“I could always try fucking the insubordination out of you,” he said, tightening his grip on my wrists.
I bit my lip, but it wasn’t enough to stop the sound of delight that came from deep in my throat.
“That’s what you want?” he asked. I could feel the tip of his thick cock pushing against my pussy.
“Yes,” I begged. “Please fuck me, Noah.”
He didn’t have it in him to resist any longer. He reached over to a condom he had left on the coffee table and rolled it on quickly before shoving his cock deep into my pussy with a guttural moan. My legs clenched around his waist reflexively as I tried to drive him harder into me. Each thrust pushed me against the floor, his heavy body nearly knocking the wind out of me each time he pressed me down. His hands gripped my hair and shoulders, using me for leverage as he pounded into me desperately. His cock filled me up until an orgasm washed over my body, lasting twice as long as the last one. Noah sweated and cursed above me as I clenched his hardness with my quivering muscles, massaging his cock until he was coming hard inside me.
I could already feel the carpet rash on my back, but I didn’t care. My body felt incredible after all these orgasms, and even more so when I had Noah’s pressed up against me. He kissed me a few more times, and then withdrew his half-hard dick and helped me up off the floor. We got cleaned up just in time to answer the door for the delivery driver, Noah wearing only the gray robe as I kept out of sight.
The day had cleared up a bit and the air was warm, so Noah grabbed a few blankets and spread them out on the grass in his backyard. The foliage and fence line made the place very private, so we opted to picnic naked, spreading the little boxes of Chinese food out across the blanket.
“So, can I ask you something?” I said as I lowered some chow mein into my mouth. “It’s kinda personal.”
“I think we’ve established something of a personal relationship,” said Noah with a wink. His gaze fell down to my tits and I rolled my eyes.
“Anyway,” I said dramatically. “What’s the deal with you still being single? I could’ve sworn everyone in your band was spoken for.”
Judging by the look on Noah’s face, I had hit a nerve. Guilt twisted up my spine, but I didn’t try to take it back.
“Eh, it’s… it’s a bit complicated.”
“Try me,” I said. “I’m the queen of complicated.” And I meant it.
Noah took a few bites of a spring roll. He didn’t look up when he spoke. “I just came from a rougher scene than the other guys, is all. Quinn and Jeff know a little bit about it, and endured a lot of it with me, but they also had better parents than I did. Parents that protected them.”
I was quiet while Noah found his words.
“It’s dumb. I’ve never been in a war, or anything as heinous as all that, but I still… still have some of the same problems. Just too many years in the fringes of the scene, you know? Barely finding the money to scrape by for rent and food and a little beer, maybe sneak into a show every couple weeks if you learned the bouncers’ schedules. Fights, cheating girlfriends, band drama… watching friends OD or lose out to depression… having nothing but the music to make it all feel better.”
Despite my full tummy, a phantom pain squeezed my abdomen anyway: memories of being hungry and cold that first winter in New York, when I had nothing and no one, just my writing and the shows and hope that the future was going to look different than the past. Noah understood.
He scratched absently at his beard as he shook his head. “When I really stop and think about it, it all feels a million years old, another lifetime ago. But at night, when I’m all alone and everything’s quiet, it doesn’t feel that long ago. It feels like it’s still happening. And… long story short… that makes it really difficult to have anything meaningful with a woman. Eventually, even the craziest groupies want someone stable to settle down with.”
Ache gnawed at my heart. “You might not believe me, but I understand. And I’m sorry to hear that.”
Noah shrugged and cocked his head without looking at me, as if to say it was no big deal. He reached out with his chopsticks and tossed a few pieces of chicken in his mouth. “I don’t mean to make it sound like I never got any attention. That would just be a lie.”
“Well, you’re certainly getting attention from the ladies now, hot stuff,” I said.
“Once I found my place in the hardcore scene, I started getting a reputation for being a moody, mysterious little shit, and that really helped me get the chicks. And it only got better when I started bulking up. The Raven of Thornwood, that’s what they called me.”
I burst out laughing, hand to my mouth to keep a bite of orange chicken from spraying over the picnic. I’d been around the block enough to know a rehearsal when I heard it. “What?! You’re full of shit, no they didn’t! Your hair isn’t even black!”
Noah’s face flushed almost instantly, but his mouth was pulled in a full grin, like he was glad he got caught. “Well, that story has worked on dumber women.”
Noah watched me laugh for a little bit before he started playfully shoving me over and saying, “Okay, okay! You got your laugh in, sugar. Not all of us can have the opposite sex at our feet all the time like you.”
“When did you start bulking up? Kevin said you were still pretty scrawny when he met you.”
“Been talking to Kevin about me?” he said, nudging his elbow into my leg.
“That is none of your business,” I said, poking him with one of my chopsticks. “Don’t change the subject.”
Noah ran a hand over his own ab muscles, like he was still not used to having them. “I suppose I was about twenty-two when I finally started taking it seriously. I’d learned to fight before then. Being as deep in the scene as I was, you had to.”
“Boston had some rough years like that, too,” I recalled. The metal and hardcore scenes were far more peaceful than outsiders ever imagined, but we had our asshole groups that ruined it for everyone else.
“There was this one show, I can’t even remember the name of the band now, but it was me and Quinn and a bunch of other dudes from high school. We got jumped on-stage. They almost put Quinn in the hospital. After that, it just seemed stupid not to try and get stronger. If this was the world I lived in, I had to adapt,” he said.
Palm running down his colorful arm, I said, “Wow. So this isn’t just some tough guy thing… this is you surviving.”
Noah didn’t reply or look up at me. He shifted a bit and reached for a fortune cookie. “Tell me what your deal is, sugar. How come I’m lucky enough to not be competing with some strapping, hipster boyfriend?”
Immediately I could feel a strange shame rising in my blood, the same feeling I always got whenever things got too emotional or vulnerable for me. Opening up with my feelings was not exactly my jam. But in that moment it was like I couldn’t stop myself.
“Guys, they don’t stick around me, either,” I told him. “I seem to be this… unicorn to them. They all think I’m great and love the work I do, they love how deeply I care about the scene. But they only ever get close enough to be my friends. They don’t dare come closer. And the ones that do dare to date me usually end up hating me because I always care about my job more than them.” After a pause, I added, “I suppose I deserve that one.”
“I don’t get that at all,” said Noah. His eyes wandered over my face like he was trying to commit it to memory. “You’re exactly the girl we’ve all been dreaming about ever since we joined the scene.”
“Apparently, no one knows what to do with a dream once they get it,” I scoffed. “Because I can’t even get myself a date most of the time.”
“Well,” said Noah, leaning closer to me. “You don’t have to worry about that as long as you’re in Seattle. Because I’m laying strict claim to your time… and to that delicious pussy.”
Jolts of desire shot through my body. “Is that right?”
“Try letting anyone else near it and see,” he said. Noah ran hi
s palm up my calf and thigh, stopping just short of touching my center. He smirked at me with a glow in his eyes.
As I leaned down to kiss him, the patter of rain began to sound on the leaves overhead, and it wasn’t long before our exposed skin started gathering raindrops. Noah grunted, annoyed, into my mouth at the distraction, and our kiss quickly dissolved into giggles. Together we got up and started gathering up the picnic. I watched Noah’s ass as he went into the house ahead of me and wolf whistled after him with a laugh.
When I came back in the kitchen with an armful of food, Noah stood at the kitchen sink, staring at his phone. The gentle gray light from outside lit up his gorgeous naked body; he looked like a marble statue of a Greek god. But the look on his face didn’t make me feel good.
I put the plates down on the counter and walked up to him, sliding a hand up his shoulder. “Everything okay?”
Noah started, like he hadn’t heard me walk up. He inhaled sharply. “Yeah. I just…” He looked at his phone again. “It looks like Gavin finally got a hold of Duke. We’ve got a meeting planned for tomorrow morning in the city.”
A jolt ran through my nerves. A million questions raced through my mind—questions for my story. The ambitious woman in me was starving to know what was about to happen in that Seattle conference room. Everything that had been building for Cut Up Angels over the past seven years was on the line, and could be decided in that room.
But Noah’s face broke my heart. I expected to see anger, but instead it was something else—a deep, heavy despair. It unnerved me more than his anger would have, and the thought struck me that if I had ever seen this face on a man I was dating before, that probably would have been our last date. My reputation as a commitment-phobe, while not entirely my fault, was not undeserved.
And what I told Noah in bed wasn’t a lie. In fact, nothing that I told Noah was a lie, except the superficial point about moving to Seattle. When I told him about my problem keeping men interested, it was the straight-up truth; and the ones who didn’t reject me ended up being another in a long line of ex-boyfriends. Men were afraid of me, or they couldn’t keep me interested. And I certainly never cared about any of them enough to want to help them through their emotional baggage.
In that moment, though, every thought in my head was of Noah. I didn’t want to leave him. I wanted to wipe that despair out of his eyes.
Slowly, I ran my hands around his chest and held him. I pressed myself against his naked back and felt him breathe against me. His heart pounded under my palms, underneath the cheek I laid on his back.
“I’m sorry,” I said in a whisper.
For a moment, Noah didn’t move. He just leaned there, hands against the sink, watching the green trees in the backyard. Then he took a deep breath and stood. He ran his hands down my arms until they covered mine, and tangled our fingers together. I tightened my grip on him and he sighed.
“Me too,” he said. “Everything is in ruins.”
I nuzzled my face against his skin. “Nothing’s over. If you didn’t get buried by Thornwood or fighting up from the underground scene, Noah, then you’re not going to get buried by fucking Duke Rogers.”
Maybe it was my imagination, but I thought I felt him let out the tiniest chuckle underneath me. He tilted his head over his shoulder to look down at me. “You’re something else, you know that, Laurel?”
I wanted to love his words. On the surface, they soothed like balm on sunburned skin and made my stomach go crazy with butterflies. But my goddamn brain, ever the wet blanket, could only remind me of the years’ worth of echoes just like Noah’s compliment from men who loved and left me.
Still, looking up at his crystal blue eyes and gorgeous half-smile, it was too much. I couldn’t ruin it. I just smiled back up at him and tried to scratch the truth deep in my own heart that Noah Hardy was never really going to give a fuck about me, no matter what his smile said. Besides, I didn’t deserve it anyway. Not while I had my own secret agenda. I may not have lied, but I was definitely holding back something that would change the way Noah was going to feel about me. Even if he wasn’t planning on rejecting me for all of the normal reasons, he sure as hell might do so when he learned the whole truth about how and why I ended up in his life in the first place…
10
Noah
I had barely made it off the elevator of the record label headquarters in Seattle when I felt a headache pulse at the base of my skull. I took a deep breath as Quinn led us down the hallway toward the conference room, wishing I had bothered to get stoned before we took the drive from Thornwood.
But there was no way I was dulling even a modicum of this anger in my first face-to-face with Duke since his announcement. I wanted to feel every fucking inch of it—and I wanted him to feel it, too.
The second I saw his smug face rocking back and forth in one of the high-backed leather chairs, my mind flooded with daydreams of jumping onto the shiny conference table and rushing him, kicking his fucking teeth in with my steel-toed boots, pounding his face until there was nothing recognizable for his family to identify. But I held in all my murderous rage as best I could when he locked eyes with me and smiled.
“Nice of you to join us, gentlemen,” said Duke. Every word out of his ugly mouth made the blood rush in my ears.
Gavin was on his phone in the corner of the room, but he suddenly whirled and pointed at Duke. “You, shut your fucking mouth,” he said. “Noah, close the door behind you, please.”
Quinn shut it before I could even move. He watched me carefully. He’d seen the way I was looking at Duke before. Quinn had broken up more of my fights than he’d been in himself, so it didn’t surprise me when he refused to sit at the table until I did first.
Ash, our short, Italian drummer, stood near the window overlooking the beautiful elevated view of downtown Seattle. He was the last to sit down, and huffed like a petulant child into the chair at the other end of the table. Jeff, our bassist and ever the wallflower of the band, sat next to Duke, and this made me uneasy.
“All right,” said Gavin as he leaned, exasperated, between two empty chairs. “Let’s just jump right the fuck into this can of worms.” He again pointed his thick finger across the table at Duke. “What in the ever-loving fuck were you thinking with that little show you put on, huh?”
“I think you know exactly what I was thinking,” said Duke. The tone in his voice betrayed that this, like everything else, seemed to be a goddamn game to him. “Just like the rest of the guys in this band, I’ve just about fucking had it with babysitting this Neanderthal.” He nodded at me and my hands clenched into fists before I could stop it.
“Speak for yourself, asshole,” said Quinn immediately.
“Oh, excuse me, the rest of the guys except Noah’s boyfriend Quinn…” said Duke, waving his hands sarcastically.
“Fuck you, Duke, you homophobic piece of shit,” I said.
“Yeah, that’s the behavior I’m talking about,” said Duke.
“Both of you, shut the fuck up!” shouted Gavin. The room fell silent.
Gavin waited a few moments, taking deep breaths. “Duke, I get the capitalistic instinct, even from an artist, no sweat. However, what I cannot fucking wrap my head around is why you think it would be a brilliant idea to drop a bomb like this on the rest of your band now—and on yourself! You may have just destroyed any chance we had of having a controlled descent on this fucking disaster, and if you think it’s not going to cost you—cost all of us—in both reputation and cold, hard money, then you are living in a fantasyland, my friend.”
Watching Gavin work was like watching a master conductor in front of a symphony. He was a powerful man in the industry, but smart enough at business that we rarely had problems, or had to see him in any kind of damage control mode. This was unprecedented, and Gavin wasn’t pulling a single punch anymore.
Duke didn’t immediately fire back at him, which all of us recognized as him being more full of shit than he wanted to admit. Still, he k
ept that shit-eating smirk on his face, and scoffed in his chair. “Like I can’t afford to take a hit if it means getting me out of this disaster of a band as fast as humanly possible. I’m not doing jail time for this son of a bitch.”
Before I could snarl a reply, Gavin had his hand raised in my direction, but he was looking at Ash. “How about you? What the fuck’s the deal with you and Jeff ducking me since the interview? Let’s get all this hot garbage out on the table right now.”
Ash and I had always gotten along, but we still weren’t close. He had moved to Thornwood a year before he joined Quinn and I in a band, and Cut Up Angels got signed only two years after that. We had great chemistry in the studio, but my bond with him wasn’t anything like it was with Quinn. Seeing him huddled there in that office chair, fuming with his arms crossed, it made me very nervous. Ash always divorced himself from band drama. But he didn’t look divorced from this one.
“Duke’s not wrong, you guys,” said Ash, and I felt my heart sink into my stomach. Next to me, Quinn started muttering to himself and shaking his head. Ash continued anyway. “How many times now have we had to deal with bailing his ass out? And now this? Now—now you’ve fucking killed a guy, Noah! I mean, what the fuck!”
“Don’t you sit there and act sanctimonious,” said Gavin, turning his wrath to Ash. “You can bitch all you want about Noah’s reputation, but that reputation has put money in every single one of your bank accounts. We’ve all benefitted from Noah, and now that shit’s getting a little real, all of you are jumping ship like fucking cowards? Is that what the hardcore scene is teaching kids these days?”
“Oh, suck my dick, Gavin!” yelled Ash. Everyone fell silent, surprised.
Gavin pushed away from the table in anger, but still controlled enough to respond. “You are a fucking coward, Ash, period! And so are you, Duke! Jeff, you wanna chime in and tell me which team you’ve chosen to back?”
LUST: A Bad Boy and Amish Girl Romance (The Brody Bunch Book 2) Page 28
