“So without knowing too much. What happens next?” Saul asks while Con’s in the shower and we pack our kit away.
“What do you mean?” I ask wiping my face with the towel. I should shower, but I’d rather get back to Nova and have a repeat of this morning while having a shower.
“Are you out completely?” he questions hesitantly.
“Yep. I’m done,” I reply.
“They know that and they’re okay with it?” he quizzes zipping up his bag.
“Saul. Stop worrying. I’m out. They know, they do, honest. It’s all been squared. Trust me.”
He nods then looks back at me. “And Ryan?” he asks the question I wish he hadn’t as I really don’t want to answer him. But I respect him too much to lie.
“He’s going to die,” I confirm. His eyes never waver from mine as they take everything in. Then just like that he nods and answers, “Okay.” That’s it. My brother in a nutshell. He trusts whatever I do it will be the right thing. My heart swells as I realise he loves me completely, unconditionally. Hooking my arm around his neck, I pull him into me for a man hug, letting him go only seconds later. Neither of us says anything as Con appears and looks between us.
“Ready to go?” he asks.
“Yeah, we were just waiting for your slow arse,” Saul says with a chuckle as we make our way back to my car.
Thirty minutes later it happens. I walk into Pea’s house after Con opens the door and we all stop dead. Nova sings Def Leppard’s, Pour Some Sugar On Me while gyrating her body, rolling it back and forth. Running her hand up and down in between her breasts. A quick glance sees that the other two women are doing very similar moves to the song, and out of the corner of my eye I can see that the guys are both fixated on their women. Stepping forward, I grab Nova’s arm making her scream, they were obviously oblivious to us coming in.
Crashing her into my chest I whisper in her ear, “I need to get you home. Now. Then put that song back on and watch you doing that dance again in nothing but heels.”
“Guys, see you later,” she shouts to the girls who giggle as Saul and Con walk over claiming them. I pay no more attention to anyone or anything other than getting her in the car and home as quickly as is humanly possible.
Leaving Nova in bed this morning was hard. Since we’ve come out of the hospital, I’ve been by her side. Asking her to stay in the house while I was out though, that was a must. Thankfully she understands the situation.
Having to fucking live through this shit has helped.
Mentally telling myself to calm down, she’s safe now, I watch the blood return to my knuckles as I ease my grip on the steering wheel.
I’ve been putting off meeting up with Saul, to discuss this…our mother. I know we have been dancing around the subject. We’ve both been ready to talk at different times. Now neither of us is ready. Being in a good place in our lives we don’t need to bring her in, even for a discussion, especially when we don’t have to. Even so, I find myself driving to the new house he and Soph have bought, so he can show it to me before we help them both move in this Friday, and so we can have the conversation we’ve been avoiding.
When I arrive at the house, Saul is waiting for me. He’s like a kid in a candy store when I get out the car.
“Look at this little beauty,” he says pointing to his new buy.
“It looks good from the outside,” I answer.
“Wait until you see inside. It’s a real family home.” His words are quiet and I know his meaning. He’s hoping one day Soph and he will have a family, but he’s very aware that the path isn’t going to be easy.
“Sounds good brother. Let’s look inside then, come on it's cold,” I complain and he smirks moving to let me in.
Four bedrooms, two baths plus an en-suite, a front and back room, study, kitchen and massive garden later and finally the tour is over. I’m sitting at a new dining table and feeling as though Saul is trying to sell me the damn house. I know he’s just excited and wants my approval. Why? I have no fucking clue, but I gave it to him anyway. To be fair, it’s a nice house, perfect for a family, I just hope they can fill it soon.
“So what has been happening lately?” Saul asks. His question holds weight. He wants to know how things have been both generally and specifically.
“Quick version. Nova and me are solid. Ryan is still out there. I need to find him, but I can’t do that while I’m watching Nova. The stuff I don’t tell you. Like I said when we were at the gym. I’m out, that’s all you need to know. Ryan will be the end of that side of me, then I can get on with living clean and free.”
“I’ll watch Libby, you tell me when and she can come over. I’ll get Soph to help me if you need her to be in the dark,” he says pushing his fingertips together, making a steeple.
“Good to know. But if I bring Nova she won’t be in the dark. She knows everything about me. Everything.” His eyes widen at my statement. “I told her because she’s my life and it’s only fair if she starts this with me, then it’s a life that’s fully disclosed. I wanted her to still want me, and she does,” I explain more than I need to, but it’s my brother and I love him.
“Fair play. Still, I’m pretty sure you won’t want her there when you do whatever you need to do. So she can come here, with us.”
“That’s true enough and thanks,” I answer, feeling better that I have somewhere to take Nova, somewhere safe. Now I just need to find that fucker.
“Now, onto a less fun conversation,” Saul tells me and I look back at him.
“Hit me.”
“Well, we’ve gotten about six letters from mother dearest,” he grunts out an empty laugh as I sit back into the sofa, resting my right ankle on my left knee.
“And?” I ask.
“Nothing, I’ve burned them all. I didn’t read any of them. I knew the handwriting as soon as they started arriving so I put them in the fire. That’s it. I’ll be honest Dane, I don’t want to have anything to do with her, even via a letter. My life is good right where it is, and that doesn’t include the Wicked Witch of the West. We’ve gotten rid of one arsehole mother, I don’t want to get a whole new one to take her place.” I nod my agreement. We certainly don’t need more fucking drama, and that’s what that woman will bring. “She used to be nasty about Soph too, and I’ve never nor would I ever hit a woman. But I’ll be honest, I don’t see her as a woman, she’s barely human, going by the way I was treated as a kid. If she said one thing to upset Soph, I don’t think I could control myself.” Again I just nod, there are no words needed. I know exactly how he feels and understand the strength of love he has for Soph as I feel it for Nova.
“Agreed. I want nothing to do with her. I have no time for her. She abandoned me. When I tried to reach out to her as a teenager, she told me that she had a son. I wasn’t needed. I was a mistake that she had been trying to scrape off for years and she wished I would just leave her alone. She told me to get adopted so I’d be someone else’s problem or failing that go play in traffic so I wasn’t anybody’s problem anymore.” Saul slams his clenched fist onto the table.
“That fucking whore. All because she couldn’t keep her fucking legs closed. Honestly, she should never have been allowed to procreate,” he snaps out and I laugh.
“Nova arrived as a foster kid about a year after it happened. Between where I was living and how our mother had treated me, I wasn’t doing so great. She was my light, she pulled me out of the darkness. I was spiralling at the time. She has always been my light. I told her…Nova, about what she said to me back then. I think she may have hated our mother more than me when we were kids. A few days ago I spoke to her briefly about the current situation with the cold wench. Brought her up to date with you, me, the way we were treated. She still hates her. I don’t want that woman anywhere near Nova or me. You do what you want with the letters, but I’m not interested okay? Whatever happens I need to know you’re clear about my feelings,” I tell him.
“We’re clear. As long as you
understand I feel the same. Yeah?”
“I got it,” I reply. I look around the living room trying to move the conversation on. “So you’ve decorated already?” I ask confused.
Saul laughs, as the tension eases out of his body. “Yeah. Soph wanted to have it decorated before moving in, plus we got rid of nearly all our combined furniture and bought all new things. Something about starting fresh with no ghosts lingering or some shit like that,” he says rubbing his chin.
“Looks good,” I comment, taking in the many photos adorning the wall. Photos of us all. There must be forty frames at least. The wall is covered. Then at the top there’s a big wooden, white, antique looking sign that says ‘Family.’
“Yeah, my girl did good,” he tells me, pride shining in his eyes.
“Right, I need to head out, I have some things to take care off before I get back to Nova,” I say standing up.
Saul joins me. “Yeah, same here, I left Soph packing by herself. Considering we’ve bought so much stuff, it’s amazing how much shit we still have. Soph will kill me if I don’t get back soon, she hates packing.” We both laugh, then walk out of the house and say goodbye. I get into my car and drive to my next stop before home. Jenson’s. I haven’t seen or spoken to him in about a week and I need to know how he is. My gut tells me he’s falling apart. Because that would be me if anything happened to Nova. That just makes it more important that I go visit him. It probably would have been better if I had brought Nova. They seem to have forged some kind of bond, which, honestly, I’m really grateful about. She’s able to get through to him. Her light is bright enough to shine on Jenson too. Right now he fucking needs that. Still, I left her at home and I want her to rest so I’ll catch him now before home.
“Jenson,” I say as he opens the door.
“D, come in.” I take him in as I walk through to the lounge. He’s cleaned up, shaved, the house is tidy. He’s obviously trying and that gives me hope.
Taking a seat, I wait for him to join me. “So, tell me honestly, how’s things?”
He looks at me from the opposite sofa. “Honestly?” he questions.
“Yeah, no bullshit Jen, I’ve known you for long enough, and probably better than anyone else. I know what she meant. I want to know how you really are,” I explain.
Sighing he cracks his knuckles and shakes his head. “I just never thought I wouldn’t have her. Do you know how many fucking times I pushed her away. Dumb fuck that I am. I hurt her, repeatedly. Yet she still loved me, she still came back. And I was too selfish to give it up, to give up this game…I thought it was so important, I thought I was so important. Turns out the only important one is dead now…and it’s because she got tangled up in my shit. I tried to let her go, let her be happy.”
“Did she know?” I ask him.
“Know?” He looks at me, his forehead wrinkled in confusion.
“About what we are…were…what we did?”
“Yeah. I told her some. Not all, but enough,” he replies and I’m a little surprised. Jenson was always about keeping everything covert as it was supposed to be. Yet, here he is telling me he explained shit to Hilary like I have to Nova. Although I don’t think he told her everything, not like I’ve done.
“Well then, if she knew she made that choice. She knew what could happen, she must have done, yet she stayed. She loved you, it was that simple for her,” I respond.
“I know. Still, it’s one thing having an idea, it’s another immersing yourself in our world Dane. We know, we’ve been there, we’ve done things. We see the full extent of our actions as well as other peoples. It’s different to be told, you’re almost removed somehow. I get Libby understands more than others. She lived through it, I was in that room with her. Fuck.”
“I don’t need reminding,” I growl out.
“Sorry.”
We both sit silently for a minute and I wonder if I should just go, give him more time. Then he suddenly starts speaking, and it’s so softly I wonder if it’s really his voice.
“The thing I find hard is…I’m gutted she’s dead. Gutted it was because of me. Fucked off that her smile won’t grace anyone’s life anymore. But not that it won’t grace mine. Do you understand what I’m saying?” He doesn’t look at me as he says the words. Instead staring at the floor. I get why, he hates that he said those words at all. I didn’t realise that Hilary wasn’t his person. I thought she was it for him. But I guess not.
“She wasn’t the one?” I inquire.
“No.” He rolls his shoulders back and moves his eyes to mine, obviously resigned at something. “We broke up. You know that. What you don’t know is I told her that I didn’t want to be with her anymore. Told her I loved her but wasn’t still in love with her. That she needed to move on and find someone else. That was a while ago, but every so often I would come home and find her in my bed. She knew the combination to the garage door and would let herself in through there. I used to fuck her on those occasions, then the next day send her home. Which makes me more of a dick. Now I just feel black about the whole thing. She died because she loved me. I can’t ever let anyone else in. Even though I’m getting out. I can’t be responsible for another person’s death. Not like that. I’ve told Archer I’m out. He wants me to finish a recon mission then I’m done. I was going to call you in the next few days. To tell you that if you need Ryan cleaning up once you’re done, you need to do it soon. You know how much of a dick Archer is, he won’t clean up your mess now you’ve gone. I will, though, for you brother and for Libby. So do it quick.”
I nod, a thousand thoughts going through my head. I need to find Ryan first, the slippery bastard. I’m also concerned with how Jenson is really doing. It’s obvious he’s beating himself up about Hilary. Maybe he needs some female help.
“Listen,” I say catching his attention again. “I need to find Ryan, I will, and I’ll make sure it happens soon. How long have I got?” I ask.
“Ten days maximum.” His reply is like a sucker punch.
“Fuck! That’s not long. I’ll make this shit work. I have too. Either that or I’ll clean up my own mess,” I tell him.
“No Dane. If I’m already out when that shit goes down, I’ll still help you deal, especially with what he did to me. I just won’t have Archer…unknowingly, at my back.” He smirks, knowing that Archer would be pissed if he found out that Jenson was going to help me clean up a mess that had nothing to do with the team.
“When you’re out and Ryan’s dealt with. When shit has calmed. You’re coming to our place to meet my family and you will also have some one-on-one time with Nova,” I say.
He starts shaking his head no. “I don’t need one-on-one time with Nova, I’m fine, honestly…I’ll be fine,” he explains.
“Well, maybe she needs that with you,” I state. Knowing he was in that room with her means something to them both.
“Of course,” he tells me and I feel my shoulders relax. He needs Nova, he just doesn’t realise it yet.
“I’m so tired,” I say falling onto the sofa. It’s Friday afternoon and we have just finished bringing a last load of things into Saul and Soph’s new home. I love it here. Their house is warm and friendly, inviting. I like Dane’s house, but there’s something off about it. I’m not sure what it is as the house has everything I ever said I wanted, but now I’m there…I don’t know, there’s just this odd vibe that I can’t quite place.
“Okay, I was thinking,” Pea says dropping down onto the sofa next to me as Soph unpacks one of the last boxes. “We need a night out.”
“Yeah, I think we could all do with that,” Soph replies. “What about Eleanor though?”
Pea’s face crinkles and she shakes her head. “Have you not spoken to Eric lately?” she asks evidently surprised.
Soph stops her hand in mid-air about to place a tacky Vegas snow-globe, which is perfectly beautiful into a cabinet. “What?”
“What?” Pea mimics.
“No, come on Pea. I’ve been on a honeymoon
, then…well, these two,” she says pointing at me, “and now moving. What’s happened? What have I missed?” she demands placing the snow-globe down, standing up and throwing the empty box with the pile near the door.
“That is such a fire hazard,” I say pointing to the boxes with a smirk. They both ignore me, and I roll my eyes which they also don’t see.
“Eric and Rich are looking for a surrogate. They want a child. They also want to get married. I figured you would know?” she murmurs and I watch Soph’s face fall.
“I’ve been so wrapped up in myself that I’ve been a shit friend.” She comes to sit down with us.
“No, he understands, I’m sure,” Pea says.
“Yeah, but he told you,” Soph answers.
“Do you realise why?” Pea asks giggling.
“What? Why?” Soph responds.
“Because they both keep wanting to kidnap Eleanor. That’s one of the reasons I was asking about a night out. They’re having her tomorrow night, I thought it might be nice to go to do some karaoke, we haven’t been for ages and after everything I just figured…” Pea’s voice trails off.
“Actually, that sounds pretty good,” Soph says perking up. “I’m going to call Eric tonight and have a chat, catch up and make sure everything is okay.” She seems happier now she has a plan of action. Then she turns to me. “So what’s going on with your job?”
“Well, I kind of quit,” I reply biting my lip.
“What?” They both shriek in unison and I flap my hands telling them to quiet down.
“Thank fuck the guys are in the garage!” I moan.
“He doesn’t know does he?” Soph asks.
“No,” I whisper.
“Why?” Pea asks.
“Because I only called them a couple of days ago to see where I stood, they asked me to confirm when I was coming back. Said it needed to be in the next week or they’d have to let me go. I told them I couldn’t get back that quick, so I quit. I just couldn’t…can’t…imagine leaving Dane to go back, and I didn’t know if he’d want to come with me. They wanted an answer, they didn’t want to wait for me to talk to him. Honestly though? I don’t think I want to work with Mel anymore,” I confess.
Love Renewed (Entwined Hearts #3) Page 23
