That was one of the problems though, I realised, as I sat there, finally forced into thinking about it. My heart was in it. It always had been with Gage, except when I was with Evan, I suppressed it entirely. I loved Evan fiercely and purely, making him everything to me, but now I was free to pursue things if I wanted to. Not only that, but the distance between Evan and me was growing further every minute. I couldn't help thinking of the way Irina's hands lingered on him, suggesting he had done some moving on of his own. No matter what my feelings were towards my ex — and mostly, they were a jumble of confusion, sadness, and lingering love — I couldn't see myself involved with someone who could go against my kind. I was a witch; and I had a duty to protect myself and those like me. Plus, I was no traitor. With Evan implicated even further than I previously assumed, I was afraid for him... and myself.
Then there was Gage. Despite Seren's warning that he might ultimately have to be with someone of his own kind, what was stopping me? The Wilding pack accepted me into their community long ago. I was sure they would all have something to say if they knew about our personal business. Yet, here was his sister, and she wasn't telling me not to think about it. Instead, it seemed more like she was urging me to think about pursuing him, but not to break his heart.
"You know what you need to do?" said Annalise, breaking the silence and making me wonder exactly what she thought I needed. "You should do a spell and find out where your heart lies."
"Oooh!" squealed Kitty before mashing her lips together contritely. The baby continued sleeping. "I like that," she whispered. "Can we do that?"
"No! I'm not casting a love spell. I'm going to figure this out on my own," I decided. "Right after we save Étoile."
"Just don't figure it out horizontally," sighed Annalise as she reached for her daughter. "Or you'll end up with one of these."
"Not exactly a deterrent," said Kitty, going gooey. "She's so adorable."
"Come over at three a.m. and say that."
"No, thanks!"
"Speaking of which, Kitty wants to tell us all about her new man," I said, settling back to let Kitty gabble about the amazing new man she'd met in the city. Although seeing Ryan again was great, they talked and eventually agreed they couldn't pursue a long distance relationship. Hearing her talk was a brief respite. No more pointed questions from Annalise or enthusiastic ones from Kitty. Just me and my thoughts. Unfortunately, I didn't come to any resolution except to not make any hasty decisions. By the time we left, Annalise was yawning every few seconds; and when she hugged me goodbye, I thought it might come with a warning, but instead, she merely yawned again and waved us away.
~
"Evan?" My surprise made my heart skip a beat as I looked up into the wary eyes of my ex-boyfriend upon opening the door. Habit made me run my eyes over him, taking in the leather jacket under which he wore a navy blue sweater and jeans. "What are you doing here?"
"We need to talk," he said, his voice low. "And you have guests."
"Yes, yes, I do. We can talk outside," I said, tightening my robe around me and moving to step out onto the porch. Evan halted me by raising his palm and spreading five fingers. "What is it?" I asked, looking behind him and sensing nothing.
"Not outside. I've risked enough coming here tonight. Is there someplace else we can talk?"
I glanced behind me. Astra and Kitty had both retired to bed, but could probably hear us in the communal area. I didn't want to take him to my bedroom; it seemed too personal. That left the sunroom with all manner of sensitive papers or the kitchen. "The kitchen," I decided, stepping back so he could follow.
Evan shut the door behind him and followed me through the house. I tried not to think about how formal we were being, when once he lived here with me. It seemed so long ago, but the traces of him still lingered in the house. Wherever I looked, I could see him. And feel him. I could feel him now only a pace behind me. It should have unnerved me, but it didn't.
"What do you want?" I asked, closing the kitchen door with a soft click.
"I don't have much time."
"You came here," I reminded him, annoyed now. "You're the one wasting time."
"I must ask you to stop looking into Kevin Wyatt's death."
I paused. That wasn't what I expected. "Why?"
"I can't tell you. Only that you must stay away. I know you found out he's from Rockford, but I need you to promise you won't... What?" Evan stepped towards me as my mouth tightened. Too late. "What is it?"
"I found out everything I need to know about Kevin Wyatt. I only got back from Rockford today."
"You've been there?"
"Sure. Friendly town," I said, not concealing my contempt. How could I when it seemed Wyatt's own pack might have been behind his murder and that of their local witch? Very nearly mine too.
"Tell me everything," Evan demanded, crossing his arms.
"Why should I? What's it to you?"
"I... can't tell you that."
"I don't see how it's your business."
"Of course, it's my business!"
"Maybe you should tell me what your interest is in Wyatt and Rockford," I said, deflecting Evan's own demands with a couple of my own. "What is a lowly dead werewolf to you?"
"He's nothing to me."
"And Rockford?"
"Can you at least promise me you won't go back there?"
"No problem since they firebombed my motel room!" I barely held back from yelling, not wanting to wake my guests. More importantly, I didn't want to explain Evan's presence.
Evan's arms dropped to his sides as he closed the space between us, reaching out for me, his hand pulling back when I didn't take it. Quizzical eyes searched mine. "Are you...? Stella, did they..."
I held my hands out, showing him the lack of burns. "As you can see, I'm fine. Gage and I got out of there." As soon as I spoke, I regretted it. Evan's eyes darkened and his jaw stiffened.
"Are you and the wolf...?"
"Don't you dare insult me by asking that when you had that demon woman all over you at your house."
"Irina?"
"Don't pretend you don't know her name and it was all innocent. You obviously know each other really well. Did you know she was in Rockford too?"
Evan blinked. "What? Did she see you?"
"I saw her, but she didn't see me. Not that it matters. One of the pack could have said I was there. Looks like she's pretty tight with them." I shut my mouth then, aware of how much I revealed. What happened next entirely depended on how Evan took the news. Did he know his comrade's movements? Yes, I decided, he had to. Problem was, could it be an issue that I knew her movements too? Carefully, I began to call my magic, winding protection around me.
"Don't. Just don't, Stella. I would never hurt you." Evan winced as he moved towards me, and I stepped back. "Please believe me," he whispered, sadness etched in every word.
"I don't know what to believe," I replied. "I thought you were trapped in all this, that you'd gotten stuck in demon business to save me; and I absolved you of any protection for me and you stayed. What else should I think? I think you're part of everything."
Evan stiffened again, his muscles tense and taut around his neck, making his shoulders rigid. "I make my own choices."
"To betray us? To betray Étoile?"
"Everything happens for a reason."
"What kind of reason could you have to side with your father, whom you hate, against people who care about you?"
"It's not that simple, Stella! If only you knew!"
"Then tell me. You tell me!" I closed the space between us, reaching for him, only this time, to have him step back, away from me. I wasn't prepared for the sharp stab in my heart at observing that.
"Stella, you have got to stop meddling in things that don't concern you. The High Council is not your business. The star prophecy should be left alone and you need to stop trying to rescue me. I'm fine."
"I don't understand. If everything is so fine, and so well under control, why are yo
u here to warn me to stop investigating?"
"There's more at stake here than simply finding out who some low-level werewolf is. Meddling could get you killed, and I don't want to see you dead."
I frowned. "Do you still care for me?"
Evan opened his mouth. Then stopped.
"Let me ask you another question," I continued, batting away the hurt at his non response. "Are you involved in a plot to destroy or overthrow the High Council?"
"Stella, don't get any more involved. I risked a lot to come here to warn you to stay away, but I can't remain any longer or my absence will be noticed. Promise me. Promise me you'll stay away from the city and as far away from The Amethyst as you can."
"I can't promise that."
"Then at least, I've warned you."
"And now it's my turn to warn you," I said, steeling myself against all kinds of hurt. "If you are involved in any kind of plot against my kind, I will turn you in."
Evan looked down at me. His hand came up slowly and he rested his palm against my cheek, his thumb stroking my cheekbone. It was a gentle gesture and a tear prickled at my eye, but I didn't push his hand away. His warmth was something I missed deeply, despite my anger and confusion. Truthfully, I missed far more but I was too angry to contemplate that right now. "I don't think you'd ever turn me in."
"I'd turn you in whether you were doing something against your will or because of it," I told him as solidly as I could, all the while knowing it would hurt me to do so.
"Every choice I've made, I was free to make," Evan said.
"Then we have nothing more to say. I'd like you to leave."
"Stella..."
"Please, Evan. Just go."
Evan fixed me with his last look, one that would haunt me, and disappeared in a rush of heat.
I stared at the spot he last occupied for a long time, growing angrier by the second. How dare he come here and order me around? How dare he make me feel the pain of his loss all over again? He had no right.
The walls felt like they were closing in on me, and all at once, I couldn't take anymore. I needed to get out, away from his presence. I exited the kitchen and shoved my feet into sneakers that I left in the living room. Tightening my robe, I let myself out the front door. The lights were on in the house opposite and I jogged over there, climbing the steps quickly to escape the cool night air. As I raised my hand to the door, it opened. Gage stood there, barefoot, in jeans and a t-shirt. His lips curled into a smile and his eyes lit up with pleasure. I didn't need to be a witch to read him; he was hoping it was me. I sniffed as I reached for him, a tear slipping from my eye, and he folded me into his arms, drawing my head to his chest.
"What's wrong?" he whispered against my hair.
"Nothing," I mumbled.
"Hey, I know you. We've had a stressful few days."
I said nothing, just tightening my arms around him while he stroked my hair. Then he stiffened and I knew what he figured out, what he must’ve scented on me.
"Evan was here," he said simply and without emotion.
"He came to my house."
Gage didn't move, but I could feel the change in him, the wariness, the slackening of his muscles as his hold loosened. "What for?"
"He asked me not to investigate Kevin Wyatt or go to Rockford."
"Too late."
"That's what I said. I told him I knew what he was up to and ordered him to leave."
"And then you came here?"
"Yes."
"And what do you think he's up to?"
"He's involved in this plot to overthrow the Council. He said things. It didn't make a lot of sense, but he made it quite clear that everything was his choice."
Gage extracted himself gently, placing his hands on my upper arms as he stared down at me. I had the awful feeling he was going to admonish me, but he just sighed. "I know you're mad at him, Stella, and you know how I feel about you, but you can't rush over here and have sex with me to make yourself feel better."
"I wasn't going to... I... What?" I gasped, before wondering exactly what I came there for. Was it to escape the house and Evan's lingering presence? Or was it to entwine myself with the one man I knew Evan would hate to see me with? For once, I couldn't explain my motives. I didn't even understand them.
"I really hoped that the things happening between us were because we both wanted them to happen, but now, I'm not so sure."
"I..."
"You should go home, Stella. Go home, go to bed, be pissed at Evan. Be pissed at me if you need to, but you should definitely go home." Gage released me, stepping backwards, leaving me rapidly cooling without his embrace.
"Gage, I really..."
"It's okay, really. We'll talk about this another time because we're long due that talk, Stella, but I can't do it now." Gage ran a hand through his thick crop of hair and I realised how tired and drawn he looked.
"Did something happen at the Loup?" I asked.
"I think I have a mole in the pack," he said.
"What makes you think that?"
"Just a feeling. It's not uncommon. Packs often have issues, but I have a feeling this is tied to Noah Wilde. One of my own pack is spying on me, and I don't know who it is. So, you see? I have problems and I need to think about them and you need to think about yours and then we'll talk."
"When?"
"In the next day or two, I hope."
"I'm going..." I hesitated, about to blurt out my plans. Then I thought better of it, instead saying, "I'm going to be with Astra and Kitty tomorrow. We made plans. I might not be home."
"Wherever you plan on being, you can't stay there and avoid me." Gage pulled me back to him, enveloping me again, and I hugged him tightly as the animosity that sprang between us dissipated. I wanted to nestle against him, to feel his pure and uncomplicated comfort, knowing that of all the people in my crazy world, he was one of the ones I trusted most. I only wished I knew what lay in our future.
"I wouldn't do that, but I have to do something in the city. At The Amethyst," I said, knowing that it might be a good thing for Gage to know where I was. I really didn't want him to think I was avoiding him; and given the secrecy of the mission I planned to carry out, it might have been good to have one other person, whom I could trust, to know where I was. "I might not get back for a couple days."
"I'll be in the city in the next couple of days too."
I looked up. "What for?"
"The High Council gets sworn in. I'm part of Noah Wilde's delegation."
"You couldn't say no?" I asked, regretting the question. Of course, he couldn't. Even with his own ascension assuring him some power, Noah was still his ultimate boss even if Gage knew he was almost certainly working against the High Council. It occurred to me that perhaps Gage was watching over his packmaster, and not just to make sure he didn't commit any crimes against the witches. Perhaps there wasn't just a mole in Gage's pack. Perhaps there was a bigger one in Noah's, I decided, and once again, wondered if Gage knew more than he told me.
"No," Gage replied simply.
My breath caught. "You know the letter says the High Council will be attacked, Gage!"
"Yep, you know it, and I know it and we're both going to be there anyway."
"I don't want to leave you tonight," I said.
"And I'm not going to let you stay." Gage raised my chin upwards and dropped the lightest of kisses on my lips. "Goodnight, Stella."
"Night," I murmured, embarrassed, exhausted, and knowing Gage was right as I shimmered out of his arms with the sting of rejection and all of my arguments worn out of me.
Chapter Seventeen
Pushing open the door to the bookshop, I looked around. It was everything I guessed an old bookshop should be. Shelf after shelf piled high with thick manuscripts, a cherrywood desk that served as the cashier's station, and soft light refracting through the long windows at the front with a small, circular window at the back. A spiral stairway with a polished banister wound its way upwards to a narrow landing w
ith more bookshelves, thick with books.
"I'll be right with you," called a man somewhere beyond the shelving.
"Hi," I called back, recalling I'd been in here only a couple of times before; once to browse, and once to purchase a birthday gift. The gift was a successful one, and I meant to return and browse for my own pleasure, but somehow, work and life managed to both get in the way.
"Hello again," said the same voice as, a moment later, a man appeared. He wore brown slacks and a white shirt with a patterned sweater over the top. Around his neck hung a pair of eyeglasses on a chain. His hair was receding rapidly, but he still had a few strands that sparsely covered his pate. "You came back!" he exclaimed. "Did your friend like the book?"
"Very much, thank you."
"What can I help you with today? More of the same? I found some wonderfully illustrated tomes at a yard sale in Maine."
"Maybe another time," I replied, disappointed that I didn't have the time to stop and look. "Actually, a friend of mine came in yesterday and I wondered if he found what he was looking for?"
"What's your friend's name?" he asked, moving around to the other side of the desk.
"You'd probably recognise him," I said, recalling the demon Astra spotted and later described.
"Oh yes, yes, I remember." His face darkened and he tapped the desk with his fingertips. "An odd request."
"Oh?" I scrambled to come up with a question, or something that could lead up towards the answer, but simply went with misdirection. "Was it the old occult book?"
"No, no, it was a horologicon. He seemed quite sure I might know where to find one, but I'm afraid I don't. I said I'd ask around and he left his card."
"A horologicon?" I frowned.
"I had to look it up on the internet. If your friend finds one, I'd love to take a look. It sounds fascinating."
"I'll let him know," I said, still puzzled. "Thanks anyway. I must run now, but I'll try and stop by next week and see those books you found."
Arcane Magic (Stella Mayweather Series) Page 19
