“Dane.” Her eyes are puffy, she narrows them, it looks like she’s been crying all night. Immediately throwing her arms around her body, she takes on a protective stance, which causes an ache in my heart. Taking her in, I’m instantly transported back twelve years. She has a big jumper on, it’s so big that it engulfs her, hanging low to her knees. She has tight black trousers and bare feet, her toenails painted blue. I raise my head back to hers and ignore the look on her face, instead staring at her hair which hangs loosely around her shoulders.
“You look like…” I trail off. She looks like her, but the her that existed over a decade ago. She looks like my Nova, and that thought cuts something inside of me. This whole time I’ve still been missing her, the girl I knew all those years ago, I have to face the fact that she doesn’t exist anymore. Not in the way I still see her. I shake my head.
“Sorry Dane, but I’m pretty sure I made my feelings clear last night.” She sounds like a bitch, even though that’s not her and I hate that, hate that I’ve made her feel this defensive.
“I’m not staying, I didn’t come to upset you. Honestly. I just came because I wanted to let you know I’m heading back to London. Tonight. I have work to sort out. I was going back in the next few days anyway because this work can’t be postponed.”
“Doesn’t surprise me that you’re leaving again,” she snaps then throws her palm over her mouth, her eyes widening, surprised by the remark. “Sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that.”
“Yes, you did. But that’s okay, I deserve it. You need to know that I would be staying, trying to work this out if there was another way. But the thing with my work is, it’s kind of life or death and right now it needs my attention. But you say the word, just say it and I’ll stay.” Part of me wants her to say it, I want her to want me, to say what I wished she had said all those years ago. Stay.
“No, just go. It’s what I asked you to do last night and it’s still what I want this morning.”
I nod resigned. “I’m coming back Nova. I’ll always come back,” I tell her.
Then I walk away from the only women who’s ever really known me. The only woman I’ve ever loved. The only woman I have any kind of future with.
The ringing won’t stop, this must be the fourth time. They’re obviously determined to wake me up. I have a good idea who it is that’s trying to get me to answer my Skype. I wish I’d shut the damn computer down now. Rolling to the left and hauling myself up from the sofa into a sitting position, I stretch my neck and glance over to the laptop sitting on my dining table. I can’t see who's calling from here. Luckily, as I shoot daggers into the back of it, the ringing stops again, bringing the only smile I’ve had for the last twenty-four hours to my face.
I get up realising how stiff my body is everywhere, and the headache from hell is circling my skull. I cried myself back to sleep this morning after Dane left. I equally chastised and praised myself for my actions. The problem I have now is that when my memories first returned they were mainly focused on Dane and me. I don’t know if that was because of the music playing at the time or something else. Since then other things have been filtering into my conscious, including how I ended up in the hospital and why I had that plane ticket. I just don’t know where to go from here. I love him. I absolutely one hundred percent love him. I feel it even more now because I have our past back. But I hate what he did to me and I know I forgave him years ago, but the fresh pain of everything has made me angry and even slightly bitter. I need to get a grip, at the very least talk to him, but I just don’t know where to start. I don’t know how to move forward.
Shuffling to the kitchen to make myself a coffee the ringing starts again. Groaning and standing still I don’t know whether to answer or ignore it. “Ugh!” I moan, knowing I can’t keep ignoring them, they’ll be worried and they’ve done nothing wrong.
Has anybody actually done anything wrong?
Wayward thoughts annoy me as I make my way over to the laptop. “Pea,” I answer after clicking to accept the video call.
“Girl, Eric is going to fly back over there and smack your backside if you don’t sort this thing out with Dane. He’s far too much man for you to let him slip away. And trust me this is not an empty threat, Eric does not like to smack girl’s butts.” He shudders in the video link. My eyes move to Pea. She’s saying nothing, just looking at me. She draws in a slow, steady breath.
“I asked you to handle him with care,” she whispers. My body flinches at the sharpness of her words.
“You’re angry with me,” I reply.
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because, he’s broken. You’ve destroyed him, and for what? Something he did when he was seventeen?” I watch her turn away from the camera for a moment as she rubs her temples.
“Sweet cheeks,” Eric calls me softly and I find it hard to pull my eyes from Pea, the tears threatening once again. As I look toward Eric, he speaks again. “What happened? I mean Soph called us from her honeymoon. She said Saul called Dane, and that’s when he found out what was going on. Although Dane didn’t say much apparently, just that you had left him and that it was his fault.” I feel the bile rise in my throat hearing that he’s blaming himself, but I’m not sure what I expect because I’ve been blaming him too.
“Fuck!” I scream and stand up, my chair falling back with the force. “I need to speak to him.” Pacing left and right across the front of my laptop, I need to keep moving. I have to move.
“I’m sorry, Libby, I just…it’s just…I’ve never known Dane like this. I called him a little while ago after I heard what happened. He told me not to worry about him. I know he’s a grown man and older than me, but he’s my brother, he’s big and strong and proud. He sounded….he was hurt…gutted…like his heart had been ripped out of his chest. I didn’t mean to be so angry at you. I just couldn’t help it. I keep hearing his voice, it was so empty, hollow. He was cold Libby.” Hearing her words, I gulp for air. I can almost taste his pain as my own.
“I overreacted. You have to understand Pea, we may never agree on this, but I was there all those years ago, I lived through it. He hurt me, more than you realise. Still, my reaction was harsh. I couldn’t see past my pain. I’ve had time now and although I’m still feeling confused and upset, I know I need to talk to him. I just don’t know how I’m supposed to get myself through this.” I sit back down sighing.
“You don’t get yourself through it, you allow others to help. Starting with Dane,” Pea answers.
“I have to call him,” I reply standing again and looking for my phone.
“He’ll be on a flight now, it left about thirty minutes ago. He always has his phone off for flights and he won’t be back at home for about ten hours. It’s late over here now, but we’re suffering severe jetlag at the moment. Just…let us know if you need our help with anything Libby.” Pea drops her head.
“Listen sweet cheeks, he loves you, everyone can see it. You love him, we can see that too. Just sort things out so you and your man are both in la la land again and all will be right with the world. Listen to Eric, he is great with advice. Other things too but that’s not for your delicate ears.” His words make me chuckle and I feel a weight lifting off my shoulders, just a small one, enough to allow me to breathe a little better.
“Thank you both, for helping me pull my head out of my ass,” I say softly.
“We didn’t do much, other than having a go at you,” Pea answers looking back at me.
“It was enough,” I tell them both.
Ending the call, I walk around my apartment looking for my cell. Locating it under the mess of sheets on my bed, I see there are three missed calls and two texts. One call is from Dane, the other two are surprisingly from Davy.
Davy: I have some of your things here. I would appreciate it if you would come over to collect them.
I stare at the text confused. I don’t remember leaving anything at his house. I hardly ever saw him or stayed there, and
when I did I always brought all my belongings home with me. My hands glide over the letters replying.
Me: What things?
His response is immediate.
Davy: I don’t know, some hair products.
I huff to no one.
Me: Are you sure they’re not Mel’s. I don’t remember leaving anything.
Davy: They’re yours. When can you come and collect them?
I stare at the screen annoyed, and trying to convince myself not to throw my cell or to call Davy and chew him out.
Me: Can’t you bring the items into work?
Davy: No. You weren’t there today and I don’t want our relationship to be the talk of the company.
I sigh and give in.
Me: Firstly, we don’t have a relationship anymore. Secondly, I’m sure they have better things to talk about. But in answer, yes okay, I’ll come over. When?
Davy: Tonight.
Me: But it’s already after seven at night.
Davy: So come over at nine. That should give you a chance to wrap up whatever you’re doing.
Ugh, that fucking man!
Me: Fine. I’ll be there at nine.
Davy. Good. See you then.
I throw my phone back on my bed and go to storm out before I remember there’s another text. Grabbing the cell again and opening the messages my heart flutters when I see it’s from Dane.
Dane: Nova. This isn’t the end. We will never have an end. I’m coming back to get you. This time, if you’re gone, I will find you. Even if I have to tear the world apart to do it. You’re mine. You will always be mine. I’m yours forever. I’m your happily ever after baby. I’ll make fucking sure of it.
Slowly I sink onto the bed. I’m so confused. I love him. I need to tell him that. We need to talk, but honestly, I can’t see a future where I’m not with him. I’ve lived that future, albeit in my past, and remember how it felt without him. I remember the pain, the upset, confusion and absolute devastation that my life was without him. I bought that ticket all those years ago to escape my life. To find him.
I call Dane and it goes on to answerphone. He doesn’t have an answerphone message and it feels like fucking forever to get to the beep while the snooty woman reels off the phone number.
“Dane…I…I don’t know what to say. I guess, I need to talk to you. We need to talk. Yes. That’s what’s needed.” I stop speaking, trying to work out what to say next. Then realising that the message is going to run out soon, so I quickly continue, “Dane…Dane…I need you to know. I have to tell you. I love you. I do. I hate telling you on a message, but you have to know. I remember us, I remember you, and I remember our love. Always.” The message chimes in asking if I want to re-record. Quickly, I cut the call before I’m tempted to erase what I’ve said. Releasing a breath I didn’t know I was holding, my eyes dart around the room.
I need to pack a bag, book tickets to London.
Shit, I need to call work and ask for more personal time off.
“Fuck! I need to go to Davy’s soon. Shit,” cursing out loud, having forgotten what I’d agreed to do only ten minutes before. “First things first,” I mumble walking back to the laptop. Accessing flights, I manage to find one from JFK to Heathrow for the next morning at eleven AM. With checking in an hour before, then getting to Heathrow and travelling to Pea’s house, it’s going to be about ten hours. I groan internally, I hate flying, I’m not scared, it’s just so boring, and my time could be used so much better.
Like fucking Dane.
I chuckle at my thoughts. With my decision made and the tickets booked I feel another weight lift.
Getting out of the cab after paying the driver, I look up at Davy’s building. This place used to make me feel inadequate. He so rarely invited me here, that when he did I felt special, worthy. I know now that he just liked to keep me at arm’s length. Strangely, I don’t feel like he did that because he was screwing Mel. It feels like there was a deeper reason. But I don’t give a shit. He’s not my problem anymore. I breathe out and close my eyes. In just a few hours, I’ll be waking up and getting ready to go prove to Dane that I love him.
When I called Pea, she was over the moon at the prospect of me staying at her house. Although she thinks that I won’t be there for long. She’s not even sure I’ll be staying there the night I arrive. Pea’s so sure that Dane will have me with him the minute I touch down in the UK. My work wasn’t too happy about the extended leave, and I hope I haven’t burnt my bridges with them. I’m aware that the more time off I have, the bigger chance there is that Mel could be spinning them a tale. Maybe even Davy, although that’s not his style. I need that job, though, and it does worry me that my actions might see me looking for somewhere else to work. I could ultimately lose my job, my boyfriend…yeah, I guess that’s what Dane is…was…and if I lose my job I could lose my apartment. There’s no doubt that I am risking my life as I know it. But he’s worth it. He just is.
“Libby.” Davy smiles as he opens the door, waving his arm to usher me inside.
“Davy. Err…I was kind of hoping you would just give me my stuff and that would be it,” I say standing awkwardly just inside his door.
“Libby, I thought we could have a wine or two, you know for old time’s sake.”
“As nice as that offer may be, we didn’t really have old times, we had six months. It wasn’t a great six months either, we spent a relatively small amount of time together during our relationship, and we didn’t part on good terms seeing as you were shagging my supposed backstabbing best friend.” His eyes narrow at my words, his jaw stiffening.
“Shagging. So British and common. My God woman, what has gotten into you?”
“Dane,” I answer simply.
“Dane? You have another man already?” He cocks one eyebrow and looks down his nose at me.
“Don’t pretend like Mel hasn’t told you that he came into the offices. She noticed. Believe me, she noticed. But yes, I have another man and he got into me.” I cross my arms smirking.
“You really are a piece of trash, and here I was thinking about giving us another go.”
“What? I can’t even…what? Are you freaking kidding me? You give me another chance? I wouldn’t get back together with you if you were smothered in ice-cream and had a chocolate cock. And trust me that’s the only way I’d even be tempted.”
“Mel was right. I’ll just stick with her, at least she knows how to treat me and how to behave.”
Snorting at his comment I shake my head at him. “You deserve Mel because she’s a bitch and you Davy…you’re wet and a dick and furthermore, sex with you was boring.”
It's right then, right at that moment I see Davy’s true colours as his fist suddenly comes out and hits me straight in the nose. His eyes are like saucers as he steps back realising what he’s done. Little does he know I’ve had far worse over the years. My eyes water like a bitch, but thankfully I don’t think my nose is broken. Touching my hand to my nostrils I notice a trickle of blood on my fingertips.
“Libby, I’m sorry, so sorry,” he stammers reaching out to me.
“Don’t touch me! Don’t you fucking touch me,” I hiss at him. “You know I could probably kick your ass. Boxing has taught me a few things. But you’re not worth it. I’m just glad I’m free of you.” I turn making my way to leave, but stop and throw over my shoulder. “If I really do have anything here then keep it, or chuck it, I don’t care. Anything that I may have here would be tainted by you now anyway.”
When I get outside of the building, I search inside my bag for a tissue to dab the blood away that is slowly trickling out my nose. “Fucker,” I curse again.
Dane has definitely brought the bad side of me out but in all the best ways. I smile at that thought and then realise that even when my day is shit—even when I get smacked in the face—just the thought of Dane can fill me with warmth and make me smile.
The minute I get into the taxi at Heathrow and switch my phone on it starts buzzing, alertin
g me to messages. I look through the texts I have first.
Tink: It will be okay. I love you. I’ll see you soon.
Saul: If you need me brother, Soph and I will be on a plane. Say the word.
Pea: It’s going to be okay. I spoke to Libby. Call me when you get back.
I groan at Pea’s text. I wish she would leave things alone. I know she’s trying to help, but I have my own way of doing things. I need to give Nova time. Plus, I have things I need to take care of here. She’s safer in New York at the moment. When the time is right, I’ll go get her. That’s why I sent her a parting text. I needed her to know that I hadn’t given up. That I’ll never fucking give up on her. My phone buzzes again and alerts me to a voicemail from Nova.
“Dane…I…I don’t know what to say. I guess I need to talk to you. We need to talk. Yes. That’s what’s needed.” There’s a silence that makes me think she’s not going to say anything else then her voice fills me again. “Dane…Dane…I need you to know. I have to tell you. I love you. I do. I hate telling you on a message, but you have to know. I remember us, I remember you and I remember our love. Always.”
I can’t help but smile. I play back the message like a hormonal teen. And again I smile. I listen to her say she loves me over and over until I finally save the message and relax. It’s the first time I’ve felt some comfort since before I arrived at her apartment that night, knowing I was going to expose our past, and that might mean I wouldn’t have her future…our future.
Right on cue my burner phone rings.
“Yes,” I answer.
“D, this is Tedric. Can’t stop. I’m going under. The whole operation has been compromised from the inside.”
Love Renewed (Entwined Hearts #3) Page 14
