He had wanted to. And been hit with the truth in a horrific fashion. “I watched you leave through the curtain in my bedroom window.”
She’d stormed off, steps stomping in a way that spoke of heavy emotions. Angry. Because he’d had his advisor send her home. Seeing Rena hurt was his one weakness. Not a lot got to him before and after he’d assumed the mantle of leadership, but the one constant was the sight of Rena’s being in pain.
“I went to see you at your home later that night. You were asleep.” Curled in a ball which was unlike her. Rena was a bed thief, sprawling about with arms and legs taking up every bit of space.
Faris had pressed his hand on the glass of her bedroom window, heart full with feelings and emotions he’d never be able to put into words. As he stood there debating how to face Rena and make things work the pane fogged over and froze, ice forming like daggers from the frame above catching a small bug unaware. Blue-green wings and legs flapped until it stilled, life snuffed in an instant.
Substituting Rena for the bug left him gagging. That moment shifted the balance for Faris and after one last look, he’d walked away and tucked his love for Rena to the farthest corner of his mind.
Forcing himself to meet her demanding gaze, Faris said, “And now you know.”
Awareness gleamed in her eyes. “Now I know.”
***
Rena swallowed back the scream building. She couldn’t say how she would have reacted if Faris had told her of his struggles. No matter how he explained it, she’d been the one left heartbroken with no idea why.
Smoothing down the edges of his vest, she considered how they could move forward. “What about now? What’s kept you away for years?”
After he’d gained control, after he learned to handle the mantle why hadn’t he declared himself to her? Returned to her?
Faris placed his hands over hers and squeezed. “I didn’t think I deserved to have you back. The way I pushed you away and ended things was harsh. I hoped you’d find someone who would love you the way you should be loved.”
Her lips turned down. “Did you now?”
Faris snorted. “No. But that wasn’t up to me. I refused to stand in your way of finding another.”
“And the memory wipe? You took away any option for me to talk about what happened when you erased us as if we were nothing.” That bothered her. Always had.
“I don’t have an answer. I was trying to make it easier.”
“For you,” Rena snapped.
Faris bowed his head. When he lifted it, he nodded. “Yes. It was easier for me to not face what could have been. The questions of why we weren’t together.”
Rena blew out a breath and pulled her hands away from him with a slight tug. “I’m not going to lie, I’m upset learning this. No, I’m angry!”
Very angry at all of this. His honesty should have given her closure. Instead, she had more questions and a storm brewed in her gut. Should she be happy he’d allowed her to seek someone else to love? A blush warmed her cheeks when she thought of the males she’d taken to bed in a desperate attempt to forget Faris and move on.
“I understand your anger,” he murmured, standing tall and accepting whatever decision she decreed.
How noble. Rena curled her fingers tight and spun away. She chuckled bitterly as the emotions flailing inside took a dark twist. “What do you know of my anger? Everything, every decision was yours! I had no part, no way to plead my side. You wanted us over and we were. You went on with your merry life while I suffered.”
“Suffered!” He roared loud enough to cause Rena to jerk back around to face him. His gaze blazed with hot fury. “I fucking suffered, Rena! You know nothing of my pain.”
The protest bubbled on the tip of her tongue, but he held up one finger forestalling her. “Tarin, your age, light hearted. And the first you took to your bed after we ended.” Rena flinched. Face dark and lips twisted in a sneer, Faris continued. “The mantle allowed me no privacy. I hadn’t mastered it yet.”
Knowing where this was going, Rena shook her head in denial, pressing a balled fist to her middle.
“I endured each touch, each sensation.” Faris drove both hands through his hair and snarled, “I felt the exact moment he claimed what had only been mine.”
“Oh, Goddess,” Rena choked out, unable to imagine what that must have been like.
“The cleared path in the southern sector of land where everyone says a bad storm took out the section of thousand-year-old trees for twenty miles? Me, Rena. It was the only way I could direct my rage without killing him.”
If she had known. “Faris, I never meant—”
He added a second finger to the first. “Slovino. I thought he’d offer to be your lira. You were with him the longest. Three fucking months!” Faris dropped his hands to his sides and smiled, yet no humor glinted in the gesture. “I flew to the highest peak of Mt. Pinu the night you accepted him as a lover.”
The top half of Mt. Pinu had been sheared off in an unexplained weather phenom. Or at least that’s what everyone believed. Rena fought beyond the misery building inside and kept her mouth pressed tight as Faris named each of the males she’d satisfied her sexual cravings with, males she’d hoped would replace Faris in her heart. None had. His pain was a deep, stabbing wound to her mid-section each time he uttered the names.
“You told me not to wait for you. To find another.” She’d tried because he’d pushed her away over and over.
“Five years.” Rena’s heart stuttered, but Faris continued. “It took you five years to follow through on my words. Six males. Six males in total who took my place and had what belonged to me.
“Until I learned to separate that aspect of the mantle, I endured your climaxes and pleasure with other males and fought the urge to kill them every time their paths crossed mine.” Faris closed the gap between them and lifted her jaw with a delicate touch at odds with the low rumble of his next words. “Don’t ever say I haven’t suffered.”
Many would have taken the statement as a threat. Rena wasn’t frightened. She wasn’t sure how to describe the myriad of feelings prickling at her emotions but fear wasn’t one of them. Her voice trembled for a whole different set of reasons as she asked, “What about all of your lovers who replaced me, Faris? I don’t hold them against you.”
Lie. Rena lied. She studied all the females of the Silver in hopes of discovering who Faris took to his bed. She hadn’t been able to identify a single one which set the flames of her jealousy even higher.
“There was no one, Rena. You were and have been the only one I ever wanted to be with.”
Like an animal caught in the crosshairs, Rena went still. She stared into the pools of gold watching her and searched for the truth. It was right there for her to read. Unlike the other times she probed the distance he’d created, Faris remained open to her.
It was…unimaginable. Guilt tugged, but she crushed the kernel. She had nothing to be guilty about. Rena focused on the truths she was only now seeing. “You still love me.”
There was an edge of wonder to her tone, making the claim part question. Faris rubbed his thumb over her chin and whispered, “I never stopped.”
Rena threw back her head and screamed. Rage, regret and a host of other things ripped into the night. She screamed over and over, beating his chest with her fists. Faris cradled her close, their proximity limiting the effect of her blows. It didn’t stop her venting her fury until her throat was raw.
Faris pressed her face to his shoulder with one hand at the back of her head, the other palmed the center of her spine and kept her tight against his frame.
The torrent of tears held years worth of pain. Gradually the soothing voice he used tore through her hurt. “My amans, my sweet, sweet one. It’s over. It’s over now.”
It wasn’t over. Nothing made sense anymore. If only she’d known. She’d let anger rule her thoughts. She should have tried harder. Maybe she could have reasoned more with him back then.
“
I wouldn’t have listened.”
When Faris answered, Rena realized she was babbling her thoughts aloud. Sniffing, she pushed back from him, but Faris didn’t release her. “Let me hold you, Rena. Give me this right now before I have to share the rest.”
Every bone in Rena froze in place. There was more? How much more was she expected to take? Rena cleared her throat and struggled until she gained partial freedom. Faris looped his arms about her hips and it was clear he had no intentions of letting her move further.
“Just get it out. I want this behind us, Faris. Then we figure out the rest.”
The corner of his mouth twitched and he teased a stray piece of hair by her ear. “Ever eager and ready for anything.” He blew out a breath. “I wish to sit for this part.”
And so it was they resumed their original positioning, Faris seated at the bottom of his bed and Rena in spite of her complaint, placed on his lap where he tucked her head beneath his chin and recounted how madness was attacking the sects.
“If it’s already gone through the Black and Green, that means the Silver and Purple are next.” It only made sense to her. How or when was the question. “We have to prepare. We should—”
“It has already come to the Silver, Rena.”
Her stomach performed a funny flip. She straightened, bumping her head on his jaw in order to lean backward to see his face clearly. “How? Who?”
The answer was in the sad tilt to his lips. Denial rose fast and furious. The Goddess of Fate couldn’t be this cruel.
“The madness is in me, Rena. I’m the danger.”
Chapter 9
What he’d disclosed was a lot to take in. Nerves strung taut, Faris waited for Rena to respond. She curled deeper into his lap and draped her arms over his shoulders. “We’ll get through this too, Faris.”
And that quickly the spiral of growing tension eased. He appreciated her use of we but didn’t want her to get involved. “Rylin and the others promise to take care of the sect.”
“Why?” Her voice dropped, a sharp bite to the question.
“In case, I’m unable to…” Faris broke off, unsure how to phrase what could happen if he lost control.
“Are you saying they plan to…kill you?” Rena pushed off his lap, but he hooked an arm about her waist keeping her poised between his parted legs.
“If I lose control, the entire sect is in danger, Rena.” Including her and Faris refused to risk Rena.
“I don’t want to lose you again.” Rena clutched a portion of his hair in her hand and yanked. “I won’t lose you again, Faris.”
Fierce and protective. Rena’s belief impressed itself upon him and hope rose in Faris chest for the first time in a long while. “We are working to figure out the cause. Rylin especially has been hard pressed to find the answer.”
“Then we’ll find the answer. I’ll stand by you this time no matter how hard you try to push me away.”
His lips curved up. “Good, because I don’t think I could do it again.”
Faris wanted to savor whatever time he had left with Rena, not watching her from afar. She edged closer and straddled his lap, her slight weight a comfort. “Does this mean we’re back together?”
The strong façade she liked to project wavered slightly and Faris gripped her waist, pulling her in tight until their chest bumped together. “I wouldn’t have any other with me through this.”
It was the truth. Sharing everything left Faris lighter, freer than he’d been in years. None of it, however, topped the joy filling his heart at being able to hold Rena again.
Soft hands stroked through his hair. “You’ve kept it long all this time.”
“Yes.” A simple answer, but the reason had been far from simple. Rena had adored the length and each time he vowed to cut it, he was stopped by the memory of her toying with the strands before creating a thick braid for him.
“So many things we’ve missed. I used to dream about soaring above the skies at night with you in your Dracol form.”
It was an odd segue. “Did you?”
Rena nodded, leaning forward to nip his chin. “I wanted to travel and see our world as you did. I thought it wasn’t a big deal because we’d have time. The rest of our lives.”
Faris would have loved sharing his view from the skies together. It should have been exactly as she’d imagined. Of course, there had been a lot of things they’d never gotten around to doing. Life had taken a decidedly sharp turn for them. Becoming King wasn’t anything Faris ever contemplated nor was it something he’d wished for.
They couldn’t change what was though. The mantle did the choosing and the Goddess of Fate never made mistakes. Which meant he and the other kings needed to find out how to correct whatever they’d done to displease her.
Rena teased her finger along his forearm. “What’s it like? The flying.”
He never thought about it. Faris closed his eyes and fell back on the bed. Rena squeaked then adjusted and settled with her legs on the outside of his thighs, head resting on his chest. His inner Dracol snuffled in pleasure at having the one who should be his lira near.
“It’s amazing. Freeing.” Why hadn’t he ever taken her out with him?
Flying was an intimate experience, one often shared by lovers. Allowing a female to ride a male Dracol in shifted form also indicated the highest level of trust because the scales at the neck thinned out and made for an easy kill.
Rena’s fingers played with the edges of his vest, her touch glancing off the bare skin exposed at the base of his throat. Faris’ cock throbbed and twitched in renewed vigor.
“Do you make time to go out for fun?”
Fun—such an odd concept. Faris didn’t do much for fun anymore. His life revolved around taking care of his people and recently dealing with the madness. He stiffened and checked the mantle. Everything remained calm. Nothing out of the ordinary. He skimmed over the minds connected to him, checked emotions and inhaled sharply.
No dark voices either. Faris sat up abruptly, catching Rena at the waist to prevent her from tumbling.
“What is it, Faris?” Her gaze trained on him, body alert for danger.
Silence. This was the longest he’d gone without hearing the violent taunts. Ignoring her question, he countered with, “Why did you ask about flying?”
Her shoulders rose up and down in a far from casual shrug. “It seemed like something lovers would do if they wanted to be close after a long separation.”
“You want me to take you flying?” A hint of amusement stole into his voice.
Before she could answer, Faris wrapped his arms tight around her waist and pulled her in close to bury his face in her hair. Her scent filled him along with a silence he hadn’t encountered in months. Perhaps sharing the truth with Rena had halted the madness. If so, it was no hardship to keep her around.
“Maybe. You don’t have to though. I know it’s a big step.”
He stood and kept his hands on Rena until she stood on her own. It cost him to allow distance between them. “Let’s go.”
Her grin stretched across her face. “Really? Right now?”
“Yes.” Her joy was contagious and Faris smiled in return.
“First,” he eyed her feet and went to a chest to retrieve a thick pair of socks, “try these.”
After she had on three pair, he handed her a pair of his boots which gaped at the calf area but fit well enough to go out. He tugged at her torn shirt then reached for a discarded shirt from his floor.
Rena didn’t care that it flopped over her arms. Faris took care to roll the sleeves back into tight cuffs then rubbed his thumb over her collarbone exposed by the too big neckline. “Perfect.”
***
Sitting astride Faris in his Dracol form was everything Rena had expected and more. They’d stopped at her place for her own clothes and boots. Faris grinned at her reluctance to release his shirt but Rena tucked it in her dresser anyway. Afterwards, he took her straight up to the skies from her front door, in f
ull view of their sect. There had been curious stares and questioning glances. Rena knew she’d have to deal with her friends and family when she returned but for right now, she basked in the glow of being back with Faris.
Wind whipped about her face, the sharp bite of cold snapping against her skin. Despite her layers, frigid air seeped in bone deep.
“This is amazing.” She leaned forward to nuzzle along the scaly texture of Faris’ neck nodules. The four bony extensions, a hands length apart, made for a good grip as they soared through the skies. Faris’ deep rumble vibrated between her thighs clamped about him. It was easy to sense his pleasure in the experience.
Wings flapping, he shifted downward and took them toward the ground at a pace that left her breath whooshing out. Tightening her hold, Rena squealed and ducked low. Tears dried on the sides of her cheeks and the sting of frost peppered her skin.
They landed with a thump and rock. Faris shifted and caught her up in his arms on a spin. Rena tossed back her head toward the sky and laughed. When he finally set her down on her feet, his smile was full of emotion she couldn’t mistake.
There was desire without a doubt. It smoldered within the amber depths of his gaze in a way one couldn’t miss. But beyond that was an overwhelming amount of affection, tenderness and the one thing she’d wanted more than all the rest. Love.
Faris’ eyes blazed with love and it rocked Rena to her core. The years they’d lost, the time…it burst forth in the form of a sob. She fell against him and let all the fear and anger pour out in the form of tears. He held her closely, murmuring soothing words. “It’s alright. Do not be saddened, Rena.”
She allowed herself the time to clear the grief from her heart then drew a deep breath and pulled away from Faris. Tipping her head back, their gazes met and held. Along with the relief and pleasure humming inside of her, another emotion bloomed with the same level of intensity. “I’m still so angry right now.”
Faris rubbed her from shoulders to elbows. More of the tension she held drained away. “I know it will take time to forgive me, but—” He gripped her hands tight and threaded their fingers. “I am very sorry for the pain I caused. So sorry.”
Frost Fire (A Novel of the Dracol Book 3) Page 6
