Deanna had memories of that night too, that she didn’t share; she never talked about it with anyone. They’d been so short-staffed and the casualties kept coming in. Seeing Maddie leave in her Rover. She couldn’t convince Maddie to love her, to stay with her, to not leave her…she couldn’t even get her to talk to her anymore…she had to let her go. She had work she could throw herself into. It had been never-ending and they needed her and her skills.
* * * * *
“You’re friends with Doctor Kearney, aren’t you? Can’t you ask her?”
“What?” Madison looked up from the paperwork she was trying to process so she could move on to actual work, checking on patients. She hadn’t been paying attention to the gossip around her, she had work to do.
“Doctor Kearney. You see her a lot, can’t you ask her?”
Madison was confused and it showed clearly on her face. “Ask her what?”
“If she’s staying?” Bonnie asked exasperatedly. She knew Madison didn’t like to gossip, but she had hoped because of the friendship that the two shared, she would know.
“Staying where?” she was very confused and coming into the conversation midway wasn’t helping.
“Here, at the hospital. They are saying she’s been asked to stay, but that she isn’t.”
Madison quickly thought, ‘Was the six months up?’ Deanna hadn’t said if she was staying or not and Madison wouldn’t tell even if she had. When asked what they spoke about, she usually mentioned that they had worked together in Africa and were friends from back then, but she didn’t share the same kind of exciting stories that the doctor was known for. People had been surprised to find out that she had worked over there. She shrugged off Bonnie’s questions and finished up her work so she could move on, but it didn’t stop her mind from wondering.
Madison had watched Deanna. She showed the same care for patients that she had back in Mamadu. She’d heard the gossip already. Here in Los Angeles, it was thought odd how much time Deanna spent with her patients. Normally it was the nurses who did all the work, but Deanna was different. She got to know her patients, listened to them, and actually cared. A standard joke was that for every twenty-four hours of care, only five minutes was actually provided by the doctors, the rest was by the nurses. Deanna wasn’t like that. If she had a patient who needed her, needed to express concerns, she was there, answering their questions, talking to them and alleviating their worries. She could be found playing with the children, bringing in balloons—reminiscent of what she did back in Mamadu. Madison wondered at that. For someone who didn’t want to procreate, she really was good with children.
There was so much about Deanna that was a conflict of sorts, from stereotypes to just her personality…she was so different from the other doctors, from other women, from others…
* * * * *
“Hey, lady, whatcha doin’?” a voice called.
Madison was nearly in tears. Her minivan was refusing to start and she had no auto service to have it checked. She had been trying to start it for a good fifteen minutes and it was dead. The voice had her looking up, her eyes full of tears. It took a moment for them to clear.
“Hey, are you okay?” Deanna asked, concerned. She was looking in the driver’s side of the vehicle, an umbrella keeping the rain off her nice clothes.
Madison realized how nicely Deanna was dressed, something she had noted the many times they had gone out to dinner. She was relieved at the sound of her voice for some reason. “I can’t get this bucket of bolts going,” she lamented, wondering if it was something serious that she wouldn’t be able to afford to get fixed.
“Do you have Triple A?” she asked, concerned, ignoring the tears. If Madison wasn’t going to mention them she wouldn’t embarrass her by asking about them. She could hear the frustration in the redhead’s voice.
Madison shook her head. She wanted to put her forehead back on the wheel and in an attempt to do something she turned the key again…and again, nothing.
“Well, there is nothing you can do in this,” Deanna pointed out, indicating the rain. “Why don’t I give you a ride and maybe tomorrow the weather will be nice and I can give you a jump-start?”
Madison looked up and realized that was sensible. She knew she was tired after a sixteen-hour shift. Her frustration over the car not starting really had nothing to do with her tears over her fatigue. The combination was sending her over the edge. She pulled the keys from the ignition and nodded, reaching for her purse and looking around the minivan for anything she shouldn’t leave in it. She rolled up the window that had been ajar to let in air and clear the fog from the windows. She opened the door.
“Are your lights on?” Deanna gently asked.
“What? Why?” she was confused.
“Because if you left them on this morning because of the rain, I’ll bet your battery is dead from that.”
The sense of that comment had her checking and sure enough, the button was pulled out fully. She ruefully pushed it back in and wondered if the battery would regain enough of a charge to turn over tomorrow. She closed and locked the door behind her. Deanna had raised the umbrella high enough to cover them both.
“Come on, let’s get out of this,” she said and led Madison to her Rover in the next lot.
“Are you sure? I could get a cab…” she began, but she wasn’t so sure she could afford one. A bus this late wasn’t really a good idea in L.A.
“Come on…” Deanna encouraged her, taking her arm.
“But I’ll still need my car….”
“I’ll pick you up tomorrow and we can jump-start it, okay?” she promised.
Madison let herself be led to the much newer Rover and it wasn’t until she was tucked inside that she realized how chivalrous Deanna had been. It was odd and she mentally began to realize how many times over the past months with their weekly dinners how often Deanna had held doors, even chairs for her, and she had accepted it without thinking.
Deanna had turned on her vehicle with a remote starter so the heater was already going full blast and their breath, which would normally have fogged up the cold windows, soon dissipated. The efficient heating system was already warming their legs and she turned it down slightly as the blower was too loud for chatting. “You’ll have to give me directions,” Deanna commented, looking over at Madison curiously, wondering what was on her mind.
Madison was thinking too hard. Was Deanna courting her? She woke up at Deanna’s statement in order to direct her. She sat admiring the expensive Rover, knowing she would never be able to afford such a luxurious vehicle with her nurse’s pay.
“You’re very quiet,” Deanna commented, wondering if she should turn on the radio to cover the silence. The windshield wipers were loud and the rain slapping at them was the only noise. “Are you okay? Rough day?” she asked, concerned. They’d never had any trouble keeping a conversation going.
Madison, in an attempt to keep her thoughts from being spoken out loud, grasped at that. “Yeah, rough day,” she sighed, managing to sound tired even though she really wasn’t. “You know how it is,” she added.
“Yeah,” Deanna sighed loudly in sympathy. “I do know.” She had so much more to deal with, but she never belittled the nurses’ contributions. She was very thoughtful of the staff who helped keep her patients clean and healthy. They were the ones who dealt with the vomit and bodily functions. The interns were supposed to contribute, but many times they were well aware of the fact that they would be doctors, and learned their arrogance early. Deanna never had. She could frequently be seen helping the nurses, or rather they willingly helped her, cleaning and administering to her patients. Those interns who worked with her were expected to do just as much and they appreciated her differently from the other doctors. Deanna also had to administer her family’s company and that led to long nights. She insisted on having time to herself, which had led to some resentment when she had weekends off, but that was her own time and her own business. She didn’t talk about that
and many had wondered.
They chatted easily and were soon at Madison’s little house. Deanna looked curiously at the WW2 bungalow, but didn’t ask about it. “I’ll pick you up tomorrow. Is 7:30 okay?” She glanced at the clock. It had taken them twenty minutes to drive from the hospital. That would get them to the hospital in the morning with time to spare. She wasn’t due until ten, but that was okay. It would give her time to go over paperwork and she wanted to accommodate Madison.
“I don’t have to be in until nine tomorrow. What time are you due?” she asked, concerned that she was imposing on her friend. Her hand was on the door handle, ready to make her escape.
“Oh, that’s even better. I’ll pick you up at 8:30?” she answered without answering fully.
“That’s good, and thank you for the ride,” she said politely as she got out into the rain.
“Here,” Deanna insisted, handing her the umbrella.
“What about you?” she reluctantly took it and opened it above her to keep the downpour off.
“I have a garage,” she admitted.
“Oh, then thank you again,” she smiled, unknowingly causing Deanna to catch her breath. She wondered briefly where Deanna lived, she had never asked.
“See you in the morning,” she dismissed and was rewarded with that same smile. The car door was shut, but Deanna rolled down the window using the button on her side as she watched Madison safely make her way to the front door. It wasn’t until she saw her fumble with her keys, unlock the door, and go inside that she drove away.
Madison was very conscious of Deanna watching her go to the door. Their house wasn’t in an unsafe neighborhood, but it had been a long time since anyone waited for her. It took forever to find the right key—she hadn’t left the porch light on for herself and the kids wouldn’t have thought of doing that for her—before she could insert it in the lock. She would have looked back, but didn’t think she could see Deanna with the dark and the rain, so she went inside. She heard through the closed door as the vehicle drove off. Now she could allow her thoughts of Deanna to roam, but the children captured her attention so she’d have to wait until later.
“What’s this?” she asked as the dog accompanied the children in greeting her. She liked the dog, but she didn’t know why it was at her home.
“Dad had to go out of town and he said you wouldn’t mind,” Conor told her as he bent down to try and hold the exuberant pup who was greeting the head of the household.
“Oh he did, did he?” she answered, annoyed. He could have at least asked her.
“Yeah, we get him the whole week. Isn’t it great?” Chloe asked as she too bent down to try and control the pup.
“Did he bring food or any of his toys?” she asked as she looked in at the mess in the living room…newspapers and the kids’ toys were everywhere. She was certain the kids hadn’t done that by themselves. She sighed, genuinely tired from a long day’s work, and now to come home to this.
“No, but we can go buy some,” Conor said confidently.
“No, we can’t. The car wouldn’t start and I have no way to get any,” she told him, annoyed. She pushed the undisciplined pup down repeatedly. This really was becoming a bad situation.
“But what will he eat?” Chloe asked, worriedly.
“Call your father and tell him to bring something over,” she told the child as she went to take off her coat. The pup started to chew on the umbrella she had turned upside down. “Don’t let him do that, it’s not mine!” she ordered the children, pulling it from the dog who thought she wanted to play a game and jumped at it, tearing the nylon. “Dammit!” she exclaimed, knowing she would have to replace it before she could return it to Deanna. “Keep that pup down!” she ordered Conor as she tried to hang the ripped umbrella out of the way of the jumping dog. She hung her coat over the wet and dripping umbrella, hoping out of sight would be out of mind for the dog. “You, call your father right now!” she pointed at Chloe. They could see she was becoming angry and quickly scurried to do her bidding.
Madison didn’t need an untrained puppy in her organized, little house. She found two spots where he had left a present. She grabbed paper towels and cleaned it up.
“Daddy’s on the phone,” Chloe told her importantly and handed her the cordless.
“Scott? How dare you leave this pup of yours over here without asking me?” she started in on him.
“The kids said it would be fine and it saves me from having to dump it at a pet hotel. Do you know how expensive those things are?”
“You left it with no food and you didn’t ask me. How would the kids know whether it could stay here or not? My house isn’t puppy proof and he isn’t even house-trained!” she was taking her fatigue out on him and didn’t care. The kids were listening, wide-eyed and fearful.
“C’mon, just go pick up a bag of dog food, I have to get going…” he began whiningly.
“I have no car, mine died in the hospital parking lot,” she informed him frostily. This was the same kind of shit she put up with in their marriage and she wasn’t going to put up with it now. This lack of responsibility was so child-like and so typical of him. “You should have asked ME!”
“Well, can’t you order it or something…?” he began, sensing her anger, but knowing she couldn’t do much on the phone.
“You think I’m made of money or something?”
“I’ll pay you back,” he promised, and at that moment, he meant it.
“No you won’t! You never do!”
“Look, I’m kind of in a hurry here…” he began, but she cut him off.
“I just got home from work. I don’t have any food for this dog. You didn’t ask ME if you could leave it! You better do something and NOW!” she ordered angrily.
“Or what? You gonna take it to the pound?” he countered just as angrily. She was always ordering him about. That was why he had divorced her…at least that was what he thought now.
“You really want to push that? You want me to tell our children that you want me to take the dog to the pound?” she said it aloud so that they would hear it. She knew they were listening and she was right on the button, they set up a squalling immediately.
“You can’t do that, Mommy!” began Chloe, whining.
“Don’t make him do that, Mommy!” Conor chimed in.
Scott could hear the whines and was just glad he wasn’t there to put up with it. The children always got their way with him and he couldn’t stand the noise. “Alright, alright, I’ll get some food over there,” he promised, wondering how it was going to interfere with his fishing trip plans. He knew asking the children to take the dog was the coward’s way out, but he wanted to go. He didn’t want to have to ask his ex-wife for anything and there was the real possibility that she would say no.
She waved the kids to silence with her hand. “You better have something here within an hour, Scott or I’ll make the plans you just suggested,” she threatened, knowing he would take the fall for the idea and not her. She also knew she would do no such thing. It wasn’t the dog’s fault he was a bad dog owner.
“Alright, I’ll take care of it,” he told her angrily and hung up on her. “The bitch,” he thought angrily as he looked up and made another phone call. “Always ordering me about. Good thing I got rid of her.”
Madison finally got the dog contained in the kitchen on the linoleum. She used the children’s old baby gate to keep him from the rest of the house. She had just had been thinking of getting rid of all the baby things last week and this would have gone too. Timing was everything. She cleaned up the living room, finding another accident of the dog’s. She was about to make dinner for the children when the doorbell rang.
Scott had arranged to have groceries delivered and they gave her a fifty-pound bag of dog food. Why she needed such a large one, she had no idea as she signed for it. She wondered how long he intended for the dog to stay at her house? She knew it had probably cost him more than he had planned to arrange this, they probab
ly had a minimum on the delivery, and she didn’t feel one bit sorry for him.
The dog tore into the small bowl of food like it hadn’t eaten in days. She was hard put to know where to put the rest of the big bag so the pup wouldn’t be able to get into it. For now, she put it up on the counter, using her muscles to lift the heavy bag.
Next, she had to feed the kids and herself, but she hadn’t had a chance to change her clothes from work. She sighed, wishing she had help tonight when she was so tired.
* * * * *
Deanna had headed across town in time to hit rush hour traffic. It took her almost an hour to get home, but she didn’t mind giving Madison a lift, she enjoyed chatting with her and spending time. She was a little frustrated, unsure how to take their friendship to the next level and scared of suggesting more. She didn’t want to lose the friendship she had so carefully cultivated with Madison. After all these years, how could she tell her she wanted what they had had back in Mamadu?
She hadn’t intended to seek her out, in fact she had been genuinely surprised to find her at the hospital. She hadn’t expected her there. In fact, she didn’t know where to find Maddie MacGregor, even though she had looked when she got back to the States. Realizing that Maddie had moved on hadn’t stopped her from thinking about her from time to time. Life and living it, realizing her responsibilities, Deanna had a lot of time that she couldn’t or wouldn’t use to think about what could have been. She realized a lot of the mistakes she had made back in Africa. She had few regrets, but she had wished many times over the years that she had simply told Maddie that she loved her. This Madison that she had come to know again was a challenge. She didn’t seem to be any more willing to be Deanna’s partner than Maddie had been ten years ago.
Deanna knew she was going to have to make some decisions and make them soon. She couldn’t stay at the hospital, there was too much conflict there. She knew she could go back to Boston and run the family’s pharmaceutical company, but she didn’t want to. It was the reason she had set it up with the managers she had in place—competent people who could take care of it with minimal supervision. She knew the people she had to answer to, the investors, would prefer to have a board of directors and bloated paychecks in place, but as she owned the majority shares and it was her name on the door, she still pulled all the strings and they answered to her. As long as it was profitable, she felt they had no reason to complain. They just wanted it to be like every other company out there and she refused. She saw no reason to have people in jobs that weren’t necessary. It worked fine the way her father and sister had run it, the only difference was that Deanna didn’t sit and run it herself anymore…she had a managerial staff for that. She preferred to be the doctor she had trained to be.
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