Dana turned her head to watch the two returning to the table, an ease and trust between them that gave her a bittersweet feeling. Oddly, it brought her back from the dark well of hatred. This—today—was a gift. She’d wasted too much of her life in grief and bitterness. No more.
She only wished she truly believed herself.
CHAPTER EIGHT
SUNDAY MORNING, NOLAN was checking the status of an order on his computer when his phone rang. He took it from his pocket, saw the name and muttered an imprecation.
He hadn’t seen Ellie in weeks. Not since Christian’s biological mother called to announce she was moving to Lookout. He’d been a little preoccupied since then. Stressed, too. Both fine excuses, except the truth was, he hadn’t even thought about her.
But that wasn’t fair to Ellie, even if all they had was an occasional meal and jump into bed, not a relationship. Unfortunately, he knew she’d have liked it to become so.
A whole lot passed with lightning speed through his mind while the phone continued to ring.
His sudden attraction to a too-skinny blonde woman with long legs and dove-gray eyes that betrayed her every emotion was bound to pass. Wouldn’t it? Think of the complications.
Answer the phone, he told himself. Put Ellie off.
He tapped his thumb on the screen and said, “Hey.”
“Nolan. Did I get you at a busy time? We haven’t talked for a while, so...” She let her sentence trail off suggestively.
“I’ve been pretty busy,” he said, thoughts still churning. Keep Ellie in reserve? Man, that sounded cold-blooded. Plan a date with her and hope he’d be in the mood? He winced. Or should he end it now?
“Business good?” she asked.
“Crazy good. Plus, Christian has had some things going on.” He hesitated.
Dana wouldn’t settle for anything but a real relationship. He wasn’t opposed to one with the right woman, but...Christian’s mother? The woman who held the power to destroy him in her slender hands?
“Well, if you can get away...” Ellie said uncertainly, in her soft voice.
“Not in the near future,” he said, then grimaced. Keeping her hanging was a crappy thing to do. He sighed. “Ellie, I’ve met someone. Nothing has happened with her yet, but I’d feel like a crud seeing you when I’m thinking about another woman. I’m sorry. I like you too much not to be honest with you.”
Silence answered him. He knew he’d hurt her, even though he’d never made a single promise or hinted at future possibilities.
“Well,” she said. “Thank you for telling me. I...wish you the best, Nolan.” And then she was gone, not even giving him a chance to say goodbye.
She’d been dignified and gracious—leaving him feeling...not so good about himself.
* * *
MONDAY MORNING, DANA walked in the door of her new workplace, an agency called Helping Hand. She felt an unsurprising mix of apprehension and excitement. The huge hug the receptionist gave her the minute she introduced herself warmed her.
“Oh, we’ve been so excited about you!” the very young woman exclaimed. She wore a nose ring and had bright purple streaks in her pixie-short brown hair. She introduced herself as Greer French. Dana liked her right away.
Greer let her drop her purse in the office that would be hers, then led her to a conference room, where she was soon joined by two other women Dana had met via Skype during the interview. Jessica Overton, likely in her forties, was the director, and Meghan Getchel, no more than midtwenties, was the other social worker.
Dana already knew that Helping Hand had opened its door ten months before. From the brochures and lists of programs, she suspected the agency was in an exploratory stage, stretching its muscles, learning what worked and what didn’t. For Dana, the job had appealed in part because she’d be able to shape programs and areas of focus, not just deal with individual clients.
She’d also worried about the scope of their promises, given the modest list of staff members and even more modest funding.
“It’s wonderful to be here,” she said, smiling at the other two women. Greer had returned to the ringing phones.
“We’re so pleased to have someone with your experience,” Jessica said frankly. “We were shorthanded even when Kendra was with us. I didn’t want her starting any kind of ongoing program that she wouldn’t be around to complete.”
Dana figured her predecessor had accepted the job with Helping Hand because it was better than nothing on her résumé. When she’d had a more tempting offer, she’d taken it.
Both women studied Dana expectantly. She’d been somewhat evasive about her reason for moving to Lookout. With her education and years of experience, this job was a step down. She’d taken a significant cut in pay, too, although salaries in this kind of social work never qualified as generous.
After a deep breath, she began. “I’d have moved to Lookout whether you offered me the position or not. I felt confident I could find a job in Portland, although I preferred not to have the commute.” She told them in as few words as possible about Gabriel and the miraculous discovery that he was alive, well and living in a small town on the Columbia Gorge. “So, you see...”
“Oh, my,” Jessica said. She might have been blinking away a tear. “How extraordinary. How wonderful for you!”
“We have a ways to go,” Dana admitted. “He’s at a difficult age to have his world upended, but his current guardian, the man he thought was his uncle, is being cooperative.”
Jessica sobered. “And if your son reaches a point where he’s ready to live with you? Do you envision staying?”
“I think that’s a long time away. And...” Strangely, she’d never thought this through. “Yes,” she heard herself say. “If I’m happy here, I don’t see why not. It would be good for him to stay in the same school system with his friends. And...having his uncle nearby.”
Jessica nodded with relief. They got down to brass tacks.
Dana was drawn into admitting her concern that Helping Hand was overextended. “Looking at your materials, I suspect you’re duplicating resources that exist elsewhere. I know you want every opportunity to be available right here in Lookout, but the drive to Hood River and even The Dalles isn’t long enough to prevent most people from taking advantage of what’s already being offered.”
She’d been really impressed with a local publication called Parenting in the Gorge that listed classes, play groups, library story times, places that offered after-hours health care, and resources for teen mothers and Spanish speakers. Some of what Helping Hand did filled holes, in her opinion, while some could be dropped in favor of a more finely tuned focus.
The focus, she learned, was the problem. Jessica had originally intended to serve primarily struggling single mothers, as A Woman’s Lifeline did in Colorado.
“But, you know, there are single fathers, too,” Jessica said ruefully. “And dysfunctional two-parent families, including those being court-monitored. And then there’s the challenge of raising a child when you’re extremely low income. So many of the parents we see are just so young.”
Dana thought of Lucy and her little blond boy, Phoenix. When she had called to say goodbye, as she’d done with several favorite clients, she’d given Lucy her cell number, in case she needed advice or just wanted to share a triumph or disappointment. She hoped for updates.
“It’s true,” she agreed. “If only teenagers understood what an unplanned pregnancy would mean to their lives.”
To her surprise, Jessica proved to be the rare individual who was eager to hear everything Dana had to say while showing no signs of becoming self-defensive. In fact, she and Meghan had already been worried about low attendance at some classes.
Dana explained more about the primary role A Woman’s Lifeline had set: making women aware of every possible resou
rce and helping them weave together those opportunities into a safety net.
In the end, Jessica asked her to spend this first week making contact with other agencies, government and private, and coming up with a list of what needs couldn’t already be met. Meghan professed herself eager to look over Dana’s shoulder as time allowed; she’d finished her master’s degree in social work only the previous spring, with this her first job after an internship.
Excited to have this chance, Dana settled into her new office, a whole lot more bare-bones than her last one, and began making calls to set up appointments to meet with people at a dozen other nonprofits in the county. And she started making notes—lots of notes.
It wasn’t until she left for home that her mood dimmed.
No, she hadn’t expected to hear from Nolan or Christian every single day. She had to make a life separate from them, too. But...somehow, after Saturday, she’d thought Nolan might call.
Maybe Saturday hadn’t been as successful as she’d believed. Maybe Nolan and Christian had struggled to be polite and breathed a sigh of relief after they parted outside the pizza parlor. She had a painful instant of imagining them exchanging high fives for a second time.
I’m going to be positive, remember?
Anyway, she was just being paranoid. It was a good day. Christian had relaxed around her, and just as Nolan had said, he’d enjoyed being the authority to her newbie status at Wind & Waves. He hadn’t been very talkative at dinner, but he wasn’t sullen, either.
If there was a bad moment, it had come when she had asked Nolan about his sister. She’d known it was a hot button. She could have begun satisfying her curiosity and been more tactful if she’d asked instead about Nolan’s parents, who’d also played a big role in Christian’s life.
Next time.
And, oh, she hated having no idea when that would be.
She had a free evening now and needed to buy a new lawn mower. Her old and increasingly cranky one hadn’t been worth putting on the moving truck. The plan seemed sensible and an excellent distraction. Plus, the tiny lawn at her rental was starting to look ragged after just a week of inattention. Forget the local hardware store, where if she ran into Nolan, she’d look like a stalker. No, she’d head for the Home Depot in The Dalles and eat out there, too. She’d spent eleven years alone. She knew how to function on her own.
* * *
ONCE HE HAD let himself think about the possibility, however remote, of starting something with Dana, Nolan couldn’t stop thinking about it.
There would be pitfalls aplenty.
And, face it, he didn’t really know her, not yet.
He’d already speculated about whether she’d gone to bed with a man since her marriage ended. He’d bet no, although he almost hoped he was wrong. He’d rather not think of her bearing an open wound for all those years, refusing to allow herself even the simple pleasure of good sex. But he knew better, having seen surprise in her extraordinary eyes only because she’d felt a flash of awareness of him as a man.
Yeah, he knew she was as attracted to him as he was to her. That was part of why he couldn’t stop thinking about how it would be, taking her to bed.
One of the pitfalls was her thinking he was coming on to her as a backdoor route to keep Christian—and for good reason. There were complications, sure, so many he pictured a roll of barbed-wire fencing. But think how convenient it would be if they got married. Her bastard of an ex-husband wouldn’t have a prayer of wresting custody from them.
The satisfaction Nolan felt had flashing yellow warning lights.
So a marriage between them would be very convenient. Did that have to be a drawback?
He’d test the waters, he decided. The two of them needed to get to know each other better, no matter what. He could start with that as a goal, see where it went.
Nolan grimaced at how hard he’d worked to justify the phone call he was about to make.
Dana answered on the third ring. “Nolan.” She sounded pleasant, neither annoyed at the several-day silence nor excited to hear from him.
“I’m hoping you will have dinner with me tomorrow night.”
Her “Just you?” sounded cautious.
“One of Christian’s friends turns twelve tomorrow,” he explained. “The birthday party isn’t until this weekend, a sleepover.” Another chance to spend time with her apart from Christian. “But his big present is an Xbox One. He doesn’t know it yet, but his mother called me to ask if Christian could go home with Jason tomorrow, stay for dinner, a family celebration and the chance to set up the new system and give it a dry run. Jason is his best friend,” he added.
“This is Jason the ax wielder?”
He laughed. “Yes, but his level of maturity is pretty standard. He’s a good kid. I’m pretty sure he’ll be a lot more careful after that incident.”
“One would hope,” Dana said tartly. Her caution reasserted itself. “So...is there a reason you want to talk to me alone?”
“Nothing bad. I really just thought it would be a good idea for us to spend some time together. I, uh, shut you down when you asked about Marlee. That wasn’t fair. We probably both have questions.”
After a small pause, she said, “Thank you. Tomorrow night is fine.”
They agreed on a time. He set down his phone feeling relief and a bubbling excitement. A high school kid who’d finally worked up the courage to ask out the girl of his dreams. And she’d said yes!
Down, boy. They’d talk, that was all. Eat a good meal without a sulky preteen quashing any chance of genuine conversation.
Try for nonadversarial, he told himself ruefully. Then see where they could go from there.
* * *
ONCE SHE SAW NOLAN, wearing a polo shirt and khakis, Dana wished she’d dressed down a little. But when he said, “You look great,” his expression seemed genuinely appreciative. So all she did was thank him, lock her front door and let him escort her to his SUV.
“I thought we’d try someplace I wouldn’t take Christian,” he said once they were on the way. “It’s a wine bar and bistro. Don’t know if you’re into wine...”
“I enjoy a glass now and again, but I’m no connoisseur,” she admitted.
Nolan chuckled. “I’m not, either. Tell you the truth, I hardly ever have booze at home. Didn’t much when I was serving, either. The guys gave me a hard time. I was the One-Beer Wonder.” His smile widened. “And they never figured out why I could clear the pool table every time.”
Laughing, Dana said, “Then they deserved to lose their stakes.”
“So I told them,” he said smugly.
The Lookout Wine Bar & Bistro wasn’t waterfront, but it occupied the second story of an old brick building high enough up the hill to allow a view of city lights and the river. Brick interior walls and open beams gave the space a rustic look. At one end, flames crackled in a fireplace big enough to roast an ox. Nolan had apparently made reservations that nabbed them a table by a window. Glancing around, Dana saw attire from jeans to dressy.
After they’d ordered, for what had to be a minute they only looked at each other.
His dark hair was always ruffled, as if it had some wave, or perhaps he couldn’t keep from shoving his fingers into it. In the dim light, his eyes were the deep blue of twilight. She guessed he might have gone home and shaved for a second time, because he didn’t have the stubble she had noticed Saturday evening when they parted.
He was a big man, with those huge shoulders and powerful forearms, lightly dusted with dark hair. Big hands, too, and strong bone structure in his face. No, she still wouldn’t call him handsome, but that didn’t seem to matter. Strong was sexy.
Dana had a sudden insight: Craig was handsome. Model handsome, able to use his looks to charm people. He’d always made her heart and body quicken, until that shocking
instant when she understood that he blamed her for the abduction. And after, as soon as a few weeks later, when he grew impatient because she couldn’t respond to him in bed.
That kind of handsome would never appeal to her again.
She fixated on Nolan’s mouth, softer now than when they were in the middle of one of their standoffs. Her gaze lingered until she realized that mouth was curving.
Praying her face hadn’t betrayed her thoughts, she spoke quickly.
“Does Christian know we’re having dinner tonight?”
“Sure. He didn’t seem to mind.”
She nodded. “You said we both have questions. What are yours?”
Small lines formed between his eyebrows. “I was surprised you showed up alone, that first visit. I assume that means you weren’t dating anyone seriously, but are you not close to your family?”
Whatever she’d expected, it wasn’t that. Why would he care?
“I am close to my parents and brother.” Dana found herself hesitating. “They wanted to come. They all offered. I just...” She looked out the window over rooftops to the broad river. What had to be powerful currents weren’t apparent from this distance. At six thirty in the evening, it was still daylight, sunset an hour and a half away.
“You just...” he prodded.
“I suppose I’ve become more of a loner since...you know.” She turned back to him, to find herself the object of his complete attention. Sometimes his intensity was banked, but not now. When he nodded his understanding, she continued, “I see my family, I love them, and I know they worry about me. But I’ve gotten used to doing things alone. They’ve learned to respect that.”
He frowned. “Respect? To hell with that. If I’d been one of them, I’d have bought a second airline ticket and come along whether you liked it or not.”
Dana was unexpectedly amused. “Then I’m lucky we’re not family.”
His frown deepened...or something else caused him to feel troubled. She couldn’t decide. For a moment his fingers drummed on the table.
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