Aras smiles a smile that would normally light up the room, his dimple flashing in its rarest form. The sight of it alone almost makes me want to give into the ridiculous demands of these strangers, but the malicious face of Cil hiding in the bar’s shadows quickly drenches that building spark. My eyes dart away, but not before I feel the burn of her stare.
“Well, boys,” he says, tilting his chin and eyeing me over with a rueful glance. “She’s always been a little stingy with those kisses.”
The room erupts in laughter, but it’s not their unladylike remarks that make my heart pound though my chest. It’s the look that Aras gives me. Not the look of a well-played joke. No, this is the look of a dare.
I square my shoulders, my eyes taking in his cheeky smile, betting with all that I have that he has no idea what’s coming next. Slowly, but with clear purpose, I rise to the tips of my toes, my fingers finally entwining in those dark, rebellious waves. Aras, the poor soul, checks his breath until he is nothing but a statue, entranced in my midst. Leaning to the side, I plant a solid, but delicate kiss on his cheek, breathing in the feel of his olive skin against my own. Aras’ shoulders respond with a drop and his face shifts, bringing me dangerously close to his sinfully perfect lips. His soft breaths brush against my own, and for a moment, I seriously consider derailing my plan and pursuing a disastrously different one altogether.
But then my eyes blink, and the trance clears, springing sweet, rational thoughts with it. I lean in even closer, hating myself for what I’m about to do, and quickly bring a soft finger to his lips. The touch seems to awaken his obviously muddled brain because he jumps back, eyes wide with shock.
“But what would be the fun in that,” I croon, backing away while still holding my finger upon his parting lips, “if we didn’t save some for later?”
The room fills with a raucous roar, and I quickly drop my hand to his shoulder, which is now taut with the tension of a bow pulled back and ready to spring. My eyes dart to the unassuming floor, a remorseful smile on my face, but not before I catch the calling look of Aras’ gaze.
He’s literally swept away and oh so utterly confused.
A pain of guilt rises in my chest, but I push it away, choosing to chew on my bottom lip and nod a parting to the suffocating room. Grabbing Aras’ hand, I turn to pull him from this trap, not once stopping to meet his questioning eyes. I don’t have the heart to tell him what I need to. That I’ve just acted like a blustering fool, and I’ve taken advantage of a friend who won’t be able to remember a thing by morning light. As my boots pound against the creaky, wooden floor, leading us away and up the welcoming steps to my room, I squeeze my eyes shut, willing the threatening tears not to fall. Because there’s a rotten truth to why I just acted like such a tease, and perhaps even my own ears aren’t brave enough to hear it.
I didn’t stop the kiss because I was afraid. I stopped it because I wanted him to remember.
Thirty-Four
I take it as a sign that the stars are aligned in my favor when the door to my room finally comes into view, jumping out of the lined hallway with open arms, as if all of our troubles can be safely shut away behind her ancient locks. Bringing Aras to a stop, I reach into my pocket, fighting to pull the key free from its grips. Frustrated and more than a little out of my wits, I yank the key from the tight pocket, only to have it slip out of my hands and onto the awaiting floor. Bending down, I reach for the key, startled to find my hand covered with Aras’ warm palm. My head shoots up, and just like that, we’re uncomfortably crouched face to face. I move to stand and take the key with me, but he latches onto my fingers, pulling me into his heated gaze.
“Brave,” he whispers, and I freeze, shocked to the core at the sound of my real name escaping his lips. He fidgets for a moment, swallowing thickly before a soft smile plays on his lips. “Does this mean we’re in love?”
Immediately, I’m to my feet, startling Aras as he falls back on his rump. “Madly,” I snap, unlocking the door and throwing it open so that it bangs loudly against the wall. “Now get in there before we both end up killed!”
Aras has the decency to look abashed as he pulls himself up and casually strolls through the door. As soon as I’m sure he’s in far enough that it won’t hit him, I slam the door shut, locking it as if our very lives are hinged on its being. Ignoring his questioning look, I spring across the room, grabbing the single wooden chair and shoving it tightly up against the handle.
Checking the lock with a few good pulls, I finally relax as I turn to survey the heated space between us. A heavy sigh heaves from my chest. I don’t want to ask. Honestly, I want to climb back into that empty bathtub and pretend I’m covered with warm waters until Aras passes out on the floor. Yes, I don’t want to ask, but I know I must.
“What in Ashen’s name happened down there, Aras?”
Aras arches his perfect brows before folding his arms across his chest. The soft light from the single lantern left lit in the room causes enticing shadows to dance across his face, and just like that, the stars have aligned against me. “I think I should be asking you the same question, missy.”
I groan loud enough for a man and heave away from the door, my boots making worn tracks in the floor before him. “You know exactly what I mean, Aras. Something happened to you down there. I don’t know if it was Cil or another one of your girls who wants me dead, but somebody slipped you something. And from the looks of it, it was something pretty big!”
Aras’ brows furrow, and he takes on the exact same look he’s used every time he’s about to start a fight. “What are you talking about, Bravest? I didn’t drink anything. If I recall, you ran me out of there and seduced me before I had the chance.”
“Oh?” I huff, throwing my hands up for good measure. “Is that what you’re calling it? Seduced, huh? Well, I think you had me set up for a pretty precarious situation before my feet even hit the floor. So I’m sorry if I seemed to go along with the plan a little too well.”
Aras scoffs, grabbing my shoulders and stalling my march across the floor. “Plan? What plan? I just wanted to get you something nice to eat.”
“Are you kidding me? You told them we were married!”
Aras smirks, shrugging his shoulders. “Oh, well. I had to tell them something, and you already knew about the whole Cil situation. I figured I at least needed to tell the same story that I gave her.”
“Which was what exactly?” I spout off in a nervous flurry, my words so high pitched that they’ve become a whole other breed of their own.
His head tilts to the side, and he lets out a heavy breath. “That we’re together. We met in Orien, and you’ve become my travel partner, of sorts.”
“Of sorts,” I scoff.
“What does it all matter anyway, Bravest? We’ll be leaving here in a few hours, and it’s not as if you’ll ever see any of these people again.”
My thoughts flash to Rachel, and I feel a pang of sadness welling in my heart. Though I have no desire to stay here, I ache for those who do. For those who have no choice. Aras must mistake my melancholy for fear because he eases up to my side, placing a warm hand on my heated cheek.
“There’s nothing to be afraid of,” he whispers, his thumb a sweeping arch across my face. His eyes soften, and when he finds my gaze, I know it holds just as many unspoken words as my own. “Nothing.”
Nothing.
Such a simple word, though despite its meaning, it holds so much more.
Heat climbs its way up my closed throat, and my heart almost breaks when I see the light flash of red that tinges the tops of his olive cheeks. For one weak moment, I allow myself to revel in his magic, the one he produces without even having a hint of its existence. The kind that pushes yet pulls all at the same time. The kind that makes me want to turn my lips and press them against the very fingers that now hold me so dear.
Skies above, I want him. This awful, no-good, brute of a guide… and I want him.
Desperately.
An
d that’s why today, of all days, I’ll let him go, because there could be nothing worse than to wake up in the morning with a memory that is only my own. If anything is going to change between us, Ashen knows I want Aras to remember it.
Aras’ chin tucks down, his chest rising and falling with a heavy breath. He moves forward, and I reach out to stop him with my soft hands upon his cheeks. His eyes crinkle with confusion as a sad smile dances across my lips.
“You’re right. There’s nothing to be afraid of, and I know that by your side, I’ll always be safe.” I dip my head then, curling into his broad shoulders and resting below his chin. “We should get some rest,” I whisper.
Silence devours my words, and I fear I’ve really hurt him. That somewhere in this altered state, there is an Aras who knows what he does and what he speaks. But then his strong arms reach up to encompass my back, pulling me in tight and crushing me against his chest, and I decide that maybe it doesn’t matter.
Maybe I’m already forgiven.
We stand there, breathing together as I take in everything of this Aras who knows not what he does, until all too soon, he breaks away, leaving me stiff and broken by the door. His warm eyes roam my face before he shakes his head, raking his hand through his now-curling hair.
He throws his chin toward the bed, planted neatly in the corner. “Let’s get some rest. I’ll make a pallet on the floor.”
His words don’t have to reach me twice as I bolt across the room, hastily slipping off my boots at the same time. All but diving for the covers, I stop mid-flop, an all-too-uncomfortable sight catching the corner of my eye.
“What are you doing?” I say in a new, shrill voice that I wish was not my own.
Aras’ tug stops midway, leaving the bottom half of his tanned belly exposed for my shocked eyes to see. If I had any thought that his altered state had left the scene, I’m fully reprimanded by the wide grin that flashes across his face. “We’re married, Bravest. I think you can handle it.”
He tugs off the rest of his tunic with a wild laugh, turning his back as he tosses it in the corner to rest with my pack. Nestled high on his shoulder, that same perfect circle of black catches my eye once again. The very one I noticed the last time I was blessed with this confusing disaster. My stomach flops, and I turn on my side, facing toward the wall before he can catch me staring again.
Blasted marking.
“Suit yourself,” I growl like the pathetic, delusional fool that I am. “You won’t be getting any extra covers from me.”
In response, Aras lets out an amused huff as he steals a heavy blanket from my bed and blows out the one remaining light in the room before settling onto his makeshift pallet on the floor. Though my nerves sting as if I’ve just been doused with cold water, I finally slow the erratic beating of my heart with soft, deep breaths.
And by pretending that the last several hours of my life didn’t happen. That helps too.
I’m almost asleep, blissfully traveling to a place where even the worst of memories fade, when his voice stills my pulse. “Bravest,” he whispers, judging to see if I’m still awake. “I have a confession to make, and if I don’t say it now, I won’t be able to live with myself.”
My ears burn at his words, and I bolt up in my covers, hoping he can’t see me in the darkened room. I learned from Darcy’s books that confessions of any sort are the hallmark of a good quality drama, but drunken, nighttime confessions? Well, those are the very worst. Those are the kind that you should walk away from immediately because nothing, and I mean nothing, good can ever come from them. Misery. Pain. The occasional mischief. That’s what a confession is, and if I were a good friend, I’d just lie back down on my pillow and pretend that the world’s not about to end. At least that’s what those horrible characters in her books should have done.
“I’m listening,” I squeak.
Humph. Apparently, I have more in common with Darcy’s characters than I thought. Perhaps I should bury my head in the covers now before it’s too late.
Aras sits up on his blanket, rummaging around the nightstand until the lantern alights from the swift strike of a match. His face comes into view under the soft flame as his eyes search for my own in the low-lit room. Slowly, I bend down on my elbows, my face hanging off the side of the rickety bed as I brace myself for what must be the worst. He takes a deep breath, and the lantern’s flame flickers with my heart.
“When I said I forgot how gorgeous you were when you were clean, I didn’t mean it.” My eyes squint in the low light, and I pull back, embarrassed that I actually encouraged this madness to continue. Aras catches my hand, a low moan leaving his lips. “No, I mean—I did. But what I really meant to say is that whether you’re caked in mud up to your knees, dressed like a filthy man, or your hair is stacked with an endless supply of leaves, you’re gorgeous. Absolutely.”
My lungs deflate, and for several long seconds, I’m without air, but I’m floating on it all the same. “Aras—”
“No exceptions,” he says, pressing a finger to my lips. “It’s just your way. Now,” he breathes, falling away and leaving me stunned in my perch. “I feel loads better. Let’s rest and get ready for tomorrow, shall we? We have a long day ahead of us.”
He blows out the lantern with a swift puff, and I’m left propped up on my elbows with the most perplexed and pleased expression on my weary face. Falling back onto the pillows, I look up at the dark ceiling, as if the stars really were hanging there above. Of all the times for me not to be able to hear their whispers of encouragement, it would be this very night.
The night I lose my mind only to find my heart.
“Is there anything else you’d like to get off your chest? A nasty little habit you’d like to admit to, like the maiming of small animals in your spare time, perhaps?” My words come out in a calm, even tenor, though my body trembles with the excitement of something new. Something undiscovered.
“Well,” he drawls, causing my heart to clench and wither at the same time. “There is one more thing.”
The silence pulls and stretches between us, begging me to put an end to it, but I don’t have the courage or the strength. “I never met anyone in the woods that day when I left you with Reeve. Well, not with who you thought, and not for magic at least.”
His words hang in the air, much being left unsaid, but not misunderstood. I suck in a deep breath, confusion and hurt filling the darkest corners of my mind. Reeve was right. There is someone else. Someone else important.
Someone important enough to lie for.
Aras starts to speak, but I cut him off, the words falling off my tongue in a tangled mess. “Stop. You don’t owe me an explanation. You said you’d get me to Orien safely, and that’s all I expect you to do. If you needed to meet someone, or send a message, then that’s none of my business. Absolutely none.”
Aras’ bed cover starts to slide across the floor, but my hand shoots out, stopping his shoulder as he struggles to rise. “I mean it, Aras. You don’t owe me a thing. If anything, you owe my parents. So as far as I’m concerned, consider yourself off the hook.”
“Bravest—”
“Let’s just rest,” I whisper, squeezing his shoulder and falling back to my side. “Please.”
Even in the dark, I feel his warm eyes searching my face, looking for the truth hidden beneath my unshed tears. Closing my eyes, I turn my back, shutting myself off to both him and this horrible night. Before I sleep, there is just one more thing that I must understand.
“Aras, what’s the marking on your back?”
Instead of an answer, my whispered words are met with an uneasy quiet. One that screams I’ve asked too much, but offers no solace in return. A quiet that digs trenches through friendships that might not ever be crossed again. It seems I’ve stumbled upon another of his secrets, and this time, I’m not sure if I know how to get back up.
When he finally answers, I almost wish that he hadn’t.
“It’s a promise,” he says, the words fill
ed with a sadness that I can’t quite place, nor do I dare to start.
For once, I think I’ve had enough.
“Sleep well, Aras.” I sigh bitterly, bidding farewell to more than just this one night.
“Goodnight, my Bravest,” he whispers as the first of my tears begin their silent fall down my reddened cheeks.
ↄ
I once had a dream that was so vivid, I swore to myself that it actually happened when I finally woke up. It was heartbreaking, really. I had lost my precious dagger, the very one that Papa had just made me not more than a few days before. I searched everywhere for it—the whole house turning into a massive castle with too many rooms to count. When I finally awoke, I truly believed the sweat that clung to my neck and back was from running down those endless corridors as I searched for the one item that could never be found. And when my hand plopped over on my nightstand to grab what I had imagined was missing, I found it just as empty as my dream.
Darcy truly had hidden my dagger that night, and it took me ages to forgive her for it, too.
I used to joke with Sara that it was a premonition. That my dreams were warning me of the future and begging me to wake up.
I wish they could have warned me of this.
“Such a fool,” the voice mutters in the dark. “You’d think after all this time, he’d be less trusting. Although I imagine he will be once he wakes up.”
“It’s no matter,” cuts another voice, dangerously close to where I lie still beneath the covers. “We’ll be long gone by the time he comes around.”
There’s a tight laugh and then silence.
The wooden floor creaks, and my heart pounds, the whooshing beat drowning my ears. In automated response, my fingers slowly reach down my leg, searching in vain for the missing boot that holds my only hope.
“Not this time, Princess.”
Suddenly, there’s a lunge of weight, and my lungs burn with the loss of air as my ribs scream with pain. A heavy cloth flies to my face, and I choke back tears as rough fingers force the material into my mouth. I fight to flail my arms, but two heavy knees pin them painfully to my side, causing true panic to well within my chest. My head thrashes about on the bed beneath me, and I kick my feet, but it’s no use.
Look to the Stars (The Orien Trilogy Book 1) Page 25
