“Of course, we can talk again tomorrow. I’ll check on Susan now.”
Maria made her way to Susan’s side and completed her observations, checking the drip and making sure her patient was comfortable. Sinead supposed there was nothing more to be done for Susan now. She blinked a few times, not wanting to give in to tears, for Gabriel’s sake. She didn’t want him upset any further, he had enough worries.
Gabriel gripped Sinead’s hand firmly, pressing his knee against the side of Sinead’s thigh at the same time. His tension was palpable, radiating from his like electricity.
She hoped he’d let her share the burden of his worries.
Lying on his back in the dark, unease crept over Gabriel like spiders crawling across his skin. With Sinead lying beside him in his own bed, he’d expected to find a sense of peace. But not after visiting his Mum. The conversation with Dr Fiorini circled through his head in a never-ending loop.
Lurking at the back of his mind, like a monster under the bed, was the issue he’d pushed away for years. Now it reared its ugly head. It wouldn’t get out of his face. He needed to talk to Sinead about the realities he was facing, what she could be facing if they made plans to stay together.
No. He needed to do more than talk. He needed to make a break.
The pain slicing through his gut at the idea of breaking it off with Sinead made it hard to breathe. He sat, raising his legs and resting his head in his hands. And he watched her. Memorised every curve, every detail.
Sinead was wearing his clothes, a loose white cotton shirt he usually threw on when he hit the beach or the gym. She’d never looked sexier, stretched out on his crisp white sheets, her long white-washed hair trailing over one shoulder.
In the dark she was all monochromes and curves in shades of white and grey, like an old Hollywood screen siren. But she was real, flesh and blood. So passionate.
The passion they’d shared still burned through his body. Sinead had taken him to a place where nothing else mattered but blinding pleasure, sharp and bright, like stars shining clear and true in the night sky outside his bedroom window.
He had no doubt she was his perfect match. But was it fair to let her tie herself to him, knowing the pain in store if she stuck with him long term? He already knew the answer.
He trailed his fingertips up Sinead’s arm, then wrapped his arm around her, pulling her close into his body. He didn’t want to let her go. He had some tough decisions to make, and soon. Meeting a woman like Sinead at all, but especially at this stage of his life, was something he’d never considered. It was terrible timing.
Giving up on sleep as a bad joke, he rose and got ready for a walk. It was almost dawn. He’d be alone and have some time to think across the road on the beach. Sometimes the fresh air helped give him clarity. He could only hope for a bucket load of clarity before breakfast, when he’d talk to Sinead again.
Where am I?
Sinead jolted awake, breaths short and shallow, disorientation making her head spin. The feeling often followed her on trips around the world. Where had she slept? Not a hotel … white walls, plain metal beside table. Gabriel’s apartment. Her brain slowly caught up with her body, on high alert after her terrifying dream.
Padraig had been chasing her through a dark alley, her heart pounding a deafening beat in her ears, the whole scene awash with red, like a scene from a horror movie. A large, rough hand caught her and tugged her down to the ground, and she woke.
“Gabriel?” Her voice was shaky. She rolled over and patted the space beside her. He wasn’t in bed.
She found her phone on the steel cube bedside table, checking the time in the half-light. Five o’clock in the morning. The sun was barely making its presence known, offering a scant sliver of lemon yellow light through the crack in Gabriel’s bedroom blinds. She noticed a text message waiting.
Couldn’t sleep. Gone for walk on beach. Back in time for breakfast. G.
Sinead had two choices – wait for him to come back as he expected, or go and find him. It wasn’t much of a decision. She’d never been particularly good at hanging around and waiting for things to happen.
She was worried about Gabriel. There was something about the way he clung to her last night which left her uneasy. Talking to his mother’s doctor had upset him. That might have been all. But the niggling feeling it was something more wouldn’t leave her alone.
Hurriedly throwing on her summer dress and Gabriel’s hooded sweatshirt, Sinead pocketed her phone and headed out of his apartment. Within a couple of minutes she was across Beach Road and walking along the damp sand by the water’s edge, still unmarred by footprints. She grabbed her flip-flops in one hand and let the refreshing water wash over her feet.
It was a gorgeous morning, with the promise of heat to come later in the day. The water was flat and a slate blue-grey, with only a hint of white foam when the miniature waves broke near the shore. She walked for a few minutes, enjoying the quiet and calm.
The famous Brighton bathing boxes came into view, framing the beach on the road side. The long row of multi-coloured, hand-painted wooden shacks were a tourist attraction and a magnet for amateur photographers. But at this time of day, she spotted only one figure sitting limp and folded over on the steps of one of the tiny houses, painted with a garish dolphin and starfish design.
Gabriel’s head rested on his hands, and his shoulders shook in a rough rhythm. His pain squeezed like a tightly bound ribbon around Sinead’s heart. She crossed the sand and approached, breathing deeply, preparing herself for the sight of his face.
He raised his head and his face was red and blotchy, damp with tears. She wanted to launch herself into his lap and hug him tight. But she moved quietly and sat close beside him on the wooden step. Taking one of his hands in hers, she wrapped the other behind his back. His body shuddered.
She rubbed her hand up and down his spine. “It’s all right, you can tell me. What’s wrong?”
He’d probably deny anything was wrong, though his heart was clearly breaking.
He shook his head. “It’s everything. My Mum, my job, you and me. All at once. I feel like I’ve been on a treadmill for the last fifteen years, running non-stop. Now someone’s asked me to get off. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. Everything’s changing. I love Mum but I can’t give her the quiet end to her life at home like she wanted. I can’t do my job like I should. Being CEO was getting to be too much and now the company might be torn apart in a takeover.” He paused, glancing at her. “Then there’s you. I can’t give you what you deserve, Sinead.”
Her hand stilled in position between his shoulder blades. “What do you mean? What I deserve, what I want, it’s you.”
He shook his head again, turning his troubled eyes towards her. “You don’t know what you mean. You saw my Mum yesterday. The disease, what it’s done to her. It’s an awful thing to watch someone you love degenerate. It runs in families, Sinead.” His voice dropped to a gravelly whisper and his eyes fixed on her. “It’s early-onset Alzheimer’s. Mum was diagnosed at forty-two. In a few years, that could be me. Not being able to speak or eat. But first, I could slowly lose my mind. Forget who I am, forget how to work and look after myself. Forget who you are. I don’t want anyone to look after me like a child. Especially you. You deserve a real life, without me.”
Sinead’s throat closed up. She couldn’t swallow or get enough air. Gabriel could get sick like his mother? And soon. No wonder he was so worried. It was terrifying – nobody wanted to face such a terrible disease. But did he really think she’d abandon him? Go back to London like they’d never met, as if they meant nothing to each other? Apparently so. And here she was, thinking ahead to being together for better or worse, in sickness and health.
“I had no idea this was on your mind. Of course you’re scared you might get sick like your Mum, it’s only natural. But you’re getting ahead of yourself. You don’t even know if you have this disease. You need to talk to a doctor, find out if that’s what yo
u’re facing. But no matter what, I’m yours, Gabriel.” She breathed deep, but said the words. She had to get them out. “I love you and I want to be by your side.”
He scooted away from her, leaning his arms on his knees, trembling. “Don’t say that. You can’t love me, we only just met. I’m the wrong choice for you, Irish. I want you to go back to London and find someone else. A good man who can make you happy, give you children, have a full life. Forget about me.”
She hopped off the step and stood on shifting sand, facing him. Her face heated, her annoyance rising up, unable to be contained. “Don’t tell me what I feel. You’re the only man I’ve known who’s touched me body and soul. You protected me when Padraig came after me. You put yourself in danger to help me.” She was waving her hand in the air, but forced herself to be still. “You believe in me, make me think I can do more with my life. I do love you. I see the sweet man you really are, what you don’t show the rest of the world. You see me, and I see you. I won’t let you push me away because I know you’re the only man I could ever be happy with.”
He clenched his jaw so a muscle ticked near his ear. “You don’t have a choice. I won’t let you stick around until I ruin your life. I’m taking you back to your hotel and that’ll be it. I’ll say goodbye.”
She blinked, not understanding this closed-off man in front of her. “Take me back to my hotel, say goodbye. But know this – I’ll wait for you. I know you’re having a horrible time at the moment with your mum. I’d stay and support you, if you’d let me. I’ll be waiting when you’re ready to come back to me.”
He pinned her with those eyes, bluer-than-the-summer-sky. “Don’t wait for me. There’s no future for us. If I don’t make a break now, I don’t know if I’ll be able to do it. When the time comes.” His head dropped down, his expression hidden. “I need you to leave. Now. Before it kills me.”
Sinead’s stomach tipped and rolled like she was back on the plane in the storm, on the day they met. Only this time she might crash and burn. She stood, backed away, shaking her head.
She was trembling as she walked away from him. Back along the beach, back towards his apartment. Trudging through damp sand was hard work, it resisted and fought her every step. Her leg muscles burned with the effort.
She’d get her gear and be gone before he got back. There was no use talking to him anymore, not with the emotions threatening to choke her. Not with him stubbornly pushing her away.
She couldn’t talk to him because he didn’t even want her around.
Her mind, her heart, rebelled at the idea. He was trying to protect her again. Or was he?
What had shaken her more than anything he’d said today, was what he hadn’t said before. He had never once said he loved her.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Mermaid Airlines Flight 101, London to Paris
A familiar face leaned into the aisle as Sinead handed out multimedia headsets to the passengers. Ryan. Her airline-sanctioned smile slipped for a moment. What was Gabriel’s best friend doing on her flight?
Ryan stretched out his long legs in the first-class seat, seeming to occupy more space than his lanky frame required. He had a large presence, from his bright white teeth to his dark flashing eyes. Those eyes were trained on her, full of laughter under his shock of jet-black hair. He was an attractive man, but she had no interest in Ryan. Only one man would do in her present lovesick and depressed state.
Sadly, she wouldn’t be seeing Gabriel anytime soon. Let alone jumping his bones like she wanted to. She hadn’t heard a word from him since she’d fled Melbourne two weeks ago. She’d waited for him to show up at her hotel before she flew out, left him messages, but he hadn’t returned her calls. After two days, she’d had to admit he wasn’t changing his mind, and went home to London. Ever since, she’d eaten an extraordinary amount of chocolate, flown all her usual routes and done the best she could to summon a smile. An achy sigh rose up from somewhere near her heart.
Ryan raised a dark eyebrow. “My dear Sinead. Why the glum face?”
She crossed her arms and looked down her nose. “I’m sorry sir, do I know you?”
Her haughty question raised a laugh from Ryan, which hadn’t been her intention. She’d hoped to head off the looming conversation with him while she was working.
“If you like, you can pretend you don’t know me until we get to Paris. Then I was thinking we should have lunch together.”
She lowered her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “Is lunch really necessary? Wait, did Gabriel put you up to this?”
“Yes, it is necessary. I feel the need to share a lunch date in Paris with a beautiful flight attendant. And no, Gabriel doesn’t even know I’m talking to you. At least, not exactly.”
Gabriel must have known Ryan was going to see her though, which warmed something insider her. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Ryan scratched his jaw. “A few weeks ago, Gabe asked me to keep an eye on you. I feel I’ve been a bit behind the eight-ball with his request, so I want to make up for it. Have lunch with me. I have something to discuss with you.”
Her interest was piqued, no denying it. What could Ryan have to say to make him grin like the Cheshire cat? She wouldn’t rest until she found out what he was up to. She hoped it was some good news to do with Gabriel. Even if she knew she shouldn’t get her hopes up.
She pursed her lips, then nodded. “Okay, I’ll meet you for lunch. Send me a text when we get off the flight. Now leave me alone and let me do my job.”
Ryan saluted her. “Yes, Ma’am.”
She tottered back to the galley with her head held high, arm full of headsets entirely forgotten. She dumped them on a nearby trolley. Yuki was waiting there, bouncing up and down with excitement.
Yuki tugged Sinead’s sleeve. “Who is that gorgeous man and where do you keep finding them? Is he your new boyfriend?” Her words ran together as they tumbled out of her mouth in an excited whisper.
Frowning, Sinead smoothed down her shirt. “No, of course he’s not my boyfriend. My heart belongs to Gabriel. It’s Ryan, Gabriel’s best friend and business partner. He says he has something to discuss with me.”
“Ooohh, it could be good news. Gabriel might surprise you in Paris.”
Sinead’s heart fluttered out of sync at the idea, but it was unlikely. The way they’d left things, Gabriel wouldn’t be planning any grand romantic gestures. He was probably more down in the dumps than she was, with everything he had on his mind.
“I don’t think so, but Ryan seemed pleased with himself. I need to find out what’s on his mind.”
Paris, France
Three hours later, Sinead arrived at the bistro Chez André near the end of the famous boulevard Champs Elysées. The place was a pleasant surprise, warm and welcoming, but not too horribly touristy. The dark wood tables and chairs paired with white linen table cloths dressed the place in elegance. The professional wait-staff, dressed in old-fashioned black and white uniforms, added to the authentic French atmosphere.
Ryan leaned back against a leather-bound booth style seat, smiling from ear to ear when he spotted her. “Welcome, Sinead. Sit down, relax. Would you like a café au lait or some champagne? Gabriel told me about your penchant for foods starting with the letter ‘c’.”
Sinead stared at Ryan as she sat opposite him, trying to catch up with his scattergun approach to conversation. “The coffee sounds good. Tell me what this is about, Ryan.”
Ryan caught the eye of a passing waiter and gestured to his own coffee, ordering another.
He hit Sinead with a thousand-watt smile. “Gabriel is unhappy. Depressed, even. He won’t do anything except work, sleep and visit his mum. He won’t talk to me, except to tell me to bugger off and leave him alone. His PA, Martha, keeps calling me to complain about his never-seen-before level of grumpiness. I find all this fascinating.” Ryan said this without a hint of concern. In fact, he was almost grinning.
Sinead was truly baffled, and her heart hurt for Ga
briel. She bit her lip, biting back a few choice words too. “So he’s depressed. It shouldn’t make you happy, Ryan.”
“You don’t understand. You’ve gotten right under his skin. You’re the only woman who’s managed it. The only one he’s ever given a chance. Since he sent you away he’s been a shadow of his usual self. And guess what else Martha told me?”
She sighed, unfolding her fan-shaped napkin. “Please don’t make me guess. Tell me already.”
“All right. Have you spoken to your sister Bridie lately?”
The turns in the conversation were making her woozy, almost travel-sick. What did Bridie have to do with Gabriel’s moodiness? “I haven’t spoken to Bridie for a few days. What of it?”
“Did you know she’s planning on applying for a work visa to Australia? Martha’s been helping Gabe organise it. Apparently, he has a friend called Jay who runs an advertising agency in Melbourne. He’s looking for trainees in graphic design. Loves travellers, young people with international experience.”
This wasn’t making any sense. “Bridie’s applying for a trainee graphic design job? In Melbourne? But she isn’t a qualified designer, and she didn’t tell me anything about it.”
Ryan grinned, tapping his fingers on the table. “Didn’t Bridie study design at college before she dropped out? Doesn’t she need a job and some help getting back on her feet? Martha says it’s happening as we speak. Gabriel’s arranging all of this to help Bridie. Now why do you think he would do such a selfless thing?”
Sinead sat back in her seat and gaped at Ryan. Her mouth was hanging open but she couldn’t seem to control it. Gabriel knew how she worried about Bridie. He might have decided to help simply because he’s a kind man, or he could be trying to make Sinead happy. The possibility took hold in her mind. Maybe he wanted to show Sinead he loved her.
She didn’t know what to say. Her heart was palpitating too hard.
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