As if on cue, Baby Dupree began to cry too, kicking her little, chubby legs.
“Shhhh, hush, baby,” Aunt Madge sniffled as she rocked the baby. “It’s your mother’s birthday today and I don’t even know where she is or what she’s doing.”
Baby Dupree, now four-months-old, gradually stopped crying and stared up at her grandaunt as if she understood what she was saying.
“But I know she is alive,” Aunt Madge continued talking to the baby in a teary voice. “I can feel it in my soul. My niece is alive because I trust my Lord to take care of her.”
Aunt Madge groaned and stood up as if she was in pain, balancing Baby Dupree over her shoulder. Walking into the living room, she went and sat around the small table with the baby in her lap. Sitting in the middle of the table were her prized crockery dishes containing mouthwatering ackee and saltfish and thick, yellow slices of roasted breadfruit. A small kettle pot of hot chocolate tea completed the menu. Tiny’s favorite breakfast.
Although she had no appetite, Aunt Madge placed a small serving of food on her plate and poured out some hot chocolate in her mug. Baby Dupree grabbed at the plate, and she shoved it further back on the table, out of her reach. “Dear Lord, today is Tiny’s sixteenth birthday, and I want to take this time to thank you for her,” Aunt Madge prayed. “She is not in my sight right now, but she is in yours. Please, I’m begging you that wherever she is, let her know that I love her and my arms are wide open waiting for her to come home. Please provide her with food, shelter, and clothes, my Lord. I ask that you protect her from the arms of the devil, so anything or anyone that rises up against her cannot prevail. Please keep my baby in your arms until I see her again. These and other mercies I ask in your holy name. Amen.”
Taking small nibbles of food, Aunt Madge stared out the window as a sudden peace began to fill her soul. She had no idea where Tiny was or what she was doing at the moment, but she felt in her spirit that she was okay. “Thank you, Holy Spirit,” Aunt Madge said aloud. She pushed back her chair from the table and stood up with the baby. “Your mother is all right,” Aunt Madge said and tickled the baby’s side. Baby Dupree giggled happily, drool running down her chin. “Yes, she is. Yes, she is.” And Aunt Madge did something she hadn’t done in a long time. She looked up to the heavens and smiled.
“Happy birthday to youuuuu!” A thunderous round of applause and cheers resonated around the room.
Eleanor hung down her head, totally fixated on the floral tablecloth on the table. “Thank you,” she said shyly.
“You are welcome, my dear,” Mama Pearl said cheerfully from across the table. “I’m so glad that we get to spend this day with you.”
Eleanor looked up at her and smiled.
Earlier that morning, as promised, Mama Pearl had prepared her favorite breakfast and served it to her in bed. “Room service for the birthday girl,” Mama Pearl had announced as she walked into the room, balancing the tray in her hands. She placed the tray at the foot of the bed. Giving Eleanor a kiss on the cheek, Mama Pearl then walked out of the room, closing the door behind her. Eleanor was left alone to her breakfast. But Eleanor wasn’t fooled. Mama Pearl knew she needed that time alone, and she was grateful that she understood.
“For you, Aunt Madge.” Eleanor raised her fork with a piece of breadfruit in the air, tears and snot running down her face. “For loving and supporting me, even when I messed up. I love you so much.”
Eleanor was sure the food was scrumptious. The smell alone was mouthwatering, but each bite she took tasted like a piece of cardboard. She didn’t deserve this. No, not after what she had done. However, she forced herself to eat the meal that was lovingly prepared for her. She had hurt too many people; Mama Pearl wouldn’t be one of them.
“Are you okay, Eleanor?” asked Mama Pearl’s seven-year-old grandson, Troy, snapping her back to the present. “You look sad.”
“Oh. I’m okay, Troy.” Eleanor gave him a big smile and a wink. Troy giggled in response.
Eleanor looked around the dining table at the smiling faces that came to dinner for her birthday. The guys were there with their wives and children. The table was laden down with piles of food: curry goat, jerked chicken, esco-vitch fish, rice and peas, steamed vegetables, lemonade and carrot juice. They had just sung “Happy Birthday” and were getting ready to eat. It might not have been an official birthday party, but it was pretty close to one. These people deserved to know how much she appreciated all that they were doing for her.
“First, I want to say thank you, Mama Pearl,” Eleanor said, sniffing her nose as she fought to hold back the tears threatening to fall. “Thank you for everything you are doing for me. If it wasn’t for you, I would probably be dead by now. You are my guardian angel, and I thank God for you every day.”
Mama Pearl and the wives began to tear up.
“To the rest of you, thank you for allowing me to stay here with your mother and for taking me into your lives. I know you had reservations, but I’m happy that you took a chance on me. I promise I won’t ever betray that trust.”
By now there were no dry eyes around the table. The men sniffed and twisted uncomfortably in their chairs, while the women blatantly allowed the tears to flow. If Eleanor wasn’t already embedded in their hearts, she certainly was then.
“You are welcome, baby,” Mama Pearl said through her tears. “You will always have a place in my home and in my heart.”
Now Eleanor cried.
“Okay, I’m about to faint from hunger,” Omar finally exclaimed, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. “I think I got something in my eyes.” He tried unsuccessfully to downplay his emotions. The table erupted in laughter, and Mama Pearl gave him a knowing smile.
“Okay, Gerald. Please bless the table so we can eat,” Mama Pearl said with her too sweet smile.
“Oh, man,” Gerald groaned, and another round of laughter reverberated around the room.
Chapter Twenty-two
Eleanor perched on the edge of the couch in the living room, staring at Robert like he was an alien from Mars with two heads. “Why . . . Why are you asking?” she stuttered.
Robert sighed loudly. “Eleanor, I’m not trying to get into your business. I can tell by how articulate you are that you have had some education. I’m just trying to get you back in school for the new school year which begins in September,” he explained. “That is just a few weeks away. As a professor, education is very important to me, and I want you to get a good education.” Robert was a mathematics professor at the University of the West Indies.
Eleanor stared down at her entwined fingers in her lap, kicking her legs nervously. Robert had just asked her where she had gone to school. This was one question that she could not and would not answer. It would reveal where she was from, and that information could not be made known.
“I can’t say, Robert,” Eleanor whispered as she looked at him with pleading eyes. “I know you are trying to help me, and I would like to go back to school, but my past has to remain exactly that way. My past. It’s best for a lot of people.”
Robert saw the fear in her eyes and relented. “Okay. I was only going to send for your school records so we can get you into another school,” he said. “I assume you never finished high school?”
An image of the baby flashed into Eleanor’s mind. She shuddered. “No, I was one year away from graduating.”
“Really? Eleanor, that’s awesome,” Robert said enthusiastically. “I knew you were a smart girl.”
Eleanor blushed and looked away.
“Well, Sydney and I are going to have to call in some favors to see if we can get you into a school,” Robert said in reference to his brother, who was the principal of Calabar High School for boys.
“Thank you, Robert,” Eleanor said excitedly. “I would really love to take my CXC exams. I know I’ll pass them.” The Caribbean Examination Council examinations (CXC) were usually taken by students after five years of secondary school to mark the end of it and for t
hose who wished to continue their education at the tertiary level.
“All right, kiddo. Let me get to work,” Robert joked as he stood to his feet. “I’ll keep you posted.”
Eleanor stood to her feet and walked with him to the door. “Thank you,” she told him again. “I’ll tell Mama Pearl that you stopped by.” Mama Pearl was visiting a church sister in the hospital.
“She knew I was going to stop by.” Robert grinned and gave her a wink before he strolled off toward his car parked in the driveway.
Eleanor shook her head and smiled. Earlier that evening Mama Pearl got dressed and hurried out of the house so fast, Eleanor wondered what was the rush. Now she knew.
“Yes! Yes! Yes!” Eleanor screamed as she danced around the room. “I’m going back to school,” she sang happily.
Mama Pearl, Omar, and Robert laughed as they watched her. It was refreshing to see a young girl that enthusiastic to continue her education.
“I know it’s just evening classes, but that’s the best we could do under the circumstances,” Robert said once they were all sitting down. “These are CXC preparatory classes at Ardenne High School for one year.”
Robert went on to explain that the vice principal of Ardenne High School, Mr. Pryce, was a colleague of theirs. He had tried to get Eleanor into the regular day classes, but with no school record or birth certificate, it wasn’t possible. However, he pulled a few strings and got her in the evening classes instead.
“That’s even better, Robert,” Eleanor said with a wide grin on her face. “I can do all my chores around the house before I go to class.”
“Now don’t you be worrying about no chores,” Mama Pearl remarked. “You are going to study hard, do your homework, and pass those exams.”
“I can do both, Mama Pearl,” Eleanor told her. “Aunt Madge used to say I’m a little genius.”
The room was arrested in total silence as three pair of curious eyes stared at Eleanor. Eleanor folded her lips and looked down at the floor.
“Aunt Madge sounds like a smart lady,” Mama Pearl said to break the awkward moment. “I hope one day you will tell us some more about her.”
Eleanor nodded, her eyes blinking rapidly, still refusing to make eye contact.
“Looks like we now have a little schoolgirl in the house,” Omar said jokingly to clear the air.
“Shut up, Omar.” Eleanor rolled her eyes at him, smiling. Mama Pearl and Robert shook their heads at their antics. The subject of Aunt Madge was left alone, at least for now.
The next week Eleanor sat in the back of the bus, clutching her book bag tightly to her chest as it headed up Half Way Tree Road toward Hope Road. Looking through the window she passed some of the places she had wandered while living on the streets. There was the restaurant where the owner had chased her out with a broom after he caught her taking leftovers off the tables. She saw the large commercial garbage bin in the plaza where she had found a half-eaten mango. A shiver ran down her spine as she passed the park where she had awakened to see the naked man running away from her.
“Thank you, God,” Eleanor muttered under her breath, her vision becoming blurry from unshed tears. “Thank you for rescuing me.”
It was Eleanor’s first evening attending classes. She was excited, though a little apprehensive. Her life had changed so much since the last time she sat in a classroom. Would she be able to pick up where she had left off? What if she didn’t understand anything that was being taught? What if she failed her exams? Those were some of the questions that flooded her mind. Just then, Eleanor heard Aunt Madge’s voice playing in her head as if she was sitting right there beside her.
“Baby, you are a special gift from God. He will never leave you nor forsake you,” Aunt Madge had told her one morning when she had reservations about taking a final exam. “Just remember to pray and turn everything over to the Lord. He will do the rest.”
And that’s exactly what Eleanor did after she entered the classroom and took a seat at the back. She breathed a word of prayer, leaving it all in God’s hand.
Chapter Twenty-three
“Can you believe that it’s Christmas already?” Mama Pearl asked Eleanor as they made dinner together one Saturday afternoon. “The year is almost gone.” Not getting a response, Mama Pearl stopped peeling the yam. She turned to look at Eleanor with concern. “Eleanor, are you okay?”
No response.
Eleanor’s mind was miles away in Falmouth, Trelawny. Holding a green banana in one hand and a knife in the other, she stared through the kitchen window with a deep sense of emptiness in her soul. This will be my first Christmas without Aunt Madge, Eleanor pondered silently. It will also the baby’s first Christmas.
It took time, but as the days ran into weeks and weeks into months, the little scary creature was gradually becoming a baby in Eleanor’s thoughts. For the life of her, Eleanor just couldn’t understand why she had had that reaction to her baby. She just knew she had lost her mind. Yes, it was temporary insanity. Thank God she ran away when she did because as crazy as she was, she would definitely have hurt that child. “I’m glad I didn’t hurt you, Dupree,” Eleanor whispered aloud. “You are better off with Aunt Madge than you would be with me.”
“Who is Dupree?” Mama Pearl asked in a baffled voice, resting her hip against the kitchen counter, giving Eleanor her undivided attention.
Eleanor’s neck snapped around to Mama Pearl in a flash, her mouth forming a big “O.” Good God, she’d just said that aloud. “Dupree?” she asked Mama Pearl stupidly.
“Yes, you just said you were glad you didn’t hurt Dupree,” Mama Pearl said calmly. “So who is Dupree, and why would you want to hurt her?”
Eleanor stared down at her feet for a few seconds before she looked up and made eye contact with Mama Pearl. “Mama Pearl, there are a lot of things in my past that I am running away from. Things I’m too embarrassed to even think about at times,” Eleanor said slowly. “Sometimes I wonder why I didn’t just die in that old car, so I wouldn’t have these demons riding my back.”
“The devil is a lie,” Mama Pearl replied in a voice that sounded so much like Aunt Madge. She put the piece of yam she held in her hand on the kitchen counter. She walked over to Eleanor and pulled her into her arms. “I rebuke every thought of death that comes to your mind,” Mama Pearl said as she squeezed Eleanor tighter. “I rebuke the voice of the devil telling you that you cannot be forgiven. Baby, God is a forgiving God. If you ask Him for forgiveness, He will wipe all your sins away.”
Eleanor clung to Mama Pearl as if her life depended on it. Tears and snot dampened the front of Mama Pearl’s blouse. “Maybe one day I’ll be free,” Eleanor mumbled into Mama Pearl’s bosom. “The day when I can finally say ‘Amen.’”
“You will, my dear,” Mama Pearl told Eleanor with confidence. “It’s the day you will realize that God has spoken.”
So Christmas came and went in a fog for Eleanor, as did the New Year of 1980. She participated in all the festivities that Mama Pearl and the family had, forcing herself not to be a spoiled sport. She went to church for Christmas and also for watch night service, to ring in the New Year. But as much as she tried, Eleanor knew it would be a long time before she ever really enjoyed the holidays.
Then there was today. January 25th, 1980. Baby Dupree’s first birthday.
Eleanor had sat up in bed the night before, looking up at the big round clock mounted on the wall before her. Each ticking sound seemed to hit a nerve in her head. Round and round it went, seconds into minutes, minutes into hours, until it stuck 12:00 a.m.
“Happy birthday, Dupree,” Eleanor whispered into the night. “May God forever hold you in His arms and protect you from the evil of this world.” Tears rained down her cheeks. “I hope one day I’ll see you again and you will be able to forgive me. I’m sorry for everything.”
Eleanor rolled over onto her stomach. Burying her face in the pillow to muffle her cries, she wept for a long time. Finally exhaustion sneaked up o
n her and she fell into a deep restless sleep, plagued by nightmares. She dreamed of cuddling Baby Dupree in her arms and suddenly she changed into the scary creature with long teeth, lashing out at her face.
Eleanor woke up screaming and gasping for breath, her body soaked wet with sweat. She looked around the room frantically before she remembered where she was. Then her eyes flew to the door in alarm. Had she wakened Mama Pearl and Omar? She hoped not because she didn’t want to deal with the questions. She knew they cared for her, and she felt like she was betraying them by not answering their questions.
Eleanor swung her legs over the side of the bed and stood up. Noticing the sheet laying on the floor, she reached down, picked it up, and threw it back on the bed. She softly opened her bedroom door halfway. Looking up and down the hallway, she neither saw nor heard anything.
On tiptoes, Eleanor crept hurriedly into the kitchen. Her body stumbled back sharply as she collided with a wall of flesh and bones. Recovering quickly, Eleanor grabbed ahold of the door before she fell. Almost simultaneously two arms reached out and grabbed her arm. Too wrapped up in her thoughts, she had failed to see Omar standing in the kitchen.
“I’m so, so, sorry,” Eleanor apologized, her face flushed with embarrassment.
“Are you okay?” Omar asked with concern as he searched her face.
Eleanor nodded and looked away in an attempt to hide her red, puffy eyes. “Yes, I’m okay.”
Omar strolled over to the dish drainer and took out a glass. Walking over to the kitchen sink, he turned on the tap and filled the glass with water. “Here you go,” he said to Eleanor as he handed her the water.
“Thank you,” Eleanor said before she thirstily drank some of the water. “I needed that.” She took a quick peek at Omar before looking away.
“You are welcome.” Omar smiled as he tried to put her at ease. “I actually came to get some water to bring to you.”
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