I was married there a few hours.
Bring home a woman I did not mind and pretend to love her for the rest of my life. It would be a lot of fun.
***********
- You are beautiful, Gregory.
I did not turn. Only continued to face the mirror and tighten the tie.
- Thank you, Eleanor.
- I am very happy for you, darling. - She pulled me into a hug and pretended to be moved. Why she needed to do that? I felt like a child being praised by some stupid drawing stick figures. - You made a great choice and you two are great together.
I seriously doubted.
But I wanted her to leave me alone and a wedding was going to get it, great.
- You can stay quiet lady Baxter! - Derek laughed, putting his arm around my shoulders. I wish he did not touch me. I did not like to touch me - I will not let him get away.
- Ah! I do not care. Baxters not flee. - Winked at my friend with a sympathy not fitted him well. - I'm going back out. Just wanted to see you one last time single. - Joked.
I never took the time to smile. I waved to her and I refocused on my tie. The reflection in the mirror described perfectly well how I felt: a shell. My whole body was an empty shell. Taking me to the places, making decisions, talking to people. But almost none of it mattered.
If you watch with me again I masturbate for you attend.
Shit.
I wanted to take Laura my head. Plucking the poisoned tentacles that bitch used to tie me to her.
- Where will the honeymoon? - Derek asked.
- Do not know. Somewhere she chose.
- Face! - Derek took two tapas on my shoulder - The honeymoon is the only reason a man should marry! Vacation days in a secluded paradise with sex twenty-four hours a day? Cheer up! His wife is gostosinha and I know that quietinhas are the worst.
It was not just my godfather, Derek was my best friend and was just trying to cheer me up. But I just wanted him to shut up.
- Where would you like to go, huh? It's the richest guy in the world. I think there's still time to change plans.
Tahiti.
A bungalow in Tahiti just for me and Don. Two whole weeks.
You will get wet and bikini?
I would not want to go home anymore.
- Anywhere, Derek. Since you're back in the office on Monday.
- I still can not believe that you will only spend three days on honeymoon ...
- You know how those negotiations are now important.
- I know, but ... man ... you're getting married.
- And I will spend the rest of married life. There will be time for vacations and trips, but not now.
- You know who I just think ...
- Hello boys.
I only took me move a little to see the Merryl reflection in the mirror. She stood in the doorway behind us.
- Merryl Hello! - Derek smiled excited. He was investing in the possibility of a relationship. Good luck.
- Hi Derek. I can talk a little with Greg alone? I wanted to spend my wishes.
- Sure, sure. - He gave a friendly slap on my shoulder again and further extended the smile Merryl before leaving and closing the door behind him.
- What are you doing? - She barely waited for the door to close.
- Ahm ... Knot tie?
- Gregory! I did not think you were crazy to take this forward.
- How crazy? - Forced a laugh.
- Elizabeth Saint-Michel? Oh really? It'll make your life hell.
I seriously doubted anyone could make me more unhappy than I already was.
- Merryl will not make me change my mind.
- You're just doing it to avenge her, is not it?
- "Hers" Who?
But I knew. I knew exactly. And even if Merryl was referring to another woman, her name would come to my mind first.
- You know who! - He pulled me by the jacket so that it was facing her - Laura hated Elizabeth and you're marrying her for revenge. Laura wants to suffer.
- Correct me if I'm wrong, but Laura was not invited to the wedding.
- Of course! Because only guests know that you will marry. - Spat sarcastically - This is the entire media, Gregory! Of course Laura know! Sincerely? I thought you were doing it just to get her attention. Make her get angry and come here to yell at you, because then at least you could say goodbye. Or solve everything! Do not know! Just so I do not put myself and let you continue this insanity. But now comes! Do not you love that woman!
- What difference does?
- Greg. - She stroked my arms with a brotherly affection - Just because it did not work with Laura does not mean it will not work with anyone. You can still fall in love again. You are young, friendly, intelligent, talented! It has not been a year since she left, Greg, and you're getting married.
Seven months and two weeks, to be exact.
- You need to live a little, Greg! Give yourself a chance to try again. Marry for love, you know? - She had an incentive smile that I hated.
I held his arms returning the affection and looked deep into his eyes when he said:
- You are very hypocritical, Merryl.
- Can I know why?
- Do you really think is moral to come here and tell me that I should fight to marry for love? I? Look at you! Look at your life! Admit you all their secrets, face the family and marry for love before you come here to tell me what I should not do with my life.
- My problem is the family, Baxter. Not a broken heart.
- My problem is not a broken heart. I do not care anymore with it. She's gone, right? For I will live my life as you see fit and I will not think of it another second.
- You can not even say his name ... - he laughed full of sadness - You still love her, Greg. She is marrying someone she hated because she knows she will hear about it. You want her to suffer. But you are condemning your happiness too! It is not fair to you.
- I'm getting married to Eleanor leave me alone, Merryl. For that reason alone.
- Just for that? - I could see in her eyes that she was plotting a plan - will only marry to calm Eleanor? Not for revenge on Sunday?
- Just for Eleanor.
- Great so. Marry me.
The laughter came out full of scorn.
- How would I be happy married to a woman who prefers women? Explain it to me.
- I do not want you sexually, but I love you, Greggy. You've always been one of my best friends and I love you, really. We would be companions. We would be happy. Eleanor would not stop smiling for life. You could have as many girlfriends wanted out of the marriage. I do not mind. To help you with the excuses needed. You reciprocate the favor - lifted the shoulder with a shy smile - We would be friends. Tells me that you do not prefer to travel on vacation with me than with Elizabeth? Or have me for company social events instead of her?
There was no flaw in your logic. Merryl was still talking.
- If one day Laura appeared, you could talk to her without worrying about me. Without bothering to hide. If he wanted to forgive her, we divorciaríamos. And if he did not, I would have a friend waiting for you at home if needed to vent.
- Would you do it?
- Of course! And you do not need to deal with Elizabeth. - Smiled - I'm going now to Eleanor, I make a crying face and say I'm still in love with you. I say that I can not watch you get married and I'm leaving.
- She would play fire in the church to prevent the marriage. - I agreed.
- At least! Not just with his life for revenge, Greg.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
Laura.
Laura sat reading the newspaper. The announcement of my marriage to Elizabeth. She would suffer, I know it was, even if she did not love me anymore, would suffer. Would wring his bloody rotten and heart and let her angry cups breaking the house.
Hurt her like she hurt me, leave it lying on the floor, feeling enraptured by more impossible to bear sorrow, suffocating within itself.
Laura or
sitting reading the newspaper. The announcement that my marriage to Elizabeth had been canceled. The announcement of my marriage with Merryl. Relief. The bitch would feel relief. I would know that I was giving up to continue my life and was married to my best friend because lesbian was not going to forget it.
- I appreciate your affection, Merryl. But I'm going to marry Elizabeth.
- Greg ... - his face changed, the pursed lips.
- I need to finish dressing up. You can leave now? Call Derek is when out, please.
I turned back to the mirror and she watched me in silence for a few seconds.
I heard his voice behind me, watching his reflection in conflict without knowing whether or not to abandon me.
- I do not need you to end this marriage, you know? I can only speak to Eleanor that I love you and ...
Enough of this shit fucking.
Stick my hand in the dark furniture mirror side and heard the loud sound spread around the room making Merryl shut up.
- Enough of that. - My voice was low and firm. Almost threatening. - I'm very tired of Eleanor trying to manipulate my life and everybody thinks she can. I will marry the fucking Elizabeth Saint-Michel because it will make Laura suffer. - The words were raging between my teeth locked and I was salivating hate - Why will make her read the article of the newspaper and suffer. Will hurt that fucking heart that fucked her the same way he broke mine. If she does not love me, fuck. She cared about money, is not it? Elizabeth will have a lot more money marrying me than any alms my grandmother has stuck in it. I'm getting married, I'll have many children and I will take smiling photos to any newspaper wants to publish any shit. Because she'll see. She'll see me happy. You will see me without it. And she will suffer.
- And you will suffer too? Worth it?
- I'm suffering. - I shrugged - Since she come with me, everything is perfect. It will be worth it.
- So, I can not help you.
- And neither do I want you to do it.
***********
I was breathing through the mouth, cold sweat running down my forehead. I ran my hands over my stomach feeling the taut skin around my son. My whole belly twitched and contracted. I was moaning in pain. Squinting.
IT IS. I think it will be now.
I should have thought a little better in my plan. Taxis were something that did not exist in Venice. I grabbed my bag packed and walked down the street to the pier two blocks from where I lived. The streets were dark and empty.
My body ached.
I sat on a bench near the pier and waited for the next boat.
Venice definitely was not a good idea. Pregnancy made me seasick on boats every two minutes and there were not many other transportation options there. So I walked ... through the narrow, winding cobbled streets that always ended in tall and wide buildings, small squares open with restaurants full of tourists, bridges or ... just ended suddenly at sea.
I rested my hands on my swollen belly, I felt so alone.
I do not remember since I have felt so alone before. In the dark, on an empty pier, needing someone desperately, even if only to help me up ... to carry my suitcase.
Let Sun, not victimizes. You can.
I could see the boat approaching. I would be there in five minutes.
Five long minutes.
I rubbed my fingers on my phone.
He needed to know, did not need?
Oh shit ... I wanted so much to tell. I wanted so badly. I wanted to hear his voice. I wanted to explain. I wanted him to say he loved me and ran for that city sunk to hold my hand. I needed someone to hold my hand so.
Blame it on the hormones, Dom. Blame the hormones swallow crying and move on. Have you made your decision. It's too late to go back.
If he had not understood before, he would not understand now.
Or...
Call. And so he answer the phone say, "her grandmother threatened to kill me and I ran away in fear." That will get his attention, will not you? Will make him shut up. Say "she offered me money so I would miscarry, but I did not do it and now I'm here alone and I need you."
I hated need someone. But it was true. I could do this alone, but did not.
I unlocked my phone.
Fuck.
The phone called once. He would not recognize the number. He will attend?
A second touch. Eleanor should have said that I died. That was what she thought, was not it? That was the Boe plan.
The third ring was interrupted.
- Gregory Baxter.
He answered.
Hear his voice made me want to cry. He sounded so safe, so secure. If only that security was there beside me.
Come on, Don. Say something.
- Hello? Are you listening to me?
I took a deep breath.
- Holt? - I sighed.
I could feel it change across the line.
It had been a whispered almost inaudibly, but he had recognized me.
- I know why you're calling me.
I expected him to be frightened, that I did not believe it was me ...
It was safe to say that your first sentence caught me off guard. Eleanor did not say I died then. The question was, what she had said?
- You know? - He could not know. It was impossible. Unless the power to Eleanor about it was even bigger than I ever imagined.
- Of course I know. And I will not compromise my marriage and my happiness for you.
Marriage?
Yeah, I was going to cry.
- Holt, I think not ...
- Baxter is now.
I swallowed dry.
- You are using the Baxter too? - I could not believe the pain that it caused me.
- I'm using Baxter only.
- Eleanor must be very happy.
- Yes, it is. Thank you. We are all very well. And what do you want? Out trying to ruin the happiest day of my life?
Of all the conversations I imagined having with Holt in recent months, this was the most unexpected.
- I wanted to talk to you. I wanted to explain to you what happened.
- Just today? - He laughed - You called because it's my wedding, Laura. But you will not be able to ruin my life again.
- I do not know what your grandmother told you, Baxter. But I think she must have left my pregnancy out.
-. No, she told me.
Said?
I was not prepared for this part. I took my hand to the stomach in a reflection overprotective.
- Said?
- Said. Eleanor told me everything. Pregnancy, abortion clinic, the disgusting proposal she made him the five million.
No ... It was not possible.
He knew? He knew all this time?
- Did you know?
- Unlike you, Eleanor not lie to me. She told me everything so you left. Although she still did it, is not it? Or would I be today without understanding why shit you left me.
- And you still stand for? After all she did?
- It was a test, you moron. - He filled the feeling of offense and I felt hurt.
- A test?
- She wanted to see how you react. And you failed, of course. And fled as the selfish coward you are.
It was only a test?
I could not decide what was more sickening: trying to kill me, or pretend to try to kill me to see how I would react.
- Gregory, I called because I missed you.
- I called because I'm getting married, her jealous. But it does not matter. You did me a favor to leave, really. Eleanor was right, we both did not functioned. You're hot as hell, of course. But we went as far as we could go. Elizabeth is much like me. We have the same level, the same setting, the same values. I will be happy with it as it could never be with you.
- Elizabeth? - It had been a bad idea. It had been the worst of all ideas.
- IT IS. Elizabeth. We approached a lot in recent months and I ... - I heard his smile, the smile I had loved for so long - I thought I loved you, Thoen. - He laughed - Now I kn
ow how wrong I was! It was not love. It was lust. So thank you for leaving. Saved my life.
- And the baby, Baxter?
- I will not put the police behind you is what you're thinking. But I should! Because it is a crime to have taken all these decisions without telling me. But I will not call the police. In fact, I do not want to hear your voice, even look at your face ever again.
- So will this be? No contact? And what do you want? Remorseless?
- Remorse? And why the fuck I feel remorse, Laura? Remorse about the baby is his. All yours. And you pinch and die with him. Because I'm fucking myself to you or anything that has to do with you.
I deliguei the connection. I do not take any more.
- All right, bella? - A guy down the boat to help me. The contractions were starting again, but did not hurt more than the hole in my heart.
- I have to go to the hospital. - Warned in Italian.
- Let's go. Let's go. - He helped me into the boat and took my bag. The driver smiled, worried and said he would deviate from the route to let me straight in the hospital. I thanked him and I noticed that the phone was still holding my hand.
Anything that has to do with you.
Eleanor had brainwashed the man I knew.
Or maybe, I never have known the truth.
Cell unlocked once more. I went down for my phone book in an almost unhealthy way, looking for a number that Oliver had succeeded and forced me to write down.
My mom.
I could not stand.
I could not be alone. I needed someone.
Any.
Before you put that baby in the world, someone in my life would need to listen to me.
I dialed the number, ready to tell the whole story.
***********
I was still shaking.
The son of a bitch even had the gall to hang up the phone on me.
I wanted to turn back and cry more. But not going to give you that taste ... The satisfaction of knowing that had annoyed me on my wedding day. She was a bastard arrogant, but was smart. If I called back, she would know what hit me.
I looked at the number on the registration link.
39.
Italy.
Was spending his millions in the fashion week in Milan, is not it, Don? Congratulations, bitch. You got what you wanted. But I will not give you any more satisfaction for today. I'm not going.
I do not love you anymore.
My Life in the End Page 10
