left. A week later...Alex left for good.” Heaviness stayed on my chest. I struggled to breathe. “I found out that Simone was pregnant when she came to see me, but she lost the baby soon after. I think she lost all hope after that. Three months later, Simone died of an accidental overdose.” I felt the prickles behind my eyes, but I refused to let them flow. I had shed enough tears for Simone and Alex.
I could feel the tremor from Veronica’s body even as I kept space between us.
“Simone had cheated on my brother and it resulted in a pregnancy. When she confessed to Alex, she inferred it was with someone close to him. He was livid, and then she came to me, afraid.” I released a sigh that was choking me. “I wondered for years why she got me involved. Alex wouldn’t have thought that I would...but he did, because I was the kind of person who would do such a thing. Not to him though. Never to my brother. I loved him. He and Martina were all I had. Simone too, in some ways.” I turned my head and held Veronica’s gaze. “You must believe me, Veronica, I never touched her.”
“If it wasn’t with you, who was—”
“It was my father.” The truth hurt. It was a stab to my heart. The truth would set me free, but it could also destroy me, and what I had with Veronica. “My mother knew, and she did nothing.” I struggled to get the words out, but Veronica had to know everything. “She let us all ruin ourselves. I don’t know when she found out about Simone and my father, and all she said was that it didn’t matter if we knew. We’d end up like him—a cheater, incapable of loving one woman. I guess now you can see why I’m so messed up when it comes to...love and relationships. Apart from my grandparents,
no one in my family had ever had an honest marriage, or a happy one.”
Our breath was all I could hear for a while until she asked, “How about Sandrine’s parents?”
I shook my head. “François is Vivienne’s third husband. They have an ironclad pre-nup, and they had Sandrine. My cousin was enough to keep her parents together, difficult as it may be for François. But he stayed for his daughter.”
There was a slight shift on the mattress, yet Veronica continued to avoid contact with me. “Why is your mother so...angry at you if she knew you had nothing to do with it?”
I expelled a dry chuckle, humorless, weak. “Lucinde is angry at the world.” I rubbed my temples, trying to expel that pain that clamped around my head. “Once upon a time, she was in love with my father, and thought he would offer her the moon. It wasn’t long after they got married that he started cheating on her. This went on for years. She kept holding on to hope though. When she had Alex, she thought my father would stop. He did for a while, but it didn’t last. By the time I came into the picture, the love and hope had run out. Her heart hardened.”
“But you always had Alex. You said it yourself, he cared for you.”
“Yes.” I nodded. “Until he didn’t want me as his brother anymore.” The burden of my own words weighed heavily on my shoulders. I hung my head low, ashamed of the life I had lived, of the chaos that I’d let rule it. “I just never thought true love existed for me...until I met you.”
Veronica stayed quiet for a moment and took a long, cleansing breath. Would she take me back now that she knew all the skeletons I’d hidden away? Would she see me as a tainted man with no hope of a future with the likes of her?
“Levi,” she began. I slowly lifted my head and waited. She reached for my hand.
My heart banged against my chest. Was this a sign that she trusted me again? That she forgave my lacking? With my free hand, I pushed her hair aside and ran my hand up the column of her neck. I pulled her close to me and inhaled her unique scent, made sweeter by the rain.
“Stop, please,” Veronica asked quietly. I lowered my hand, but kept the other one gripped in hers, holding onto it like it was my lifeline. “I’m going to need some time to think. I’m sorry, but it’s a lot to take in.”
I had questions to ask. I had words to say, but the way her heart-shaped mouth formed into a set line kept me silent. I lifted her hand to my lips and placed a kiss of promise.
* * *
The rain had stopped before I stepped outside. I struggled not to return to Veronica, but how would she react to me if I did? What I had given her was a window to a past that had influenced me as a man. But it was one part of my entire being. Being with her had shown me a different kind of man I could be, that I wanted to be, for her and for us.
The concierge at the desk had given me a curious look when I’d faced him again, requesting that I be notified if Veronica decided to leave the hotel. I’d ordered him to give her whatever she requested, for however long she wanted to stay there.
I shrugged my jacket on as I made my way to the car and felt the vibrating in my pocket. I pulled out my phone.
“Levi,” Jake said in a tired voice.
“Yeah.”
“Did you find her?”
“I did.”
He breathed out a relieved sigh. “Good. You should come back. Martina fainted again. We’re monitoring her now.”
I paused mid-step as I heard the news. “When?”
“A half hour ago. We tried to call you. She came to, and her heart rate is steady now. We’ve given her some heavy medication. She’s asking for you.”
“I’ll be there.” I rang off, and looked back to the hotel. In there was where my heart lay, but duty called me home.
Leur Cœur s’Embrassent
Silence greeted me as I entered the mansion. All the guests had gone, except for Sandrine and Jake. My feet, heavy and soaked with the past as much as rainwater, dragged as I climbed the stairs. As I faced my Onna’s bedroom door, I fought to steady my breathing.
I expected a lot more life in the bedroom but what I came into was a barely lit room and the sound of a heart monitor. The beeping meant that Martina kept on fighting.
She was on her back, with a thick duvet over her. She looked peaceful, such a contrast to my chaotic state. I sat on the edge of her bed, reached over, and tucked a tendril of hair behind her ear.
“She’s been given a mild sedative.” A voice shot out of the darker side of the room.
I cocked my head at the source, but I didn’t fully turn. Rage built within me. “Shouldn’t you be halfway around the world by now? You’ve caused enough problems to last a lifetime.” I let the vitriol spew out of my veins.
“I didn’t come here to cause...”
“Then why? Why did you come back?”
“Because it was time.” Alex stepped into the light, walking around the large canopy bed. He appeared as exhausted as I was, with dark circles around his eyes, a furrow line on his forehead and a mouth forced into a frown. “Where’s Veronica?”
I was on my feet in an instant, fists ready at my sides. “Don’t,” I warned.
“You need to calm down.” He used the same tone that he had when I was a teenager.
I laughed drily. “You think you have the right to say that to me?”
He hung his head, and worked a hand over his chin. “It’s been too long. Must we bring up the past?”
“I wouldn’t have to, if you hadn’t shown up!” I yelled again, pushing a hand on his chest, but he stayed where he stood.
Alex pointed a steady finger at me. “I asked you to keep your voice down,” he warned.
The monitor beeped loudly. I glanced at Martina, still asleep. She produced a light groan, but didn’t open her eyes. I knew she could hear us. Even in her sleep state, I’d managed to stress her out.
“You want to talk? Come outside.”
I didn’t wait for Alex. I grabbed the handle of the door and flung it open. As soon as he stepped out, I shuffled forward and pushed him against the paneled wall, my forearm heavy on his neck.
“You ruined the best thing that has happened in my life!” I accused him.
Alex did not struggle. I had grown far from the young kid he had beaten up ten years ago. I had the strength to match his, and the hatred that fuelled it.
“Levi!” Jake appeared at my side, and held my arm, which pushed against Alex’s trachea. “Let go.”
I clenched my jaw and gritted my teeth, exhaling a loud breath as I released Alex. He doubled over, trying to breathe. Sandrine stood with her hands on her round stomach and worry in her eyes.
“I’m sorry.” His words came out in a huff. “I’m sorry, Levi,” Alex said again. He straightened, his hands splayed in front of him. “I lost my temper with the wrong person.”
To hear those words… I had been ready to accept that our relationship would never be repaired. The Laurent brothers did not patch things up. We sailed on through, ignoring the musts and the shoulds, living in the agony of our disastrous past.
I’d thought of this moment for so long, however, that at some point in my life, I’d given up on it. And now that it was here, I didn’t know what to do.
Sandrine reached out for Jake and silently asked him to let us be. They both placed their hands on my back, a reminder that they’d be there for me, no matter what.
“How much do you know?” Alex asked me.
“All of it.”
He leaned against the railing to my side, his hands folded over his chest.
“And you?” I asked him.
“All of it.”
“How?”
“How do you think?” Alex stared straight on.
I turned to glance at Martina’s bedroom door. Had Martina shared everything with him? But why would she? And why didn’t she tell me?
“She came to me when I was in Morocco, and asked me to come home. Told me that your scars have healed. I told her that I couldn’t. That the sca
rs I left behind were deeper than the eyes could see.”
I scoffed. “Don’t go melodramatic at my expense.”
“I’m not, brother. I knew what I did was wrong. And I knew that it would take a while before you could forgive me, if you ever will.”
“And you think I’m ready to forgive you now?” I spat angrily at him.
Alex copied my stance, except as my hands were fisted at my sides, his was stretched out. “Yes.”
“What makes you think that?”
“Because you have found love. And I hoped that you’d understand why I reacted the way I did.”
“Don’t make it an excuse!”
“It’s not. But you do understand, don’t you?”
“What if I don’t?”
He hung his head. “Then you can never forgive me.”
“I almost died. I had six fractured ribs. One nearly punctured my lung. I spent months in rehab, underwent two surgeries.”
“And they’ve healed. Those scars have been gone for years. But the others...” His eyes were direct, burrowing through to see my soul.
“I think you should leave.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” Alex said firmly.
“I’ll have you arrested for trespassing.” I made my way towards the stairs, leaving him standing by the rails.
“Trespassing in my own home?”
I was incredulous. “This isn’t your home!”
“But it is.” Alex angled his head toward Martina’s room.
My thoughts jumbled; my head shook. I rubbed my temples. “She wouldn’t do that.”
“She has. It’s done. The ink dried months ago.”
No.
“She came to me in the spring. When you asked for the ring.”
I didn’t know what Alex was playing at. My legs weakened underneath me, and I braced myself against the stairway rails. My mind went back to Veronica, how she had seemed so utterly destroyed by my omission of the truth. This, what I felt now deep within shrouding over my heart, this was what she had felt. I surrendered to the weakness and sat on a step.
The Bachelor's Perfect Proposal (Bliss Series Book 2) Page 11
