“Mom?”
“Hmm?” She stirred something that might be mashed potatoes.
“Why didn’t you and Dad get married?” She had heard the story before, of course. He was a dashing young executive; she had just graduated from high school. They had a passionate summer romance while he was working in Albuquerque on a short term assignment. By the end of the summer, he was gone, and it was over. It had an eerie ring of familiarity.
Mia turned to her daughter, tasting the potatoes and laying the spoon on the kitchen counter. “I didn’t marry your dad because it was only a summer kind of thing. He never planned to have a family.” She smiled tightly. “I’ve told you that story a thousand times.”
“Did you love him?” Funny, it had never occurred to her to ask before.
Mia looked at Eliza for a moment, and then looked down at her hands, folded in front of her.
“I’m not sure. I think I did.” She looked at Eliza with concern in her face. “I don’t regret it, though. I got you out of it, and you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, sweetie.” She came and knelt before Eliza as she sat on the kitchen chair. “You know that, right?” Eliza knew her mom loved her. She also knew having Eliza changed her mom’s life, and not for the better. Her mom had always insisted that Eliza should make wiser choices than she did.
“I know, Mom, don’t worry. I just wondered if you would have been with Dad if you’d had the choice.” Mia straightened and sat on the chair next to Eliza, looking thoughtful.
“Your dad was a wonderfully romantic man,” Mia said. The tight smile was back. “But he didn’t have much tolerance for my antics.” Eliza nodded. Although her mom worked very hard to support them, she could be impulsive sometimes. “That’s why I’ve pushed you, maybe a little too hard, to take college seriously. I wanted you to figure out who you were first, before you got locked into something that might not be right for you.”
“I know, Mom,” Eliza said, patting her mom’s arm. It had been the mantra of her childhood: go to college, don’t get pregnant, don’t get married young. She was still planning on living by it. Her mom had been trapped, stuck with a small baby and no education, forced to work odd jobs to make ends meet. Eliza knew that was one mistake she was never going to make. Mia was looking at Eliza with some soft emotion.
“You are so much smarter than I was at your age, Eliza.” She gave her mom a skeptical look. Her mom was smart, even if she never went to college. “It’s true,” Mia insisted, “and not just school smart. If I had been as wise as you, I would have made some different choices.”
Eliza bit her lip, unsure if she should object to what her mom was saying or console her. She certainly didn’t feel wise, especially when it came to handsome young sailors.
“What about Johnny?” Eliza asked. “How did you know you wanted to marry him?” Her mom had been through a lot of temporary boyfriends while Eliza was growing up. None of them ever stuck until Sweet Johnny came along.
Mia laughed lightly, as if Eliza was asking a silly question. “Marrying Johnny was easy! What’s not to love about a gorgeous guy that wants to wrestle in spandex?” Eliza frowned, and Mia turned more serious. “Johnny makes me feel loved and cared for, and he accepts me for who I am. That’s all I’m looking for now, sweetie.” Eliza nodded, actually understanding this time. She could see the love Johnny had for her mom. It was the only reason why she tolerated the big lug in her life—that, and he kind of grew on her after a while.
Mia smiled with a glimmer in her eyes. “You know I’m going to miss you so much, sweetie.” Those were definitely tears. She was making her mom cry. Not where she wanted to go with this.
“But, you know, I’ve seen how you are around him,” Mia continued, smiling the tears back. “You’re confident, happy …” She was searching for words. “I know he would take good care of my baby.” The tears were back, but now they were Eliza’s. She knew her mom would miss her, but she hadn’t realized she would worry about her. It was way too mom-ish, and she had to put a stop to it.
“You don’t have to worry about me. I can take care of myself! That’s how you raised me.” Eliza soldiered on through her little speech, and then gave up and threw her arms around her mom. “I’m going to miss you, too.”
Mia hugged her back hard, and they were quiet for a moment. Then Mia wiped away her tears and asked, “Any word on the deferral?”
“Not yet. They said it might take a few days.” Mia nodded. With a smile, she rose up and returned to her potatoes, cooling on the counter.
Marriage. Eliza thought back to Tea and her utter conviction that Eliza and David would get married someday. It had panicked her. If she gave up Princeton to be with David, was that what she was doing? Was getting married inevitable after that?
And what would being married to David be like? If David continued in the Navy, they would always be apart, at least some of the time. Deployments, reassignments, short leaves followed by long absences. They would never be together the way a normal couple would. She had a hard enough time enduring the separation while he was in boot camp—and yet, they had lived through it and somehow grown stronger.
His time in boot camp was actually wonderful for them in many ways. The letters had let them say things they might not have otherwise. She ached for him, but she also enjoyed other things, like teaching the kids in camp. The hardest time wasn’t when they were apart, it was when they were unsure—about what they meant to each other and what the other one was thinking. That, more than anything, was what she wanted by going to Monterey Bay. She wanted to know for certain that he loved her, that he wouldn’t forget about her, that he wouldn’t find someone else. The longer they were separated over the summer, the more deeply in love with him she fell, not less. Everything he did told her he loved her, but she was still afraid she would eventually lose him to time and distance, and she knew she would regret that for the rest of her life.
Eliza watched as her mom stirred some chicken into a pot. The smell of oregano and tomatoes wafted through the air. With any luck, they would be eating in tonight.
* * *
Some part of him knew it was dream. He was on the beach with the giant boulders strewn across it, but this time he recognized it: Monterey Bay. Eliza was there with the white sundress whipping around her bare legs, looking lovely and playful. She laughed and ran towards him, bringing a book. He caught her up in his arms and kissed her for a long time. She playfully beat him back. He saw now that she had two books, and she insisted that he take one. It was a different book this time, filled with Arabic words. She was telling him to study, to work hard, so they could be together. He took the book, curving it around behind his back and pulling her towards him for another kiss. She laughed as she kissed him, her book pressed between them. She moved away, walking backwards and smiling at him as she went. He was left holding the book and nothing else. When he looked up again, she was gone.
He awoke from the dream to the rustling of dozens of sailors in the barracks. Clayton was already up, and David quickly rose and made his bunk. The dream left him unsettled, like there was something he had forgotten.
He stumbled through his shower and slid on his uniform at his locker, gazing at his picture of Eliza. He reached back into the corner of the top shelf and retrieved her shell. It was beautifully pale with a hint of pink, once again reminding him of the blush in Eliza’s cheeks. He ran his thumb over it, feeling the textured ridges of the outer shell and the smooth satin of the inside. The day he found this one perfect, unbroken shell, the beach had been littered with broken bits and pieces of other shells similar to hers. A fierce protectiveness came over him. He had forgotten something important. In his greedy desire to have Eliza with him and his fear of losing her if she went to Princeton, he forgot to think about what was best for her. He gently placed the shell back in the furthest reaches of the shelf, where it would be safe, and
gathered up his books for class. A dull ache slowly filled his chest.
As they were walking across campus in the hazy sunshine of early morning, Clayton noticed his mood. “What’s wrong?” he asked, frowning.
“What would you do,” David asked, the question coming out before he had thought it through, “if you had to give up what you wanted most, so that Tea wouldn’t be hurt?”
Clayton looked taken aback, frowning further. He probably thought David was trying to trap him with some big brother nonsense. “I’m not going to hurt Tea, David.”
“I know,” David said, sighing. “I’m just afraid … I’m afraid I’m going to lose Eliza if she doesn’t come to Monterey Bay. And I’m afraid that that’s the best thing for her.” His heart sank. They were almost to their classroom.
“Why would losing Eliza be the best thing for her?” Clayton asked, bewildered.
“I don’t know.” He needed time to think, but it was already time for class. Thinking about Eliza would have to wait. He needed to concentrate on his class work, to give himself the best possible chance of getting to DC.
* * *
Addison and Eliza were up well before dawn. Her mom had helped her pack the night before. They wanted to get an early start in order to get to Monterey Bay with time to tour the school before meeting David and Clayton at Tea’s apartment.
The sun was at their backs, lighting up the desert landscape. It was beautiful, reds and coppers weaving through the mesas. They looked like giant sand paintings. Whatever she decided, she would be leaving Albuquerque behind, and she was a little sad as they drove away from the city. They had been driving for a while before either of them spoke. She knew Addison was excited to start school and room with Tea. Addison’s car was stuffed with music, books, clothes, and a million small things to start her college career off right. Her easy excitement shone on her face, and her favorite smurf was tucked in the cup holder between them for safe transport.
“Have you heard about the deferral yet?” asked Addison. Tea had called every day checking on the deferral. Eliza had contacted the admissions office, but they insisted they would let her know when they had made a decision. That’s what she told Tea, but she kept calling anyway.
“Not yet. They have my cell number. Should be any time now.”
Addison nodded and they lapsed into silence. After a while, Eliza asked, “How did you know you wanted to be a journalist?”
Addison glanced at her, and then returned her eyes to the road. “You know I’ve wanted to be a journalist forever.”
“I know, but why? How did you know it was what you wanted?”
She paused. “When I was in junior high, there was an article in the paper about a charity collecting money to help poor children in South America. Turned out the head of the charity had embezzled a lot of money and skipped town.”
“That’s awful.”
“It was. But it made me think. If no one reported that story, then people would never know it happened. They would think their money went to help kids, when it really went to help this guy have a vacation in Bermuda.”
“So, you wanted to investigate the bad guys?”
“Yes! But being a reporter is more than that. I didn’t realize it at first, until I was on the school paper. Reporting is a way to help people make better decisions about the government, their lives, all kinds of things.”
Eliza nodded. “So, why Monterey Bay?” Addison smiled at Eliza, as though she finally had figured out the reason behind Eliza’s line of questioning.
“Monterey Bay has one of the best journalism majors in the country. It’s a small school, but they have lots of connections, a great media center, good faculty, a great school paper …” She hesitated, frowning. “I’m sure their Education Department is good, too.”
“I’m sure it is.” Eliza knew it wouldn’t measure up to Princeton, but she wasn’t going to say that. They fell silent again as they passed into the Arizona desert, which was more barren and red than New Mexico.
Eliza wasn’t sure when she decided. Somewhere along the winding roads of the California mountains or the endless rolling bread-basket of central California, it settled into her with a firmness that came from knowing it was the right thing to do. She could have discussed it with Addison or called her mom, but last time she had shared her decision with everyone else before she talked to David. She decided that was exactly backwards, and this time he would be the first one to know.
They stopped at a roadside stand and bought some fruit to snack on. As they traveled north along the low lying coastal mountains, she could smell the salt air of the ocean, even though they couldn’t see it. The scent had her flashing back to her time in the Bahamas with David. Her heart ached for that magical time. The sun hovered in the sky, starting to sink towards the ocean, when they arrived at the CSU Monterey Bay campus. It was gorgeous, with gleaming white buildings and the ocean visible over the rise of the beach in the distance. They took a self-guided driving tour, including Addison’s Humanities College and the College of Professional Studies, which housed the Education Department. The campus quad bustled with students finding their way to dinner or making last minute registration changes. When they were done picking up Addison’s schedule and registration forms for her, Addison called Tea to let her know they were on their way. Apparently the CSUMB campus was part of Fort Ord, and Tea’s apartment was close by. It was nearing dinner time, and David and Clayton would soon be released. They wanted to be at Tea’s when the boys arrived, so they found their way back to Addison’s car.
* * *
Between classes, during lunch, when his head was ready to hit the pillow, exhausted and stuffed full of Arabic phrases—these were the times he thought about Eliza. More specifically, he thought about Eliza coming to Monterey Bay. Or not.
David didn’t know what was best for her. He wanted to know everything about her, and had tried to through their letters and calls, but it wasn’t enough. He simply didn’t know her hopes and dreams.
He wasn’t sure if Eliza knew either. She was young, just starting to figure those things out. He didn’t know what he wanted to do when he was eighteen. If he’d had to make the choice then, he’d probably be a paramedic or working on a pre-med degree. That would have made his father happy, but he knew it was wrong for him. He would never have joined the Navy and finally found that sense of purpose and accomplishment he craved. It wasn’t fair for Eliza to have to make that choice now.
The best thing for her was to go to Princeton and figure out her calling. But he was afraid they would drift apart and she would end up with Nicolas, or someone else … someone not him. His fear was an aching feeling that was worse than all the lonely nights. He could bear being away from her, surviving on phone calls and letters, but the thought of losing her was like an arrow lodged in his chest. If the deferral came through, or she insisted on coming anyway, he didn’t think he was strong enough to tell her not to come.
He fingered the shell in his pocket, having retrieved it from his locker as a talisman for good luck, or perhaps courage. Clayton kept shooting him strange looks, no doubt feeling the tension that was rolling off him in waves. He couldn’t help it. They took the military shuttle from the Presidio to Fort Ord as soon as they were released. It was a short walk to Tea and Addison’s apartment, according to Tea’s map, which had north pointing sideways and was certainly not drawn to scale. However, it sufficed, because they were soon knocking on Tea’s door, both of them eager to see the ladies within.
Eliza answered the door and practically leaped into David’s arms. She was wearing all white, and his heart almost stopped. He swept her up and to the side so that they wouldn’t block Clayton and Tea’s reunion. He kissed her like he hadn’t seen her in weeks, instead of days. Just by holding her in his arms, some of the tension drained out of him, and a calmness took hold. The effect she had on him
was so strong, still.
“Hey, you,” he murmured into her lips between kisses. She was holding his face in her hands, and he had the satisfying feeling that he was hers.
“Hey, yourself.” They kissed and rubbed noses and generally pressed their bodies together, just outside the door. When they finally noticed the rest of the world again, Addison was calling them from inside the apartment. The scents of dinner wafted past them. Based on smell alone, whatever they were making would beat the Presidio fare hands down.
“Who’s making dinner?” he asked.
“Technically, Tea. But I had to rescue the enchiladas before they became jalapeño overdose pills, and the rice is probably starting to burn. Just pretend Tea did all the work, okay?” Eliza spoke quietly as they walked into the apartment so Tea wouldn’t overhear. He doubted she would have noticed, since she was already curled up in Clayton’s lap on the couch.
“I think you better go save the rice,” he said, smiling and inclining his head to the two of them. They were as close to one another as they could be without actually touching lips. This, strangely, did not bother him like it should. He knew what Clayton was feeling, and the best he could summon was jealousy that Clayton would be seeing Tea every weekend. His time with Eliza … well, he didn’t know what it would be. He wanted to ask her about the deferral, whisk her away from the apartment, and grill her about her intentions, but instead he set the table and asked everyone what they wanted for drinks. Soon, they would have their time alone, and they would talk then.
Eliza made a mean enchilada, it turned out, and he realized that he had never tasted her cooking before. One more thing that he didn’t know about her, one more reason why Eliza shouldn’t come to Monterey Bay, just to be with him. He watched her as they sat around the tiny dining table Tea had acquired in her flurry of decorating. Eliza was laughing and smiling and chatting, but she was on edge. He could tell by the way the smile didn’t reach her eyes and how she nervously played with her hair. There were some things he knew about her, after all. But he didn’t know what made her so anxious—was she still awaiting the deferral? He had called Tea when they were released, but she said there was still no word.
Life, Liberty, and Pursuit Page 29
