by Jules Dixon
Her silence was like having a grenade explode in my presence. Her ache reverberated through my body.
Sage glanced down at the granite samples. “Beautiful family.”
I guided her body to me. “Sage, you’ve had a long day. Maybe we should just call it a night?”
“I’m sorry, Rahl.”
“What are you sorry for?”
Her cheek pressed against my chest. “I don’t know how to say this without coming off as ungrateful and I’m not blaming you, but until I met you, the fact that I wouldn’t have children didn’t really upset me. I didn’t realize that finding the person I’d love to have a family with would be so hard.” Her words became softer and held more disappointment the longer she talked.
“Hey.” I lifted her chin. “I need you to believe that having you in my life is more important to me than having children. I promise.”
“I don’t know why I keep revisiting it. I believe you.” She shook off her feelings and strained a smile. “Let’s keep going.” Her focus came back, but every once in a while I would see her glancing to that family and every time the vision became harder and harder to watch.
Wish we’d stayed on the farm.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Sage
Rahl dropped me off at my apartment but he seemed off. Distant. Absorbed in his thoughts. He pecked my cheek but didn’t wait for me to get inside before he roared off without a final look or wave.
If I’d upset him, he should be man enough to tell me. If I’d disappointed him with my design, I wish he’d said something or given me ideas. I had thick skin when it comes to my designs. It was a necessity in this business. If I had…
I took a deep breath and stopped the rolling of thoughts. They weren’t going to help. Whatever I’d done, I would need to ask to find out.
After an anxious start to the day, Rahl had given me a wonderful evening. He settled my fears that I wasn’t enough for him. He had me believing I was the most beautiful woman in the world, at least to him. And he made love to me like he truly meant every word he said, bringing me to the point of pleasure where I wondered if I could exist without him.
I was making something out of nothing. He was probably tired and needed some downtime from his day, too.
Tomorrow I’ll talk to him.
After I changed clothes and was reading, I got a text from Tia.
T-Dog: I really need to attend a study group tomorrow night for a huge Biz Finance test on Thursday. Could you fill in for me at 2Fine?
I looked at my calendar for Sugar Plum Dreams. The day was light. I could do an evening shift.
Sage: No problem. What time?
T-Dog: 5-midnight, but I usually get to leave between 10 and 11
Sage: I’ll be there. Good luck on your test.
T-Dog: Thank you, sweetie
I got ready for bed and stared up at the ceiling wanting to call Rahl and see if he was okay, but I hoped he had taken his prescription and was sleeping. I rolled over and sang myself to sleep.
****
“Good morning, Sage,” Ollie said as I walked by.
“Good morning. What’s on your to-do list today?” I backed up and stepped into his cubicle.
“Georgia is having some issues with that one plumbing contractor. I’m taking care of the jerk for her.”
Being one of two men in the group, Oliver handled the contractors who had superiority complexes and, admittedly, we kind of abused him in that capacity. Most of the contractors weren’t mean or pigheaded to anyone, but the one or two who were didn’t last long…word got around pretty fast between design firms.
Women talk.
“Good luck with that.”
“Say, did I hear you tell Andi you needed to leave early for a shift at a second job?”
“Yeah, I waitress at Two Fine Irishmen, usually just Friday and Saturday nights but a friend needed a replacement.”
“Cool bar. I was going out with friends tonight. You mind if we stop by?”
“It’s a public bar, Ollie. Happy Hour is dollar-pint night, five dollar pitchers and seven dollar buckets. I think it’s acoustic night, too. I might get up on stage and sing a couple songs depending on how busy we are.”
“I didn’t know you were a singer.”
My nose wrinkled. “Eh … some might say I’m not. It’s a hobby with potential.”
He rolled up his sleeves and the bottom of his tat peeked out again. I thought about asking, but I didn’t want Andi to get all up in his face about her dress code.
“Two Fine it is. I’ll text my guys.” He grabbed his phone and started texting.
“See you later, then.”
“Later, Sage.”
I joined several meetings during the day for upcoming projects. Andi let me give ideas on the smallest design rendering, even though I didn’t believe for a moment she would use any of my concepts, but she acted like she might and that was a step in the right direction.
At lunch I sat in the breadbox-sized break room and texted Rahl that I was taking Tia’s shift tonight. Last night, while we watched the sunset together, he said he was swamped at work with a new contract and hiring. I tried to stay calm and positive when I didn’t hear back. There were questions I wanted answered but asking them by text wasn’t going to happen.
Mom always said, “No news is good news.” Stick with that thought.
I was gathering my things to leave and my phone buzzed with an unknown number. I went to grab for it when a head of spiked-up white hair walked into my cubicle.
“Hey, I’ve got six guys coming along to Two Fine. Think you can handle us?”
“I’m sure I’ve seen and dealt with worse.” I shoved my phone in my purse.
“I bet.” Oliver looked down at my feet. “Cute wedges. I’ve never seen you wear color on your feet. Someone must have had a good night last night.” He leaned against my cubicle and I recognized the same move from my apartment doorway, but now he didn’t look sleazy. The casual ease looked like an Oliver-move. “How are you and Rahl doing?”
“We’re good.”
Oliver saw the questioning in my eyes and he huffed. “Sage, I might have been interested before, but I’m not now. His little caveman exhibition yesterday was enough to tell me what kind of guy he is. I could see what he means to you, too. But maybe we can be friends, right?”
I sighed. “I’d really like that. I’d also like to hear from Rahl today.” My shoulders fell forward, heavy with the weight of my concern. “We left things a little off last night. He was acting weird and had something on his mind but he didn’t say what was bothering him. He’s really busy today. I kind of understand why he hasn’t texted back but the wait is hard.”
“Just FYI, Sage, most guys don’t understand their own emotions and feelings on a good day. And understanding a girl’s emotions is like deciphering Latin. It’s a dying art, and no one assumes we know how to do it.”
I leaned back against my desk. “I just want to know he’s okay.”
“And he’ll let you know when he can. Don’t expect too much too soon. Expectations can kill a relationship faster than cheating.”
Oliver’s blasé attitude about relationships was concerning but totally confirmed his player status. But on the other hand, his take on emotions and expectations sounded reasonable and insightful for a guy. Rahl had some emotional issues to work out, and I trusted him to put forth the effort to get back to himself and maybe end up a stronger person in the end.
“Thanks, Ollie, I’ll keep that in mind. I’m probably making something of nothing. See you tonight.”
“Later, Sage.”
Taking advice from a player was like washing a car in the rain—pointless but kind of fun. I smiled on the way out the door. Even if Ollie’s guidance turned useless, I appreciated that he took an interest in being my friend and supporting me when I needed someone.
****
“Sage,” Buzz grunted my name as I came in the door.
I flinched
away from him. “Hi, Buzz. Sorry. You surprised me.”
“Good luck tonight.”
Good luck?
I wondered why they would need a bouncer on a Wednesday night, but then I realized Tia neglected to inform me that Wednesday was the busiest weeknight. Happy Hour was a big draw and the food special appealed to adults and kids. The place was packed. After stowing my purse in the office, I made my way to the floor.
“Well, it’s ‘bout time,” Tanny snapped.
“I’m missing something here. What’s wrong?”
Tanny’s southern accent always made me smile, but right now the accent had a sharp quality that made me take a step back from her. “That new chick, Daisy or Maizy, whatever her name is, she sure chose a bad night to be sick.”
I could hear the air quotes around “sick” like Tanny questioned the validity of the new waitress’s illness.
No use standing around talking about this.
I surveyed the bar floor. “I’ll take sections two, three, four, and five if you can get one?”
“I can, and the bar top.”
It took a little over an hour but finally the chaos was just normal chaos, not chaos-chaos. And Tanny had a much better attitude. A grumpy bartender was never a great thing, unless it was my grumpy bartender.
Just after six o’clock, Oliver and his six friends sauntered in and took a table in my section. Hell, almost the whole place was my section without a second waitress. It was raining out so no one was out on the large patio—except for the smokers who huddled in a group under the awning, and if they wanted a drink they knew where to find one. I wasn’t in the mood to get soaking wet.
Oliver greeted me and turned to the group. “Hey guys, this is Sage. She works with me at Sugar Plum Dreams.” He held up a hand. “And I’ll just say it before one of you feels the need to. Sweet Testicle Nocturnal Emissions, as these assholes call it.”
I laughed. “Now that’s funny. Okay, what can I get you guys?” The rowdy but not disrespectful group consisted of beer drinkers with a couple of mixed drinks and one water.
“Are you going to sing?” Ollie asked.
“I’m the only waitress tonight, so unless it clears out, I doubt it.”
He nodded like he understood.
I raised my voice so the loud group could hear me. “Be right back, and if anyone wants dinner, it’s dollar taco night and they are big and tasty tacos.” Although after the one I ate ten minutes ago, my stomach was doing some pretty interesting gymnastics moves. Tasted delicious. Just wasn’t sitting well. No doubt my nerves about Rahl were affecting my stomach. I’d left my phone in my locker to avoid checking it every thirty seconds and with how busy I was, I wouldn’t have been able to anyway.
When I returned with their drinks, the table ordered thirty-five tacos. I typed the order into the computer and hoped the kitchen staff didn’t come out to slap me. That was a lot of tacos, but Rahl probably could put away half a dozen by himself. They produced the baskets of hard shells in minutes and the whole table dug in.
Being the only waitress, the crowd had me moving nonstop, which was great to keep my mind preoccupied. It was well after eleven before the bar got anywhere near what I would consider slow. I stood at the waitress station drinking a glass of tea while waiting for a pitcher of beer.
“Sage, you gonna sing ta’night?” Tanny asked, her southern drawl slipping into every other word.
“If you can cover for like ten minutes, I could.” I bit my lip, hoping I didn’t get a southern bitch-out for making the suggestion.
Her normal relaxed voice came back. “I got it covered. You go sing, sweetheart. These people—and I mean me—need to hear your gorgeous voice.”
And I need to get some emotions out.
I borrowed a guitar from one of the regulars that Tanny pointed out and went up on stage to whistles and howls from Oliver and his group. With a continuing blush at their encouragement, I began singing “True” from Ryan Cabrera because it fit my current feelings. Any questions roaming in my brain were inconsequential to being with Rahl. My joy at having him in my life was the bright light at the end of the tunnel. He’d brought me back to life.
When it ended, Oliver’s group good-humoredly goaded me into performing another song by running one-dollar bills to the stage and showering them at me.
“I’m keeping those!” I teased and the group of men laughed as they returned to their seats. I glanced to Tanny and she gave the nod so I figured I’d give her something in return.
“This is a country song I’ve been working on.” Tanny whooped and I chuckled. “I love the songwriter and artist, because he sings from his heart. I truly believe his message. Everyone should feel the weight of whatever they have on their shoulders taken off of them. Forgiveness isn’t always for the recipient. It’s mostly for the giver to release the guilt they carry. This is ‘Less Than Whole’ by Eric Paslay.”
My emotions from the last two days started to rise to the surface. By the time I finished the song, tears dampened my face. I placed the guitar to the side of the stool and ran from the stage to the bathroom while the bar patrons sat stunned. I cried in the stall for minutes. Leaving Tanny alone on the floor wasn’t fair. Shaking off the emotions that eroded my attitude, I washed my face and exited the bathroom.
I jerked to a halt.
“What’s wrong, Sage?” Oliver leaned across the hall.
“Nothing.”
“That wasn’t nothing.”
My body rocked with a whole-body sob.
“We’re not at Sugar Plum Dreams. I’d say this is okay.” He pulled me into a hug, and I collapsed against him. “Hey, I’m your friend. I won’t share whatever it is and I won’t judge. When you’re ready to talk, I’ll be here to listen.”
I nodded into his shoulder. “Thanks, Ollie. Maybe later. I have to get back to—”
“What the fuck, Aston!” Rahl’s voice echoed down the hallway.
Before I could say anything, the warm body I leaned up against was yanked away from me. Rahl’s fist connected with Oliver’s nose and blood gushed down his face. Rahl didn’t realize there were six guys ten feet away ready to come to their friend’s rescue. The clamor of chairs hitting the floor told me they were on the move.
“Rahl! Stop! Please, just stop!”
I stepped toward the two of them and Rahl’s elbow came back for a second punch and caught me in my upper chest. I dropped to my knees as the next breath scorched like fire through my lungs. One of the guys lifted me and carried me away from the altercation as I gasped through the pain. Ollie’s friends pulled him away and started yelling at Rahl but he stood his ground, threatening to take on all of them. The throbbing in my chest radiated out and through my body. I directed the redheaded man to the garbage can near the waitress station in case I couldn’t stop the taco from a return visit. He held me upright while I struggled to regain composure.
Then the big guns got involved. Buzz stepped in the middle and let go of a piercing and long whistle that got the attention of everyone in the building.
“You!” He pointed to Rahl. “Outside!” The three guys who had been in Rahl’s face all gave unneeded kudos to Buzz and he turned to them. “Shut up, or you’ll be leaving as well.”
They all moved to find out how Oliver was doing. I thanked and reassured the redheaded man standing with me that I was going to be fine, and he walked back to the group.
Rahl had proven he was no match for anyone and could recover to fight again, over and over. The fact I was feeling very little concern for him petrified me. His strength was almost too much physically and he’d used brute force on another innocent human. I stepped in front of his elbow. The pain in my chest was my own fault, but his lack of respect for human life told me it was only time until I might be on the receiving end of his rage, if he didn’t get help. And he needed to get help before we could be together. He couldn’t divide his attention. His attention needed to be solely on him, not on me. The realization tore my heart int
o tiny shreds of red that floated in and out of my vision while my eyes watered from the pain.
Rahl stalked to the door and I spun my back to him as he walked out. I didn’t want to see any remorse in his eyes. It would make what I was going to do even harder.
“Tanny, I need five to talk to Rahl.”
“You go, sweetie. Most of the bar has asked for their final checks. Good luck.”
“Thanks, Tanny.” I crossed the room to Ollie. “I’m so sorry.”
He held a bunch of napkins to his bleeding nose. “Not your fault, Sage. Are you okay?”
There was still a dull ache in my chest, but it was hard to know if it was from the elbowing or fear. “I’m fine. This kind of is my fault but I’m not going to let it be a problem anymore.”
“Sage, I’m fine. Don’t do something you’ll regret. His hothead attitude toward me shouldn’t change your feelings toward him. I probably would have done the same if I were him.”
“No, Ollie, you wouldn’t have.”
I walked away but Ollie kept trying to call me back. I ignored his pleas and stepped outside into the rain. Rahl and Buzz stood off to the right of the door under an awning.
“Buzz, unless you’re calling the police, can I have a few minutes with Rahl?”
“Sure, Sage. Unless those guys in there called, there’ll be no cops.”
“They didn’t.” I didn’t know that for sure, but I was almost positive that Ollie would’ve stopped any of them from going that far. “Thanks, Buzz. Can you check on Ollie and make sure he doesn’t need medical attention?”
“I will.” He slapped his hand on Rahl’s shoulder, shook his head, and walked away.
“Sage…” Rahl stepped toward me and reached out.
I stepped back and the rain dribbled down my cheek, like tears but colder. “No. I just came out here to tell you that we need to take a break, Rahl. I need a break from us.”
“You don’t mean that. You’re my angel. We were brought together to save—”
“Each other? It seems like I’m trying to save someone who doesn’t want to be saved. I’m getting sucked into your vortex of guilt and anger and I can’t handle it. I just started to love life again.” I stared into those eyes that melted a part of my heart. “Because of you.” My bottom lip tingled with the want to kiss him, but I fought giving in. “But you’re taking that away from me.”
