by J. J. Hunt
Ollie pushed his glass in the air. “Cheers.” They clinked glasses. “I haven’t even used the app—well, no, that’s a lie, I hooked up with this girl once and she gave me crabs.”
Max shuddered. “Crabs?”
“They’re gone now.”
Thea laughed. “I tried using the app, you know how many pictures of random dick I got?” She threw her head back and sighed. “Too many, an absolute sausage fest, might become a vagaterian.”
Thunderous laughter roared from their throats.
“Vagaterian?” Max asked.
Ollie wiped at the tear in his eye. “A lesbian?”
She waved a hand in the air. “I don’t think I could, just putting that out there.” She burped and immediately blushed. “But I’ll never say never.”
THREE
Candy slammed her hand on a thick ream of paper, sat on her desk. The paperwork distracted them from her gaudy black dress with dotted neon pink and green penises. They took their seats, trying not to stare.
Max and Ollie toned it done from the sweltering jumpers they’d wore yesterday, and opted for light and breezy shirts, opened at the top to let their chests breath.
She tapped her fingernails. “Morning.” She heaved the stack of paper in her arms, sectioned into thirds by three large black clips. “Yesterday, HR came, we haven’t signed your employment forms, and there’s a lot of them.” She dropped a section on each of their desks.
Ollie measured the thickness of the paper with a forefinger and thumb. “No kidding.”
Candy chuckled. “It’s girthy.” Candy said. “But we need this before we can continue.”
“Why?” he asked. “I studied law, so I—”
She pressed a hand to her chest. “That’s super cute and all, but you need to sign them. We have a company NDA, a data protection form, a form to authorise you to make payments, you know—essentials.”
Thea worked her way through the small colourful tabs with ‘sign here’ written on them. With a pen in hand, she scribbled her initials and signature on the dotted lines. Barely, skimming through the words on the page, she paused. “What’s this?”
Max and Ollie hadn’t signed a single page, both sat reading through three-hundred pages of information.
Candy stood behind Thea, looking over her shoulder. “Company rules and policies.”
Thea pressed her finger on a specific line. “Why does it say no relationships?”
Candy forced a single laugh while Max and Ollie skimmed through the page in question. She fanned herself with a hand and grabbed the piece of paper. “You need to be brand loyal, you can’t be the voice of Fling if you’re in a relationship, it’s the kiss of death for this job.”
“Didn’t you just roll out a new feature?” Ollie asked.
“We did?” she mumbled.
“It’s on the welcome tape, bringing in married couples.”
“Oh, yeah, we did.” She threw a hand in her air and rolled her eyes. “Like that matters, company employees aren’t allowed relationships, you can LTF, but not—” she dipped her chin to her neck, gagging on the thought, “—LTR.”
The screwed top lips and creased eyes spoke for their confusion.
She walked back to the front of the office and clapped her hands. “Essentials. We went over this yesterday. LTF is a long-term fling, and a LTR is a long-term relationship.”
Yesterday had been full of surprises, a day of make believe. Nobody would believe a word, unless they saw it for themselves; even today, Candy’s neon dress, while highly inappropriate, nobody would believe them; it wasn’t business casual.
Candy stomped around the front of the office like a horse. “You’ve got thirty minutes to get through the forms.” She clicked her fingers twice, a non-verbal chop, chop, as she left the office.
They sat in silence for a moment, listening to her heels clacking in the distance. Max peered out of the window, looking through the space between the venetian blinds. Candy stood in the control centre, talking with the supervisors.
Max pressed his finger on the page. “This is crazy.” He cleared his throat. “This one says, employees must do everything upper management asks of them, and there’s a winky-face emoji.”
“Are we on some television show?” Ollie asked. “How can these be legal?”
“I’m here for the corporate ladder, I’ll sign away my life if it means getting somewhere.”
Max nodded, pushing back on his chair to see Thea. “That’s why I came to London.”
Ollie clicked his pen several times. “Guess I’m the only sane one.” He continued, sharply pressing at the top of his pen with his thumb. “You just wanna give your rights away.”
“They pay well for them.” Thea smirked, jotting her initials and signature.
Candy stomped back into the room with her heels. She whipped her dress from side to side as she stepped in front of them. Two women followed her into the room. “Flossy and Miranda are on our elite team.”
Both quite young, no older than the new employees. A tall blonde-haired girl in a backless t-shirt and denim shorts. She spoke in a soft voice. “I’m Flossy, and I work on team elite, we choose the elite members.”
A petite girl with brown hair, nodded along with Flossy. “I’m Miranda, and I’ve been here for six months.” She pushed her hands into the sides of her hips, accentuating her lack of curves. She wore a black romper, covering her breasts and upper thigh, everything else was on show. “On team elite, we offer a much more tailored service for our members.” Moving her head, she revealed her face was painted in a darker shade of foundation than on her neck and shoulders. “They’re usually celebrities or people with a lot of money.”
Candy cleared her throat. “None of you will be joining them.” She pressed her palms together and pushed them to her lips. “You have potential, but dealing with celebrities and famous people is a hard task.”
“Oo who like?” Max asked.
“We can’t say,” Miranda laughed. “Duh.”
Fate, their supervisor, banged on the office window. She flipped Candy off with two fingers before peering inside the room. “Give me my agents back.” She pinched at the air with her right hand and closed her eyes. “There’s emails queuing, rooms being requested, and there’s only so much I can do.”
Candy placed her hands on her hips and squeezed her face into a frown. “Don’t exaggerate. You want them back so you can go suck dick in the copy room.”
Fate ushered Miranda and Flossy out. She stayed behind a stood directly in front of Candy, she was a foot shorter, but what Fate lacked in height, she made up for in other ways. “And?” She rolled her hands over. “Are you jealous? You’re not getting laid, are you?” Fate’s face cracked a smile. “I bet the last time you came was when you slept with Sandra on security.” She patted the tight bun of hair on top of her head. “I bet you’re as dry as a menopausal nun, and I should know, I’ve been through it.”
Fate left moments later, leaving them stunned to silence. Candy slammed the door shut, holding her head high and taking the centre space again. “I’m getting my fair share of flings.” She forced a smile on her face. “Have you seen my profile? It’s pure sex.” She stared them down. “Well, have you?”
Max raised his hand. “I’m not into girls.”
Thea nodded. “Same.”
“At Fling, we believe in sex for all, sex for all types, all fetishes, all kinks,” she said, collecting the stacks of signed papers from their desks. “Don’t close your mind to one type, everyone dabbles.”
Ollie’s voice cracked as he cleared his throat. “I’ve dabbled.”
“You have?” Max and Thea said.
“Nothing major, just a handie.”
“You enjoyed it?” Max asked.
“Like I was wanking myself with a numb hand.”
Max nodded his head; he didn’t have much experience with men, if anything, Ollie had more experience. Max grew up in West Yorkshire, not the most open place in Englan
d to grow up gay, or even question your sexuality. There were places to go, but most gay men were ostracised to the larger cities of London or Manchester.
Candy grabbed at her breasts and looked at them. “Go make yourselves a coffee so we can jump back into this.”
In the small kitchen, Alexa unbuttoned Frank Jarr’s black shirt, the international relations manager. They were in an LTF; long-term fling, although mostly outside of the app. For each hook up through Fling, they would do it three more times through private messages, usually using company email.
Alexa gently bit Frank’s ear. “You’re so bad.”
He grabbed her arse and pulled her up on the counter. “How bad?”
She tore his shirt open, popping the last two buttons. She pressed her lips close to his ear. “I’m not wearing underwear.”
Thea walked into the small kitchen, stunned to stand still. Her eyes were fixed on Alexa and Frank as their bodies went back and forth, swaying together and moaning heavily. Thea let out a heavy grumble from the back of her throat, a nervous burp made it way up. “I’m sorry!” She rushed backward, falling into Ollie and Max.
Ollie caught Thea in his arms. “What happened?”
Thea shook her head. “Big kitchen.” They stood in the hallway for a moment as the sound of moaning grew intense. “It’s another room to fuck in.”
“Who?” Max asked. “Who is it?”
“Alexa, and some older guy.”
Candy intercepted them as they pushed through the doors onto the call centre floor. She tutted at them and tapped a foot. “I told you to use the big kitchen.”
The big kitchen was all the way back through the long corridor of offices and reception area; the opposite side of the building. It was used by all employees for their lunch and breaks, but it meant seeing people from different departments, and as the newbies, they were set to be judged harshly by everyone else.
They took several minutes to stew in the new knowledge of people having sex in the open, without any warning signs or trigger notifications. Thea drank a coffee before refilling her flash for her second. Getting paid at the end of the month was the only reason they went back into Candy’s flingshot to success studio.
Candy sipped on her coffee from her company mug. “I don’t mean to go in dry here.” She tapped her nails on the ceramic. “Do you have any fetishes?”
Thea coughed up the coffee, her eyes growing wide.
“Not really,” Max said.
Candy eyes rolled to the back of her head. “You’re all boring.” She stood and slammed her mug down on her desk. “How often do you have sex?”
“Depends,” Ollie said. “Once a week, but not so much recently.”
“Oral at least three times a week,” Candy said. “And masturbating?”
Ollie laughed. “Why?”
“I don’t,” Thea said.
“You don’t masturbate?” Candy threw her head back in laughter. “Oh, okay. You’re lying, everyone masturbates. I did when you were on your break.” She raised her hand. “Just need this.”
“Most nights,” Ollie said. “Helps me sleep.”
Max flashed a grin. “Same.”
“These are questions we ask members, we need to know their habits, their tastes, what they like,” Candy said. “If you’re going to be a prude about it, this isn’t the business for you. And if you don’t want to be here, I can call HR and tell them not to process your paperwork.”
“I masturbate using a showerhead, and I’ve only had two UTIs from it,” Thea said. “I’m no prude.”
“Sex toys?”
“I have three.” Thea stuck three fingers up.
“Impressive, for a starter.” Candy bobbed her head and smiled. “I have twenty-nine toys, and they’re named after powerful people in history.”
Max and Ollie glanced at each other.
Ollie raised his hand. “I have a fleshjack.”
Candy tilted her head back and pushed her arms into the air. “These are the things you’ll see on the system.” She gestured to their computers. “You have log-in details. You’ll see, if they’ve uploaded pictures, you’ll see private image.” She stuck a finger out and paused. “Don’t abuse that power—I mean, if you’re going to hook up with someone, sure, but it’s part of the software use agreements forms you signed.”
“What about celebrities?” Max asked, hoping to score some decent celebrity dick pics.
“No—well, yeah,” she said. “Clearance for those are with Fate and her team.”
Ollie tapped on the keys, glancing up at Candy. “Don’t you have access to the celebrities as well?”
Candy shook her head as the room filled with keys being tapped. “I wish I did.” She sighed. “I wish I could see the senior VP of sales and merchandising, Lara—mmhmm—she’s an amazing woman. I’d let her tie me up and wrap a leash around me any day. I’m sure you’ll see what I mean when she comes in. She’s incredible. She’s fresh air. Oh, and her shoes—her feet.” Candy gasped and gulped hard. “Get logged on.”
Everything on the computer interface was branded with the logo; all bright with its pinks and blues. It took their eyes a moment to adjust.
Candy sat at her desk and tapped on her computer mouse. “You can have a quick play around, but don’t make any permanent changes.”
After thirty minutes passed, messing on the system and scrolling through people they knew, Candy called Max to follow her out of the room.
Candy paused outside the door. “I need to speak to you, in private.”
“Is it something bad?” Max swallowed at the sudden dry knot in his throat.
Ollie and Thea stared at the doorway, trying to listen in.
“Where’s she taking him?” Thea asked Ollie.
“This place is weird.”
Candy walked Max through the aisle of desks and people answering phones in their cheerful chirp. ‘Thank you for contacting Fling, the fun, flirty, hook-up app. All calls are monitored for training purposes, how can I help you today?’ Everyone watched as he walked passed, being walked to the corner office where the blinds were drawn in complete darkness.
As they stepped inside the office, lights flashed on.
Candy pushed her hands in the air, like a messiah. “Do you know whose office this is?”
He shook his head. It was directly on a corner, and he hadn’t seen a name on the door.
She took a seat on the large leather office chair, swivelling around on it. “This is the senior VP of sales office.” she said. “And do you know why I’ve brought you in here?”
“No.”
She gestured for him to take a seat at the opposite side of the desk. “Lara is a close friend of mine. And I have her ear about a lot of things, so it’s actually beneficial to be on my good side.”
“Sorry?”
“You don’t have to be sorry,” she said.
“I’m not following.”
“Max, I’ve fought for you.”
“It’s the second day,” he said. “I’m not sure what you mean. Have I done something?”
She hummed and tilted her head, her thick sprayed back curly locks sitting on top of her head moved from side to side as she did. “Not that you’ve done something, but you haven’t done something, and it’s actually one of the most important aspects of this job.”
He wiped his sweaty palms on the arms of the chair. “I’ve done everything.”
“This company was founded on one principal,” she said. “Do you know what that is?”
Max had a couple of answers in mind, but none of them seemed appropriate for the situation, especially when it felt like he was being reprimanded.
She sighed. “Getting laid.”
“Oh.”
“And we haven’t seen an account from you,” she said. “You don’t have an account on the Fling system, so how can we expect you to be getting laid if you’re not on the system?”
“That’s a rule?”
She laughed once before falling s
ilent. “Yes. Yes, you do.”
“I must’ve missed it,” he said.
She pushed her hand into the air and pinched her fingers, silencing him. “You must hook up using the app, and there’s a quota, you need to be active, and you need to be scoring five stars on every encounter.”
“Five stars?” he asked, with the burning desire to complete his thought with, what am I, some fancy hotel?
“There’s a star system, of course, how can we weed potential flings out if we don’t have a system,” she said with a hum of laughter in the back of throat. “And how can we manage employee performance if it’s not for the star system.”
Max scrunched his face up as he took the information in. “So, what do I have to do?”
“Make an account, hook up with someone, receive a rating of 4 or 5 stars, you know, what’s expected of you, we’re not being unreasonable here, everyone in the office, from the IT technicians to the finance department are doing this.”
“What about Thea and Ollie?”
“They both have accounts, maybe they’re not active, but it’s an effort.” She stood up from behind the desk and walked around to Max. “I don’t want to be disappointed in you.”
Max stood, nodding to himself. “I was going to get the app. But, I don’t know it’s a big deal.”
She pushed up close to him, her mouth to his ear. “You’re a know-it-all, Max, and I don’t like that.” As she sucked in a deep breath, the hairs on Max’s chest stood. “Plus, there’s a zero chance I’ll let you fuck me.”
“What?” He jumped back, falling into the chair.
Candy spread herself across Lara’ desk, rolling over like a beached whale. “You don’t want all of this?” She gestured to the lower half of her body. “Because I’m all woman, and this intimidates you.”
“Uh.” Max pushed himself up and stepped backward toward the door. “I—I—” he left before finishing.
Alexa stood waiting by the door, and as Max left she hooked her arm around his. “Come with me.” She dragged on his arm, pulling him into the hallway. “As soon as I saw her, I followed.” She came to a stop in the small kitchen.
