Dear David,
I had a dream about you last night. I was in Italy and it was beautiful, just as I had imagined. I was searching the streets, lost and desperate to find a particular pier at exactly the right time. I found it on a wide canal, and you were standing on a gondola docked there. I ran up to you and you held me and kissed me. I was so happy to see you. A clock started to chime. It was noon and there was something that I had forgotten to tell you.
Maybe, someday, at just the right time, and just the right place, we’ll meet again?
I love you.
Eliza
He gasped, sucking in air to his straining lungs. He felt an incredible rush, like he had fallen over that abyss that he had teetered on, backed away from, and thought he had avoided completely.
I love you. Eliza.
“You okay?” Clayton called softly, head hanging over the edge of his bunk. David had forgotten he was there. He had forgotten where he was completely.
“Um, yeah. Thanks.” He read the letter again, and then again, poring over the words and memorizing each sentence so he could hold it in his mind once the lights were out. Each time he read the line—he one where she said she loved him—his heart quivered in the strangest way, and he was sure the shaking would take over his entire body.
Suddenly, the lights went out. He hadn’t heard the announcement over the com, so it took him by surprise. The light from the courtyard wasn’t enough to read by. He carefully folded the letters, put them back in their envelopes, and tucked them into his pillowcase for safe keeping. He moved slowly, in a haze of feeling. A strange buzzing sensation was running through his body. He lay down on the top of his blankets, not bothering to climb under them. The letters made a crinkling sound as he put his head on the pillow.
“Clayton,” he said softly.
“Yes?” Clayton said quickly, as if he was waiting.
“I need some paper.”
“Of course,” he said. “You’ll be writing a letter. I know exactly what you need and right where to get it.”
“Thanks.” He said it so quietly he wasn’t sure if Clayton heard him, but he was lost in his thoughts again. She was thinking about him. She was dreaming about him. He loved it so much he had to turn over on his side with the aching of it. His heart lifted. All his thoughts about her moving on with her life were ancient history, forgotten in an instant. She hadn’t moved on, hadn’t forgotten. She had thrown him a lifeline, while he had been drowning in a pool of inevitabilities. It made no sense for them to be together. No path that he could see would bring them back together, and he didn’t care at all. She loved him. The thought of it completely captured his mind. He could still feel the force of their last kiss on his lips, and he knew. It was undeniable and painfully obvious, really. He had loved her from the beginning.
The power of that thought was like a tidal wave, irresistible and all consuming. He felt his brain shutting down, drunk as he was with the thought of loving her. As he sank into the darkness, he wondered if he would talk about her, and if Clayton would hear. He didn’t care …
Eliza was beautiful. Her white sundress blew in the breeze, whipping around her, making the dress wrap around her bare legs. She was lovely in an innocent and playful way that completely captured his heart. He loved her. He loved her so completely that it seemed there never had been a time that he didn’t love her. She was laughing and running barefoot, dodging the giant boulders strewn on the beach and holding some kind of book in her hand. He caught her in his arms and kissed her for a long time. She playfully beat him back, pulling away slightly and insisting that he take the book. It was a manual on Navy regulations, about two inches of misery in binding. She was telling him that he needed to study, needed to pass his test, so they could be together. He took the book, curving it around behind him and pulling her back for another kiss. She laughed as she kissed him.
The morning reveille shrieked its call to rise, breaking into his dream. He jumped out of bed and hastily stripped it, remembering to retrieve the letters and picture from his pillowcase before rolling it up. He hurried to put the letters in his locker, carefully placing them on the top shelf, next to the shell tucked into the back corner. He pinned the picture of them together to the inside of the locker door and stared at it as long as he dared before rushing back to his rack. He got there right before Chief McMillan passed by, ordering them to make their racks. He was proud of his Clayton-like ability to stay on the clean side of trouble.
“Good news, I take it?” Clayton asked. He looked at David from the corner of his eye, but appeared to be standing ready for orders.
“Um, yeah.” David was still struggling to get his rack made.
“I’ve got you covered for supplies, but it’ll take me till tonight.” A smile played on Clayton’s lips.
“Thanks.” David stopped to face him. Clayton smiled broadly, a glint in his eye. David appreciated that Clayton understood, without explanation, that he needed something, well, nicer than Navy-issue lined notebook paper for his letter to Eliza. He had a feeling Clayton would enjoy the challenge regardless, and it was probably best if they had a “don’t ask, don’t tell” arrangement about his source.
Outside, a typical Chicago heat wave scorched the grounds and baked the buildings. Inside, his day was a blur—the words from her letter kept ringing through his mind. He had never felt this way about someone before. In fact, he had never come close. He was in uncharted territory, without a map or a compass or anything to guide him. He had dated several girls, some he cared about and some that were very appealing. But this was different. This feeling eradicated everything in its way, leaving only the connection between them. It didn’t depend on them being together or trivialities like how or when they might see each other again.
Images of her kept creeping into his thoughts when he should have been paying attention to drills or his RDC. He did pay particular attention to Petty Officer Reynolds, though, determined to learn his rules and regs so he would have time for writing in study hall.
That night, as the other recruits busied themselves with studying, he was surreptitiously re-reading Eliza’s letters, which he had retrieved from his locker. Clayton arrived at study hall right before they closed the doors for night study.
Clayton sat down across from him and passed over a stack of thick, white paper and several plain envelopes. The paper had a pale watermark of the official Navy seal printed across it. David looked at him with wide eyes.
“Yer welcome,” Clayton said with a grin.
David gaped and couldn’t resist asking, “How?” He had slipped the pages, like the contraband they were, into his book to hide them.
“Simple. I just told them the truth. I had a sorry recruit for a bunkmate that needed to make up, in a bad way, for something he did to his girlfriend, and the only way to do it was to write a really, really romantic love letter to get back in her graces again.” He smiled that wide grin again, confident of his assessment of the situation. David smiled back, not at all tempted to correct him.
“And that’s all it took?”
“That, a little sunshine smile, and the fact that I’ve known the Chief Petty Officer in charge at the Commander’s office since she was knee high to a grasshopper.”
“She?” David asked, wicked smile on his face.
“Hmm. That too.” Clayton smiled with no trace of guilt. David wondered if there was a woman who hadn’t fallen for Clayton’s charms.
He laughed quietly and then remembered his manners. “Thanks.”
“Well, son, get writing! You don’t have much time if you want to make mail call tonight.” Clayton opened up his books and pretended to study. David pulled out a blank sheet and stared at it, wondering how to put what he wanted to say into words. In a way, Clayton was right. He needed to set a few things right, and if he was lucky—very lucky—he would stay in
Eliza’s good graces. As he started writing, the words flowed a little easier. He could almost picture her opening the letter and holding it in her hands, his words on her lips and hopefully working their way to her heart.
* * *
Dinner with other camp counselors on Friday went well, and Addison seemed to forgive Eliza for talking to Carter. The weekend was quiet, especially with Mia and Johnny still out of town. Johnny had finally gotten the call from one of the big wrestling promoters, and they were on a whirlwind tour of the country, wrestling in a different city each day. Mia was right there with him, cheering him on in his big break. Apparently they would be gone most of the summer. The endless Albuquerque heat droned on, and she spent most of the weekend in the air-conditioned chill of the house. She didn’t mind being alone, in general, but alone was a lot lonelier when she had thoughts filled with David. Or more precisely, the lack of David.
Nicolas had called and wanted to go out to dinner on Saturday, and she made some pathetic excuse for declining. He was always doing that—wanting to “get together” but never really asking her out on a date. Maybe if he had, she would finally have had a reason to turn him down. As it was, he was always finding a reason for them to be alone together, and she was always begging off, postponing. And he never got the hint.She declined the movie marathon Addison suggested for Sunday as well. Maybe Addison was right and she was just trudging through life. Every day she checked the mailbox, but nothing came. She sent her first letter a week ago, plenty of time for him to write back—if he wanted to. She kept layering excuses in her mind why there were no letters, but reality was trying to sink in. It didn’t make sense that he would write, not really. He had moved on to his new life in the Navy: first Basic Training, then studying in Monterey. There was no possibility for a future, so why would he keep in contact? So they could be long-distance friends? That almost seemed worse—having the constant reminder of what they couldn’t have.
When Monday arrived, she was pleasantly surprised to find she had missed the kids. She was looking forward to finding Lily at lunch. Even with a whole new batch of campers, she felt like a veteran with one solid week of camp experience under her belt. She laughed at herself as she pulled up to Addison’s house in her tiny, decrepit Toyota. Addison was waiting in the already sweltering summer morning.
“Hey!” Addison climbed into her car. “How was your weekend?”
“Grand,” she lied.
She probably exaggerated too much, because Addison frowned. “What happened?”
“Nothing happened. Absolutely nothing. I didn’t do a thing the whole weekend, just hung around the house.”
“Oh.” Addison pondered this. “Seriously, Eliza, we need to get you out more.”
“I’m fine.” The suburban streets slipped by on the way to the YMCA.
“Why don’t we go to Nicolas’s game tonight?” Addison asked. Nicolas had coached a boy’s baseball team for years. Baseball, popcorn, and an evening in the stands cheering on some scrappy future stars and one of her best friends seemed like more fun than anything else she had planned. And Addison would stop worrying about her.
She smiled. “Sounds great.” Addison nodded, as if Eliza was finally making some sense.
Eliza sailed through the first day with the new campers. At lunch she found Lily, her blond hair up in pigtails and her smile still infectious. Eliza had purposely left her lunch behind because she knew Lily would want to share. The grin on Lily’s face was worth surviving on a half dozen crackers for the afternoon. That little girl had definitely won her over. Unfortunately, Lily had a white carnation for her, courtesy of Carter. She gave the little girl a note in return, telling Carter in no uncertain terms that he was not to use Lily as a vehicle for whatever his plans were. If he wanted to talk to her, he knew where to find her.
Nicolas’s game was in the evening, so she had time to go home, check the mail, and have dinner. The mailbox was empty and so was the fridge. She supposed she would have to actually buy groceries at some point if she was going to spend the summer on her own. She checked in with her mom, and Mia was worried about Eliza being alone so much, and whether she was getting any home-cooked meals.
Eliza was tired of everyone worrying about her. It was time to buck up and stop moping. The game tonight would be like old times—the three of them hanging out. She downed a bowl of cereal for dinner and hopped in her car to pick up Addison.
The sun still blazed when the game started at six o’clock, but it was lower in the sky. They got popcorn and Cokes from the refreshment stand before wandering over to the benches to find Nicolas. He was looking over a clipboard while the kids were warming up, dark hair peeking out from his baseball cap. A broad smile spread over his face when he saw Eliza, making her heart sink.
“Hey! I didn’t know you were coming.” He looked quickly back and forth between them with eyes mostly on Eliza. She noticed the way he looked at her—as if he wanted to hold her—and wondered how many times she had missed it before.
“Do you mind?” she asked, knowing the answer, but it seemed polite to ask.
“No, no! I’m glad you’re here.” His eyes were shining with excitement, and his eagerness made her want to cringe.
“Well, we’ll be up in the bleachers, cheering you on,” said Addison.
“See you after the game!” Nicolas called after them. He went back to his clipboard.
They found a spot high on the risers with a good view of the field. The metal seats were hot but tolerable. Nicolas was lining the kids up in batting order and talking to them. He was great with the kids and a fantastic friend. They had practically grown up together. She could still picture him as that gangly little boy who played on the playground with her. Now he seemed taller, more muscular, from a distance. Or maybe it was the uniform. The kids looked up to him with respect and an eagerness to please their coach. He looked different through their eyes, all grown up. She wondered if she hadn’t been stuck in a rut in the way she thought about Nicolas all this time.
Addison reached over to steal some of her popcorn. It was really their popcorn, but she hadn’t had much lunch or dinner, so she was making a meal of it.
“You need to tell him, you know.” Addison looked sideways at her as Eliza stared at Nicolas.
“Tell him what?”
“About David,” Addison said. Eliza sighed. That was one conversation she really didn’t want to have. She didn’t even know where things stood with David.
“What would I tell him? Hey, Nicolas, I met this guy and fell in love with him, so sorry I’m not going to go out with you? That’s just cruel.” She was being difficult about this and felt a twinge of guilt for it.
“You love David, right?”
“Yes.” That was the one thing she was sure of, although it was a vicious twist of fate that she would fall in love, so quickly and so completely, with the one boy that she couldn’t have. She wondered for a moment if she had some kind of psychological problem. But she hadn’t really wanted anyone before, let alone in the heartbreakingly intense way that she wanted David.
“So, don’t you think it’s only fair to tell Nicolas that?” Addison was her best friend, but she was also best friends with Nicolas. It was like that, the three of them, and always had been. So, of course, Addison was right—as usual. Eliza had to tell him. She just didn’t know if she could stand the thought of losing him as a friend. He had been her friend forever. Her mom had these crazy pictures of them holding hands when they were three—they went that far back.
“What if he hates me, Addison? Really, I’m not sure I could take that right now.” Her heart was aching enough from being left behind on the pier, and that empty mailbox was starting to be her ritual torture each day. She didn’t want to lose one of her best friends on top of that.
“He’s not going to hate you, Eliza. He’s Nicolas. He’ll always love you, even
if he can’t, well, be with you the way he wants.” She sounded so sure, but Eliza wasn’t at all. She knew he wouldn’t take it well, and she didn’t want to hurt him—that was why she had been such a coward all this time.
“I don’t know, Addy.”
Addison looked sternly at her. “Eliza Stanton, you’ll tell him or I will.” Eliza nearly dropped her popcorn. There was a fierce determination and protectiveness on Addison’s face. Eliza knew she would have to cave. She couldn’t lose both of them.
“Okay, okay, I will. Just, give me a little time. To do it right.”
The game wore on as the sun set and the park lights came on. It was nine o’clock before they were done. Eliza and Addison wandered down to the field as Nicolas gave the kids their high-fives and released them to their parents. He was all smiles when he finally turned to them.
“Thanks for sticking it out till the end.” He grinned at her.
“Nice game, Nicolas! Hey, I’m going to go get a drink, you want one?” Addison asked, starting to walk to the refreshment stand, giving Eliza a pointed look.
“Uh, no thanks, I’m good,” Nicolas said. He gave Eliza a look that said What’s with Addison? She just shrugged.
“You really were great with the kids, Nicolas. I could tell they look up to you,” she said. He practically glowed under her praise, making her feel even more like a heel for where this had to go.
“Thanks! Say, how about having dinner this Friday? I know you were busy last Saturday—you aren’t already booked up for Friday are you?” He looked at her hopefully.
She breathed a sigh of relief—a reprieve until Friday. “No, that sounds good. We, um, need to talk.” She nodded her head, trying to hint that this wasn’t a date.
Life, Liberty, and Pursuit Page 17
