He moved toward her, pulling her against him and holding her while she struggled to keep from crying. She put her hands on his chest and he felt her sag against him, welcoming the offer of comfort. The last time he’d done this it had led to more. He tried to steel himself against the memory, but it circled his senses, luring him into its spell.
When her breathing slowed and tiny shudders of emotion died, she flexed her fingers. She was growing more aware of him, like he was of her, soft and molded against him. She leaned her head back and he looked down at her.
The desire to kiss her swarmed over him. Her gaze fell to his mouth. He felt the heat inside him kick up a few degrees. Her eyes met his, coherency returning, then going round with alarm. She pushed his chest and stepped back.
He couldn’t help looking at her. At the faded jeans that showcased long thighs, at the plain but feminine white
T-shirt that did the same and more to her breasts. Her small waist. Long red hair. Green eyes. He felt starved of her.
“I-I’m going to...to go upstairs...for a while,” she stammered.
He watched her hurry from the bookstore, glad that at least she still had a hold of her senses.
Chapter 9
Steam from boiling potatoes on her mother’s stove fogged Sabine’s view of Cullen. He sat on one of Mae’s plaid green chairs in the living room, surrounded by refurbished antiques and a river-rock fireplace. Cabin architecture and her mother’s decorative charm made for warm atmosphere. Warmer with Cullen in the midst.
In a black long-sleeved T-shirt that flattered his chest and arms, he made it hard for her to concentrate. Ever since he’d held her the day before, things felt awkward between them. The way he looked at her. The way he noticed her looking at him. Something had shifted between them, and it tested her resolve.
Noah sat on the couch beside him. Cullen’s gaze moved and caught hers. There it was again. That spark. She felt the heat sweep through her. Noah was still talking, but she didn’t think Cullen was listening. Maybe she shouldn’t have worn this little black dress.
“Are you mad at me?”
Sabine almost jumped when her mother came back into the kitchen. She’d just finished setting the rugged pine table adjacent to the living room.
“No,” she said, trying to figure out why she’d asked.
“I didn’t want to force this dinner on you, but Noah wanted it so much….” Her mother let the sentence silently end.
Noah had tried to strike up a conversation with her twice thus far, but she’d found a way to avoid him both times. He’d finally given up and gone to sit in the living room with Cullen.
“He can be persuasive when he wants to get his way,” Sabine said, defenses pricking her.
“I agreed with him. It’s time to put the past behind you, baby girl.”
“That’s a little hard after thirty-three years. I don’t know the man and I have no desire to.”
“I don’t think you really believe that. He’s your father.”
“Biologically.”
“Sabine, he’s changed since he was younger. And I’m afraid I’m as much to blame as him for the way you perceive him.”
She watched her mother pour iced tea into four glasses. “He was never here. What am I missing?”
Mae put the pitcher of iced tea down and looked at Sabine. “I refused to marry him because he was a mercenary who didn’t want to live in Roaring Creek.”
“You were right.”
“No, I wasn’t. Not completely. Deep down, he was always a good man.”
What had softened her mother toward Noah? Sabine wasn’t comfortable giving him the same consideration.
Disconcerted, she looked to where her father sat with Cullen. Cullen saw her and those hungry gray eyes drew her attention. She wished she could see the detail of them, their energy, the way she was beginning to learn their subtleties. Heat flickered and spread into a wildfire before she could stop it.
“Wow,” her mother said. “He looks like he’s ready to drag you back to your bookstore.”
Not expecting her to notice so much, Sabine remained cautiously silent.
“Maybe I was wrong about the two of you,” Mae went on. “When I saw that picture in the paper, I was so afraid you were going to fall in love with the wrong man just like I did.”
Okay, it was time to take the focus off her and Cullen. “You don’t seem to think Noah is wrong for you.”
“There’s a lot you don’t understand, Sabine. I loved your father for a lot of years, but it’s too late for us.”
“Too late?”
Mae hesitated. She held Sabine’s gaze. “I met someone after you left for Afghanistan.”
“You met someone?”
“He’s a rancher who moved here a few months ago.”
Sabine struggled to wrap her mind around her mother being interested in someone other than Noah.
“Is it so hard to believe?” her mother asked, teasing.
“No. I’m happy for you.”
“For the wrong reason.”
“No, I—”
Mae handed her two glasses of iced tea. “Put those on the table. We’re ready to eat.”
All right. She’d try to give her father a chance. But only for her mother. Taking all four glasses to the table, she avoided looking at Cullen as he and Noah sat at the table. Sitting beside her mother, too aware of Cullen across from her, she glanced at Noah. He gave her a hesitant smile. She struggled with that old hope and avoided looking at both men. Only the sound of silverware against dishes filled the open room of the cabin.
Sabine picked at her food.
“You’re doing a fine job with that bookstore,” Noah commented, breaking the awkward silence. “Cullen said you were going to sell coffee, too.”
She couldn’t just turn off all the resentment she felt. Did he expect her to? She looked down at her plate and didn’t respond.
When she looked up, it was to Cullen’s softening eyes. No longer laced with desire, they silently encouraged her. He wanted her to forgive her father.
“Sabine was never the quitting kind,” Mae said, adding to the small talk.
“We’re having nice weather for this late in the fall, too,” Sabine couldn’t stop herself from saying. She couldn’t pretend she wasn’t still hurt by her father’s desertion.
Noah met her smart remark with resignation. Long moments passed while he studied her, seeming to struggle with what to say.
“Sabine...” he began. She almost took pity on him. Finally, he gave up and just said, “You don’t know what it did to me to almost lose you.”
The honesty she heard in his tone and saw in his eyes grated against her defenses. She hadn’t expected him to get so deep so quickly. “You’re right. I don’t know. Because I know nothing about you.”
“What do you want to know? Ask me anything.” More sincerity.
“You’ll tell me?”
“Yes.”
“Anything I ask?”
“Yes.”
“All right. Why did you ask Cullen to rescue me?” Let’s see how far he’d go with that one. She sent him a smug look.
Noah frowned his aggravation. Clearly, he knew where this was headed—somewhere Cullen couldn’t, or wouldn’t, want to go.
“It’s okay,” Cullen said. “I’ll tell her.”
Those gray eyes touched her, reaching past her surprise with purpose and certainty.
“Noah saved my life,” he said, his voice warming her, the essence of him in it, strong and steady, full of honor and integrity. This was the man who’d rescued her, who’d held her in that helicopter and again in the pension on a little Greek island.
“You did it because you felt you owed him?” she had to force herself to ask.
<
br /> “I was on a mission in Liberia. There were rebels rising against the government. They were part of a coup to overthrow the country’s leader. My team was sent to take out a separate group of terrorists hiding there. What we didn’t know was the Liberian government had hired Noah to send men to help fight the rebels. We were in a bad location, outnumbered and trapped by the rebels. Noah sent his team in to help us. If it hadn’t been for that, everyone on my team, including me, wouldn’t have made it.”
She looked at her father. “So you cashed in on a favor?”
“Cullen is the only man I know who could do a mission like that,” Noah said. “I wouldn’t have asked if I’d had any other choice. And because Cullen is a man of honor, he agreed.”
The fact that he chose that particular word knocked Sabine off balance. In everything Cullen did, honor drove him. But that honor didn’t include her. Not beyond her rescue. How could she feel so much for a man who so resembled the kind she’d vowed never to love?
Love?
Panic billowed inside her. Where had that come from?
She found Cullen’s eyes, saw the vitality that was becoming so familiar to her, a strength of character so few men possessed. It pushed her further off her axis.
“Do you work for Noah?” she asked, needing him to say it, to confirm it. “At all? Have you ever?”
“No.”
“Who do you work for, then?”
He just looked at her.
“He can’t tell you, Sabine. It’s better you don’t know, anyway.”
She didn’t acknowledge her father when he spoke, just held Cullen’s gaze. “You lied to me when I asked you if my father sent you.”
“I knew you were estranged from him.”
“So you’d do anything, say anything, to get me to London, is that it?”
“To bring Noah’s daughter to him alive? Yes, I would have done anything, said anything, to accomplish that.”
The passion in his voice stopped her. Told her just how much his mission had mattered to him. More than she ever would. It crushed her. She felt the first sign of tears burning in her eyes and willed them away. No way could she cry now.
“All I can tell you is I’m a reservist,” he said, a small crumb to placate what must be written all over her face. What a fool she’d been, falling for him like a lovesick teenager.
“What’s your full-time job?” she asked, tossing it at him.
Defeat weighed the energy in his eyes. He couldn’t tell her. She already knew he wouldn’t.
Secrets were going to hurt her again. Just as they always had. Secrets had kept her from knowing the father she’d always longed to know, and secrets would keep her from knowing Cullen. What really stung was she wanted to know him. More than any other man she’d ever met. But nothing would move him to let her.
Putting her napkin onto the table, unable to take any more, she pushed her chair back and stood. “I want to go home now.”
Now more than ever she understood why her defenses were so sharp. It was a layer of protection, something Afghanistan had stripped away, leaving bare the girl who yearned for a man to love her regardless of her achievements. The achievements were only a pretense. The girl underneath was real. Cullen had seen that girl after rescuing her. But it hadn’t been enough. Like always, it was never enough.
* * *
After a stiff farewell to Noah and her mother, Sabine clutched her coat to her as Cullen drove down the mountain. She felt exposed. More unwanted than ever.
The truck stopped and Sabine saw that he’d parked behind his building. She opened the truck door and stepped down. The gravel seemed harder to navigate in high heels now that she didn’t have her verve. All she wanted to do was go home and be alone. Anywhere as long as it was away from Cullen.
Heavier footfalls warned her he followed. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back, coming to a stop. There was no way she could outrun him in these shoes. Lord, how she didn’t want to confront him right now.
“Sabine.” He touched her arm with his hand as he came around to face her. She opened her eyes as he said, “I’m sorry.”
Coldness gave her strength. She stepped back, out of his reach. “You’re sorry.”
“Yes.”
Though his eyes revealed the truth behind the statement, she remained indifferent. “About what, Cullen? About who you are?”
“No.”
“What, then?”
“You don’t know what it would cost me.”
“To trust me?”
“I trust you. I just... You don’t understand.” He averted his gaze.
She bristled that he was so adamant about protecting his career. “You risk your life doing what you do. And for what? To be like Noah Page?” It went deeper than that, but right now she wanted to lash out at him.
“I’m nothing like Noah.”
“That’s not what I see. I see a man who holds his secrets dearer than the people around him. Noah does that. He did it to my mother. And me.”
“Sabine.” He moved closer and put his hands just above her elbows.
She saw the first sign of deeper emotion creep into his eyes. Though she braced herself, the heat of him seeped through her resolve. She took another step back, once again out of his reach. “I want you to leave Roaring Creek.”
“I can’t do that.”
The way he said it told her he meant it. Despair swirled inside her. How much longer would her resistance to him last? How much longer before he broke her heart? She started walking toward the side of his building. Before she reached the street, he stopped her, pulling her around to face him.
“This isn’t over yet,” he said. “Someone is still trying to kill you.”
“For you and me it’s over. I don’t need you to fight my battles for me.” She pulled her arm free, stepped away and turned to walk briskly into the street. Didn’t he see that she had to preserve herself? She needed a man who’d be there for her no matter what. She could not compromise on that. And Cullen was not that man.
His hand curled over her upper arm and forced her to slow. A tug made her fight for balance. She came against him in the middle of the street.
“I’m not leaving,” he said gruffly.
“You’ve repaid your debt to my father. Go home. Go anywhere but near me.”
“Damn it, Sabine.” His hands slid up her arms and came to rest on the balls of her shoulders.
She put her hands on his chest. Feeling the hard muscle underneath, a flash of desperation rocked her. “Please, Cullen, don’t make this harder than it already is.” Emotion broke in her voice, all the desire she felt for him coming out, and the fear that she wouldn’t be able to fight it much longer. She wanted to shut her eyes to the anguish in his.
“I can’t,” he said with equal emotion. “I can’t leave you like this.”
She did close her eyes then, overwhelmed by feelings more powerful than her will. His hands slid to her waist and he moved closer. She pressed her body against his, seeking to envelop herself in the invisible bond keeping them together.
He let his forehead rest against hers, and she stared up at his eyes, blurred so close to her own. She heard his breathing and realized she was breathless, too. He kissed her. Once. Twice. She wrapped her arms around his neck. He slid his hand to the small of her back and pulled her firmer to him. With his other hand, he cupped her head and kissed her deeper. From there this thing between them erupted. She strained to get more of him. He strained back. But it wasn’t enough. She tipped her head back as his mouth planted wet, fevered kisses down her neck.
He lifted his head. Sabine opened her eyes to the ravaging hunger in his and knew she was falling hopelessly in love with him.
“Cullen,” she breathed, wishing the thought had never come.
&
nbsp; Hearing a sound, she felt him go still. He looked down the street. She followed his cooling gaze. A man stood twenty feet from them...holding a camera. He was snapping pictures of them. Cullen was facing the lens dead-on.
Cullen swore, pushing her away.
He stormed toward the reporter, who lowered his camera, then turned and ran. Minivan Man. At his minivan, he leaped inside, slammed the door and then the lock. Cullen tried to open the minivan’s door, but it didn’t budge. The reporter revved the engine, and the minivan rolled down the street toward Sabine. She turned as it passed by her.
Glancing at Cullen, she saw that he hadn’t moved from where he stood in the street. It was hard for her to pity him when she had no idea what he was afraid the press would reveal about him. Knowing there was nothing she could say or do to make a difference, she walked toward her bookstore. Inside, she made her way upstairs, leaving the doors unlocked.
Several moments later she heard Cullen follow. The door to her apartment opened and she waited for his rage. But it never came. Instead of anger, she saw disbelief.
Closing the door behind him, he moved into her living room, where he sat on her sofa and bent forward to put his face in his hands.
Sabine relented and took pity on him. “You should leave town. Tonight. Now.”
He didn’t move.
“There will be more reporters by morning,” she said.
“It won’t matter,” he answered, dropping his hands. “The damage is done.”
“But—”
“It will only be a matter of time now.”
Hearing the note of hopelessness in his tone, she lowered her eyes. She resented his secrets but she never meant to cause him pain. “I’m sorry.”
She raised her eyes in time to see his gaze take in the bodice of her black dress, then travel lower before coming back to her face, his disgust with himself plain for her to see. It arrowed into the deepest regions of her heart.
Turning before he saw something she didn’t want him to, she left him alone and went to her bedroom. She took her time changing into lounge pants and a matching shirt. Hearing him talk on the phone, she reluctantly went back to the main room.
Seducing the Colonel's Daughter: Seducing the Colonel's DaughterThe Secret Soldier Page 33
