A black truck moves toward me in the opposite lane. Realizing it’s Derek truck, I roll my window to flag him down when I see a flash of blonde hair in the front seat.
I do a double take, blinking my eyes furiously. Surely not. That can’t be Kristen in the truck with him. Practically in his lap, at that. I furrow my brow, wondering if I just entered the Twilight Zone.
I pull over into a turn-off and whip the truck back onto the road, heading toward my apartment. I haven’t seen Mallory since we rolled into town, and truthfully, I’m not sure I want to. It hurts thinking about her with someone else, especially since she’s all I’ve thought about since I left. I just don’t know if I have the control to be around her without slipping up and saying—or worse, doing—something stupid. I don’t want to add any drama or confusion to her life, or hurt her, but this hurts me.
Pulling into the apartment complex, I breathe a sigh of relief. Mallory isn’t here. That’s one thing I don’t have to worry about right now. Slinging my bag over my shoulder, I head up the stairs. My key slides into the lock, and with a twist, I open the door. Usually when I come home from touring, the place smells like stale air, but not today. It smells fresh, like someone just cleaned. Dropping my bag on the floor beside the couch, I notice the bowl of fresh fruit on the bar. Curiosity piqued, I head into the kitchen and open the fridge. Sure enough, there are fresh vegetables, fruits, and protein. Closing the door, I spot the note held by a magnet.
Jason,
I figure you are going to be too tired to want to go shopping. I tried to get all the stuff you like. I put fresh sheets on your bed, too. I’m glad you’re home. I’ve missed you. Hopefully, I’ll get to see you tonight.
Love,
Mallory
Reading her note, all my good intentions go down the drain. Forget the other guy. This girl is mine—always has been, always will be. And God help anyone who gets in my way.
But first, I have to make sure my mind’s not deceiving me.
Derek finally pulls up after what feels like an eternity. I open the door and get out of the truck, meeting him in front of his.
“Hey, man, what’s up? How was the bus ride home?” He sticks his hand out before pulling me into a hug.
“It sucked balls.” I chuckle. “It took forever, but I’m damn glad to be home.” Derek had decided to fly home after the last concert and made it home a day before. The rest of us poor schmucks finally got in this morning. Our travel bus is tricked out with nearly all the comforts of home, but it’s not the same.
“Listen, I gotta ask you a question. I headed over here a little while ago and passed you as you were leaving. Now, tell me if I’m wrong, but I seem to have seen a certain blonde all cozied up next to you in your truck.” As I speak, his eyes get wider and his lips become a thin line. Damn, I didn't see things. This is going to be a cluster fuck of epic proportions.
“What the hell are you thinking?” I ask, tilting my head toward the sky. Yep, fucking Twilight Zone.
Shrugging his shoulders, he says, “Let’s go inside. This conversation is gonna involve alcohol.”
Mother. Fucker.
A few beers later, Derek sits back after laying out what’s happened over the last few days. The way his face lit up at every mention of Kristen, I know he is for real. Not just a one off. Which is going to make everything so fucking difficult, for us all.
“What about Brett?”
Running his hand across his face, he looks at me. The indecision in his eyes is hard to see. They’ve been best friends forever, way longer than Isaac and I have been in the picture. I can only begin to imagine how torn he is over his loyalty to Brett and feelings for her. I sure as hell don’t want to be in his shoes.
“I don't know what I'm going to do about this yet. I’ve been slowly falling in love with this girl. Coming between them has never crossed my mind, but he fucked up. I do feel guilty, but I'm not going to let that stop me. I'm not going to tell him right away.” He rubs his hand across his face as if it can make all the anguish of betrayal disappear. “Truthfully, I'm scared to tell him. Who the hell knows how he's going to react? He hasn't been the same Brett since we got back. I feel like I don't even know him. He fucks every groupie he can, and I can't remember the last time he was sober. He's got to be on something. He looks like shit.”
“I know what you mean. I'm worried about him, about all of us. Brett was always the heart of the band, but now it’s like we're coming in second after the pussy and booze. Maybe, since we're back from touring, Brian can have a talk with him. Something's gotta give, and I don't think you and Kristen are going to help the situation.”
Brett has been on my mind a lot lately. He’s not the same guy he was before the breakup. Instead of the funny, lighthearted guy with a wicked sense of humor, we’re stuck with a melancholy, shell of the man he was. We used to hang out all the time, but now we can’t clear out fast enough before he drags us all down.
“I know, man. I don't know how he's going to react. That's why I was going to keep this quiet while we were home. But I don't want to keep it a secret if it turns into something more. I don't want Kristen to feel like she's some dirty little secret I have to keep. Damn it, it's just a fucked up situation. For now, we're going to keep it between us. We’ll talk with Brian and see where it goes. I do think we need to get a handle on Brett before something bad happens, like something he can't recover from—or the band can't recover from.”
“Okay. I'll keep quiet about this for now, at least until we try to get Brett straightened out. I just don't want this to send him down a hole we can't get him out of.”
I sit back on a sigh. This may be the hardest fucking secret I’ve ever had keep.
After driving around the outskirts of Dallas for a couple hours, I pull into the apartment complex. Mallory should have gotten off her shift around fifteen minutes ago. If she’s lucky. Emergencies don’t stop for shift change. Looking around, I don’t see her car in her spot, so I hustle up the stairs. Knowing Mallory, she probably didn’t eat a decent meal while at the hospital, just grabbed whatever she could between patients. I shoot her a quick text.
Me: Come over when you get home and change or whatever. I’m grilling out.
Mal: That’s awesome. It’s been a shit day.
Me: Sorry.
Mal: Seeing you will make it all better. See you in half an hour.
It amazes me that just an innocent text from her can make my pulse race. Tonight is the night. I can feel it.
Flipping the chicken on the grill, I hear the knock on the door.
“Come in,” I holler across the apartment. And when the door opens, she takes my breath away. It’s been forever since I laid eyes on her. She walks in like a dream. Her long, dark hair is loose, flowing around her shoulders. She has on a bright blue, baggy sweatshirt hanging off one shoulder, and it makes me want to kiss her exposed collarbone before I slide the pink strap of her bra off her shoulder. Tight leggings with some tiny multicolored print showing off the muscles in her legs.
Then, I notice what’s different. Her head is held high, her shoulders back. She’s not looking down and using her hair as a shield. She is holding herself with a confidence I haven’t seen since I meet her. And it’s sexy as fuck. I shift my leg to try to hide the semi hard-on I get from just watching her walk through the door.
As soon as she catches sight of me on the balcony, her whole face lights up and her dove gray eyes sparkle. We move toward one another, her faster than me. Catching her as she launches herself into my arms, the feeling of coming home washes over me. Her hair blankets us both. As she wraps her legs around me, the junction of her thighs is nestled snuggly against my erection and I can feel the heat of her through her pants and my jeans. One hand cups her neck as the other cups her ass cheek, the firm muscle filling my palm. It takes everything in me not to squeeze. I know I should put some space between our bodies, but I can’t force myself to do so.
“God, I’ve missed you.” Her voice
is muffled as she presses her face into my neck.
“I’ve missed you too, sweetheart.”
As if she realizes the position we are in, she loosens her arms from around my shoulders and slides her legs from my waist. Reluctantly, I relinquish my grip on her ass, allowing her to get two steady feet back on the floor. Her eyes flare wide as my erection rubs against her stomach, and the blush that heats her cheeks reminds me she’s still innocent in some ways. I hope she never loses it.
“You better get the food before it burns,” she says shyly to me.
Turning, I see the smoke rising from the grill. Grabbing the tongs, I remove the chicken and aluminum wrapped corn on the cob. I can hear her moving around in the kitchen, plates clinking together as she gets them out of the cabinet.
“There’s salad in the fridge too,” I call out from the balcony as I get the food off the grill. The ting of silverware is all I get for a reply.
Walking into the apartment, she has plates laid out on the bar.
“Beer or water? I didn’t grab anything else when I was at the store.”
“Beer,” I say, setting the plate of chicken on the granite countertop. Reaching into the fridge for the beer makes her pants stretch across her ass. No panty lines. Shit, does that mean she’s wearing a thong? Or, fuck me, nothing at all under those skin-tight pants? Shifting, I try to rearrange my erection in my jeans without drawing her attention.
I watch with fascination as she tucks into her food. Hearing her groan, I look up to see her pushing the plate away.
“That was so good, Jason. Thank you.”
“You didn’t eat today, did you?”
“I had a bag of Cheetos around ten. Does that count?” she asks with a smile.
“No.”
“Then no, I did not eat today. We were pretty much slammed from the time I clocked in until I walked out the door.”
“Anything bad?”
“Not really. No traumas. A couple heart attacks. Most of them were just people who didn’t have any money to go to the doctor. Like the ER is free,” she says with a snort. Covering her mouth with her hand, her cheeks blush, and I can’t help but laugh.
“So, you’re enjoying work?” I ask before taking a bite of chicken.
“Love it. I really can’t imagine working anywhere else. Except maybe surgery.”
“You do like the gruesome stuff.” Shuddering, I remember her love of Dr. Pimple Popper. How excited she would get when a new video was posted. That stuff just made me want to hurl.
“She posted a new video yesterday. Do you wanna—?”
“No.”
She laughs when I don’t even let her finish the question.
“Okay, okay. How was the tour?”
“Exhausting. I’m so glad to be home, I just wish I had longer before we have to head out again. Two days isn’t enough.”
“I bet it’s not.”
“How’s everything else going? What have you been doing in your off time?”
“Not a lot. If I’m off, the girls and I have Taco and Tequila Tuesday at Kristen’s new place. I try to get a good workout in when I can. If work’s not too bad, I’ll do it on the days I work too. But days like today? No way in hell. I cleared over thirty thousand steps on my Fitbit. That’s enough.”
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but you look great, better than when I left.” When she arches her brow, I clarify. “It’s the way you’re carrying yourself. I don’t even know if you realize what you were doing before. Always looking down, trying to make yourself smaller, hiding your face behind your hair. Now, you shine.”
“I never realized I was doing that.” The pink that flushes her cheeks is sexy as hell.
“Whatever you’re doing, keep doing it. It’s workin’ for ya.” Giving her a wink, I get that amazing smile in return.
“Daniel hooked me up with a personal trainer he knows.”
“Daniel, huh?” I wonder if she can hear the indifference in my voice.
“Yeah. I never really had to work out before. But it seems my metabolism is finally catching up with me. And Shay kicks my ass.”
“How are things going with Daniel?” Not that I want to fucking know. Just his name dampens my mood. I glance at her to see her looking at me questioningly. She picks up her beer and takes a drink.
“Are y'all still dating?” As soon at the words clear my lips, she chokes on a sip of beer.
“No,” she coughs out. “We only saw each other for a couple months.”
“What happened?” I ask, raising a brow. If that motherfucker hurt her, I’ll rip him apart.
“Nothing happened, per se. It was just that when we kissed…” she looks at me sharply when I growl, “we didn’t have a connection.”
“Connection?”
“Chemistry, if you will. We didn’t have any. No spark. It was like kissing my brother.”
Getting up, I move toward her. With each step, her eyes get bigger, and I can only imagine the intense look on my face.
Stopping in front of her, I raise my hand and cup her jaw.
“No spark, huh?”
“No,” she breathes out.
“We won’t have that problem.”
“No?” she whispers as my lips draw closer.
“No.” I press my lips to hers, and sweep them across softly. Her lips part slightly, and I slide my tongue inside, tasting the sweetness of her mouth. Pulling back, I nip her bottom lip with my teeth.
“Did that feel like kissing your brother?”
“God, no.” She presses her lips back to mine, her hands clutching my shoulders. My hand travels to the back of her neck and the other slips around her waist, pulling her closer to me, earning me a soft moan. My hand wraps in her hair to angle for a deeper kiss, and she freezes. Immediately, I release her hair and lean back. Her eyes show her fear, unfocused in the light.
“Mallory? Come back to me, Mal.”
With a blink, she snaps out of the memory, and I can see the shame filling her gaze.
“Don’t you do that.”
“I’m such a mess.” The tears in her voice make my heart hurt.
“You’re my mess. And I wouldn’t want you any other way.”
“But—”
“You’re mine. And I’m yours. You know it, and I know it. We’ve been dancing around this for a while now. It’s time to face this head on. I’ll take my time. I'll tie you so tightly to me, we won’t know where the other begins. You will know just how much you mean to me. As soon as you’re ready for this, all of this, you let me know. I’m not going anywhere, Mallory.”
With her head resting on my chest, I barely hear her mutter, “Promise?”
Kissing her on the forehead, I reply, “Cross my heart.”
Mallory
The past few months since Jason declared I was his has weighed on my heart. My past affects my future. The shame I felt when I got scared with him wasn’t rational. But it was real. Too freaking real.
And since the kiss, lots of revelations have come to light.
After a particularly drunken Tequila and Taco Tuesday, Kristen decided to drop the bomb that she and Derek are now together. Talk about a shocker. Not that I don’t think Kristen deserves all the happiness in the world, but Derek? The best friend of the man who smashed her heart into the ground? All I can think is “Danger, Will Robinson!” But the heart wants what the heart wants, even if it isn’t the best thing for it.
And then, there’s Camryn. And her confession that she slept with Issac. Mind blown. Camryn is the ultimate good girl. She was in a relationship with Derek’s cousin Adam for years even though she hadn’t been happy for a while. Why she stayed is her own business. He wasn’t hurting her, and they were comfortable. After all, new is scary, but it can also be exciting. But a one night stand with Isaac? Manwhore of the band? Never been seen with the same girl twice? When she decided to break her good-girl mold, she did it big.
My heart lightened that night. I laid all of my cards on the table ab
out what brought me back to Texas and mostly everything that went on with Todd. I’d never tell them all of it, but I told them enough to get the gist across. I was relieved they weren’t mad that Jason knew I was back before they did.
They also helped me realize my fears—fears of not being able to be in a normal relationship. I’m not scared of Jason. I know he won’t hurt me, but the fear is ingrained, and it pisses me off that I’m still letting Todd, that rat bastard, control my life.
After Camryn and Kristen constantly staying on my ass, I relented and talked to Jess about finding me a shrink. She recommended Dr. Davina Atcherly, and what a blessing she has been. She made me see what was I was going through was normal, but without help, my fears were always going to be there on the back burner, waiting to rear their ugly head when I least expected it. Like sharing a passionate kiss with a man I am not scared of and care very much about. I started off seeing her twice a week for a month, and now we are down to once a week. I was upfront and told her I didn’t want any medications to help me cope. Luckily, she agreed. Dr. Atcherly got down to the nitty-gritty of my and Todd’s relationship. She wormed her way into to every aspect of our lives, every action. She made me mad. Made me cry. Made me realize I never asked for what Todd did to me. While I’m far from cured or over the doubt, the guilt, the what-ifs that creep back in, I am doing so much better than I was. I’m coping.
My favorite thing we did as part of my therapy was going to the boxing gym. She had me beating the shit out of a heavy bag, taking out my aggression, my fears. By the end, I was a sobbing mess, curled up on the floor, but I felt freer than I had in ages.
Jason has kept his word and is letting me set the pace, which is great and frustrating all at the same time. We have been spending time together, whether it's kicking back watching a movie, cooking dinner, or going to the range to shoot, but he hasn’t touched me. Hence, the frustrating part. I know he’s waiting for me to make the first move, but apparently, I’m a chicken shit.
Break Me Down: Silver Tongued Devils Series Book 2 Page 16
