by Vivian Lux
That silence hung in the air for a moment. I looked at Cal. He looked like he wanted to throw up, just like me. I'd been suspecting his feelings on the matter all along and this just confirmed it. If figuring out whose kid this was put the baby — our baby — at risk in any way, then...
Well really, did it matter?
I nodded and then went to my knees and took her hands. I kissed her fingers, not caring who saw. "Okay," I said. I had to keep talking, because I was afraid I was going to vomit on her shoes. "We have time to think about that. If you want to." I looked at Cal. He sort of swallowed, and I saw the shadow of his Adam's apple bob up and down and I knew he was ready to spew. "Come on," I said sharply. "Honey, we're taking you home so we can take care of you."
At that, Cal’s color came back, and he nodded and stretched out his hand.
Harper walked in a daze, letting us lead her around the hallway corner and straight into...
"Ma?" Cal said.
I stared down the long hallway, blinking like I could somehow reset the image, but Mrs. McCabe just kept on barreling towards us. Somewhere far behind her, I saw Rett loping slowly, his head down and in the far distance was Vern leaning against the wall and looking towards the ceiling, and if the ground could have opened up and swallowed me right then and there, I would have been eternally grateful.
I took a deep breath and waited for Mrs. McCabe to strike. But she blew right past me and right into the arms of her daughter.
"How are you?" she cried, clutching her daughter in a chokehold. Harper made a helpless little sound and her eyes went wide as Mrs. McCabe squeezed all the breath from her lungs. "Is my grandchild okay?"
"Ma?" Cal repeated, sounding for all the world like a frightened parrot. "Ma?"
Mrs. McCabe whirled on him. "Were you in there?" she demanded. "Is she eating right? You have to make sure she remembers to eat. I never knew how in the world someone could just forget to eat, that's a problem I've obviously never had." She patted her rounded hips and then clutched Harper tighter. "Are you feeling okay? Do you need some Saltines?"
"Mom?" Harper croaked, finally able to pull back. "How did you?" Then she spotted Rett lurking in the background. "Oh. Never mind." She craned her neck. "And Dad's here too? Oh Lord."
"He said he's going to hold his tongue about this whole...thing," Mrs. McCabe whispered conspiratorially. As if Vern would ever say something unless absolutely necessary. "But that doesn't mean I need to."
"Mom," Harper started, and the green fire in her eyes blazed up. But Mrs. McCabe wasn't even looking at her.
She was looking at me.
"You all got her in this mess. I know you and what kind of man you've become. I always told everyone exactly what I thought you were worth, Grayson Abbott. Don't prove me wrong."
I was about to profess my undying love for her daughter and her grandchild, when she whirled on a startled looking Cal. "And you, Callum Reese. I always said your father did the best job he could in making a good man out of you. You do him proud and do right by my girl."
"I would never think of..." Cal started to say, but Mrs. McCabe was already talking to Harper.
"And my little girl." She brushed a piece of Harper's hair from her face and it was only then that I saw my girl was crying. "My little adventurer with her legs sticking out of the chimney. I know you're going to find your own way no matter what, so I'm not worried. I know these two guys here will worry enough for all of us."
"This is true," Cal said, running his hand over Harper's back.
It was the first time either one of us had dared touch her in front of her family. I reached out and tentatively tucked her hair behind her ears. She looked up and smiled at me. "So true," I echoed Cal.
Harper's mother caught her up in a flutter of questions and double-checking doctor's orders, and I reluctantly let go of her hand as Mrs. McCabe led her down the hall, leaving me, Cal and Rett all standing there in a three-way staring contest.
Rett finally took a deep breath. "And as far as I'm concerned," he announced. "You're all sitting around with your hands folded. Maybe occasionally playing Monopoly."
"That's exactly it," I deadpanned. Then I grinned at my friend. "You wanna take a raincheck on that Patron?"
Rett glared at me. "I don't want to hear that word ever again," he declared, looking a little green around the gills. "But I'd be fine drinking something else with you." He narrowed his eyes. "Your treat."
I nodded. "My treat." I looked at Cal. "Our treat?"
Cal rolled his eyes at me. "Fuck you dude, you're treating us both."
"Fine," I sighed dramatically. "But you're driving to the liquor store."
Chapter Forty-Six
Harper
I lowered the phone back down again and let it rest on the table as I waited to feel something. Sadness, anger, confusion? Which emotion was the right one to feel at the moment your career was over?
"Harp?" Cal was right there. He was always right there these days, hovering, ready at a moment's notice to drop everything and wait on me hand and foot. I kept telling him to pace himself. That we were only twenty weeks in, and not to exhaust himself before I was even halfway there. "What's going on? You're standing weird."
I had to grin in spite of what had just happen. Turning slowly, I looked at him there looming in his kitchen. My work was all spread out on the kitchen table, leaving no room for meals or for Grayson to make his elaborately messy dinners. It amazed me that the addition of one more person to this house could make it seem exponentially smaller, but then again, I guessed I counted as two people these days. "I'm standing weird?" I repeated, smiling. "How exactly am I standing weird?"
Cal started to shrug, but Gray was suddenly behind him, adding his two cents. "You are though," he piped up, running a towel through his thick, dark curls. He was showering off after another long day at the demolition site, and the smell of his body wash was making me weak at the knees.
"Okay," I shrugged. "I'm standing weird," I relented. "Probably because I'm completely fucked?" I tried like hell to make the words match my feelings on the matter, but all I could feel was numb acceptance.
"How are you fucked?" Cal prompted.
I sighed and ran my hand over my belly, feeling the little fluttery shifting motions popping under my fingers. "Well, you know how I've been hanging out here for the past few months and doing everything via teleconference?" I reminded him. "And your internet is shit, by the way, you'd said you'd upgrade for me."
"I did," Cal reminded me gently. "It's just Reckless Falls," he sighed.
"Yeah, I know. It's not like it even matters anymore. Pretty sure I just lost my job."
"What?" Gray said, stepping into the kitchen. "How?"
I chuckled and ran my hand over my belly again. "I had a Skype call with Cecily today and, well…" I pressed the heel of my hand to my forehead. "I guess I wasn't thinking about it, because I stood up to grab something from the counter and she saw."
"Saw?"
"This." I pressed my hand into the bump that seemed to expand by the hour. "Our little peanut is refusing to be discreet."
"So she knows now?" Cal said softly, sounding a little deflated and also a little...excited? Why would that be?"
I shrugged and laughed. It all seemed so absurd now. "I don't know exactly what my plan was. It's not like I could hide out forever and just...give birth without someone finding out." I spread my hands. "But yeah. She tried to find out for me, and actually she did go to bat for me much more than I expected but..." I looked up into the two pairs of eyes watching me. "That's it. They're going to invoke the morality clause in my contract and let me go."
"Oh honey..." Gray said, moving to me at once. I rested my head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat for a moment as he stroked my hair.
But Cal stayed still, something strange working over his face. "What exactly are you breaking?"
I looked at him and narrowed my eyes. "Uh, pregnancy outside of marriage." And all at once I started
laughing and sat down heavily on the kitchen chair. Gray looked alarmed but I waved him off. "It's okay. I'm fine, actually. I'm actually really fine about it. I guess I knew it was coming and I've started working on some commercial illustration stuff I could use to keep going in the meantime but..." I trailed off and looked at them. "Um, you guys are being really scary silent." I glared at Cal. "I would at least expect you to tell Cecily to go fuck herself."
"Well she can for sure do that," Cal said slowly...significantly. Gray stepped back and I felt something pass between them. "But what if she's got it all wrong?"
Then suddenly both of them lost their minds. Or at least that's what it seemed like as I watched Gray do this weird curtsying bob, then look at Cal who bobbed and then Gray ducked his head and then they both bobbed and then both burst out laughing.
"Fuck it," Cal rumbled. "Here." He extended his hand.
I stared, uncomprehending at the piece of metal in his hand. "Look," he said softly, brushing his fingers over the twisted, multicolored braid. "White gold, yellow gold and rose gold. It's very symbolic or something. Three pathways diverging and coming together to run the same course." He grinned a lopsided grin. "Mrs. Feathergill would not shut up about how unique it was. Trapped me in her dusty antique store for damn near an hour. I almost had an asthma attack."
"Cal," Gray warned. "You're getting off topic here."
"Right." Cal cleared his throat and looked at me and something sank and then rose in my stomach like I was riding a roller coaster and I was already starting to cry even before he started. "Right, well, um, Harper McCabe? It's not what I expected, but it's everything I wanted." He dropped to one knee in unison with Gray. "Will you marry me? Um...us?"
I was laughing so hard that I was crying and then I was kissing them both, and clapping my hands and laughing again and I might have gone on doing all of those things forever if I didn't catch sight of Gray's slightly worried expression and then I clapped my hands to my mouth. "Oh shit!" I remembered. "I forgot to say yes!"
"None of this is really going according to plan, is it?" Cal rumbled, but he was smiling as he slipped the ring onto my finger.
"Yes!" I breathed, and then said it again and again for good measure. "Yes, of course, hey wow it fits! I'm so swollen and it still fits? How'd you do that?"
Cal tapped his finger against his head. "I took that into consideration. We'll have it resized after the baby comes."
I was still shaking my head and staring at the beautifully intricate band. "I don't think that being married to two guys at the same time was what Cecily was imagining for me."
"Fuck Cecily," Gray declared with startling vehemence. "And fuck everyone. We're in love."
I looked up at him, taken aback. He looked down and I swore I'd never see his brown eyes so serious. But it could only last a moment before they crinkled at the corners and he shot a grin at Cal. "Does that mean I'm married to you too, dude?"
"Jesus Christ, Gray," Cal sighed, exasperated. "Way to ruin a goddamn moment."
"No," Gray prodded, socking him in the arm. "I think I need some clarity here."
Cal clapped his hand to his forehead and dragged it down his face as I doubled over laughing. "You fucking... I'm engaged to Harper and you're engaged to Harper and I guess that means you're living in my house and leaving my milk out for all eternity," he declared with a ferociously exasperated sigh.
"So long as Harper is there? I'm in," Gray said, taking my hand.
"I'm in too," I grinned, looking at them both.
Cal's eyes softened. "Me too," he said, taking my other hand. The one with the ring on it.
Epilogue
Harper
I was on my feet and moving down the hall before my brain even registered the tiny piercing cry. "I'm here," I cooed as I tiptoed into Ellie's snug little nursery. "Mama's here, baby girl."
She was growing so fast. A fat little three-month bundle of chub, she spent her days making us laugh with her stubborn little faces.
But she spent her nights making me want to cry.
"Baby girl," I sighed as I swayed in place. Her "Baby's First Christmas" onesie was way too big on her, a gift from Uncle Rett who was still trying to figure out newborn versus infant sizing. As I swayed, Ellie made this little huffing sound, the one Gray called her "alarm bell." It usually signified the start of an even bigger cryfest and I redoubled my swaying. "Baby girl, mama just got to sleep," I soothed. "I haven't slept for more than two hours at a time in days, honey. Please, sweetheart. You need to let Mama sleep."
"Hey," Cal called softly. "You okay in here?"
I took a deep breath and held it, freezing in place as Ellie's eyelids drooped. I lifted my head to nod...
And then Ellie screwed up her face and let out a red-faced scream.
"Gah!" I cried, sagging into the rocking chair. "You were just falling asleep! I don't get it; don't you want to sleep? I want to sleep. I'm so tired, baby, you need to let me sleep."
"Harp," Cal said, gently kneeling at my side. "You've been up with her every night this week. Why don't you take a break?"
"Break?" I said. Somewhere in the past five minutes I'd started crying and suddenly my nose was dripping. "She cries every hour on the hour, how am I supposed to get a break? I've got breastmilk drying on my sweatshirt and I haven't washed my hair in…" I sniffed. "I don't even know how many days it's been since I've even showered."
Cal reached out and gently extricated the screaming bundle of our daughter from my hands. "You always tell me I'm a control freak," he said, brushing his finger up the side of my cheek. "So I'm pulling rank right now. I’ve got this. You go take a break."
"I..."
"Listen to the man, Harp," Gray said from the nursery doorway. "Ellie's got three parents, not just one."
"Guys, she might be hungry..."
"So there's milk in the freezer."
"But what if she doesn't stop..."
"Then that's our problem," Gray said, moving around to take my hand and help me to my feet. "You go lie down. It's a Christmas present."
I shook my head. "I'm not going to be able to sleep with her screaming like that. It's like, biologically impossible."
He kissed me on my temple. "Okay then, super-mom. Go take a shower. A bath." He grabbed a handful of my ass and pulled me closer. "And use that jasmine bath gel I got you."
I bit my lip. "You're really thinking about that right now?"
"I'm always thinking about it," Cal piped up over the sound of our daughter's protests. "You've never been sexier."
"Now I know you're deliriously tired too," I sighed, running my fingers through my filthy hair. "You're not thinking straight."
"When it comes to you, Harp, I've never been able to think straight," Gray said, grabbing my ass a little harder. "Now go take a shower before I change my mind about letting you go."
I stumbled away, half in confusion, half in relief. When Ellie's cries ramped up, I stopped for a moment, deliberating on whether or not I should turn back. But then I heard the low murmur of Cal fussing over her, and the creak of the nursery door as Gray headed downstairs to warm some milk and I sighed. I needed to trust them. I did trust them
Shutting the door of the bathroom went against every fierce mothering instinct I had, but as I peeled away the grimy layers of milk-crusted clothes I'd been living in, I found I felt more and more free. I flipped on the exhaust fan in the master bathroom and gave a momentary sigh of thanks that we had moved out of Cal's house almost immediately upon getting engaged, in spite of his dour pronouncements of Gray making messes there forever. Now Gray had a beautiful new chef's kitchen with lovely granite countertops to make messes on, courtesy of a newly-built house up in the hills.
We'd moved in just before Christmas and spent this morning unwrapping amidst a slew of packing boxes. The love and acceptance of our friends and family was one thing, but their scrutiny was another entirely. I felt much more comfortable living our weird little trinity away from everyone's prying ey
es. We were only fifteen minutes out of town, we could still see everyone when we wanted to. On our terms.
I turned on the shower and cranked the hot water onto full blast. Billows of steam swirled around my ankles as I stepped under the spray. For a long time I just stood there, letting the water run down over my swollen breasts and the new shape of my now softened tummy. I soaped up my loofah and ran the jasmine scented body wash Gray had slipped into my stocking over my skin, letting the grime and sweat and new-mother nervousness wash down the drain. I shampooed my hair twice, then did it all over again just because it felt good.
When I turned off the water, I stood there listening. Neither Cal nor Gray had come to knock on the door and ask me anything. I listened, but heard nothing.
"It's a Christmas miracle," I whispered. Maybe they'd taken her for a drive. Sometimes a late night jaunt through the hills was all Ellie needed to reset.
I stepped from the shower and pulled on the plush bathrobe Cal had given me, then quietly poked my head out the bathroom door.
The house was silent and dark but for the lights on the Christmas tree. I padded over and unplugged it from the outlet, leaving the room washed in the blue of the moonlight reflected off the snow.
Then I turned to see that the master bedroom light was blazing.
I stepped out of the bathroom and padded down the hallway and then stopped short and pressed my hand to my heart.
They'd gotten her back to sleep without me. And now...
They were asleep. All three of them.
My tiny daughter was nestled in the very center of our gigantic, king-sized bed. Her rosebud lips were pursed with worried little baby-dreams and she suckled sweetly a few times before drawing a hitching little sigh.
On one side of her curled Gray, propped up at the very edge of the bed. His hand was just to the side of her, like it had slipped from her back as she drifted off to sleep.
