“Yes.” I lift my hips up slightly so that he can slide my jeans down my legs before discarding them. Next, he takes hold of my panties, looking to me for permission, and when I nod he drags them down my legs so slowly I’m a quivering wreck. Pulling them from my ankle, he throws them over towards my jeans but keeps hold of my leg, placing a soft kiss just above my ankle. He bends down and trails his way up the inside of my thigh with hot, teasing kisses. I’m so freaking wet that I can feel myself dripping. I'm nervous, because I know where he is heading. He must feel me tense up because he stops to look at me.
“Relax, sweetheart. I will stop anytime you ask me to.”
Using his palms, he pushes my thighs apart, and I’m about ready to die of mortification and stop him when I see the look of reverence on his face.
“Damn, Frankie, that is a pretty pussy.”
Before I can say anything else, he swipes his tongue across my clit and I arch my back so hard I hear it click. This makes him chuckle, which wouldn’t be an issue except that his hot breath blows over my sensitive folds, which has me crying out. Holy shit.
My reaction must spur him on, because in the next second he is feasting on me like he is starving and I’m his last meal. He works a finger inside me, giving me time to adjust before sliding in a second. Backwards and forwards he slides them before crooking his fingers, which I swear to God has me seeing stars. I can feel my orgasm fast approaching and I’m worried I’m not going to survive it. I guess the French refer to it as la petite mort (the little death) for a reason.
His tongue slips inside me, making my legs twitch as fine tremors take over my body. A third finger is pushed inside me, and with two flicks of his tongue over my clit, I detonate quickly, pulling a pillow over my face to muffle the sounds of my release.
Soft licks help me ride my way through but stop before I become too sensitive. Crawling up my body, he removes the pillow from my face before kissing me softly, leaving me with a taste of myself on my lips.
“You are amazing, Frankie. Now let’s get you cleaned up and back downstairs before they send a search party.”
“Thank you.” I’m not sure thanking someone for a mind-blowing orgasm is the right way to go but I’m not exactly firing on all cylinders at the moment.
“You don’t have to thank me, Frankie. It was my pleasure. Thank you for trusting me.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
CALEB
It’s a couple of hours later that I find myself back inside my father’s old office with a box full of letters in my hand and a captious heart in my chest. I shuffle through until I find the one labelled as the first.
Dear Caleb,
I’ve sent you letters but you never replied. I don’t even know if you have received them. That’s a lie I tell myself. I know you got them, it’s just doubtful they saw anything other than the bin. I’m going to write you a few more, this one included, but instead of sending them I will keep them for you. Maybe in the future, long after I’m gone, you can find it in your heart to forgive me, if not for my sake, then for your own. Life is too short to be wasted worrying about the past. If you are reading this, I’m already gone. Say your goodbyes and be free. I never meant to become a dark cloud always hanging over your shoulder, and I’m sorry that I ever made you feel this way. I love you and miss you every single day. If this letter has found its way into your hands, then I know you have had the pleasure of meeting the tenacious Frankie. I’m envious. She is about to make your world spin on its axis and you don’t even know it. Stay safe.
Dad
I can’t help but laugh. That turned out to be the biggest understatement ever made.
Dear Caleb,
There are days that I feel like this is my penance. Trapped in a body that’s withering away while my mind still has so many things it wants to achieve. Things that I put off or told myself that I could do later, and now I’m left knowing that later may never come. Don’t be like me, don’t live half a life knowing that when it is your time to go all you are taking with you are regrets. Some days, that’s all that plays on my mind in an agonising continuous loop, but then I think of you and I know I served my purpose. It took me too damn long to realise that my reason for being here was to bring you into the world, and you'd better believe the world is a better place because you are in it. The world needs more men like you, soldiers that will fight to protect us every day, asking for nothing in return. You, Caleb, will always be my greatest achievement. Stay safe.
Dad
I have always thought that my father hated me for joining the army. Something inside my chest shifts, and I feel relieved. I have told myself time and time again that I didn’t care what he thought, but at the end of the day every kid wants to make his parents proud.
Dear Caleb,
Are you falling for her yet? She has this way about her that just draws you in, doesn’t she? It may seem odd to you knowing that she is my wife, but you need to understand that is in name only. What Frankie is, is so much more than a wife. She is my best friend, my reason for getting up in the morning, and the only reason I’m able to get to bed at night. She is the sunshine to my darkness. Take care of her for me. You are the only one I trust to keep her safe.
Dad
I look up when I hear a knock at the door tearing me away from my father’s words.
“Come in.” I half expect it to be Frankie again but it's Sam and Ryan.
Sam closes the door and stands next to it, guarding it like a sentry, whereas Ryan parks himself on the edge of the desk. He looks down at the box of letters but doesn’t touch them before focusing on me.
“Jacob has gone to a friend’s house and Frankie is taking a nap, so we thought we would come and sit with you. Frankie mentioned that she had given you the box of letters. Are you okay?”
I nod my head, surprised to find that it’s the truth.
“Yeah, just making my way through them. It’s hard, though, trying to reconcile the person in these letters to the one that I knew.”
“Want us to stay?” Sam asks but remains by the door.
I nod before picking up another letter as they stay quiet. I decide to take a chance and read it out loud.
Dear Caleb,
I’m leaving almost everything to Frankie when I die, except for a trust set up for future grandchildren. Hate me if you want but you don’t need that money. You never did. Frankie, though, could change her whole life with it, and not just hers but Jacob's, too. I hope you get to meet him one day. He is a smart and loyal kid that got fucked over in the parent lottery. I have decided not to tell her because I know damn fine she won’t take it. I will let Malcolm do the dirty work when my time comes. She would be so angry, though, if she knew that I intended to do this. It’s a good job I’m dying, or Frankie would kill me. Too soon for jokes?
Dad
I groan thinking about that day in the solicitor’s office and the things I said when she had no idea until that day that she was even going to be left anything.
Dear Caleb,
My body isn’t responding to my requests much these days, so Frankie is writing this letter for me. I’ve been thinking about what I wanted to say, and I’ve decided to give you some advice. I know it might seem like too little too late, but I want to try. As I’ve told you over and over in these letters I’m incredibly proud of you, but there is a darkness in you, too, a part of you that’s too much like me. Fight it, Caleb. Be more than the arrogant rich boy with the panty-dropping smile and the bad attitude. Be happy, be kind, make friends who are true to you and not to your wealth. Find love, and when you do jump in with both feet, hold on tight and enjoy the ride. There is nothing you can buy that will provide you with the happiness that loving and being loved can bring you.
Dad
Sam and Ryan sit in silence as I make my way through the rest of the letters. Ignoring my tears and sharing my smiles, they allow me to purge my anger, grief and regret until all that’s left is acceptance. Reaching for the box, I pull ou
t the last letter, taking my time to tear open the envelope. It’s funny that after how much Frankie had to push me to read them, I’m hesitant to finish. These were the last words of a man who had loved me but who lost himself along the way. My hand shakes slightly as I unfold the letter and see the messy childlike scrawl made from a hand wracked with tremors. Whatever he wanted to say was important enough for him to try and write himself.
Dear Caleb,
When I was first diagnosed I was so angry at the world. I raged and cried, screamed and shouted, but underneath it all I was terrified out of my mind. The fear was debilitating. I didn’t know what to do or whom to call. I had never felt so alone as I did in that moment. I found myself praying to God, a God I wasn’t even sure I believed in anymore. I begged and bartered for him to help me, and do you know what happened? He sent me an angel. An honest-to-God angel who had more grace and dignity than anyone I have ever met in my life. She wouldn’t let me wallow in self-pity. She kicked my ass and made me fight it all with a smile on her face. She was right about everything, and it’s because of her that I lasted another five years, leaving behind a legacy I can finally be proud of. It’s time for me to sign off now. Look after her for me. If anybody could do with an angel in his life, it’s you. I love you, son. Always have, always will. Take care of Frankie and let her take care of you. Stay safe, be happy.
Love always,
Dad.
Sam is the first to break the silence.
“You okay?”
Am I okay? Good question. I think I am. It’s time to forgive him and let go. As a child, he seemed like a super hero to me, infallible, but the truth is he was just a man, and men make mistakes. He doesn’t deserve to be held in contempt. I fold the letter and slide it back into the envelope before placing it reverently back into the box. Looking up at Sam, I tell him the truth.
“I will be.”
He nods; guess that’s good enough for him.
“So,” Ryan begins, “I thought we could touch base about Frankie while she sleeps. It’s obvious now that she is open to the possibility of a relationship with us all, but I see her second-guessing her actions, almost like she is worried one of us is going to freak out at some point. I must admit, I’m finding it a lot easier than I thought I would. I don’t think it’s just because it's Frankie, though. I think it’s because it’s you guys. We know each other inside and out, and I trust you both implicitly, so if there are any issues, we need to voice them now so that we can deal with them and move on. I want Frankie happy, not walking on egg shells.”
I think back to this morning when she froze up at my comment about her working up an appetite, and I agree.
“Yeah, I noticed that, too. Honestly, I think that will come with time. We just have to prove it to her, and actions speak louder than words. I’m happy with the way things are going. I wasn’t feeling jealous when I got back from the hospital. If anything, I felt a kind of anticipation that things were moving forward. Sam?”
I look at him, paying close attention, knowing that out of all of us he is generally the most territorial. Don’t get me wrong, we are all alpha in every way—even Ryan, who has a softer side that he isn’t afraid to show. Sam, however, has always been very private about his personal life, taking the whole 'don’t kiss and tell' thing to a whole new level, so I’m interested to see how he is coping with the new dynamic of having to be open and upfront about everything.
“I like it. I just have no idea why. Frankie has come along and turned everything on its head, but I love her and I’m keeping her, so you sorry dicks had better get on board, because if either of you hurt her I’m going to kick your fucking asses.”
“Easy, Sam,” Ryan placates him. "That’s the whole point of this conversation, to see where we are all at. I’m with you. I’m happy as a pig in shit, and as I proved this morning, I have no problem sharing.”
Sam nods and looks at me for confirmation.
“I wasn’t there this morning, obviously, but I’ve watched each of you touch her and kiss her. You are both tactile all the time, and if I’m honest, the only thing it makes me feel is hot. I like sharing her with you, I’m done trying to analyse it. It is what it is. We all love the same girl. If someone has a problem with that, they can fuck off—it's their problem, not ours. Agreed?”
“Agreed.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
FRANKIE
It was the piercing scream that shattered the otherwise silent night that had me leaping out of bed, mindless of my own body's aches and pains and hurtling towards Jacob's room. Caleb, who had been sleeping beside me, was hot on my heels as I shoved my way through Jacob's bedroom door to find his shaking frame folding in on itself on the floor. Throwing myself down next to him, I gather him to me, wrapping my arms tightly around him. He shoves his head into my stomach, holding on for dear life, almost as if he is worried that someone will come and snatch me away any second. I rock him gently, whispering words of reassurance whilst gliding my fingers backwards and forwards over his hair, hoping the repetitive action will help to soothe him.
“What the fuck?”
I look up when I hear Sam’s voice and find that he and Ryan are standing just inside the doorway, behind Caleb.
“Just a bad dream,” I tell them. “Everything is okay. You can all go back to bed now.”
Nobody moves, and I can see that they don’t want to leave, but I don’t want Jacob being overwhelmed either.
“Please.”
Caleb and Ryan reluctantly leave but Sam stays glued to his spot, eyes fixed firmly on Jacob.
“Come on, let’s get you into bed.”
I stand and help him up, feeling grateful when he takes most of his own weight, and lift the covers so that he can slide in.
“Do you want me to stay?”
I pretend I don’t notice his embarrassment as he nods. He has absolutely nothing to feel embarrassed about, but that’s a conversation for another time. I crawl up on top of the blanket beside him and enclose him in my arms again while he cries softly.
“Jacob,” Sam calls him in a coaxing voice I have never heard him use before. Jacob tenses in my arms before turning his head slightly to see him. We watch as he drags Jacob's desk chair over to the foot of the bed before sitting down on it.
“I’m a big guy, a soldier. I protect people—it’s what I do. I’m going to sit right here where you can see me, and I’m going to watch over you and Frankie while you sleep. Nobody is getting in this room, Jacob. I swear it.”
I swallow down the lump in my throat and feel Jacob relax against me.
“Okay,” he whispers.
“Okay,” Sam replies.
And that’s how I spend the rest of the night—with Jacob cradled in my arms, sleeping restlessly, whilst Sam keeps us safe.
* * *
There is a sombre mood in the air as we make our way downstairs in the morning, after showering and getting ready for the day. Ryan and Caleb are already in the kitchen talking quietly amongst themselves whilst eating breakfast. The conversation stops as we enter, and both them seem almost relieved to see us.
“Morning, guys. Anyone up for pancakes?”
“I’m almost offended that you thought you even needed to ask,” I tease Ryan, which helps to break some of the weird tension.
“Me, please,” Jacob answers quietly. I’m relieved that he isn’t retreating into himself again. We sit at the remaining seats, Ryan sandwiched between Sam and me.
“Sam?” Ryan asks, gesturing towards the food.
“Who made them? You or Caleb?”
“Would I offer them to Jacob and Frankie if Caleb had made them?”
“Good point. Load me up, then.”
“What’s wrong with Caleb’s pancakes?” Jacob asks.
I look over Jacob’s head at Sam, who offers me a wink. If I wasn’t already so enamoured with these guys, this, now, in this moment, offering Jacob normality and preserving his dignity would have had me tumbling head over heels.
“Nothing is wrong with my pancakes,” Caleb tells us, a frown marring his forehead.
“Sure, if you like them weirdly misshapen.” Ryan snickers.
“They were rustic,” Caleb tells us.
“Burnt,” Ryan stage-whispers.
“They were chargrilled!” Caleb tries to defend himself, but Ryan is relentless.
“And served with ketchup.”
“I didn’t have any syrup left!” a frustrated Caleb shouts.
Jacob's snorting leads to full belly chuckles, which has us all erupting into fits of laughter.
We manage to make our way through breakfast without choking to death on our pancakes, the laughter soothing away the remnants of last night’s darkness. Jacob finishes first, loading his plate into the dish washer before heading off to play with his Xbox for a while. As soon as he is out of earshot, I jump off my stool and kiss the shit out of each of them before sitting back down to eat the rest of my breakfast. Shoving the last bite into my mouth, I look up when I notice how quiet it is, to find them all staring at me. I discreetly try to wipe my mouth.
“What?”
“Not that we would ever turn down your kisses, but what did we do to earn those?” Caleb asks, his focus solely on my lips.
“I just wanted to thank you all.” I shrug my shoulders, thinking it should be obvious.
“Thank us for what?” Sam asks quietly from beside me.
I twist towards him and link my fingers through his.
“For guarding Jacob.”
I turn towards Ryan and find him watching me intently.
“For looking after us.” I let go of Sam’s hand so that I can turn towards Caleb.
“For making Jacob smile. Thank you, all of you."
Rewriting Yesterday Page 16
