by York, Marie
The first thing I spotted was Coach’s wife outside a door, crying into her hands. It was all too familiar, as my mind flashed back to the day Zoey died. My legs felt like they weighed nine hundred pounds, and I couldn’t get them to move an inch. I was frozen in between the past and the present, scared to discover what the future held.
She looked up, her dark eyes filled with anguish and grief as tears streamed down her face. It was exactly the same, and I felt the world stop spinning. Felt the carpet get ripped out from under me. My heart thrashed against my chest, reminding me that I still had to breathe.
I was too late. Again.
“Knox,” Ellen said, and held her hand out to me as she came closer.
I forced my legs to move, pushing forward to meet her halfway. “Ellen,” I managed, taking her hand and then giving her a hug.
“He’ll be so happy to see you.”
“He’s alive!” I exclaimed, relief pouring over me in buckets.
“Hanging on by a thread, but yes,” she replied.
“Can I see him?” I asked.
“Of course. Of course.” She guided me toward the room and, as she entered, she announced us. “Harry, someone is here to see you.”
Just like with Zoey, nothing would prepare me for what I was about to see. I stepped into the room, and there Coach lay, in a bed of wires, hooked up to every hole and crevice. A heart monitor beeped beside him, keeping track of the life slowly slipping away.
“You’re late,” Coach said, but his voice was weak, weaker than I had ever heard it.
I laughed despite myself. “And you left before I got there,” I said, trying to lighten the mood.
“Yeah, well, they offered me a free ride. How’s a guy to resist something like that?”
He was a larger than life kind of man and, right now, sitting beside his hospital bed, seeing him hooked up to a thousand different tubes and wires, he looked small. His charisma and natural attitude were paled by the reality of the situation.
“Listen to me,” he said, and I moved my seat closer. “You need to keep going. Keep that fire inside you, and get that title back. I’m making it my dying wish.”
I shook my head. “Stop being dramatic. You’re not dying.”
I refused to accept it. Just yesterday, he was on the mat with me, practicing takedowns. There was no way the capable man from yesterday wasn’t going to be here tomorrow.”
“I am. The doctor’s don’t even know how I’ve held on this long. It’s not looking good. So, promise me you’ll keep going. You’ll keep fighting. You won’t ever give up. You’re the greatest success story of my life. I’ll live on through you.”
His words cut deep, but, at the same time, filled me with a strong sense of pride. He was proud of me, and that’s all I ever wanted. I was already anticipating the pain his loss would cause, but I forced the tears back so I could get out what I needed to say. “You have my word,” I promised. “You gave a chance to an eighteen year old kid who didn’t have a fucking clue and, for that, I’ll be forever grateful. You’ve been like a second father to me, being there and knocking me on my ass when my own dad couldn’t. Everything I have and will have is because of you. Don’t think I’ll ever forget that or you.”
He moved his hand toward me, and I rested mine on top. “Now that the sappy shit is out of the way,” he said with a feeble laugh. “Practice your flying knee, and don’t get caught in his.”
“I won’t,” I told him as I patted his hand, and bravely put a smile on my face.
“Good boy,” he said, and gave my hand the slightest of squeezes. I sat there, holding his hand for an hour, forcing back the tears. Being by his side, just as he had been by mine for all those years. Finally, when he fell asleep, I left, giving his wife the chance to be with him for his final moments.
I left the hospital with lead in my stomach, and an ache in my heart. By the time I pulled into my driveway, my phone rang. I knew before I even looked.
Coach was dead.
Chapter 15
Mila
I was on my second cup of coffee when I heard a faint knock on my door. I took a sip of the freshly brewed deliciousness, and placed the cup back on the counter before answering. I eased the door open, and was completely taken by surprise. My eyes widened, lips parted, and it took all that I had not to fling my arms around Knox’s neck.
We stared at each other for a moment, neither one of us saying a thing or making a move. His dark eyes were bloodshot and swollen, and his face was streaked with so much pain it physically hurt me to see it.
I could bear pain. I was used to it, but seeing it on him was ripping me apart. I wanted to take whatever it was that was causing him such agony and make it my own.
His lip quivered and instinct took over; all prior reservations went out the fucking door into the early afternoon. “Oh my God, come here,” I said, taking him into my arms. He fell against me, sobbing uncontrollably, holding onto me as if I was his lifeline. His nails dug into my shirt, wadding it up into balls in his hands, as he held me closer and tighter.
“It’s going to be okay,” I said against his ear, running my fingers through his hair, hoping it would soothe him in some way, even if for only a moment. I felt helpless. I was completely baffled. What the hell could have happened to turn this strong, unbreakable man into an inconsolable wreck? All I knew was that, right now, it didn’t matter. He came to me, and I was going to be here for him. I was going to hold on to him, and comfort him, for as long as he needed it.
Finally, after what felt like a lifetime, but not nearly long enough, he drew away from me. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I shouldn’t have come here and dumped all over you.”
“You didn’t dump anything,” I said with a smile as I looked into those beautiful dark eyes that had a way of pulling me in. I had pushed him away. Said horrible, terrible, despicable things. I owed him so many apologies and explanations. “Why don’t you come in and we’ll talk?”
“I’d like that,” he said.
I stepped out of the way, and let him into the apartment while I closed the door behind us. When the door clicked shut, Knox spun back toward me.
“I miss you,” he blurted. “I didn’t realize how much until today. Coach is dead,” he said, and I gasped, my hand flattening over my lips as shock spread through me.
“How?” I asked.
“Heart attack. I got there in time, though. I got to say goodbye.” Tears filled his eyes again, and his lips pressed together.
I didn’t hesitate. I went right to him, wrapping my arms around his waist. “I’m so sorry,” I said. “I know how close you two were.”
“Thanks,” Knox said, and then cupped my face in his hands, urging me to look at him. “Losing him made me realize that losing the ones you love hurts like hell, but losing love because you’re too stubborn and stupid to fight for it hurts just as bad. I’ve been ignoring it since the last time I saw you.” He ran his thumb across my cheek, swiping away a tear that slipped out. “But I can’t ignore it anymore. Today, when I got the call, the only thing I wanted was you. I was so afraid that I waited too long, and that it was too late.”
The corner of my lip tugged. “It’s not too late. I’m here, and I’m sorry. I was such a bitch to you. I don’t even know why you’re here right now. I should be the last person you want to see. You deserve someone who can love you with all their heart. My heart’s too broken for that. I’m no good for you. I wish I were because you are everything I’ve ever wanted, but it won’t be fair to you.”
His hands on my face tightened, and he rested his forehead against mine. “I don’t give a shit how broken it is as long as it’s mine.”
I reached up gripping his hands. “It’s been yours since the moment we met.”
He kissed my forehead, and I could feel the smile form against my skin. “I might not be able to ever make it whole again, but I promise I’ll never stop trying.”
“That’s all a girl could ask for,” I breathed.<
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He pressed his lips to mine and I could already feel the broken pieces trying to find their way back to where they belonged. It was the gentlest of kisses. A sweet taste of what was to come, but we both knew there were things to be said first.
It was time we both let our carefully built walls come down. There was nothing left for us to hide, at least not from each other. Not anymore.
Chapter 16
Knox
Mila handed me a cup of coffee, and we sat down on stools across from each other. I took a sip of the coffee, and started at the beginning. I told her about Zoey, and how she wasn’t just my twin sister, but my best friend. How I left the mountains of North Carolina to find a way to help her. I told her about the day I got the call from my mom, and how Sebastian and I rushed home, but it was too late. I even told her about my most recent trip home.
Through it all, she held my hand and gave me her undivided attention. She didn’t voice her opinion or judge me. She listened, and that meant more than any words she could have said.
When I was done, she glanced up with tears in her eyes, her thumb running across my knuckles. “That day in the parking lot… I have done some horrible things in my life, things that I am not proud of, but that day is up there at the top of the list and I am so sorry. I should have let you tell me about Zoey. I shouldn’t have said what I did. I was scared, and you were getting too close. I panicked. It was the only way I knew how to push you away. I regretted my words the minute they left my mouth and every day since.”
“It’s okay,” I assured her. “You’re listening now, and that’s all that matters to me.”
Her lip tugged, and she blinked up at me. “I might not always say the right things, but I can promise you, from now on, I’ll always listen.”
I kissed her knuckles, wanting so bad to reach across the counter and haul her over to me, but I restrained myself because I needed to hear her story. I knew bits and pieces: a little from her and Mackenzie. A little more from what Paul had discovered, but I wanted all of it and I wanted it all from her lips.
I caught her gaze and held it, silently urging her to let me in. I could see the battle raging in her eyes. The strength that was building with each passing breath as she searched for the courage to finally open up to me, and get the words out that needed to be said.
“I killed my brother, and I fucked my sister up probably beyond repair,” she blurted out and pulled her hand away from me as if she didn’t think she deserved my touch. I reached across the counter, taking her hand back, refusing to let it go. To prove to her that she deserved everything I wanted to give her.
Her brother died in the same accident as her parents. I knew she had nothing to do with his death. Though, looking at her, it was obvious she thought differently.
“I’m no good. I hurt and destroy everyone in my life who is,” she said, as her eyes filled with tears.
“That’s not true,” I assured her. “Why don’t you start from the beginning and tell me everything?”
She pressed her lips together and nodded. “Okay,” she said, and did just that. She started with her life in California, and told me all about her parents. Then, sobs wracked her body as she recounted the days following their death, but she pushed through the tears only stopping to swipe them away.
“I let my parents down. I let Mackenzie down. She never came home. I haven’t seen her since…” her words faltered as she touched her hand to her mouth.
“I know,” I admitted, squeezing her hand tighter. “Julius told me.”
“I can’t say that I blame her. I was a horrible sister, and even worse as a mother figure.”
“That is not true!”
“Yes, it is. Have you not been listening to everything I just told you?”
“I heard every word.” I got up from my stool and went around to her, sick and tired of having a barrier between us. I brushed her hair out of her face and cupped her cheeks. “What I heard was the story of a girl who did everything in her power to protect her baby sister. Who did whatever it took to keep food on her table and a roof over her head. Who made sure she got on the bus every single day, and who has spent the past two months searching for her high and low, refusing to give up on her. I heard everything, and it only makes me love you that much more. You are the bravest, most incredible woman I have ever known, and it kills me that you can’t see the woman I see.”
She sniffled and a smile broke through the sadness. “I think you need to get your eyes checked.”
“Shut up and kiss me,” I said with a laugh, and then crushed my lips to hers, desperate to taste her. Needing to feel her mouth pressed against mine. Urging her to open, letting my tongue slip past the divide and finally relishing in us coming together.
It was a long, bumpy fucked-up road for the two of us, but we were on it together now, and I knew we were strong enough to take on anything that came our way.
Chapter 17
Mila
A weight had been lifted, and I felt a huge wave of relief. Even after everything I told him, all the horrible things about me, he still wanted me. He loved me. Every crack, black hole, and damaged part of me, he wanted. That alone made me fall hopelessly in love with him. This man. This perfect man with his big biceps, and even bigger heart, was everything I ever dreamed of and never felt deserving of.
For the first time in my life, I felt like I deserved better than what I had. I felt worthy of the love Knox proclaimed, and I was going to make sure he knew that he was worthy of my love, too. We were two broken, lost souls floating around in this big world, and somehow we found each other. I knew deep down in my gut it was because we were meant to be. Our broken parts came together, and we became one. We gave each other what the other was missing. Apart, we were a shattered mess, but, together, we could repair the damage the years had imparted on us.
I ran my hands through his hair, taking a moment to relish in the feel, to absorb every sensation that touching him sent coursing through my body. He dipped his tongue into my mouth, and I met him with the same vigor, wanting to show him how deeply I felt for him. How desperately I needed him.
He scooped me off the stool, and placed me on the counter, pushing between my legs and pressing his hardness against my center. Love and lust mixed together, shooting desire through me. His hands ran up and down my back, gripping at my hips.
I pulled my lips away from him, overwhelmed by emotion. I needed to look in his eyes. Needed to see in the depths of them that he was feeling the same way I was. I was overwhelmed with what I saw. Yes there was lust and desire, but most of all there was love. I held his gaze as he drew me closer and trailed his mouth down my neck, pushing the strap of my tank top off as he went. Goosebumps formed along my skin as he kissed, licked and savored me. He slowly made his way to the sensitive place at the crook of my neck and, when I felt him nip then lick that sweet spot, I nearly exploded.
“I want you,” he said hot against my ear. “So fucking bad.” He ran his finger across my lips. “Do you want me? Tell me you do. Tell me you’re mine,” he demanded.
My lips parted, and I touched the tip of my tongue to the top of his finger. “I want you. Only you. I’m yours,” I moaned, as he continued lavishing my neck.
He wrapped his hand around the back of my head, and he crashed his lips to mine. I hooked my fingers around the hem of his shirt, and pulled it over his head, tossing it to the floor. I ran my hand up the hard ridges of his abs to the defined muscles of his chest, taking in every inch of him, knowing that I would never be able to get enough of him.
He traced his tongue down my collarbone, and pushed the other strap off my shoulder, nipping and licking as he went. His thumb stroked my nipple into a tight hard bead. He dipped his head, taking it into his mouth: sucking, biting, and sending me spiraling into delicious ecstasy.
His hand gripped the bottom of my shirt, ripping it over my head, before flicking his tongue against my other nipple.
“I want you in bed,” he growled
against my ear, circling my earlobe with his tongue. “But, first, take these off,” His hand snapped open my button, and he tore down my zipper. I slipped out of the restrictive material, and kicked them away. “Better.” He grabbed my ass, and hoisted me off of the counter.
There was a deep hunger in his eyes as he moved us to my room. As we walked through the door, his lips found mine and he lowered me slowly to the bed. He kissed a line down my neck, dragging his tongue over my nipple and down to my stomach. He pressed his lips to my skin as he inched his way further down until he swiped his tongue across my clit. My body arched off the mattress, and he placed his hand on my stomach, holding me in place.
His tongue swirled and twirled, dipped and swiped, sucking my clit until I couldn’t take another ounce of pleasure. I grabbed his head, trying to slow his movements the sensations too much for my body to handle. He slowed and, just when my body relaxed into the mattress, then shoved a finger into my wetness.
“Oh my God!” I screamed out as his tongue went back to my clit, sucking and licking. I knotted my fingers in his hair, holding on for the fierce ride, and absorbing every mind-numbing touch.
He pumped his fingers in and out of me, bringing me to the brink. Just as I was about to come, he stopped. He pulled back, and kissed his way back up my stomach to my lips.
“That was wrong,” I breathed, trying to catch my breath.
“I don’t want you to come until I’m inside of you. I want to be able to see your face. See what my cock does to you.”
“Then, what are you waiting for?” I said, my body alive with desire.
He stood up, and I felt the loss instantly. I pouted my lip, and he smiled. “Patience,” he said as he slipped his pants off, revealing his eager cock.
My tongue swiped across my lips, knowing exactly what it wanted. He came back to me then, crawling up my body, and dragging his tongue as he went.
