After seeing three patients, Deanna took off her sterile gloves for the last time and said, “What say you we play hooky the rest of the afternoon?”
“What about your patients? I can only stay until three. I have to get home and there is bound to be traffic,” she cautioned.
“I have only one consult that, fortunately, canceled and my paperwork can wait until tomorrow. Come on, let me tell my staff then you and I take off.”
In short order Deanna was ready to go and they headed out in her Rover. “I’m going to have to trade this thing in soon if I continue to put so many miles on it,” she said as she caressed the dashboard.
“I hear you. I’m always crossing my fingers that the van will start,” Madison tried to relate, but knew that she couldn’t really compare a ten-year-old minivan to a fairly new Rover that probably cost ten times what her van did.
“How about I show you how the house is coming together after all these weeks?” Deanna asked.
“Sounds good,” Madison replied with a smile. She had heard about the shopping expeditions, the returns, the pieces that just didn’t work out, and some of the lovely finds that Deanna got to brag about. She lived vicariously through their phone calls about Deanna’s purchases. She was also envious to a degree as she had to watch every dime. She wasn’t kidding about the van.
The house was lovely. The pieces showed Deanna’s good taste. She hadn’t just lived in the Los Angeles home because it was part of her family’s properties. She had been raised in luxurious surroundings and the pieces she had chosen were warm and rich and expensive.
“Get off there,” she shooed Spot from one of the leather couches where he was laying. He just looked at her as though daring her to make him get off. She did too, shoving him to the floor. “You have your own cat tree,” she told him and he just blinked at her sleepily in reply.
Madison laughed at the cat tree when she saw it. It was over six feet in height and obviously made for smaller cats. It looked like a real tree with limbs and colored foliage. Still, it was sturdy, about eighteen inches around, and the cat could climb it as its sides were made up of carpeting. Later, she saw him lying on the uppermost branch of the tree. Deanna had an identical cat tree outside by the pool under the overhang for him, explaining how much he enjoyed being outside.
“He caught a rabbit on the property the other day. I think their days are numbered around here.”
“Do you worry that he might get out or get away?”
“I have him micro-chipped and I have a permit from the State of California. The property is fenced and gated, so I have done all I can,” she shrugged, knowing that having a semi-wild animal as a pet was a responsibility and one she enjoyed.
“Oh, this is lovely,” Madison said when she saw Roman’s room. He had a bunk bed with a desk and a computer under it. Posters on the wall had everything from planets to the latest bands. The boy had eclectic tastes.
“He seems to like it,” Deanna replied as she looked around at the clean room.
“Do you have a housekeeper here?”
“Yeah, she comes in three times a week,” Deanna admitted. “I don’t have time for some things,” she sighed at her frailties, something she had come to grips with a long time ago—she couldn’t do everything. “I love having Roman here every night.”
She showed Madison the master bedroom, which had a lovely four-poster bed not much different than the one in L.A., just different hangings.
“You bought all of this new?” Deanna asked to make conversation, feeling suddenly nervous. They were in the house alone, the housekeeper was obviously not here, and Roman was at school.
Deanna could almost sense Madison’s nervousness…it was a palpable thing. She’d made sure she brushed by her a couple of times as she showed her the house and the changes they had made: from the removal and replacement of the sixty-inch television screen to the furniture in the den. “Is something wrong?” she asked, hiding the smile that threatened to break.
“I…I…don’t know what you’re talking about,” Madison answered as she turned to leave the room, but Deanna was standing firmly in her way.
“Why did you come up to Santa Barbara today, Madison?” she asked huskily, longing to take the redhead into her arms, but not willing to make her any more uncomfortable than she obviously was.
“T…to…see you, of course. It’s been weeks,” she stuttered out. She was trying not to look at Deanna, but she couldn’t help it. She was lovely. She’d recently gotten a haircut and her hair was standing on end. She looked so cool standing there, holding her captive without even trying.
“Is that all?”
“I’ve missed seeing you at the hospital. I’ve missed you.”
“I’m here now,” she stated the obvious.
“And I’m here too,” she admitted. She was hoping that Deanna would take her in her arms, and yet was scared that if she did they would make love. She couldn’t for the life of her make the first move.
Deanna couldn’t taunt her anymore and reached to take Madison in her strong arms. “I’ve missed you too,” she said huskily before her mouth descended on Madison’s. Lovingly, she kissed her. Gently, insistently, she coaxed Madison’s mouth open so she could plunge her tongue inside. Her fingers rose to gently caress along Madison’s face, the tips skimming along her jaw as she kissed her heatedly. Her fingers raked into her red hair as she cupped the back of her head to hold her in place so she could have her way with her lips.
“Mmm, mmm,” Madison moaned into Deanna’s mouth. “Oh, my gawd,” she breathed when she pulled back slightly to murmur against the blonde’s lips. “I want you,” she said before she returned to kissing her passionately.
Deanna slowly walked them towards the large, empty bed, and when Madison’s legs hit the edge, she gently lowered her onto it, her body covering the redhead completely as her fingers began to look for the edge of her shirt. Fingers encountered taut skin and the redhead murmured appreciatively. The fingers slid under the shirt, raising it as they searched for and found Madison’s bra and plunged inside, cupping her breast and immediately teasing the peak. Deanna pressed down mons to mons, frustrated already that there were pants and jeans between flesh.
Madison pulled Deanna tightly against her body, allowing her to maneuver her to the bed, loving the feel of Deanna’s body on top of her own. She groaned aloud when she ground suggestively against her and reached between them to slip her hand into Deanna’s pants, finding her gushing into her palm. “Oh, my God,” she gasped.
Deanna removed her hands from Madison to pull at her own clothes, removing them quickly, her blue eyes holding the green eyes captive as she stripped. She then started on Madison’s clothes. First the shirt…she couldn’t resist plunging her face between the mounds of flesh that constituted her bosom. She inhaled Madison’s scent, then another more pervasive smell tickled her nostrils and she quickly unbuttoned the redhead’s jeans and yanked them down. She could see the panties that she wore were soused by the scent she was seeking. She leaned her nose in and inhaled, sighing deeply and lovingly. She yanked the panties down, pleased to see those red hairs that led to her charms. She reached out with her tongue to taste.
“Wait, wait,” Madison gasped, trying to yank off her pants and panties that were around her knees, but her shoes were still on. Feeling Deanna’s tongue on her clit was nearly her undoing as she arched up.
Reluctantly, Deanna pulled back, seeing Madison struggle to slip off first one, then the other sports shoe, yanking on the socks almost violently as she then pulled off the jeans and the panties completely. “Now?” she asked, cocking an eyebrow as she smiled and then plunged between her lover’s legs, putting those legs over her shoulders so she could indulge to her heart’s content.
“Oh, my God,” Madison gasped as it was so quick, so violent and yet,,,so needed. She ground her center into Deanna’s mouth, reaching down to hold the blonde’s head in place. The short blonde hairs stuck up between her fingers as
she pulled her closer, if that was possible. “Ungh, ungh,” she grunted passionately. She fell back after a moment, her back arching as the first of the waves struck her body. She bucked and convulsed as she came over and over again.
Deanna licked at each and every fold she could reach, her fingers plunging as her thumb rubbed. She felt the passion rising in the redhead, her groaning was matched by the humming that Deanna performed against her lover. More liquid shot out of Madison and splashed across Deanna’s chest. She felt the redhead tensing and then her body began to spasm, nearly hitting her sensitive nose that had recently healed. She pulled back to protect it and watched the most glorious sight as Madison began to convulse in orgasm. First one, and then another…it was beautiful to watch and she had a huge smile on her face at what she had caused. She slowly rose up from her kneeling position over the side of the bed, letting Madison’s legs fall from her shoulders, and covering her now cooling body with her own, but now Madison clasped her around her middle using her legs. Madison rolled them until she was on top, reaching down and plunging her fingers inside a surprised Deanna.
“Ohhh,” she gasped at the sensation. Madison grasped Deanna’s breast with her lips and began laving attention on the very erect nipple with her tongue. The combination sent bolts of pleasure through her belly button and straight down to her clit. It didn’t take long for her to begin to feel the tingling that signaled she was coming, and when it hit her, she rode the wave enthusiastically, spasming against the redhead who held onto her as she convulsed. Deanna bit at her own lips, feeling the blood tingling back slowly into her lips and her toes. She’d been surprised by the intensity and speed of her orgasms. Slowly, she came down from the incredible high. She was so pleased, but when she finally opened her eyes, she saw Madison crying silently. She hadn’t even been aware of it.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
“I’m so happy,” she replied and tried to hide her face.
“If you’re happy, why are you crying?”
“I don’t know. Maybe I’m afraid of what will happen between us,” she confessed.
From an incredible and intense high to this. Deanna could feel the anger begin inside of her. Slowly, she got up and gathered her clothes. She glanced at a surprised Madison and said, “Get dressed.”
“Are you angry at me?”
“My housekeeper and son are due home soon,” she answered as she turned her back to draw on her clothes. She nearly ripped her expensive and very sexy underwear in her haste to get dressed. It wasn’t until she saw in her peripheral vision that Madison was completely dressed, running her fingers sexily through her long red hair, that she turned around on her. “I’ll take you to your van,” she said coldly and left the bedroom, not even considering that Madison wouldn’t follow her.
Madison was in shock and followed along automatically. She got into the SUV and didn’t say a word. She twisted her hands over and over as she thought about what to say or to do. It wasn’t until they were back at the clinic that she woke up from her daze. “Are you angry with me?” she asked stupidly.
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
“What do you want from me, Madison?” she asked angrily. “I’ve tried to give you time to adjust. I’ve tried to romance you, to let you get to know me again. I don’t want to be your fuck buddy,” she cringed at the crudity of that statement. “I don’t want to be friends with benefits. I want you,” she tried to lean forward and take Madison’s hands in her own, but the redhead turned slightly away, almost in shame. “I want to have you live with me, to make a family. I have a nice home, I have the practice I wanted, but then I ask myself, what do you want?” she finished gently, the anger dissolving
Madison looked up, surprised at the question. No one had asked her what she wanted in a very long time. The only act of independence she could remember was going to Africa, and she had paid for that defiance in various ways for years. First with her mother and her guilt trips, and then the knowledge that she had loved Deanna and not taken advantage of what she offered back then. She thought with Deanna back in the picture they could be friends, just friends, but Deanna wanted more. Madison wanted…she wasn’t sure what she wanted. She wanted Deanna, but she also didn’t want people to know, to judge, to gossip….
“I can’t continue to do this Madison. You know how I feel,” she tilted her blonde head so Madison was forced to look at her. “I finally could admit to loving you,” she said softly. “I can’t live with the pain of not having you around every day. I can’t live in the closet,” she saw Madison start at that; she’d hit a nerve. “I am out. Everyone knows I’m out. If you can’t live with that, with being with me, then let me go…for both our sakes,” she pleaded, tears in her blue eyes.
Madison looked back and forth between those eyes, judging, analyzing what she had just said. Deanna was right, it wasn’t fair. Her indecision had cost them…so much time, so much love. Did she love Deanna enough to let her go? Did she want that?
“Go home, Madison,” Deanna said gently and reached to take her hand, despite her attempts to avoid it. “You know what I want. You know I want you, I want your kids, I want a family. I want to provide for you, to replace that dilapidated old van, to take you to places when we vacation. I want…you,” she finished quietly. “But you have to decide what you want. Do you want to give up everything in L.A. and move here to be with me? Do you want people knowing that you are in a relationship with a woman? Can you live with that? Can you love me through the good and the bad?” Her voice changed slightly as she continued, “Through sickness and in health, until death parts us?” She smiled at her paraphrasing, but she stopped it there as she saw the tears in Madison’s eyes begin again. “You have to let me know…soon?”
Madison couldn’t speak. Her throat had swollen and she just nodded. She reached up to wipe the tears with her free hand. She squeezed the other hand holding hers, hoping to convey that she would think about it, make a decision. She swallowed a couple of times before she was able to speak at all, then in a small voice she squeaked, “I have to go.”
Deanna nodded in agreement. “I hope to talk to you about this soon.” With that, she let go of Madison’s hand and watched her get into her minivan and start it up. She wasn’t reassured when Madison didn’t even look back.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Madison did think about it, the whole ride home. She had to be careful to concentrate on the drive, but she did think about the whole situation. She’d not been very brave her whole life. The whole Irish-Catholic guilt trips growing up, being expected to marry and produce more children. She’d revolted by becoming a nurse and having the audacity to go off to Africa. She’d paid for that over and over again. She’d done what was expected, married, produced children…but was that enough? When was it ‘her’ turn? When was it time for Madison to have a life, one she really wanted? But what did she want? She thought back to Madison in her twenties, the one that was scared about life and yet willing to travel all the way to Africa to help others, to get experience. She’d gotten so much more than she had expected. She’d never considered being with a woman. Finding Deanna had at first intrigued her, fascinated her, and then the curiosity of wondering what it would be like to be with her. Falling in love had never occurred to her. Finding that love had been such a precious gift. She hadn’t known what to do with it when she realized Deanna didn’t say she loved her too. She didn’t realize that Deanna showed her love, she expressed it in the little things. That Maddie of long ago was gone…but was she really? Why couldn’t Maddie, or the more grown up Madison, make a decision about what she wanted?
Deanna was offering her the world. Yes, she was enormously wealthy and could give both Madison and her children things she couldn’t hope to have, but that wasn’t the attraction, not in the least. It was the security of knowing that she loved and was loved that appealed. She knew she loved Deanna. She was sure of Deanna’s love for her now. She understood a lot more now.
Intellectually, sh
e knew she shouldn’t take into account what others would think of her and her decisions. If she missed this chance, let Deanna go as she asked, she’d be giving up a part of herself she hadn’t known was smothering for so long. She was happy with Deanna in her life. She’d felt so good these last months since Deanna came back into her life. Could she openly admit that she loved a woman and was going to make a life with her?
She thought about the lovemaking they had just committed. It was so different from the night of the gala. The night of the gala had been exhausting, but a coming together that was ten years delayed. She’d wanted Deanna more than she could remember ever wanting anyone. Not just sex, that was the difference from today and that night. Today wasn’t really lovemaking, it was more about the raw, sensual sex, and she’d needed that too. She hadn’t intended to have sex with Deanna when she came up to Santa Barbara. She’d just wanted to see her after all these weeks—to touch her, to be with her. She fed her soul. They had so much in common. They were very compatible. Not just the medical stuff, but even seeing what she bought for the house, her new and beautiful house. They were things she would have loved to have bought with Deanna, had she been here. None of the choices were anything she would have objected to.
Her thoughts returned to the sex. The night of the gala was so sensual, but on a different level. Deanna had been so loving, so caring of what Madison had been feeling…taking care of the redhead’s needs first as she wanted it so badly, so urgently. And then taking them further, slowly and intricately…like a dance that wasn’t going to end as she made love to her over and over again. It had been exhausting and invigorating. Each of them fell asleep in the other’s arms, satisfied…finally. Madison admitted she wanted that too. The lovemaking, the easy affection, the attention. She wanted the whole package and that was what Deanna was offering.
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