by Matt Dunn
‘I thought you needed rescuing.’
‘From what?’
‘Yourself!’
Liam made the ‘does not compute’ face for a moment or two, then he grinned. ‘Oh. Her. No. We were just talking.’
‘About?’
Liam shrugged. ‘Dunno. Don’t speak Spanish, do I?’
Livia shook her head and decided not to ask the obvious question. ‘Tell me something. When are you going to start thinking about settling down?’
‘Me?’ Liam looked as if she’d just asked him to donate a kidney on the spot. ‘What for?’
‘Well, because . . .’
Livia paused, wondering where to start, but before she could, Liam grinned. ‘See?’
‘See what?’
‘You couldn’t think of a reason.’
‘No – I could think of too many. Especially where you’re concerned.’
‘Nah, you’re all right.’ Liam gestured towards her with his beer bottle. ‘Besides, look at Patrick.’
‘How do you mean?’
‘He settled down once and look how that turned out. Actually, maybe you’re right, and it is a good idea, because now he’s going out with a girl younger than me.’
‘Huh?’
‘So maybe I should settle down, get divorced, then I can meet—’
‘Liam!’ Livia stared at him for a moment, wondering whether he was trying to be clever, then realised he didn’t really have it in him. ‘That’s not usually how it works. And in any case, Patrick’s quite a catch.’
‘And I’m not?’
‘Not unless there’s something Jed hasn’t told me, and you’re a secret dot-com millionaire, or you’ve got a dying aunt with a house in Mayfair and you’re her favourite nephew . . .’ She rested a hand affectionately on his cheek. ‘Still, I suppose your face is your fortune. Luckily for you.’
‘Cheers. I think.’ Liam sipped his beer. ‘In any case, marriage . . .’
He gave a theatrical shudder, and Livia glared at him. ‘What is it about you men that you see marriage as some sort of prison sentence? It’s not a punishment, Liam. It’s a . . .’ Livia searched for the right word. ‘Reward.’
‘Reward?’
‘That’s right. You meet someone, you put in the time to develop that relationship, do right by each other, decide what compromises, if any, you’re prepared to make, and if you get that all right, marriage is the prize you get at the end of it. You’ve won.’
‘Won? At what?’
‘This.’ Livia waved her arms around. ‘Life. That’s what it’s all about. Trying to meet someone you can make a future with. And actually doing that. As opposed to running from one conquest to another, collecting notches on your bedpost.’
‘What if that is my life?’
‘Huh?’
Liam nodded towards Livia’s stomach. ‘There’s more than one way, you know? Not everyone wants to settle down and do the kids thing. And if you ask me, there’s more than enough children in this world already.’
‘Cross Liam off the godfather list.’ Livia was miming writing in an imaginary notebook, and Liam laughed.
‘Besides,’ he continued, ‘like I said, look at Patrick. He’s a nice guy, right? Successful. Smart. And yet, when he decided to go down the traditional route, look how that worked out for him. And you and Jed have been bumping along, no pun intended’ – he poked her gently in the stomach – ‘pretty well for all this time. Why on earth change it, just because “that’s what people do”? Maybe they shouldn’t be doing it. We’re here for a good time, not a long time. You’ve got to enjoy the moment. Stop and smell the coffee. We’re human beings, not doings.’
‘Have you finished?’
‘I think so, yes.’
‘Well, all I can say is that it’s a good idea that not everyone feels the same way you do.’
‘You’d be surprised.’
‘Surprise me, then.’
‘Jed, for one. At least, he did,’ added Liam, quickly.
‘What?’
‘Until you ambushed him this weekend.’
‘What?’ said Livia again, and a shadow crossed Liam’s face, as if he’d quickly realised he’d misspoken.
‘Calm down, Liv. I’m not saying he doesn’t love you or anything like that. But did you ever ask him why he never asked you to marry him? Or why he wasn’t pushing you to start a family?’
‘Um . . .’
Liam shifted guiltily on his stool. ‘I mean, he’s really excited about it now. But I didn’t see him hurrying along to Mothercare the minute you two decided you were going to . . .’ Liam’s eyes flicked down to Livia’s belly. ‘Go for it.’
‘Well, no. I just assumed he was a man, you know?’
‘And that’s your problem! You women always think you have all the answers. That you know best. Us men . . . we’re not like this because we’re all bastards . . .’ Liam sighed, and took another mouthful of beer. ‘Liv, you never met our dad, did you?’
‘No.’
‘Well, there are times our mum wishes she hadn’t either. We didn’t have the greatest of childhoods. He wasn’t around a lot. Especially overnight, if you know what I mean?’
‘Oh, Liam, I’m so—’
‘Because he was out shagging other women.’
‘I get it, Liam.’
‘And when he was there . . . He got angry. A lot. Said our mum had tricked him into marrying her by letting him get her up the duff. And he’d take it out on her too, and not just verbally. Right until Jed was old enough to stop him.’
‘He’s never said—’
‘’Course he hasn’t. He was too worried you’d think he was exactly the same.’
‘But Jed’s nothing like that.’
‘I know that, and you know that. Doesn’t mean he does.’ Liam nodded sagely. ‘Suffice to say the atmosphere at home wasn’t always the best. And that’s why me and Jed grew up thinking there must be another way. It’s why I don’t make commitments I can’t keep. And probably why Jed’s been faithful to you for all this time. Despite you not being married.’
Livia stared at him, gobsmacked at Liam’s revelation, her heart swelling with love for her fiancé. While she’d have preferred to have heard all of this from Jed, she was beginning to understand why she never had.
‘I . . . I’m sorry. I had no idea.’
‘You know, Jed used to be like me. Worse than me, in fact . . . There was this one time—’
Livia silenced him with a look. This was information she didn’t particularly want to hear, especially a few hours before she got married. ‘And what happened to make him change?’
Liam shifted uncomfortably in his seat. ‘Well, he won the lottery, didn’t he?’
‘Huh? I don’t—’
‘He met you.’
Livia’s jaw dropped open. She was unaccustomed to sincerity from Liam. Assuming that was what it was. ‘So . . . ?’
‘So that’s the reason Jed never asked you to marry him. Never came out and said he wanted kids. Because his experience of those two things is, quite frankly, shit.’ Liam shook his head. ‘You know how they say your parents can either be a role model or a warning? Well, our dad was definitely the latter. And you’re a part of your mum and dad, aren’t you? Even though you might be determined not to be. And that’s why Jed was as he was. He thought if he didn’t go down the same roads, make the same decisions, he might be able to stop destiny repeating itself.’ Liam folded his arms. ‘And now he finds himself in the exact situation he swore he was going to avoid.’
‘Jesus, Liam! Why didn’t he tell me?’
‘And risk scaring you off?’ Liam grinned, then his expression changed. ‘I thought you two had decided you didn’t want to do the traditional thing?’
‘This is hardly traditional.’
Liam raised both eyebrows at her, and Livia was suddenly struck by his implication. ‘Believe it or not, you two were my role models,’ he said with a shake of his head. ‘Showed me there was another way. So – w
hat happened?’
‘Maybe I changed,’ she said defiantly, and Liam let out a short laugh. ‘What’s so funny?’
‘How can you be sure that Jed has? Or will?’
Livia looked at him for a moment. ‘Because he needs to.’
‘Why?’
‘Because he loves me, and I love him. Not that you’d know what that feels like.’
‘You’d be surprised.’
‘Yes. I would.’ Liam’s gaze was making her feel uncomfortable, so she looked away. Right now, all she wanted to do was find Jed, hold him close, tell him she understood.
‘Anyway, let’s hope that’s enough of a reason,’ Liam said, then he peered over Livia’s shoulder towards the hotel’s reception desk. ‘Where is that brother of mine at, out of interest? I haven’t seen him since this morning.’
Livia shrugged as nonchalantly as she could, which, right now, wasn’t very nonchalantly at all, then she checked the time, conscious she’d agreed to meet Rachel by the pool in fifteen minutes. ‘Actually, I’ve got no idea where Jed’s “at”,’ she said, slipping down from her stool.
And as she headed back to her room, she realised that was worryingly true.
Liam waited until he was sure Livia had gone, then he pulled his phone out and dialled Jed’s number, but when there was no answer, he anxiously slipped it back in his pocket. Where was Jed? Going AWOL was very unlike him. But his brother had never enjoyed surprises. And given the look on his face this morning, he seemed to have particularly resented this one.
Maybe Liam shouldn’t have laughed. Perhaps teasing him like that had been a step too far. But that was what brothers did, wasn’t it? Took the piss out of each other. After all, Jed had been doing it to him for as long as Liam could remember – though admittedly, the way Liam’s life had gone, Jed had been supplied with an abundance of material – so it was only fair he got a bit of payback at his brother’s expense. And seeing as there hadn’t been the chance for a stag do, with all the associated mickey-taking, getting plastered, stripping-the-groom-naked-and-duct-taping-him-to-a-lamp-post, lap dancing and so on that Liam couldn’t wait for if – god forbid – he ever got drunk enough to get engaged, taking Livia’s side in this particularly stunning prank had been his best alternative.
Liam began to worry that – for the first time in his life – Jed might actually be preparing to let Livia down. To not go through with the wedding, by just not turning up. And Liam couldn’t imagine how that particular scenario would play out.
But then again, Livia hadn’t seemed worried, so maybe he shouldn’t be either. After all, he knew how much his brother loved her, so surely there was no way he’d let her down on a day as important to her as today evidently was. Trouble was, he also knew how Jed felt about marriage. And right now, he wouldn’t bet as to which emotion was the strongest.
Liam smiled grimly. This was why he didn’t do relationships – or rather, why he preferred to chase women who were already in one. Sex was just a physical act, after all – like the spinning classes he regularly went to at his local gym, only marginally less sweaty (plus Liam couldn’t usually last more than forty-five minutes in the saddle). It was only when emotions were involved that things started to get complicated.
He’d been seeing someone recently. A girl who’d worked at a café round the corner from his flat in Elephant and Castle. Trouble was, her boyfriend was a lot bigger than Liam was, and when he’d found that out, Liam had told her they ought to break it off. When her boyfriend found out about them, he’d threatened to do the same to a certain part of Liam’s anatomy, so he’d got out of there as quickly as he could. Which proved his theory.
And double standards, he knew, but who wanted to have a relationship with someone who was prepared to see someone else – someone like him – when they were already in a relationship? They had form. Couldn’t be trusted. And were bound to do it again. And in Liam’s (little black) book, that was a no-no.
Besides, he still felt a little guilty about lying to Livia, or if not lying exactly, then not coming clean when she’d told him he didn’t know what it was like to be in love. Of course he did. He’d known it for almost ten years. Since Jed had first marched up to him with a girl on his arm and said, ‘Liam, meet Livia.’
He’d always been surprised she wasn’t able to tell. But then again, Liam had always done his best to hide it – after all, being in love with your brother’s girlfriend was a whole world of nope – and what better way to hide the fact that you loved someone than by pretending you couldn’t love anyone? No, he had to accept that, just like arriving on this planet, Jed had got there first. And there wasn’t anything Liam could do about it. Except try not to let it get him down.
Besides, he knew he wasn’t right for her. He’d worked that out pretty quickly, and mainly because he’d realised that Jed was. So now, all he could hope for was that, one day, he’d meet someone who made him feel like Livia made Jed feel. Then, perhaps, all this playing the field could stop.
Jed had told him once that there’d been a woman at work, someone he’d felt a spark with. ‘Why didn’t you act on it?’ Liam had asked, incredulously, but Jed had just smiled. ‘Because she wasn’t Livia,’ he’d said. And though it went against everything he stood for, Liam had known exactly what his brother meant.
He thought back to one of his favourite films, Jurassic Park. He’d seen it countless times as a kid, and several more as an adult. There was a line in there, when Jeff Goldblum was talking about the ethics of breeding the dinosaurs – something about being too busy thinking about if they could, to wonder whether they should. Liam often thought that applied to his various conquests.
But Jed and Livia . . . they were his touchstone. The opposite of his and Jed’s parents. Which was why Liam needed this wedding to go ahead. It would be proof that happy endings did exist. And if Jed couldn’t see it was the right thing to do, then someone – perhaps even Liam – would have to change his mind. And fast.
He pulled his phone out again, dialled Jed’s number, cancelled the call almost as quickly, then swiftly hit redial. But when there was no answer, he did the only thing he could think of, and ran upstairs to get help.
Patrick smiled at the desperate knocking coming from his hotel room door, impressed Izzy had managed to find her way back to the hotel by herself, and so quickly. He’d been expecting a ‘come and get me’ phone call, or to see her accompanied by an angry taxi driver because she hadn’t any money, but when he threw the door open, instead of a contrite-looking twenty-two-year-old, an anxious-looking Liam was hopping from one foot to the other in the hallway.
‘Don’t tell me. Too many beers, and the toilet’s occupied. Or the woman you’ve just slept with’s husband has come back, found you, kicked you out and your key’s still—’
‘It’s Jed.’
‘What’s wrong with him?’ said Patrick, suddenly concerned.
‘Hard to say.’
‘Sorry, Liam. I don’t quite follow.’
Liam pushed past Patrick, checked no one else was in the room and motioned for him to shut the door. ‘It’s hard to say what’s wrong with Jed, because no one knows where he is.’
‘Have you asked Livia?’
‘Of course!’
‘I hope you didn’t alarm her?’
‘Yeah, sure. I said, “Hey, Liv. Any idea where your husband-to-be is, because it’s . . .”’ – he checked his watch – ‘“ . . . four hours until you get married, and I think he’s done a runner?” I can just see that going down a treat.’ He shook his head exasperatedly. ‘In any case, she’s the one who told me he was missing.’
‘She said that?’
‘In so many words . . .’
‘How many words?’
Liam thought for a moment, then he mouthed something to himself while counting off on his fingers. ‘Eight. I think.’
‘And they were?’
Liam’s brow scrunched up in concentration again. ‘Um – “actually”, “I’ve”, �
��got”, “no”, “idea”, “where”, “Jed’s”, and “at”.’
‘You’re sure that’s what she said?’
‘Yes, I’m sure.’
‘She didn’t actually use the word “missing”?’
‘Nope.’
Patrick thought for a moment, hoping he wasn’t the cause of Jed’s disappearance. Why had he told Livia to be honest with him? As he well knew, sometimes secrets were secrets for a reason. ‘When was the last time you saw him?’
‘This morning.’
‘Did you try calling his . . .’ Patrick stopped talking. Liam was making the ‘do you think I’m stupid?’ face. ‘Okay. Fair point. Have you checked around the hotel?’
Liam nodded. ‘Yeah. And there’s no sign. His passport’s still here, though.’
‘How do you know?’
‘I got it from reception earlier. He’d forgotten to pick it up after he’d checked in. I said I’d give it to him.’ He reached into his pocket and retrieved Jed’s passport, although Patrick didn’t want to ask why Liam had kept it, but if it was to prevent an escape, finally Liam had done something right. ‘Livia’s going to be so pissed with me.’
‘With you?’
‘Yeah. I’m the best man, and I’ve lost the groom. I should have stuck with him all day. Not . . . well, it’s not important what I was doing. But she is going to kill me.’
‘Right, Liam, because this is all about you.’ Patrick folded his arms. ‘Who saw him last?’
Liam shrugged. ‘Livia, I guess.’
‘Any idea where?’
‘She’d just come back from town, so . . .’
‘Right.’ Patrick narrowed his eyes as he thought. ‘As far as I know, they’d gone into the city centre to get the rings. So if he’s not here at the hotel, and he hasn’t gone to the airport . . .’
Liam waved Jed’s passport in the air. ‘I’m guessing not.’
‘Then he must be . . .’
‘Yeah?’
‘I’m thinking.’
‘You couldn’t think a bit quicker, could you?’
‘Could you?’
Liam sat down on the corner of the bed, then he got up again and started pacing round the room. ‘Where’s the last place you’d think of looking for him?’
