“Why do I have to have another mom?” He was back to pleading. “It’s not fair! I just want you.”
Nolan squeezed his eyes shut before they could start leaking. “Here’s something to think about. Right now it’s just you and me.” Throat clogged, he could not freakin’ believe he was about to say this. Cut his own throat, why didn’t he? But he said it anyway, because it was the truth. “Having more people to love you could be a good thing.”
Christian wrenched away so quick his head whacked Nolan’s jaw. Betrayal darkened his eyes. “You’ve changed your mind, haven’t you? You’re going to let her take me.”
Tasting blood, Nolan shook his head. “No. I said I’d fight for you, and I will. But who are we fighting against, Christian? This is your mother.”
“I hate her!” he spat, and raced out of the room. An instant later, the front door slammed.
“Fabulous,” Nolan mumbled, swallowing the salty taste. He hoped Christian had at least taken his book bag—and was on his way to school.
* * *
DANA SAT IN front of her computer, looking through the slide show of photographs Nolan Gregor had shared before her visit. With a bottomless hunger, she started over, and over again. There he was, a toddler wearing tough-guy overalls and a red-and-white-striped shirt, his grin huge even though he seemed on the verge of falling back on his well-padded rear end. A smartly groomed boy, hair slicked down, one front tooth missing. The first day of kindergarten? Or was that too young for him to have lost a tooth?
An ache flavored with bitterness gripped her stomach. A mother should know things like that. She should have soothed her teething baby, been there to slip money under his pillow in exchange for each precious tooth lost. Other mothers knew whether their sons said Dada or Mama first. They remembered the first step, the first day of school. The first time their son stepped up to the plate and swung a bat, the first book he read all by himself.
A thousand firsts she would only hear about secondhand, if at all. So much she’d missed.
But he was alive.
Gazing at the photo taken most recently, at the tall, thin, tanned boy windsurfing, his hair sun streaked, his laughter beautiful as he soared over the water, Dana thought, I don’t have to miss another moment.
Her eyes lost focus. Maybe she was too softhearted to tear her son from the man who was his security, but there was no way she would stay halfway across the country from Gabe, contenting herself with emailed photos, visits, phone calls.
Mind racing, she closed her laptop and walked slowly through her house, ending up at last in the bedroom unchanged from the day Gabriel had been stolen. Her son was no longer that baby; the knowledge felt like truth now. Would she want to bring Gabe home to this house, where everything had gone wrong?
Maybe it’s time to let it go. All of it.
If the mountain won’t come to Muhammad, then Muhammad must go to the mountain.
She had spent eleven years fighting for her son. Of course he was afraid. Of course he loved Nolan. Of course wrenching him away wasn’t the right thing to do. But that didn’t mean she would give up.
So she would go to him. It wouldn’t work without Nolan Gregor’s cooperation—but if threats were what it took, she’d channel her jerk of an ex-husband and issue some.
Dana loved her job, but she could find a new one. She would be farther from family, but they would understand. There was hardly even any furniture she’d want to take with her. Friends, she would miss, but she’d stay in touch. Looking around, she felt odd. So light she could float away.
Laughing, she flung her arms wide and spun in place. Lookout, Oregon, here I come.
* * *
THREE WEEKS LATER, Nolan tracked down his ringing phone a second before it went quiet. He checked the name, then, as he waited to see if Dana would leave a message, wondered why she’d call at this time of day. She had to know Christian was in school.
As he’d anticipated, she hadn’t given up. Every few days, she’d called and politely asked to speak to Christian. The conversations were brief. Christian mumbled a few replies to questions and listened when she talked. She hadn’t said much to Nolan, who didn’t like not having a clue what her plan was.
When Nolan asked what she was telling him, Christian looked at him without comprehension.
“I don’t know. Stuff.”
“Stuff.”
“About her family.” He shrugged. “She said she fell out of a tree when she was, I don’t remember, seven or eight and broke both her arms.” He sounded impressed. His own traumatic wound had been to his left shoulder, which made his teacher less sympathetic to his claim not to be able to keep up with his schoolwork while he was home recuperating. Christian had gone so far as to wish Jason had had the foresight to chop his right shoulder instead. “She couldn’t write or use a computer or anything, so she got out of practically all her schoolwork.”
“Dumb way to fall.”
“What do you mean?”
“If you ever fall—from a horse, a cliff, even just trip—you relax and roll with it. You don’t hold both hands out to try to stop yourself.”
Christian frowned. “Oh. Maybe I should practice.”
Nolan lifted his eyebrows. “Throw yourself out of a few trees?”
Christian thought that was hilarious.
Increasingly wary, Nolan had begun to see Dana Stewart as a shrewd opponent, smart enough to have guessed—or possibly researched—what would appeal to an eleven-year-old boy.
But no way would a gradually softening long-distance relationship satisfy her. His worry was that she was only filling the time while the legal team she’d retained drew up the papers to sue for custody.
No message. He bounced the phone in his hand, feeling a sharp stab of anxiety. He knew he shouldn’t have taken so long to find an attorney capable of standing up to a team backed by Craig Stewart’s money. Nolan had asked around but not reached a decision. He didn’t like putting that much trust in the hands of someone motivated by the paycheck, but he’d been a fool to give her a head start.
Wearing board shorts, flip-flops and a T-shirt that said Got Wind?, Trevor Bailey had just arrived. Trev was one of Nolan’s part-timers, a student at Portland State who would be full-time for the summer. Only nineteen, he was young but had a good head on his shoulders and a passion for windsurfing.
“I need to make a call,” Nolan said. “Can you take over? The guy over there is looking for a new harness.”
With a nod, Trev headed that way.
Nolan didn’t move from behind the counter for a minute. Then he groaned, muttered, “Crap,” and went to his office. As he called her back, he rolled his shoulders.
On the second ring, she picked up. “Mr. Gregor?”
“Ms. Stewart.”
“I know you must be at work, but I hoped to talk to you when Gabe—Christian—isn’t around. Is this a bad time?”
“No.” He cleared his throat. “This is okay, if we can keep it quick.”
The silence was brief. Apparently undaunted, she said, “You must realize I want to build a relationship with my son.”
Nolan stiffened at the way she said my son. “Yeah, I figured that out.”
“Doing so long-distance is impossible.”
Oh, shit. Oh—
“I have made the decision to move to Lookout.”
Nolan blinked. Rarely struck dumb, he struggled to absorb what she’d just said. Move to Lookout. Not file a lawsuit. Move to his town. Become a neighbor? Or—good God—she couldn’t envision moving in with him and Christian, could she?
“You make that sound easy,” he said after a minute.
“Easy? No. I’ve had to give notice at work, will need to put my house up for sale, pack, find a new job and a new place to live in a town I’ve only visited onc
e.” Her tone was dry, but beneath it was pure steel. “I’ve concluded that you’re right. Forcing Gabriel to come live with me in Colorado would be traumatic for him. But I won’t quit, either. If I’m there, I can see him regularly. Attend school conferences, watch him play sports, chauffeur him to friends’ houses.”
He almost opened his mouth to tell her chauffeuring was rarely needed, given the size of Lookout, but stopped himself in time.
“And if he doesn’t want to see you often?” he asked. “If the school balks at including a strange woman in conferences when they know me as Christian’s guardian?”
“Then I prove I’m his mother and that you are not, in fact, his legal guardian.” No disguise for the steel this time. “Or even related to him.”
His jaw clenched so tight his teeth ached. Thanks to the DNA matching, she had him dead in her sights.
“So we’re back to a court battle.” He felt as grim as he sounded. “Those take a while, you know. Don’t you think this move is a little premature? Not going to help if I refuse you any contact with him.”
Dana hesitated. He thought he could hear her breathing.
“I don’t want a court battle,” she said, voice softer. “Christian’s father is eager to go that route.”
Was she sincere? Or was she trying to fake him out with a kind of good-cop/bad-cop thing?
“I want to become his mother without an ugly fight that will hurt Christian. I can...preempt any attempt Craig might make to sue for custody.”
How altruistic of her. Despite his inner sneer, Nolan closed his eyes and let his head fall forward. He didn’t like what she was suggesting—it meant making concessions that could do damage to his side if they did end up in court—but he also knew she was right. This woman wasn’t going away. She might not love Christian...but she did love Gabriel.
And, yes, he might win in court, but he could just as easily lose, a result that would devastate both Christian and him. His winning would do the same to Dana—and, maybe in the long run, not be so good for Christian, either.
The only true win-win was to find a way to share the boy they both wanted to call son, but how was he supposed to trust her? What if Christian did warm to her, become curious about his extended family and agree to return to Colorado with her?
He pinched the bridge of his nose until cartilage creaked. If that happened... Christian would always know Nolan was here. He’d have a solid base to jump from. And wasn’t that what parenting was all about, building your kid’s confidence so that when the day came, he had the self-assurance to leave home?
It just might happen a lot sooner than Nolan had ever imagined. He wasn’t ready—but neither was Christian. Ms. Stewart was looking at a long haul.
“You’re selling your house.” She’d said that, hadn’t she?
“I am.” Her composure held despite the slightest tremor.
“You’re burning some bridges there.”
“I’m well aware.”
He gusted a sigh. “You’re asking me to help you.” Or was it more accurate to say she was blackmailing him into helping her become Christian’s mother?
“Yes,” she said, so quietly he just heard her.
He did some silent swearing, but there was only one possible answer.
“Have you looked into jobs?”
This “yes” was stronger. “I’ve actually found a really great one I’m well qualified for. I have a Skype interview scheduled for Friday. I have my fingers crossed because I’d prefer not to commute to Portland, but I will if necessary.”
“Are you looking to buy a house or rent?”
“I’ll rent initially.” No hesitation, so she hadn’t suffered the delusion she’d take the bedroom across the hall from Christian’s. “I...was actually hoping you might be willing to look at a few places that are possibilities.”
Ballsy woman. Nolan gave a short laugh. “Yes, Ms. Stewart, I can do that. Email me the list.”
“Then...you’re okay with this?” The sudden display of nerves made it apparent she’d girded herself for war and was now standing on the empty field looking around in bewilderment.
“What I’d like best is for you to get on with your life and leave Christian and me to ours,” he said brutally—although he wasn’t so sure anymore that he meant what he was saying. “What you’ve suggested is second best. You hold off your ex, I’ll meet you halfway, unless I find out this plan of yours amounts to a Trojan horse.”
“I’m not given to subterfuge, Mr. Gregor,” she said, regaining some starch. “What I’ve said is what I mean. I want to be part of Christian’s life. I hope that, with time, he’ll accept me as his mother.”
“What’s your ex-husband have to say about this?”
“I’ve asked him to back off, and he’s agreed, at least for now. He does plan a visit in the not-too-distant future. You can hardly blame him.”
No, Nolan couldn’t. It might even be good for Christian to have parents who made plain they wanted him. Right now he’d like to go back to the way it had been, before that damn blood-typing, but long term...it wouldn’t feel so great to know either of your biological parents had written you off and couldn’t be bothered to connect with you.
“I hope he won’t rush it. Christian already has a lot to deal with.”
“That’s what I told him,” she agreed.
They talked for a few more minutes. He’d be the one to break the news to Christian. Then tomorrow night she would call. She was eager to send him the list of possible rentals. It occurred to him that involving Christian in the hunt for a home for his mom wouldn’t be a bad thing.
“How soon are you thinking?” he asked finally.
“I should be there by the first of May.”
Blown away, he said, “That’s barely two weeks.”
“I’ve already worked out a good part of my notice to my current employer. I’ve been packing for some time. This isn’t a sudden idea. I needed to have my ducks in a row.”
Discovering he was pissed, Nolan said, “You mean my cooperation was optional.”
“No. You know that isn’t true. I just wanted a little time for Christian—Gabriel—to become more comfortable with me.”
“A piece of advice.” His temper was in hand, but he didn’t feel as friendly as he had a few minutes ago. “You might want to decide what name you’re going to call him before you show up in person again.”
Except, he thought with a jolt of surprise, throughout the conversation she had been calling her son Christian. Had she even noticed?
“I’ll discuss that with him,” she said with dignity. “Goodbye, Mr. Gregor.”
He said goodbye as formally, shaking his head. Forget Gabriel versus Christian. The whole plan wouldn’t make it off the launchpad if the two of them couldn’t bring themselves to use first names.
Instead of going right back to work, Nolan stayed where he was for a minute, half sitting on his desk. Man, he felt a boatload of emotions that weren’t what you’d call harmonious. The anger, he understood. The relief that she wasn’t taking the legal route. The trepidation about telling Christian and the fear of losing him, Nolan got all that, too. The whisper of anticipation...now, that was an unwelcome surprise.
CHAPTER FIVE
AGAINST HER PARENTS’ OPPOSITION, Dana decided to drive.
“A lot of empty country,” her father said. “I don’t like the idea of you breaking down out there.”
Glad he couldn’t see her rolling her eyes, she retorted, “It makes no sense to sell a two-year-old car I’m really happy with. I’d lose bucko bucks replacing it with a new one.”
The surprise came when she called Nolan and Christian to let them know she was on her way.
“You’re driving?” Nolan said, not hiding disapproval. “Alone?”
; “You have got to be kidding me.”
“About what?” He sounded clueless.
“You sound like my father.”
“You won’t be on interstates most of the way. Just two-lane highways through some of the most unpopulated country in the lower forty-eight, and then there are the mountain passes.”
She explained again that she had a four-wheel-drive Subaru with barely twenty thousand miles on it and plenty of experience driving in snow. Which she was unlikely to need at the tail end of April. “You’re being sexist.”
“As a woman, you’re more vulnerable if you have to depend on help from a random passing motorist.”
“This isn’t open to discussion. I’m leaving in the morning.”
He wanted to know her route and grudgingly approved it. Like her father, he also extracted a promise that she would call each evening and at any time she ran into difficulties.
It would be nice to think his deep concern was personal, but she suspected he tended to be protective and controlling. Christian had bragged enough that Dana now knew Nolan had been in a specialized military unit. Yet he had given up that career because he believed his sister and nephew needed him.
Believed? They had needed him. After the death of Nolan’s parents, she could only be grateful Gabriel hadn’t been consigned to the foster-care system or left to live with a mentally ill woman. One Dana hated with every fiber of her being, a fact she would do her best to hide if and when Gabe said anything about Marlee besides a furious “I have a mother!”
She didn’t tell anyone how much she was looking forward to the several-day drive. Alone, driving through spectacular mountain country, she could let go of the stress she’d lived with since that miraculous, life-changing phone call. The amount she’d had to accomplish these past few weeks, working full-time and spending her evenings and weekends going through everything she owned, packing and cleaning, had left her drained.
Never mind the emotional swings, exacerbated by having to say goodbye to coworkers, friends, her parents and her brother. She’d see her family again, at least, but not as often.
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