by Sam Short
Granny looked at me with a raised eyebrow. “Well? Do you? And why am I only just finding out about this? Does gossip not get passed up the chain of command in our family anymore?”
I gave Willow another look. “A man came into the shop, yesterday. He mentioned the tank coming out of retirement and he wasn’t happy… was he, Willow?”
“No,” said Willow. “He said some quite nasty things about your husband, Sandra, but he didn’t use Gerald’s real name, or we’d have told the police by now. We didn’t know Gerald was the tank, you see.”
Sandra stood up and grabbed her phone. “Do you know the man’s name?” she said, already dialling the police.
“Felix Round,” I said.
Chapter Eleven
Willow and I dropped Granny off at the Range Rover dealership and headed back to the boat, with the intention of transferring the shop stock from the Water Witch to its new home in town.
The police had come quickly to Sandra’s house and taken our statements regarding Felix Round and his outburst in the shop. Luckily for me, Barney wasn’t one of the police officers who was sent. I was nervous about seeing him. It wasn’t everyday that a mortal found out you were a witch, especially a mortal for whom you had feelings. I’d answer all his questions of course, but I was beginning to wonder if I’d done the right thing. Maybe I should have let somebody cast a spell on him at the dinner table. Maybe it would have been easier all round for everybody concerned.
After hearing our stories, the police were eager to speak to Felix Round, and had begun looking for him in town. It made me shudder to think the man who’d stood a foot away from me the day before could have been a murderer.
Mabel ran to greet us as we crossed the grass towards the boat, and Rosie watched us from her vantage point on the roof, sitting next to the tin chimney, licking a paw and swishing her tail.
Willow heard the music before me. “Someone’s on the boat!” she said.
“It must be Susie,” I said. “I gave her a spare key for the boat and the new shop, and she gave me one for her flat. Maybe she’s got news from the press conference.”
“That’s not Susie,” said Willow, as a baritone singing voice flooded from the open bow doors. “That’s Uncle Brian!”
As Elton John hit the chorus of Rocket Man, Uncle Brian raised his game too, causing Mabel to let out a warbling howl, and making Rosie jump.
“He’s found the music channel on the TV,” I said, climbing aboard the boat and down into the little room which was still a magic shop, but would very soon be Willow’s bedroom.
The aroma of freshly brewed coffee filled the boat, and I could detect the scent of men’s aftershave too.
Uncle Brian sat in the built-in dinette area which folded down into the bed which Willow had slept on since she’d moved aboard. The coffee percolator was bubbling away on one of the kitchen counters, and Uncle Brian was singing between mouthfuls of the sandwich he was eating. A newspaper was spread out in front of him, and he gave us a wide grin when he saw us.
“My favourite nieces!” he said, grabbing the TV remote control and lowering the volume. “How are you both today? It was quite the night last night, wasn’t it? I hope Barney’s alright now. He had quite the scare!”
“Barney’s fine,” said Willow, “but what are you doing here, Uncle Brian?”
Uncle Brian took another bite of his sandwich. “I came to see if you needed help moving your shop,” he said, crumbs spilling from his mouth and onto the dating advert page of the newspaper. “Maggie told me all about your new shop premises in town, and I wanted to help. She said you’d be starting work on it today. It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to do anything for you two.”
“And how did you get in?” I asked. “The doors were all locked.”
Uncle Brian put his hand in the air and wiggled his fingers. “Nothing’s out of bounds to Brian Weaver’s magical fingers!” he laughed. “I magicked my way in of course. I hope you don’t mind? I waited on the picnic bench for you to come home, but that goose of yours wouldn’t leave me alone. It was the last straw when it started humping my leg. I had to get away from it.”
“Of course we don’t mind,” I said. “You’re family, Uncle Brian, and Willow told me what you did for me last night — healing the bruise on my chin when I passed out. Thank you.”
Uncle Brian smiled. “You are more than welcome! I’m that sort of chap, you see… a caring fellow. I’ve only ever used my magic for good, unlike my mother and sister, and I hope you girls will follow in my footsteps and not theirs. Talking of magic, Penny, when are you going to take your first steps into the haven? We’re all very excited about it, you know? Especially me! There’s nothing like seeing a witch entering the haven for the first time! It makes me tingle just to think about it!”
“I’m going to ask Mum,” I said, sitting down next to Uncle Brian. “She’ll want to come with me on my first trip. To show me around I suppose.”
Uncle Brian put his hand on mine. “Haven’t you been tempted yet? When I got my spell I was through my portal faster than a fat kid does through candy, and I can tell you from experience that a fat kid goes through candy extremely quickly,” he said, laying a hand on his belly.
Both he and my mother had been overweight kids, and neither of them had managed to lose their puppy fat, despite Granny attempting to help them both lose weight by casting numerous spells on them over the years. Some of the spells had seemed spiteful rather than helpful, especially the one that had made my mum dislike cake on her own birthday.
“Of course I’m tempted,” I said, “I even opened my portal to see what colour it would be, but I didn’t go through it. I want Mum to be with me.”
“You opened it!” said Uncle Brian.”What colour was it? No! Let me guess!” He placed a hand on my head and closed his eyes for a few seconds. “I think it was red. I saw you stick up for Barney last night, you showed real courage, and you have a powerful aura about you, Penelope. I bet it was red! That has to be your colour! It was, wasn’t it?”
I shook my head. “It was gold,” I said with a grin.
“It was really gold,” agreed Willow. “Like looking inside a pirate’s treasure chest!”
Uncle Brian nodded and smiled. “Gold is good. It shows you have integrity, Penelope. It’s an honest colour.”
Willow took Uncle Brian’s empty plate from in front of him, and put it in the kitchen sink ready to be washed. She rubbed her hands together and grinned. “Right. Are we going to get this shop moved, or sit around chatting all day? I can’t wait to have my own bedroom!”
Uncle Brian stood up and straightened the folded handkerchief in the breast pocket of his pinstripe jacket. “I’m ready,” he said. “I won’t help with the heavy stuff of course, but I can certainly carry some paperwork or light herbs. I’m better suited at helping you work out how your new shop will look.” He paused for a moment. “On second thoughts, ladies — I’ll be in charge of setting up the new shop, and you girls can do all the carrying. How’s that sound to you both? Fair?”
I winked at my sister. “It sounds fair to me,” I smiled. I handed my uncle the key for the shop. “Why don’t you head up the footpath and let yourself in, you can start planning where everything should go. Willow and I will do all the lifting.”
“I think he’s bored,” I said to Willow, when Uncle Brian had left the boat.
“I’d be bored too if I had to stay with Mum all day,” said Willow, with a grin. She pushed through the purple curtain which acted as a door between the shop and the rest of the boat. “Come on, let’s get to work. There’s a lot to do.”
Almost two hours and four aching arms later, Willow and I assessed the situation. The shop space aboard the boat was almost empty of stock, and the shop at the top of the footpath was beginning to look like a real place of business. Uncle Brian certainly knew how to arrange a shop floor, and he’d displayed the stock beautifully, taking great pride in his work as he showed us where everythi
ng was.
“Of course, you can always change things around if you like,” he said, “but I think it’s perfect as it is.”
He was right. The shop not only looked magical, but the various herbs and incenses which Uncle Brian had painstakingly separated into scents and uses, gave the shop a magical smell too.
The sales counter was dotted with smaller items and novelty spells which Uncle Brian called impulse purchases, and the crystals and gem stones shone in the sun near the large window.
A shiver of anticipation ran through me as I looked around. It was really happening. I was leaving my shop aboard the boat behind, and starting a new business on land. All that was needed next was a sign to hang above the door outside and furnishings for the interior to make it feel more cozy.
The three of us stood with our backs to the door, taking a silent moment to admire our handiwork, and we all jumped in fright as a loud bang on the window ruined the moment.
“What on earth?” said Uncle Brian, spinning on the spot with his hand on his chest. “I nearly had a heart attack!”
I turned to face the window and immediately recognised the man who was being pressed hard against the glass. His brown overcoat and balding spot on the back of his head gave him away, but if I’d needed anymore proof it was the greengrocer from the shop next door, the cabbage leaves that were being sprinkled liberally over his head would suffice. “It’s Mr Jarvis!” I said.
“And it’s Felix Round who’s attacking him!” noted Willow.
“Oh my!” said Uncle Brian, rushing for the door. “We must help the poor man! Come on, girls, onward into danger!”
The three of us scrambled out of the door in time to see Felix rubbing cabbage leaves in Mr Jarvis’s terrified face. “I want celery!” boomed Felix. “I hate cabbage!”
“You’ve bought it all,” stuttered Mr Jarvis, struggling against the hand that gripped him by the throat. “I told you, I’ll have more in tomorrow!”
Uncle Brian stepped forward, looking every inch the chivalrous hero. “Unhand that poor man, you oaf!” he ordered. “Immediately. Or I shall not be responsible for my actions!”
“Help me,” begged Mr Jarvis. “He’s gone mad with the hunger!”
Felix stared at Uncle Brian. He gave a long laugh and stuffed a leaf into Mr Jarvis’s mouth, ramming it home with a podgy finger. “What are you three going to do?” said Felix. “You look like you’re on your way to a pantomime… and I don’t mean as spectators!” He looked Uncle Brian up and down. “What are you wearing, man? You look like a cross between a farmer and a fancy art dealer!”
Uncle Brian pulled his jacket straight and adjusted his hat, the bright red feather that protruded from the rim swaying in the gentle breeze. I glanced down at myself. I didn’t think I looked like a character from a pantomime, and anyway, Felix Round was hardly one to speak — he resembled a TV wrestler from the nineteen-seventies — with his belly on show beneath his pie-eating t-shirt, and his angry red face shiny with sweat.
Uncle Brian raised his hand, and lilac sparks danced at the fingertips. “Last chance, you bearded fiend!” he threatened.
“Sod off, you weirdo!” said Felix, his attention back on the important task of stuffing Mr Jarvis’s mouth full of cabbage leaves.
Uncle Brain tilted his head and took deep breath. “Oh well, I gave him a chance.”
“What are you going to do?” said Willow. “Don’t hurt him. Be careful!”
“I won’t hurt him,” said Uncle Brian, clicking his fingers. “I’m just going to stop him.”
The spell crackled in the air and Felix Round let out a long slow gasp as he turned and gazed at Uncle Brian. “What would you have me do, master?” he drawled.
“Unhand that man,” said Uncle Brian, winking at me.
Felix released Mr Jarvis who took a few stumbling steps away from Felix and towards the door of his own shop. “What have you done to him?” he said, staring at Uncle Brian. “Why is he doing what you tell him to?”
“I’ve hypnotised the rogue,” said Uncle Brian, showing remarkably quick thinking for a child of Granny’s. He pointed at Felix. “Stay right there until I tell you to move,” he said.
Felix nodded. “Affirmative, great lord.”
“Wow,” said Mr Jarvis. “That’s amazing!”
“What happened?” I said, as Willow helped Mr Jarvis pick up the produce that had been knocked from his pavement fruit and vegetable display.
“He came in demanding celery,” said Mr Jarvis. “He didn’t look well. He was sweating and mumbling a lot, and he seemed very angry.”
“He’s diabetic,” I said. “He’s probably made himself poorly by not eating enough.”
“He grabbed me by the throat when I told him I was all out of celery,” continued Mr Jarvis, “and dragged me out of my shop and down the pavement. It was lucky he slammed me into your window, I really think he might have killed me if you three hadn’t come out to help.”
“The police are already looking for him about one murder,” I said, taking my phone from my pocket and dialling nine-nine-nine. “Another one would be a tragedy.”
“Him?” said Mr Jarvis. “Did he kill Gerald?”
“Maybe,” said Willow. “We don’t know yet. The police just want to question him at this stage.”
Mr Jarvis put a hand to his throat. “He could have killed me,” he murmured.
“This man is wanted for murder?” said Uncle Brian. “Why didn’t you tell me? I may not have been so stupidly brave.”
“It all happened so quickly,” said Willow. “We didn’t have time.”
I ended the call. “The police will be here in a minute or two,” I said. “Erm, Uncle Brian, do you think you’d better… de-hypnotise him?”
“In a moment,” said Uncle Brian, stepping close to Felix and looking him in the eye. “Answer me truthfully, you violent upstart.”
Felix nodded. “I’d do anything for you.”
“Have you committed the crime of murder?”
Felix shook his head. “No, oh mightiness.”
“He didn’t do it,” said Uncle Brian. “Nobody can tell a lie when they’re controlled by the fingers of Brian Weaver! I declare this man innocent!”
Sirens echoed over the rooftops and the roar of an engine announced the arrival of the police in the street. The car screeched to a halt next to us and two young police women leapt out with their nightsticks drawn.
“Quick,” I whispered to Uncle Brian. “The spell.”
“Oh yes,” said Uncle Brian. “Of course.” He muttered something under this breath and Felix gasped as he was released from Uncle Brian’s control.
“Is everyone okay?” said one of the police women as her colleague read Felix his rights and cuffed the big mans’s hands in front of him.
“I’m not,” said Felix. “I feel funny. My head hurts. And I’m so, so hungry.”
“That’ll teach you,” said Mr Jarvis, picking up ruined peaches from the gutter. “Attacking a man in his own shop like that!” He pointed at Uncle Brian. “That man deserves a medal, officer,” he said to the policewoman. “Or a TV show at least. I’ve never seen anything like it. He hypnotised him and made him do what he told him to. It was extraordinary.”
Uncle Brain beamed. “It was my pleasure,” he said with a low bow. “A medal is unwarranted, but a TV show would be splendid. Imagine it — a Weaver on the television!”
“Hypnotised him, you say?” said the shortest of the two policewomen. “Do you think you could help me stop smoking?”
Uncle Brain adjusted his silk cravat. “My dear,” he said. “I could definitely stop you from smoking.”
“What about eating?” said the other policewoman, guiding Felix into the backseat of the car. “Can you help me get beach body ready for my holiday?”
“Of course,” said Uncle Brian. “I am after all, a hypnotist.” He took a moleskin notepad and fountain pen from his pocket and scribbled his phone number on a sheet of paper. He ripped
it from the book and handed it to the woman who was keen to stop smoking. “Telephone me for an appointment,” he said.
The policewomen thanked him and sped off with their prisoner.
“What are you doing?” I said under my breath, as Willow helped Mr Jarvis back inside his shop. “You can’t pretend to hypnotise people and use magic on them! It’s immoral and probably dangerous!”
“Of course I can” said Uncle Brian. “It’s a genius idea, I’m not sure why I’ve never thought of it before.”
I didn’t bother arguing. It was never worth arguing with a Weaver. When a Weaver had made a decision, it was practically set in stone. “What spell was that, anyway?” I said instead. “It was quite impressive, although it was strange how he called you his mightiness.”
“A spell of subservient adoration,” said Uncle Brian. “It’s very useful. You should learn it. It can open all sorts of doors for you. I eat for free in a lot of London’s swankiest restaurants, thanks to that little spell.”
A squeal of tyres and the roar of a powerful engine broke the silence in the street, and I watched in disbelief as a black Range Rover careered around the corner on the wrong side of the road.
“Who’s that?” said Uncle Brian. “That’s a really nice motor, and a very proficient driver!”
“That’s your mother,” I said, taking two steps backwards as the large four-by-four came to a screeching halt next to us.
Willow rushed out of the greengrocer’s shop as Granny revved the engine and rolled down the tinted window. She waved a hand at us, her face ashen. “Quick. Jump in, I need help. Boris has been kidnapped!” she said.
Chapter Twelve
“What do you mean kidnapped?” I asked, as Granny took a sharp left turn, sending me and Willow sprawling in the back seat. Uncle Brian sat in the front with Granny, and he put his hand over his eyes as Granny barely avoided slamming the Range Rover into the postbox outside the coffee pot café.
