- I of course, Eleanor?
She bit her lip and watched me in silence.
- Was. - Finally said.
- Great. Now ... you saw my wife for the last time? I'll get it. We're going home.
***********
- It is the most prejudiced woman of the universe.
- You've said it, Don.
- And the most annoying. - I took the earrings and put them back in the box.
- I said that too. - Chuckled. - It just takes getting used to new ... just needs some time.
- She needs is a good night of sex and poisoned martini.
- Let's just forget this story, okay?
- Stop laughing, Gregory! You were not there! She is a horrible woman.
- You said that too. - He repeated.
- Oh, shut up! - I growled - I know I've said, but I want to repeat. Will keep me from repeating?
- No, ma'am.
- Horrible and annoying.
- And prejudiced ... - recalled with a professorial tone.
- And prejudiced! - I almost cried - You should have seen how she ...
A thought occurred to me. A thought quiet and peaceful, but so obvious that I hated myself for not having noticed before.
- You are very quiet, Holt. - I got a pointer to it - Why are you so calm?
- I should do? - He shrugged - Panicking?
- No ... but just heard that I have an ex-girlfriend who is pursuing me ... and did not ask anything.
- I know you. - Gulped - You better let you talk when you want to, you know? Doing things in his time ...
Lie...
- Bullshit! What happened, Holt? Conte once!
- What do you want me to ask, Laura?
- If we dated for a long time, so we parted, why she returned ...
- I'm not jealous of her, Don.
- Then ask how was the sex, Gregory! It's the kind of thing a man would want to know, is not it? But you did not do a single question and just makes you smile and be calm like a fool.
- A fool? How old are you? Twelve? - laughed
- Gregory! - Whispered threatening - Do not push me. It's not smart.
- Yes ma'am. - She bit her lip.
- You knew, did not you?
He looked at me with the corner of my eye and I was sure!
- Oh what the hell! And let me through all these years dying of jealousy of a woman who would not want you in any way!
- She asked me not to tell ... It's not my thing, Don, I ...
- Two years, Holt! Two years jealous of this woman.
- She was jealous of her, is it? - She smiled in a mixture of satisfaction and slutty.
- That ... continue nudging me ... can tease me all night - kept, sarcastic - and still wake up with your entire dick tomorrow. - Threatened and he swallowed.
- I really was just respecting her space.
- Just do not call you son of a bitch because I have respect for Audrey.
- Thank you. - Started to pinch my waist and I pushed his arm.
- Go to hell.
- They really did hear you, right?
- Could you be on my side? Only one miserable time?
- I'm by your side. - I had something delicate in his smile - always.
- I know ... Could you please tell to his grandmother, then? And I do not believe Merryl not like men! AND! I do not think you know! - I rubbed his temples, without deciding for what I would get angry first.
He raised leaving the tie and the jacket on the bed and turned to the door.
- Where are you going? I have not just scream.
- Oh, I know. - He opened his eyes, exaggerating the fear - But it's because if you will cry for a few more hours I need a coffee. I'll be right back. I bring one for you too. Then you can yell at me full of caffeine. - Muttered, laughing - It'll be great. Not for me, of course.
I exhaled, trying not to laugh at her silly.
- Yeah, yeah. Just help me with the zipper first. - I rolled my eyes and turned my back.
Holt approached, passed his hand over my neck, pulling my hair the way and down the zipper the dress back. He stuck his fingers through the opening, as I pulled the handles to the sides and soft slid to fall to the ground. I used your support arm out of the dress, one foot at a time. I figured he'd go away make your coffee, but when I bent to pick up the dress on the floor, I felt his hips pressed against my thighs.
- I gave up coffee?
- It depends ... you'll still yell at me?
- It depends ... - sat on the bed to take heels and watched saucy - You'll make me cry?
Greg knelt in front of me and held my wrists.
- No -. Asked, tongue lip - Leave.
Let the clip that held the top of the sandal to my ankle and licked the corner of his mouth.
- We live together long, Gregory. You can not get excited every time I ask you to help me with a zipper.
Down eyes my body, without hiding the naughtiness in her eyes.
- Let's agree to disagree. Now ... - he held out a hand that I took - I was promised some screaming.
I raised with the help of his hand and was in his arms.
- I do not know ... I had excitement enough for today.
- I think I can overcome me. - He promised.
His mouth sought mine and between a comment and a smile, I escaped from his lips just to tease him. His touch went through the various ways in my skin. So many ways he knew as anyone else. Unconquered my mouth, Greg kissed and bit any part of me that could see. His tongue in my ear. His teeth in my neck.
He slipped through my body, and his nose was at the time of my sensitive area and newly depilated. Holt kissed my nakedness and his breath made my whole body tingle.
He climbed back into my mouth, but not before walking a light finger for my input. A little warning of what awaited me. And I was already wet and ready for him.
But then he stopped.
Almost as suddenly as it had begun.
The rascal smile faded. Urgent touches are gone. The brazen growls ceased.
I felt one of his hands seeking mine, while the other put my hair behind her ear. He had that careful and contemplative look that made me feel loved. A serene and peaceful smile.
- I love you. - It was so good to hear him say it so simply. So ... routine. He loved me. That's what he did: it was part of your day-to-day.
And I loved him back.
I smiled like a fool. He went down to face me until our foreheads touching.
- I love you too.
- I love you more. - He decided.
His touch down my arm so warmly that I almost melted.
Never in my life someone had managed to make me feel special as Gregory did.
That was why he was the only one who could break me.
So could make me give in and give up.
So I could convince me to do what I wanted.
And I would.
I'd do anything for him.
- I do not know if this is possible. - I confessed and felt like your smile.
- Well, now we leave it clear. - He was still laughing and was an intoxicating happiness - Let's go back to talking about those screams you promised me.
***********
- Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?
- I?
Holt still went downstairs arranging his tie.
- No. - Frowned - You're a very naughty boy, actually. - I smoothed by the Max and he wagged his tail for us.
- Oh, come on. I'm very well behaved. - Pinched my ass unceremoniously.
- Stop it. - I scolded, laughing.
- And why you are not buying something and yelling that is delayed as have your morning ritual? - He kissed my mouth and sat on the table beside me.
Serve the eggs I had for him his favorite way.
- Because today I have no commitments in the morning.
- No? - Ate the eggs and made a face of absolute approval. - Woman! Will you let me fat. Cooking this way, he is ready to get married. - He
winked at me and the fact that he used a comment as sexist suggested that he wanted to talk about that subject. Or was it me?
- I'll ignore your comment sexist. - I decided.
- Good. It was just a joke. But even if it's just for fun, I think this subject of marriage is not good, is not it? - He laughed - And you have no commitments?
-. Do not I have an appointment.
- Hm? - Wiped his mouth on the napkin and watched me worried - From what?
- Nothing more. - I forced myself to smile - just a routine visit. - I shrugged.
- Want me to go with you?
- No! - I said a little too fast - I'm not that you need someone to hold your hand whenever you see an injection, Holt!
- Injections are frightening! - Joked. - But Don ... you sure? Because if you want company ...
- It's just a routine consultation gynecologist, Greg. Nothing more. And I'll be more comfortable if my boyfriend does not need to see me naked and open in front of a stranger.
He laughed heartily.
- It's all right.
He took out and when I was almost at the door I pulled him one last desperate kiss. There was a question in his eyes. A doubt ... a desire to know if everything was okay.
And in fact, I did not. I had no idea.
It was better that he did not do this question, because I would not know how to respond.
I turned my nervousness in a bastard smile, pinched his ass back and made some suggestive comments. He returned smiles, pinches and comments. He kissed me again and left.
I was squeezing my fingers until you see your car out of sight.
***********
- Positive! - She laughed, opening the test results - Congratulations, Laura!
I was not smiling and it must have been an indication that my doctor need to give more sobriety to his face.
- It was not what you were expecting?
I stared with his mouth open. I wanted to say something, but I was speechless.
I do not remember ever having gone for a while so in my life.
I could be destroyed and depressive or exorbitantly happy ... I always know what to say.
But there ... in front of her. Holding a paper that said that my life would change in a way that I could not even understand ... I could just keep my mouth open and change.
- It happens sometimes. But you would be surprised at the number of women that is unresponsive to receive this news and a few months later can not get rid of the smile.
I think my face would be bad. I gulped.
- The unexpected can be excellent news.
- I do not ... - deep breath - I do not deal very well with the unexpected.
- I'll give you a few minutes, okay? - She shook my hand and offered a smile before leaving.
And I...
I felt small.
I felt tiny.
I always knew I care without problems. But how the hell I was going to take care of someone else?
There was no one I trust to teach me and the only example of mother I had should feel honored to even be considered an example.
My father had been dead for so long ... He always did the best he can with me, but never bothered to watch him to acquire knowledge on that specific subject.
And Holt ... Holt had lost his father. The mother was a good person but could not be considered mentally ill grandmother stable and could be considered the same species as the rest of us.
The grandma...
My stomach lurched.
I felt like throwing up and the idea that it might be morning sickness made me even more desperate.
I was pregnant. Had a life forming inside my body and poor life had poorly developed all members and already receive an unparalleled dose of hate.
It would be hated by a lot of people from the womb. Would suffer all kinds of nasty comment and jealous and I ... What would I do? Would defend life, of course it would. But was going to be another battle I would have to face, was not it? Another of many. And I was not sure I would support.
When he was with me I could stand, but ... what if it was a part of so delicate and helpless me like a fetus, what would I do? Could I control myself and not end up giving a punch someone?
It will be great ... I'll punch Eleanor, she will throw me in jail and I'll have my son incarcerated. It will be quite charming.
And Greg. I tried to imagine his reaction when I told. I could hear him happy, I could hear him smiling, satisfied. The man was an extraordinary father. But I could also imagine him silent. No way ... could see her face watching me as if expecting me to say it was a joke. A perverse joke and bland.
We're not even close. - He had said - No way.
We were together, but he was not thinking of marriage. And "do not think of marriage" for a guy like Greg meant that he did not think of something serious. And what the hell could be more serious than a baby?
He was not ready. It would force him to do something he did not want?
His decency would prevent him from confessing and our desandaria relationship.
Just like my parents.
I could hear my mother's voice screaming for our tiny apartment in one of the last fights that had as my father before leaving.
I did not want to get pregnant.
That was the source of so many problems: a child when one was not ready.
It was a risk. And our relationship despite many trials was still so fragile.
I hold out? Could handle the exponential increase in Eleanor directed not only hate me, but something helpless as my offspring? Could stand not knowing how Gregory felt? I hold out to create something that could be the seed that would resent me and destroy our relationship?
And I would be a bad mother ... this is an indisputable fact. I was no longer there a human being very exemplary ... let alone a human being who must create another!
I was lost.
He still had his forehead in his hands when my doctor came back.
- Laura? Are you alright?
I wanted to say was, but I could feel the wetness feature in my eyes and cheeks. I was crying and did not even realize when I started was.
- Laura? Do you have someone you can talk, baby? The child's father, he ... he already knows?
- Not yet. - I bit my lip.
- You need to tell him and then you decide what they want to do.
- I do not know if it will be a good idea ... I have a son, I mean. I do not know if it's a good idea.
She took a deep breath and opened the drawer.
- On here. - She handed me a box of tissues and a card. I accepted the two - Talk to the father. Talk. The feeling you have now can be fleeting. But if not ... - she indicated the card and I read the inscriptions - If you decide it really is not what you want now, this is a great clinic abortion. They work 24 hours. I know some professionals who work there, the staff is excellent.
I gulped and thanked him with a gesture.
***********
How I managed to spend two days without letting Holt realized what was happening is something that I'll never know.
He noticed that something was wrong ... But I changed the subject in one or two occasions and he finally let it go.
This was the first day.
In the second, I stuck myself in work. I left home before he agreed and came back after he was already asleep.
I could not stop thinking about Eleanor, dammit. I could not stop thinking about taking such a life: pregnancy, raising a child ... all in a hostile environment it certainly would make a point to prepare.
It would be difficult enough if I consider my own limitations. And just imagine how it would get worse when she started to get, I felt I was going to faint.
I could not eat or sleep. I could not think straight. I could barely work.
This situation would not be sustained for long.
Greg was sleeping when I arrived. I took a quick shower and slipped on the bed beside her. He turned and put his arm around my waist, pullin
g me close. More and deeper into his embrace.
I rested a hand on his chest and closed my eyes.
His family would hate me. I would hate our son.
I could support them to throw me. Always I got.
But how would I feel about our son?
And how would he feel?
Could he bear?
Would I be by my side? Or abandon me in defense of the family? Because that I could not stand.
This story was driving me crazy.
I got out of bed and grabbed my purse. I went down the stairs slowly, let my body down on the couch and contemplated the dark beyond the windows.
Maybe one day I was ready to have a child. Maybe one day Holt was.
Hell ... maybe one day until Eleanor was.
But we still were there. It should be good news. A simple thing and that makes perfect sense.
However, I felt like my whole world had been flipped upside down and as if nothing, nothing in my life could ever again make sense.
No, Dom. You're not ready for it.
I picked up the phone and called the clinic. I made an appointment for the next day. Early in the morning ... before I change my mind.
I tried to go back to sleep, but I spent the whole night staring at the ceiling. Greg breathed quiet next to me and I wanted to wake him for him to hold me. I closed my eyes, the hours trickled slowly. I could feel my heart beating hard in my chest, the frying anxiety under my skin.
I stood before Holt wake up and was almost at the door when I heard his voice.
- Slavery is a crime. - Joked.
I turned and tried to smile.
- I live for my work. - I raised one shoulder in confession, hoping deeply that in a few hours everything was solved.
In the afternoon it will be all right. Everything will again be as before.
Barely returned the awkward kiss that Gregory offered me. It was as if in two days we both had unlearned to be together. I had so much strangeness of our bodies that the naturalness of our lives had disappeared almost completely.
The road was long and quiet. All radio stations seemed to convey a joy that I felt. Even the most depressing of them seemed more excited than me and I ended up preferring silence to any kind of musical torture.
I handed my identification at the main desk, and the plump girl of gentle eyes on the other side smiled shyly at me.
- Here, honey. - Returned the form I should fill out and my document - Fill this and now we will call you to go. Just wait, you can sit anywhere.
My Life in the End Page 4
