by Lisa Rector
Kenrik was my friend, but I shouldn’t have been so naïve. I knew he loved me, and ignoring his feelings wouldn’t make his affections go away. I couldn’t plead the ignorance I desperately wanted to. Kenrik attempted to steal me away from Kelyn at every turn, and I did nothing to hinder him.
Stupid distractions. While they helped me, they damaged Kenrik.
The escalating match was my fault.
“It’s not a prize I’m after, Kelyn.” Kenrik grunted. “I’m content with dusty coal if it warms my backside.”
I grimaced. Although I knew Kenrik’s statement referred to his prior dreams of finding a maid and secluding himself on a private estate, no one else understood the meaning. Everyone would think he was talking about Tiwlip.
“You snubbed your nose at dusty coal!” Kelyn shouted.
Way to confirm what the whole room was thinking! I wanted to slap my forehead. Kelyn wasn’t usually careless with his words. Beside me, Tiwlip sobbed before running from the room with her hands over her mouth.
Kenrik batted Kelyn on the side of his head, antagonizing him, clearly angry because of what he said. Each smack begged him to say more spiteful words. Kenrik paused before advancing and jabbing with his other hand. Sweat dripped freely from both men, and their eyes were steely. With his fists protecting his face, Kelyn jerked away from Kenrik’s childish swipes.
Annoyed with Kelyn’s evasive maneuver, Kenrik yelled, “You want what’s shiny and new only because you think you deserve her!”
Kelyn swung out and popped Kenrik in the nose. Blood spurted from his nostrils after a disconcerting crunch filled the room. Several ladies gasped.
I was horrified. Clearly I was the her Kenrik spoke of.
“Stop this at once!” Sorfrona cried. “Kelyn! Kenrik!”
They either didn’t hear her or chose not to. Kenrik wiped the blood from his face and charged Kelyn. They each locked an arm around the other’s neck and used their free fists to deliver blows. Kenrik pounded Kelyn’s upper back while Kelyn punched Kenrik in the gut.
I debated if I should use my power to stop them. How much of a chop would my interference be to their already dwindling egos? They should have known they were embarrassing each other and their family, but if I landed them on their backsides, I’m not sure either of them would have thanked me.
They broke apart before I decided. Kenrik turned away.
Kelyn thought he had withdrawn. “Accept your defeat with grace.”
Kenrik whipped around and grasped Kelyn’s arm. He twisted Kelyn to his knees and onto his stomach, wrenching his arm high behind his back. As Kenrik knelt on Kelyn’s lower back, a POP broke through the grunting and hissing.
Kelyn howled.
“ENOUGH!” King Sieffre entered the room in time to witness Kenrik dislocate Kelyn’s shoulder. The soldiers swarmed in and yanked Kenrik off his brother.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Chaos boiled through the room. Kenrik was yelling, “You don’t deserve her,” as the men held him off. Kelyn was writhing, spitting and cursing through the pain as his men lifted him to his feet. Sorfrona was crying on my left, and one of her lady’s maids was consoling her.
Sieffre was shouting orders. “Get them out of here! Clean this mess up! That blood better be gone before supper!” He charged out of the room after his eldest son.
I briefly considered whether any of the men in Gorlassar would stoop so low as to fight for me.
The display was not attractive.
Well, I had a shoulder and nose and several bruises to mend.
I didn’t know what to say to either of them.
One thing was certain; neither of them would receive a token from me.
Chapter Eighteen
I barged into the side room off the great hall and grabbed Kelyn’s arm. “You embarrassed Tiwlip!” I popped his shoulder back into place, eliciting another wail from Kelyn.
“A little warning, please!” Kelyn braced himself on the edge of the desk he was sitting on, looking pale.
“It’s better if you don’t know it’s coming.” I ignored his sorrowful eyes as I closed mine. I assessed his injury with my light and began healing the inflammation the dislocation had caused.
“Niawen, I didn’t think a simple match would evolve so drastically.”
I couldn’t talk through my healing. His words sifted through my head. He felt guilt. I felt his guilt. I let him fume through my silence.
When I released him, I only said, “Just apologize to Tiwlip. She is not dusty coal. She’s the best of all of us.”
Kelyn tested his shoulder by working it around the socket. “I will. I’m sorry, Niawen. Hotheads. You must not have a sibling, I take it.”
“I don’t, but I have two close friends who were as good as any.” I shook my head. “That’s no excuse for your actions.” I glanced briefly into his eyes. “You should be fine.”
“My thanks.”
As I turned to leave, Kelyn grabbed my hand and tugged me close—right between his legs. With him sitting on the desk, I stood at his eye level.
“I know I don’t deserve any forgiveness from you yet, but don’t shut me out.” He caressed my cheek.
“I won’t.”
“I’m glad to hear it.” He lifted my hand to his mouth and pressed his full lips to my palm. His brows furrowed the slightest bit as he pleaded with his eyes. “I love you.”
“I know.” I swallowed back the butterflies trying to escape my stomach. It’s just his touch. Just his touch. “I must go. I have a nose to mend.”
His brow pinched almost imperceptibly. “Of course you do. And I have to listen to my father’s lecture about my irreverent and abhorrent behavior.”
“Good luck.” I stepped out of the room and closed the door behind myself. I leaned against the heavy wood and sighed. Kelyn hardly flinched when I didn’t return his “I love you.” I was horrible. Cruel. He feared the match had soured our tender romance, but I wasn’t sure if I loved him. Lamely, I only offered an “I know.” I couldn’t offer any more.
Pathetic.
I knew he loved me before he uttered those words. He loves me! You stupid girl. You foolish, stupid girl.
“I’d like a word with you, Lady Niawen.”
My eyes sprang open. King Sieffre stood before me and gestured down the hall to another room.
“I should see to Kenrik’s nose.”
“He can wait. Sorfrona has him holding a steak to his eye. It’s already black and blue. The bleeding has stopped. He can suffer through the pain for a tad longer.”
I nodded and followed him silently down the hall. I felt as though I was going to stand before my father. Summoned to be reprimanded. Maybe I deserved a good talking to.
***
“By the Holy Creator,” King Sieffre said. “I know none of this is your fault. Not directly at least. Kelyn and Kenrik have had their differences since Kenrik was born. He’s always been in his brother’s shadow, even though I’ve never held one over the other. I imagine Kenrik feels this way because his brother is the crown prince.”
I nodded from the chair I was sitting in. King Sieffre paced the room with his arms clasped behind his back, exactly as Kenrik had earlier when we were in the library. I almost wanted to laugh at how similar they were in their movements and gestures.
“We planned on announcing their engagement on the winter solstice,” Sieffre said. “Kenrik and Tiwlip, that is. I had every reason to believe he was going to accept her.”
Until I came along.
King Sieffre turned to me with all seriousness. “I want you to make sure he understands there’s no chance with you.”
“Your Majesty, I’ve done nothing to lead him on.” Except gallivant about the palace with him.
He held his hand up. “I understand this. I don’t place any blame on you. Kenrik is stubborn and high-strung. He’s hard to dissuade. He must be made to understand, even if you hurt him.”
“Even if I do, I don’t believe th
ere’s any chance he’ll marry Tiwlip. He told me he has other dreams.”
“I know of his wishful fantasies. He can dream all he wants, but he still has a duty to his family.”
“So, there’s no choice for him?” Kenrik’s limitations were worse than I imagined. Could a father really dictate who his children should marry? At least emrys had the freedom of that choice in Gorlassar.
“If he doesn’t marry Tiwlip, then he’ll marry another lord’s daughter. Brenin has many lords in his realm wavering in their allegiance. Were Kenrik not to marry Tiwlip, he would marry another for a marriage union.”
“I understand. I’ll make sure he understands.”
“You weren’t planning on accepting him, were you?”
“He hasn’t asked.”
“What will you tell Kelyn?”
“He told you?”
“Yes. He can’t stop talking about how much he cares for you.”
I covered my mouth and looked down into my lap. No, how much he loves me.
“Oh, my dear.” Sieffre knelt beside me and took my hands. “I can’t deny the fact I had hoped you’d choose Kelyn. You’d make a wonderful daughter. You’re such a joy. Even if you don’t accept either of them, you’d be welcome here. Always. I owe you more than I could ever repay. You’re already like a daughter in my eyes.”
“My heart is still heavy. I’ve left my home, running from disgrace. I’ve been thrown into this world and its beauty, but I’ve come to love its people.” And possibly Kelyn.
“At the same time you’ve been bombarded by the cunning of men and their schemes. You’ve realized not all men are good. I’m sorry for what you’ve endured. I didn’t want you to go with them on the mission. You shouldn’t have been subjected to the horrors you saw. The blood of those men should not be on your hands.”
“It’s all right. It’s too late. I made the choice to go.”
“As long as you’re under my roof, you’re my responsibility. I owe this to your parents. If I ever stood before them, I’d like to say I took care of you with every ounce of my strength—that I fought for your purity.”
“You’re very sweet.”
“The blood is not on your hands, Niawen. The burden is mine. As the ruler of this realm, I’m responsible for every life. Give me your guilt. Let it go. It’s on me. Then be free to choose happiness. Do you understand?”
I sniffed and nodded, but I couldn’t let my mistake go that easily.
“And make a decision. Tell my sons what’s in your heart and mind. Tell them you can’t marry them. Or tell them your heart’s still broken. Travel the country if you must. Go to Brenin’s realm. Track down that fur trader.”
I laughed. So Sieffre wasn’t blind to Owein’s affections for me either. He rose, and I followed him.
“Thank you for the talk,” I said.
He leaned in and embraced me. “My Niawen. Be happy.”
Chapter Nineteen
Look at your face.” I lifted the slab of meat off Kenrik’s eye. I didn’t understand the strange healing custom.
“I can’t look at it. My eye’s swollen shut.”
Kenrik was lying on a chaise in his mother’s drawing room. Sorfrona slipped out when I told her I wanted a minute alone with Kenrik.
“Your nose is smashed,” I said.
“I’m feeling very relaxed. Mother gave me a sedative in a bitter tea. I couldn’t wait for you to finish tending to Kelyn’s wounds. I don’t blame you for going to him first.”
“I hope that’s the sedative talking. His shoulder was dislocated. I had to heal him first.”
“You love him. I shouldn’t have bothered.”
“Don’t cross me before I heal your face. I might leave your nose crooked. And don’t guess at my feelings. You don’t know how I feel about Kelyn.”
Kenrik leaned his head back. “Please, my lady, do your worst.”
I scowled at him but closed my eyes and dove with my light. Kelyn had really disfigured Kenrik’s nose. What would Kenrik have done without me? I placed one hand on his forehead to dull the throbbing and gingerly touched the bridge of his nose with two fingers and my thumb. The healing took much longer than mending Kelyn’s shoulder. I grew weary and dropped onto the chaise beside Kenrik.
His hands encircled my waist as he pulled me closer to the center of the cushion—closer to him. He scooted over to make room for me.
“Hold still,” I said. “If I slip up, the results won’t be pretty.”
“You’re teasing me. You wouldn’t mess up a face this handsome.”
I rolled my eyes. “There. All done.”
He ran a finger down the bridge of his nose. He massaged either side of his nostrils and felt his eye.
“Can you see me?” I asked.
“Yes. I see your beautiful emerald eyes. Your pouty lips.” Kenrik brushed a lock of hair off his sweaty forehead.
“Oh, good. What are they telling you?”
“That I’m in big trouble.” He touched my cheek.
I pulled his hands away and stood. I wasn’t used to Kenrik’s intimate touch. “You need to sleep the tea off.”
“I’m fine.” Kenrik whipped himself upright on the chaise and planted his feet on the floor. He hunched over, regretting his sudden movement.
“I can’t talk to you like this.” I didn’t want to talk to him about us. I didn’t want to hurt him.
“Say what you have to say. Put me out of my misery.”
“You’re so sure I’ll relieve you of your misery?”
He gazed up at me. “Or drag me further into it. Which is it?”
I studied his penetrating eyes before I spoke my answer. “Kenrik, this won’t work. You should accept Tiwlip.”
“Why would you say that?” He rose, wobbling, but caught himself on the chaise’s back. “You know I can’t. That’s over and done with. She’ll heal.”
“You’ll marry someone else then.”
“My father can’t make me marry anyone.”
I sighed and crossed my arms over my chest. “You are stubborn.”
“Does my happiness concern you so much? If you’re marrying Kelyn, then why should you care who I marry?”
I flung my arms wide. “I’m not marrying Kelyn!”
I’m not? I just found my answer.
“You’re not?” Kenrik asked.
This was out of hand. “I didn’t come to the mortal realms to marry anyone. I didn’t expect humans to fall all over me.” Nor two princes to fight for me.
I turned to leave the room. I didn’t need any more contention. Sieffre was right. I should move on. Explore more of this world.
Kenrik grabbed my hand. He pulled heavily as if he still needed the support.
I pushed Kenrik, and he stumbled half a step. “Your father asked me to make a decision. I shouldn’t lead you or Kelyn on. I’m not ready to fall in love.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I can’t love anyone from this world. Ever since I came here, men have been coveting me, eyeing me, pawing me. First Owein, then Kelyn, and you. Even strangers in the marketplace!”
Kenrik snickered. “I saw you before Kelyn.”
“This isn’t a game!” Couldn’t he read the pain on my face? Pushing Kenrik away was killing me. Oh, Kenrik, don’t stare at me like that. As if I was the only thing worth living for.
He edged me against the wall and pressed his hips against mine, pinning me. I cowered limply against the wall and his body, letting his advance, his drive, course through me. He could have devoured me with his look. He was devouring me, and I didn’t want him to stop.
His voice deepened. Kenrik seemed to have recovered from his bumbling. He knew exactly what he was doing as he spoke with his mouth a finger’s breadth from mine. “I know. Believe me, this isn’t a game for me either.”
My body tingled beneath Kenrik’s firm touch. The pleasure alone almost made me forget my indignation and anguish. I settled into the feeling, but shook it off as reas
on returned. This is physical longing. This is a basic human need. I am above such passions. “If I fall in love with you, you’ll die. Whether from illness, accident, or old age, it doesn’t matter. I’ll be alone. I couldn’t live alone after my mortal husband died!”
Kenrik’s face fell, but his thighs, his arms, his torso flexed. “Love is worth the time, no matter how fragile and short-lived it might be.”
“You know nothing of eternity.” I pressed my palm against his chest, willing distance between us. “You can’t even imagine. I’m over seven hundred years old. If you managed to live until I was eight hundred and fifty that would be a miracle. But what would happen to me over the next couple of centuries? Over the next millennium?”
His mouth contorted as he emphasized his words. “If you loved me, or even Kelyn, you’d want to make us happy during the pathetic mortal life we have.”
My stomach plunged into my feet. “The way we bond is different. The way my people bind themselves to each other is so complete, so all consuming, that I’m afraid of how that would feel if death severed the bond.”
“So you’re telling me you’re a coward. You fear to love.” His brown eyes were filled with accusation.
“I fear to love you!” I chewed my lip, afraid of what my words meant. I couldn’t love Kenrik. Could I? We were so emotionally invested in each other. That was a first step—a first bond.
No. I was being childish again. I didn’t know what love was. Just because I discerned the emotion in others didn’t mean I fully grasped what being in love felt like.
Kenrik touched his forehead to mine and cradled my face. “Consume me, Niawen. Consume me. Own me body and spirit. Possess my soul for as long as there’s breath in my body. I know you feel us. You have for some time. There’s something between us.”
I smothered the whimper dying to emerge. Confusion twisted my insides. “What about me? I’m trying to make you understand. I’ll go on living. You can’t tell me that as Sorfrona lay dying, your heart didn’t shred into smaller and smaller pieces each day. That will happen to me if I lose you.”
